I had another evil thought (really bad this time)

[Job405]

I was listening to audio bible after taking my meds. The meds made me really drowsy and I was listening to Isaiah while playing a video game. There he said something like "there is no other God" and I had a thought that just popped up "I wish there was". I felt horrible after that because I do love God and I don't want any other God (and there isn't the rest are all fake gods), our God is perfect, Holy and good. He died for me and I appreciated it immensely.

Do you think God will forgive me for this? I don't want to reject Him or anything, and I want Jesus Christ in my life. I've just been feeling really condemned due to this thought. I haven't felt the Holy Spirit that much since this thought, it's like I've really grieved Him this time.

I just feel like dying since that would stop all these thoughts from grieving God. Obviously I don't want to commit suicide because that too would grieve God. It's like a catch 22, damned if you do, damned if you don't.

 

[SarahsKnight]

Do you think God will forgive me for this? I don't want to reject Him or anything, and I want Jesus Christ in my life. I've just been feeling really condemned due to this thought. I haven't felt the Holy Spirit that much since this thought, it's like I've really grieved Him this time.

Yes, of course He forgives you, Job. You clearly did not wish for this thought; it just came out of nowhere. And it clearly upset you. I am also willing to bet that the reason that you don't "feel" the Spirit as much right now is simply by the power of suggestion; you worried that the bad thought would condemn you (I assume you mean to say that you wonder if the having the bad thought "I wish there was" was the same as committing the "unforgivable/unpardonable sin"), so I think ti would only be natural to think that you aren't feeling the Spirit anymore, or at least as much, such that it might feel like He is preparing to leave you forever. Well, I don't believe for a second that Jesus or the Holy Spirit just abandons you, like you did or thought something to drive them away for good. I know my own words alone can't be much reassurance, but, I assure you that I went through moments like this plenty of times the one year or so that I suffered from religious OCD way back in 2012. I worried so much about committing an unforgivable sin via bad thoughts that of course the thoughts would manifest themselves at just the wrong times, coming about as the result of my current outward situation or circumstances, or something I was hearing from an outward source, such as when the words in Isaiah "there no other God" were spoken for you. You know there is no other God, and it is more than obvious that you don't actually wish other gods existed. Your brain is only latching onto bad thoughts that worry or scare you. It's all part of the vicious cycle of OCD, man. Try to take heart and put no stock no stock in bad thoughts; it's merely your brain trying to find some way, any way to screw up words you hear or imagery you see around you so as to shock you with an anti-Christian message or theme of some sort, precisely because you are fearful of it happening.

If I told you right now not to think of the phrase from Isaiah "there is no other God"? Chances are the very next thing that came to your mind are the words "(but) I wish there was" or some variation of it whose core message/theme is the same - a way that sounds Satanic or against Christ. Same as with the illustration of the pink elephant for OCD sufferers; I tell you not to think of a pink elephant or you will immediately be forever condemned to the second death in the lake of fire, and 99% of the time that that will be the very next things that you imagine regardless of your being saved and wanting to cling to Jesus Christ. I will pray for you, man.

 

[AK1982]

God understands. Ask His forgiveness and move on. God knows more than what you know about yourself. He knows where we need grace and He remembers that we are dust.

If God's fellowship will be denied to us irreparably on one weak thought, none of us will ever qualify for the kingdom or His fellowship. Learn to forgive yourself and move on. It's OK!

 

[marc b]

You can't prevent birds flying over your head, but you can prevent them building a nest on your head.

Like birds, evil thoughts fly over everybody's head. It's not a big thing... you are just experiencing what everybody else experiences.

What you do like everybody else, is simply prevent them from building a nest in your head. If they try to settle in your thoughts, just swat them off/ignore them and move on. End of story.

 

[Dendy]

You are absolutely forgiven if there was anything to be forgiven for. God knows what you really mean and what you don't. Everyone has bad thoughts to come in their mind like that. Most people just get right past them but the OCD patient gets stuck on it. You've got nothing to worry about and even if a bad thought comes into your mind again tonight just move past it. God knows and hears from your heart!!!!!!

 

[Chris35]

I believe these thoughts actually come from your flesh. The flesh is very similar to a child who when told to do something they dont want to throws a tantrum, swears, says all thoughts of nasty things.

I suggest you pray to God for understanding and revelation about these thoughts and where they are coming from.

Another thing, next time it happens try this. If the flesh rebels, or your getting nasty thoughts, say something like this. You can throw a tantrum all you want, God rules me, not you, God's will be done not yours.

It's akin to say, going to give 20 dollars to a homeless person, and you get thoughts like, this person probably spend it on drugs, or he dont deserve money, he can go get a job like everyone else.

At which point, we say tough luck flesh, God rules me not you, and God wants us to give to others who ask or are in need.

 

[Dendy]

Chris35, I really don't think you should be posting in this OCD forum. I realize you may very well be really trying to help but if you don't understand what the OCD victim is going thru and if you don't understand the illness, it can be so disturbing to the person who is suffering.