Surprisingly well at times I don't expect, and like a kid otherwise, but one that grew up in the country (though we are in a suburb). Good influences matter a lot, and she has many from church, and in some ways we set good examples.
2 -- tell her why it matters. (respect her, at 11 yrs old, to be able to understand)
To get respect show respect. To continue in love, give love. To have a thoughtful kid, be thoughtful as you talk to them. Etc.
3 -- as she does actually.
4 -- controlling after about age 7ish (sooner or later for various kids) is a serious mistake in the way I'm used to the word (control = domineering and manipulation and something like an antagonist would do). But I definitely strive to influence her in good ways, such as by discussing deeper stuff (what matters in life, common mistakes people make, etc., ideally) when a good moment makes it possible (that's occasionally).
Best help in times of trouble -- the Lord's Prayer prayed with faith, with an emphasis on the "we" and the "our" and the "us".
