I feel so sad because I never have male interest

[misstff]

I am 23 and I have never been asked out ever in my life before. Men never start conversations or small talk with me unless they have to. And when I go out, men pretty much never hit on me or try to flirt with me. I feel like I will never find someone or fall in love. I feel so undeserving of love and I feel like giving up on love because no one ever notices me. I want to find love but love doesn't seem to find me. I feel like most women don't have this problem but I somehow do and I don't know what is wrong with me.

 

[trophy33]

I am 23 and I have never been asked out ever in my life before. Men never start conversations or small talk with me unless they have to. And when I go out, men pretty much never hit on me or try to flirt with me. I feel like I will never find someone or fall in love. I feel so undeserving of love and I feel like giving up on love because no one ever notices me. I want to find love but love doesn't seem to find me. I feel like most women don't have this problem but I somehow do and I don't know what is wrong with me.

It can actually be a good thing, because its almost always harmful to have a serious relationships in a young age.

So, you got a time to grow and to develop into a stable state without any relationships hurts. And now, you can work on yourself to be more attractive (spiritually, physically and psychologically).

Be optimistic

 

[dzheremi]

Don't give up! Some people 'bloom' late. I didn't even start dating until after high school myself, in my early 20s as you are now, and although I have not yet found someone to settle down with (mainly because my Church doesn't do traditional western-style 'dating', and I am uninterested in the 'hook-up' culture that the world encourages both men and women to engage in), God has told us in Genesis that it is not good that man be alone, so I hold out hope that if it is His will that I be married, that will be manifest to me by putting a suitable partner in my life. (And in the meantime I can focus on all of the many things I should improve to make myself more suitable, too! So thanks for taking Your time with this one, God. He must know I have a lot of work to do.)

Also, there could be any number of reasons why men don't start conversations with you that are not related to you being undeserving of love. Many men wouldn't necessarily admit it, but sometimes we can feel a bit intimidated due to the pressure to 'make the first move', so to speak. Maybe they're not sure what they could say to interest you in talking with them, or maybe there isn't an appropriate context in which to drum up a conversation. It could be lots of things. I am sure you are deserving of love. Everyone is! Human beings are built for it in general. It's part of being made in the image of God to love as we are loved. (1 John 4:19)

May God bless, comfort, and strengthen you in this struggle.

 

[dzheremi]

Hmm. There's a lot of sadness in this thread.

I get it, in a way. I'm a product of a broken home. My father has been married four times, is currently divorced (and very old anyway), and swears that he will never be married again. It's sad to see people we love and care about in this state, but at least it also shows us what not to do in our own lives if we don't want to end up the same.

But love is not the sum of failures or even of successes in any given relationships, but an entire way of life and approach to relations with others and the world. As St. Paul wrote in his first epistle to the Corinthians:

Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Love never fails. But whether there are prophecies, they will fail; whether there are tongues, they will cease; whether there is knowledge, it will vanish away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part. But when that which is perfect has come, then that which is in part will be done away. When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things. For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known. And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

+++

It's a tall order, of course, so it's not surprising that many give up on it. But it's still the goal that we live this way, whether it results in any given type of relationship.

 

[☦Marius☦]

I am 23 and I have never been asked out ever in my life before. Men never start conversations or small talk with me unless they have to. And when I go out, men pretty much never hit on me or try to flirt with me. I feel like I will never find someone or fall in love. I feel so undeserving of love and I feel like giving up on love because no one ever notices me. I want to find love but love doesn't seem to find me. I feel like most women don't have this problem but I somehow do and I don't know what is wrong with me.

People are petty these days. The family is undervalued and instead of looking for legitimately beneficial qualities in a woman, most men look for what is quick and easy. I assume Richmond VA is the Richmond you are at. What beautiful peaceful country up there (I'm from WV but live in NC). Take solace in nature and take time to get close to God. One cannot have a peaceful relationship if one is not at peace with God first. Don't value yourself based on what others see. Most cannot value what doesn't benefit them directly. I lived with monks for a time and I can tell you there are no people on earth so at peace. Why? Because they are a brotherhood bound by nothing but God. Celibacy for life is no easy task for them, but they are satisfied by the nurturing of the Holy Spirit. Take comfort in God and perhaps someone will come along that understands and loves you.

 

[exitstageright]

I am 23 and I have never been asked out ever in my life before. Men never start conversations or small talk with me unless they have to. And when I go out, men pretty much never hit on me or try to flirt with me. I feel like I will never find someone or fall in love. I feel so undeserving of love and I feel like giving up on love because no one ever notices me. I want to find love but love doesn't seem to find me. I feel like most women don't have this problem but I somehow do and I don't know what is wrong with me.

May I ask you a question? Do you ever smile when you see a man that strikes your fancy? A smile tells a man,"I am friendly. I am approachable. And,come hither." Even the book of Proverbs says,"He who wants friends must at first show himself to be friendly." I used be shy. When I first read that verse,as a young teenager,I did not like that verse,because of my shyness. But,when I became older,I applied that verse to my social life. And my social life vastly improved. Just like the lyrics say,in the song by The Eagles, "City girls just seem to find out early, how to open doors with just a smile."
Believe me,a smile goes a long way in getting a man interested in you.

 

[blackribbon]

First of all, there are normal healthy relations out there. I was in one...16+ years marriage .... which means ups and downs. Cancer was the abnormal in our relationship. I'm glad most people don't have to die from cancer at 41 years of age.

As for the OP. You need to stop waiting for men to flirt with you or approach you and find activities where you interact with both men and women around your own age. Most dates come from situations like this...not that a man sees a woman from across the room and approaches her for a date.

 

[S.O.J.I.A.]

Could be a physical attractiveness issue..

 

[Jonaitis]

I am 23 and I have never been asked out ever in my life before. Men never start conversations or small talk with me unless they have to. And when I go out, men pretty much never hit on me or try to flirt with me. I feel like I will never find someone or fall in love. I feel so undeserving of love and I feel like giving up on love because no one ever notices me. I want to find love but love doesn't seem to find me. I feel like most women don't have this problem but I somehow do and I don't know what is wrong with me.

I am 23 and I think this is the time to focus on school, finding a career, and so on (but not everyone is me).

 

[Citanul]

May I ask you a question? Do you ever smile when you see a man that strikes your fancy? A smile tells a man,"I am friendly. I am approachable. And,come hither." Even the book of Proverbs says,"He who wants friends must at first show himself to be friendly." I used be shy. When I first read that verse,as a young teenager,I did not like that verse,because of my shyness. But,when I became older,I applied that verse to my social life. And my social life vastly improved. Just like the lyrics say,in the song by The Eagles, "City girls just seem to find out early, how to open doors with just a smile."
Believe me,a smile goes a long way in getting a man interested in you.

A smile's only going to work if the man notices it. If he's not continually staring at her then he could miss it.

So more than just a smile might be needed, and there's really nothing wrong with a woman approaching a man. Why should it be a male duty to make the first move?

 

[misstff]

Could be a physical attractiveness issue..

Yea but I thought ugly women have boyfriends too....look around.

 

[exitstageright]

A smile's only going to work if the man notices it. If he's not continually staring at her then he could miss it.

So more than just a smile might be needed, and there's really nothing wrong with a woman approaching a man. Why should it be a male duty to make the first move?

I have heard many Christian women say,"I want the Christian man ( that they like)to pursue me." But,when I approach and pursue some Christian women, the Christian women run.

 

[Citanul]

I have heard many Christian women say,"I want the Christian man ( that they like)to pursue me."

But do they ever tell the man that? I'd want the woman to put at least some effort into things. In my (very few) attempts at dating there have been times where it's felt like I'm the only one doing anything (e.g. starting conversations, suggesting we get together), and if she's not initiating anything then I take that as a lack of interest and give up on her. I suspect that most of the time it was a lack of interest, but if things fizzled out because they were expecting me to do the pursuing then they've only got themselves to blame.

 

[exitstageright]

But do they ever tell the man that? I'd want the woman to put at least some effort into things. In my (very few) attempts at dating there have been times where it's felt like I'm the only one doing anything (e.g. starting conversations, suggesting we get together), and if she's not initiating anything then I take that as a lack of interest and give up on her. I suspect that most of the time it was a lack of interest, but if things fizzled out because they were expecting me to do the pursuing then they've only got themselves to blame.

Yes,I do not want to waste my time pursuing a woman who is not interested in me. So, I also would like a woman to tell me if she is interested in me.

 

[PhantomGaze]

Firstly, and counter-intuitively, it is good to be in a place where you question your self-worth, because that gives you an opportunity to recognize the truth that your worth comes from God alone, and any value judgments that people arbitrarily throw around don't mean anything. How can anyone's opinion compare to that of God? Find your self-worth in God.

As far as horizontal relationships go:


Men often have been told that it is rude or unwelcome to hit on or approach women, so there seems to be a decline in this behavior. Not everything is your fault.

Most women who are reasonably fit are attractive enough to find interest among men. If you're not reasonably fit, that's something that you can fix. It's not always easy, but it's good to know that it is within your power to do something about.

A lot of guys (not everyone, but a lot) will respond if you start flirting with them. Many people have the same kind of questions about their value to the opposite sex as you do.

It is also important to involve yourself in mixed events. This one has actually been hard for me in my 30s to find good coed activities since work takes up a lot of time, but it is important to finding someone.

 

[Ayenew]

I am 23 and I have never been asked out ever in my life before. Men never start conversations or small talk with me unless they have to. And when I go out, men pretty much never hit on me or try to flirt with me. I feel like I will never find someone or fall in love. I feel so undeserving of love and I feel like giving up on love because no one ever notices me. I want to find love but love doesn't seem to find me. I feel like most women don't have this problem but I somehow do and I don't know what is wrong with me.

The basic thing that makes you attractive is God's grace (whether you are beautiful bodily or not), atleast infront of good men. I think it is good to be confident on what you have (you have God with you), never panic, be open and get more people.

 

[Citanul]

Men often have been told that it is rude or unwelcome to hit on or approach women, so there seems to be a decline in this behavior. Not everything is your fault.

I think this is a good point. Men might be holding back in an attempt to be more respectful because of the messages they've received around this. However, there still seems to be the expectation that they should make the first move and do the approaching, so the women are waiting for that to happen, and the end result is frustration all around.

 

[S.O.J.I.A.]

Yea but I thought ugly women have boyfriends too....look around.

sure...a 2 will date a 2.

 

[Sketcher]

I am 23 and I have never been asked out ever in my life before. Men never start conversations or small talk with me unless they have to. And when I go out, men pretty much never hit on me or try to flirt with me. I feel like I will never find someone or fall in love. I feel so undeserving of love and I feel like giving up on love because no one ever notices me. I want to find love but love doesn't seem to find me. I feel like most women don't have this problem but I somehow do and I don't know what is wrong with me.

I would say be patient and make yourself either into a catch or more of a catch. Part of that is going to involve having good female friends, and going to mixed gender social events, and actually talking to men you find attractive*. I don't know if you're visually attractive or not, but women who I don't find to be visually attractive get married too. Different men like different physical aspects of women.

* All the more critical in the "#metoo era."

 

[PhantomGaze]

But do they ever tell the man that? I'd want the woman to put at least some effort into things. In my (very few) attempts at dating there have been times where it's felt like I'm the only one doing anything (e.g. starting conversations, suggesting we get together), and if she's not initiating anything then I take that as a lack of interest and give up on her. I suspect that most of the time it was a lack of interest, but if things fizzled out because they were expecting me to do the pursuing then they've only got themselves to blame.

To be fair, I knew a woman who fell in love with a man who continued to pursue her in spite of her rejections, and ended up very happily married. Some women like to be pursued by men who are not turned back by rejection or value them enough to keep putting themselves in a vulnerable position to win the woman's heart.

One problem with this is that other women seem to loathe this behavior, and there isn't always a guarantee that the person you're pursuing really is who you think they are. ...and of course it doesn't always work either. It's even a trend in movies where a guy will go to great lengths for a woman but accidentally ends up coming off creepy and stalkerish.