I got my feeling hurt about a touchy, hot button issue.

[Lik3]

Here is the scenario:

I am a black American and basically I have been accused of being a sellout to my own people. I am not, honest. I do tend to care what others think and I need to overcome that. But the fact that there are some who think that I would sell out black people are very hurtful. Also, the fact that there are people who see me as a self-hating black person hurts my feelings even more. I don't think that I try to or do appeal to others to make them happy. I just have my own opinions of things. I am a member of the human race, first, and I know that I am black. I am proud of who I am as a black person and it hurts to know that whatever views that I have are considered self-hatred, subtle or not. I don't harbor any self hatred and I don't believe my posts here or my views reflect that. I feel as though because of my individual and political opinions I have to explain myself that I am not a "self-hating negro".

I think we as black people are individuals and I feel like that because I am black, I should be put into a box of stereotypes. The problem is, I don't fit into what many people think a black person should look a certain way or should think or act a certain way, or have the same perspective that many of us as American black people should have. I am a Conservative Republican who listens to rock, punk, and sometimes old school country music. These are "white" forms of music that also has its roots in black American expression and forms of music.

I have gotten my feelings hurt about being an "aunt Thomasina" (female version of a sellout or rather, an "Uncle Tom") whose views would never appeal to a black person. I resent the fact that my people should be put into a box and that we are not diverse enough. Furthermore, I am concerned about us as black Americans and care about us. We too are human beings and I personally come from a diversity of human beings, namely from West and Central Africa. I consider myself a "student" of history, politics, and religion. I guess I am different and have differing views, but that doesn't mean that I am self-hating. I am just an individual who cares about us as black people, and as humanity in general, however they identify ourselves. That is all.

How should I deal with what others think of me? How do I overcome this? How should I overcome feeling like I have to explain myself when it comes to this issue? I am in my 40s (obviously) and I have struggled with this, and other issues, and I would like to know how to deal with over 40 years of struggling with this issue? I can't take that I have this issue. I also wonder what does the Bible say about my struggle. I just want to read up on the opinions and views of other 40-somethings. They will be greatly appreciated. Just keep it civil.

 

[section9+1]

It sounds like you have a lot of integrity. Since when were the good and the true ever in the majority.

 

[Lik3]

Thank You

 

[A_Thinker]

Here is the scenario:

I am a black American and basically I have been accused of being a sellout to my own people. I am not, honest. I do tend to care what others think and I need to overcome that. But the fact that there are some who think that I would sell out black people are very hurtful. Also, the fact that there are people who see me as a self-hating black person hurts my feelings even more. I don't think that I try to or do appeal to others to make them happy. I just have my own opinions of things. I am a member of the human race, first, and I know that I am black. I am proud of who I am as a black person and it hurts to know that whatever views that I have are considered self-hatred, subtle or not. I don't harbor any self hatred and I don't believe my posts here or my views reflect that. I feel as though because of my individual and political opinions I have to explain myself that I am not a "self-hating negro".

I think we as black people are individuals and I feel like that because I am black, I should be put into a box of stereotypes. The problem is, I don't fit into what many people think a black person should look a certain way or should think or act a certain way, or have the same perspective that many of us as American black people should have. I am a Conservative Republican who listens to rock, punk, and sometimes old school country music. These are "white" forms of music that also has its roots in black American expression and forms of music.

I have gotten my feelings hurt about being an "aunt Thomasina" (female version of a sellout or rather, an "Uncle Tom") whose views would never appeal to a black person. I resent the fact that my people should be put into a box and that we are not diverse enough. Furthermore, I am concerned about us as black Americans and care about us. We too are human beings and I personally come from a diversity of human beings, namely from West and Central Africa. I consider myself a "student" of history, politics, and religion. I guess I am different and have differing views, but that doesn't mean that I am self-hating. I am just an individual who cares about us as black people, and as humanity in general, however they identify ourselves. That is all.

How should I deal with what others think of me? How do I overcome this? How should I overcome feeling like I have to explain myself when it comes to this issue? I am in my 40s (obviously) and I have struggled with this, and other issues, and I would like to know how to deal with over 40 years of struggling with this issue? I can't take that I have this issue. I also wonder what does the Bible say about my struggle. I just want to read up on the opinions and views of other 40-somethings. They will be greatly appreciated. Just keep it civil.

I can empathize with a lot of how you are feeling.

I, too, am an American with largely African heritage. And, I, too, have often felt like I don't fit neatly into the box that is, stereotypically, African-American. I feel that people are people, ... and should be able to be true to themselves. Fortunately, I have never been called an "uncle Tom", at least not to my face.

I have been a conservative Republican in my past, ... though my allegiances have become more moderate in the last decade. I like a variety of music, including some rock and country, as well as R&B, pop, and some hip-hop. I can appreciate the contributions of various heritages to this great "tossed salad" of a country we have.

What you are facing ... is plain old prejudice, which essentially says ... "you're either with us ... or with them". I would say that you can steer your way through it, with responses that indicate your "openness to others", as opposed to being closed off to African-Americans. You can be the sister who happens to like rock and country, ... and who is currently aligning with the Republican party, while still affirming that which is good and commendable about African-Americans. Also, by understanding that while African-Americans may seem to be overly sensitive at times to how they are treated, ... that they very well may have good reason to feel like this, due to the way they have been treated in the past ... and how those strains of mis-treatment often extend into our present-day lives.

Anyway, don't stay hurt ... as it is most likely hurting people who tend to hurt others (thus your own hurt). Try not to feel like you must "evangelize" other African-Americans to your viewpoints. It's just not likely to be very successful. And heed a variation on the old adage ... "don't discuss politics when your hope is to keep things polite and friendly".

Hope this helps ...

 

[Victory-N-Christ]

I'm sorry you've had your feelings hurt .But it happens sometimes. Look you are who you are and as long as you're not hurting anyone or breaking any of God's laws or the laws of the land don't sweat what your haters say.Jesus had plenty of haters but they couldn't halt His show.So what if you're a "sista" who likes a lil country music and punk music? Big deal. Even Beyonce' made a country song and sang that thang at the C.M.A 's(yeah I watched. Lol!!) I say just be you and as long as it isn't causing any harm then that's cool.

 

[~Anastasia~]

It seems to me that anyone who expects you to fit a certain mold because of your race is pushing racial stereotypes and prejudices. If a white person insisted you should fit those expectations because you are black, wouldn't blacks rightly see that as racial prejudice and be upset? Why then should blacks be allowed to do it to each other? It sounds to me like they attempt to do you, themselves, and your collective race a disservice ...

Forgive me, I am a "white mutt" ... French, Native American, Scots-Irish, mostly. My husband is Asian. I don't have much use for racism.

 

[Victory-N-Christ]

People want to make everything about race. I just don't know why people can't just be themselves and live a productive and happy life. Why must everything be about race?

 

[A_Thinker]

It seems to me that anyone who expects you to fit a certain mold because of your race is pushing racial stereotypes and prejudices. If a white person insisted you should fit those expectations because you are black, wouldn't blacks rightly see that as racial prejudice and be upset? Why then should blacks be allowed to do it to each other? It sounds to me like they attempt to do you, themselves, and your collective race a disservice ...

Forgive me, I am a "white mutt" ... French, Native American, Scots-Irish, mostly. My husband is Asian. I don't have much use for racism.

Forgive me ... I'm going to have to be a little picky here.

It just seems that racial prejudice is so engrained into our psyches today ...

If you don't mind me asking, why do you say that Lik3's critics are doing an disservice to her race ???

I think that's the sort of thinking (though I recognize you meant no harm by it), ... that traps us. The idea that we are monolithic, .... when we actually are quite diverse.

There are racist African-Americans out there, ... but that doesn't mean that ALL African-Americans are racist.

Some of us are, some of us aren't, ... and some of us happen to like ... country music ...

 

[~Anastasia~]

Forgive me ... I'm going to have to be a little picky here.

It just seems that racial prejudice is so engrained into our psyches today ...

If you don't mind me asking, why do you say that Lik3's critics are doing an disservice to her race ???

I think that's the sort of thinking (though I recognize you meant no harm by it), ... that traps us. The idea that we are monolithic, .... when we actually are quite diverse.

There are racist African-Americans out there, ... but that doesn't mean that ALL African-Americans are racist.

Some of us are, some of us aren't, ... and some of us happen to like ... country music ...

Perhaps I didn't express myself well, because what you are saying is basically what I meant.

When anyone (of any race) says "you must be xyz because of your race" ... it does a disservice, IMO, because it reinforces racial prejudices, no? As you say, people are diverse. Any attempt to shuffle them into boxes, in this case based on race, is a disservice.

I didn't mean to suggest ALL African-Americans are racist. I meant to suggest that anyone (regardless of race) who tries to force others to fit stereotypes based on race (regardless of race) ... is racist. No?

 

[A_Thinker]

Perhaps I didn't express myself well, because what you are saying is basically what I meant.

When anyone (of any race) says "you must be xyz because of your race" ... it does a disservice, IMO, because it reinforces racial prejudices, no? As you say, people are diverse. Any attempt to shuffle them into boxes, in this case based on race, is a disservice.

I didn't mean to suggest ALL African-Americans are racist. I meant to suggest that anyone (regardless of race) who tries to force others to fit stereotypes based on race (regardless of race) ... is racist. No?

I agree with you, ... my thought is that racism does a disservice to humanity, ... as opposed to any one (or more) select group of people ...

 

[RC1970]

“Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness' sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven." ~ Matthew 5:10

 

[~Anastasia~]

I agree with you, ... my thought is that racism does a disservice to humanity, ... as opposed to any one (or more) select group of people ...

Well, that is certainly true.

My thought was just that if someone is reinforcing black (or white, or Asian, or whatever) stereotypes, then a particular disservice is done to that race in the process.

But yes, racism in general is certainly a disservice to humanity in general. I won't disagree at all.

 

[Khalliqa]

Here is the scenario:

I am a black American and basically I have been accused of being a sellout to my own people. I am not, honest. I do tend to care what others think and I need to overcome that. But the fact that there are some who think that I would sell out black people are very hurtful. Also, the fact that there are people who see me as a self-hating black person hurts my feelings even more. I don't think that I try to or do appeal to others to make them happy. I just have my own opinions of things. I am a member of the human race, first, and I know that I am black. I am proud of who I am as a black person and it hurts to know that whatever views that I have are considered self-hatred, subtle or not. I don't harbor any self hatred and I don't believe my posts here or my views reflect that. I feel as though because of my individual and political opinions I have to explain myself that I am not a "self-hating negro".

I think we as black people are individuals and I feel like that because I am black, I should be put into a box of stereotypes. The problem is, I don't fit into what many people think a black person should look a certain way or should think or act a certain way, or have the same perspective that many of us as American black people should have. I am a Conservative Republican who listens to rock, punk, and sometimes old school country music. These are "white" forms of music that also has its roots in black American expression and forms of music.

I have gotten my feelings hurt about being an "aunt Thomasina" (female version of a sellout or rather, an "Uncle Tom") whose views would never appeal to a black person. I resent the fact that my people should be put into a box and that we are not diverse enough. Furthermore, I am concerned about us as black Americans and care about us. We too are human beings and I personally come from a diversity of human beings, namely from West and Central Africa. I consider myself a "student" of history, politics, and religion. I guess I am different and have differing views, but that doesn't mean that I am self-hating. I am just an individual who cares about us as black people, and as humanity in general, however they identify ourselves. That is all.

How should I deal with what others think of me? How do I overcome this? How should I overcome feeling like I have to explain myself when it comes to this issue? I am in my 40s (obviously) and I have struggled with this, and other issues, and I would like to know how to deal with over 40 years of struggling with this issue? I can't take that I have this issue. I also wonder what does the Bible say about my struggle. I just want to read up on the opinions and views of other 40-somethings. They will be greatly appreciated. Just keep it civil.

Differing views will usually bring dissension no matter the group. IMO you should brace yourself for some harsh opposition if you decide to present an opposing view ANYWHERE the real question is whether or not you're open to possibly re-evaluating those views and whether you can be open to others who may make points which might be worth reflection? If you are open and have simply decided their counter points are not worth reflection.. their snide remarks are irrelevant and your precious mental energy would be better served doing other things and not giving them thought. If you are open and find their counterpoints simply unsettling... find a better way to work through sharing your opposing views to reach dialogue for possible enlightenment by all parties.

If you're dealing with a group of people who are simply uncivil.. I think you know simply not to engage them..

Black people (like most ethnic groups) are not monolithic so it should not be hard to find a group that shares your views.. and/or will at least be civil when presented with an opposing view..

 

[WannaWitness]

I personally don't understand why people feel the "need" to connect race, ethnicity, or skin color to musical tastes (or any other taste, for that matter). We should be ourselves, not what "others" may wish to mold us into. God made us unique individuals, so we are all going to be different in the way we see things.

I heard somewhere (probably on TV some years back) that country artist Charley Pride received flack from family and friends about the type of music he chose to perform. Did any of that stop him, though, from singing the music he was comfortable singing? I think not! In my opinion, he was BORN to sing country music!

Here are some classics!

 

[Humble Servant of Christ]

Here is the scenario:

I am a black American and basically I have been accused of being a sellout to my own people. I am not, honest. I do tend to care what others think and I need to overcome that. But the fact that there are some who think that I would sell out black people are very hurtful. Also, the fact that there are people who see me as a self-hating black person hurts my feelings even more. I don't think that I try to or do appeal to others to make them happy. I just have my own opinions of things. I am a member of the human race, first, and I know that I am black. I am proud of who I am as a black person and it hurts to know that whatever views that I have are considered self-hatred, subtle or not. I don't harbor any self hatred and I don't believe my posts here or my views reflect that. I feel as though because of my individual and political opinions I have to explain myself that I am not a "self-hating negro".

I think we as black people are individuals and I feel like that because I am black, I should be put into a box of stereotypes. The problem is, I don't fit into what many people think a black person should look a certain way or should think or act a certain way, or have the same perspective that many of us as American black people should have. I am a Conservative Republican who listens to rock, punk, and sometimes old school country music. These are "white" forms of music that also has its roots in black American expression and forms of music.

I have gotten my feelings hurt about being an "aunt Thomasina" (female version of a sellout or rather, an "Uncle Tom") whose views would never appeal to a black person. I resent the fact that my people should be put into a box and that we are not diverse enough. Furthermore, I am concerned about us as black Americans and care about us. We too are human beings and I personally come from a diversity of human beings, namely from West and Central Africa. I consider myself a "student" of history, politics, and religion. I guess I am different and have differing views, but that doesn't mean that I am self-hating. I am just an individual who cares about us as black people, and as humanity in general, however they identify ourselves. That is all.

How should I deal with what others think of me? How do I overcome this? How should I overcome feeling like I have to explain myself when it comes to this issue? I am in my 40s (obviously) and I have struggled with this, and other issues, and I would like to know how to deal with over 40 years of struggling with this issue? I can't take that I have this issue. I also wonder what does the Bible say about my struggle. I just want to read up on the opinions and views of other 40-somethings. They will be greatly appreciated. Just keep it civil.

You have a family with God. Remember that Jesus did not fit into what was expected at the time. His disciples were not the "honor roll" rabbinical students. In fact they were just average folks. The jewish leaders at the time thought Jesus was a "sell out" since He did not sourround himself with "proper" Jews. It is best not to be a dead fish going with the current. It takes strength to go against the tide. Be the person God wants you to be and you will never be alone! It is better to be an outsider and one day hear Jesus say "well done good and faithful servant" than to hear applause in life but have Jesus tell you that he never knew you.

 

[Victory-N-Christ]

Jesus is every race.Caucasian, African,Middle Eastern,Asian...e.t.c.Because He died for all people.It was that one sacrifice that hung on the cross bleeding,suffering while His accusers reviled Him.If all people understood,accepted His sacrifice and realized that there is NO race or color in Christ then the world would be a better place. But no..we like to fuss and fight and put each other in little categories and say which race is better or "superior" and which race is "inferior". Then we trot out the stereotypes to justify our bigotry.Or bring up slavery or lynchings ,rapes e.t.c .to try to hold guilt over another race's head.When the truth is that we all bleed red.We all fall short. Nobody is perfect or guilt free.Choose Jesus.Pray and try to love each other the best that we can.Amen.

 

[Victory-N-Christ]

Jesus is love. Pure and simple. His yoke is light if we choose to yeild to it. His burden is easy...when we allow Him to carry the load the load will be as light as a feather.No more worries,hate,envy,lies,lust...just pure love.Even if we get our feelings hurt we can take strength from the fact and scripture that Jesus had His feelings hurt too. He was lied on ,criticised. You name it.Yet He embodied forgiveness.Of course this might prove too hard for some of us to accept or do.But if we call ourselves "Christians": then we should already know that we're gonna get our feelings hurt. Key word for today:Forgiveness.

 

[Lotuspetal_uk]

Like others has said you are a child of God and you have a big family. Big hugs and I'm so sorry to hear what you've been going through. The UK is kind of similar from what I've seen and it is such a shame.

Now that you are in your 40's you've pretty much entered the decade where you can express confidently that you are who you are. When I was in my 30's my older sister - who had reached her 40's - had explained that she had hit an age where she did not give a hoot what other people said or thought about her.

Now admittedly I've yet to be as thick skinned as her but I have found that this has been the decade where I have been able to very calmly reject any labels anyone tried to stick on me. And it started with Christ.

If members who are black but identify as Christian try to do that with you, challenge them by making them find any verses where the Bible explicitly said that you had to be anything other than a child of God. Then pretty much dismiss them and anyone else by going back to scripture and reaffirm who you are in Christ.

Big hugs to you and if you get too saturated with the labels come and pop over to the UK section on CF - we're a little quiet as of late but we enjoy a good chat.

 

[Lotuspetal_uk]

Wanted to add,

From what you wrote, you reminded me of the kinds of people who went out of their way to make me - a Brit - welcome, years ago when my ex was stationed in Europe when he was in the US Army. I remember feeling so out of place because I had married someone culturally different to myself and myself plus the German wives would meet some individuals who made sure to make it known that they disapproved of who we'd chosen to marry. There was one African American sister in Christ who looked after me and to this day she is my sister even though our cultures were so very different.

So be you, and don't feel that you need to change for anyone

 

[The Brown Brink]

Here is the scenario:

I am a black American and basically I have been accused of being a sellout to my own people. I am not, honest. I do tend to care what others think and I need to overcome that. But the fact that there are some who think that I would sell out black people are very hurtful. Also, the fact that there are people who see me as a self-hating black person hurts my feelings even more. I don't think that I try to or do appeal to others to make them happy. I just have my own opinions of things. I am a member of the human race, first, and I know that I am black. I am proud of who I am as a black person and it hurts to know that whatever views that I have are considered self-hatred, subtle or not. I don't harbor any self hatred and I don't believe my posts here or my views reflect that. I feel as though because of my individual and political opinions I have to explain myself that I am not a "self-hating negro".

I think we as black people are individuals and I feel like that because I am black, I should be put into a box of stereotypes. The problem is, I don't fit into what many people think a black person should look a certain way or should think or act a certain way, or have the same perspective that many of us as American black people should have. I am a Conservative Republican who listens to rock, punk, and sometimes old school country music. These are "white" forms of music that also has its roots in black American expression and forms of music.

I have gotten my feelings hurt about being an "aunt Thomasina" (female version of a sellout or rather, an "Uncle Tom") whose views would never appeal to a black person. I resent the fact that my people should be put into a box and that we are not diverse enough. Furthermore, I am concerned about us as black Americans and care about us. We too are human beings and I personally come from a diversity of human beings, namely from West and Central Africa. I consider myself a "student" of history, politics, and religion. I guess I am different and have differing views, but that doesn't mean that I am self-hating. I am just an individual who cares about us as black people, and as humanity in general, however they identify ourselves. That is all.

How should I deal with what others think of me? How do I overcome this? How should I overcome feeling like I have to explain myself when it comes to this issue? I am in my 40s (obviously) and I have struggled with this, and other issues, and I would like to know how to deal with over 40 years of struggling with this issue? I can't take that I have this issue. I also wonder what does the Bible say about my struggle. I just want to read up on the opinions and views of other 40-somethings. They will be greatly appreciated. Just keep it civil.

I stay away from conservative Republicans, no matter what they look like.