I feel lost and I don't really know where I am at.

[AnonymousLN]

Hello, thank you for taking your time to read this first of all. Let me get started. I am in high school currently but I feel at a complete lost. Last year my faith to Christ was super strong and just unbelievably incredible looking back on it from my current state. Now that school has rolled around again after coming back from a Christian Camp before and during the camp my faith was really lacking also but never much like this now. I became strong in my faith in Christ after a few weeks camp was over. I started to read my Bible getting ready for school to roll around again. My faith was stronger than ever, I felt like I was emitting light because I've never seen myself glow like how I did ever in my faith. It was September and my faith in Christ was really strong and then during December a lot of bad events started happening in my life. I trusted God but I had fallen so deep into depression, that I was drowning I felt like. My depression had separated me from God even though I should've gotten closer with Him. My life was falling apart I felt like I was so beyond depressed, I was suicidal. I felt like God wasn't there for me at all and He was just laying it on me, I've never felt so alone in my life at that moment. I had start to drift far from God as the months rolled by up to December my faith wasn't like before but still strong enough and then December hit me. I had lost all hope. I would always feel alone like God wasn't actually there to comfort me. I was so hopeless. I would pray sometimes but even that didn't do anything I felt at that time. Then January rolls by I had gotten out of suicidal depression because of my friends; but I still struggle with depression and sadness. I feel like God has just laid it on my without a care and during January I put myself in an Atheist stand of point. What happens if there is no god and we just die after. What happens if there is no heaven. I asked my friends this and they asked if I was doubting and I said no but then I rethought about it I was doubting a lot after that. I don't know where I stand now. I am so far away from God to the point I don't think I can ever go back to the way I was. I don't even feel like I love God or Christ anymore. I feel so full of hate and temptation to hate things and be apart of this world. I feel like I have no words to speak how I truly feel anymore because I feel like I have to be with the world now. My faith has gotten into a hole so deep I can't even see it now. It makes me so upset, angry, infuriated, sad, heartbroken mostly and I don't know what to do. Please help me. I want to be back with Christ. I want more than the answer to just pray. Please HELP.

 

[mukk_in]

Hello, thank you for taking your time to read this first of all. Let me get started. I am in high school currently but I feel at a complete lost. Last year my faith to Christ was super strong and just unbelievably incredible looking back on it from my current state. Now that school has rolled around again after coming back from a Christian Camp before and during the camp my faith was really lacking also but never much like this now. I became strong in my faith in Christ after a few weeks camp was over. I started to read my Bible getting ready for school to roll around again. My faith was stronger than ever, I felt like I was emitting light because I've never seen myself glow like how I did ever in my faith. It was September and my faith in Christ was really strong and then during December a lot of bad events started happening in my life. I trusted God but I had fallen so deep into depression, that I was drowning I felt like. My depression had separated me from God even though I should've gotten closer with Him. My life was falling apart I felt like I was so beyond depressed, I was suicidal. I felt like God wasn't there for me at all and He was just laying it on me, I've never felt so alone in my life at that moment. I had start to drift far from God as the months rolled by up to December my faith wasn't like before but still strong enough and then December hit me. I had lost all hope. I would always feel alone like God wasn't actually there to comfort me. I was so hopeless. I would pray sometimes but even that didn't do anything I felt at that time. Then January rolls by I had gotten out of suicidal depression because of my friends; but I still struggle with depression and sadness. I feel like God has just laid it on my without a care and during January I put myself in an Atheist stand of point. What happens if there is no god and we just die after. What happens if there is no heaven. I asked my friends this and they asked if I was doubting and I said no but then I rethought about it I was doubting a lot after that. I don't know where I stand now. I am so far away from God to the point I don't think I can ever go back to the way I was. I don't even feel like I love God or Christ anymore. I feel so full of hate and temptation to hate things and be apart of this world. I feel like I have no words to speak how I truly feel anymore because I feel like I have to be with the world now. My faith has gotten into a hole so deep I can't even see it now. It makes me so upset, angry, infuriated, sad, heartbroken mostly and I don't know what to do. Please help me. I want to be back with Christ. I want more than the answer to just pray. Please HELP.

David went through many such phases of depression in his life. If you get a chance, please read Psalms 42-43. "Why are you downcast within me O' my soul? Why so depressed within me? Put your hope in God...(Psalm 42:5)." "Why must I go about mourning oppressed by the enemy (Psalm 43:2)?". Depression could be due to relationships as well. David knew all about being rejected by friends and peer pressure. "Because of all my enemies I'm the utter contempt of my neighbors (Psalm 31:11)." Rejection and lost love can also lead one into depression. "I'm worn out from groaning, all night long I flood my bed with tears (Psalm 6:6)." Sometimes depression is simply due to fatigue. In times such these, the best thing to do is to meditate on the psalms, seek fellowship with mature believers, eat and rest. Young people like yourself in high school are going through both physical and emotional transformations. But Jesus Christ can give you a purpose, confidence and a reason to live (Matthew 4:19). Satan would try to distract you with depression, but stay focused on the Lord for renewal, strength, and joy ("They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength..(Isaiah 40:31); "Come with Me to a quiet place and get some rest (Mark 6:30-31)." Spending time alone with Jesus also renews and sharpens our focus. Listening to quiet and smooth piano or guitar music can ease the stress and anxiety too. Calling an older, reliable and more mature friend also helps. I'll be praying for you. God bless you child

 

[derpytia]

Hello there!

First of all, I'm so sorry that you're going through all this despair and depression. I wish I could give you one great big hug right now.

I understand the feeling of being so far away from God and wanting to be with the world and even the depression too. I think all followers of Christ have periods in our lives where we get stuck in the hole or what some like to call "the valley of the shadow of death". We all have periods in our lives where we doubt God and we doubt our faith. It isn't fun and it's downright painful! Separation from God is painful.

I myself have gone through multiple periods in my life feeling like this even at a young age. I have been put through many tremendous trials throughout my life, some that are still very painful for me to think about. If there is anything that I have learned over my 24 short years of living it is that even when we feel far away from God, He is still there. Even when we don't feel his presence in our lives at all, He is right there. He loves us and will never leave us to be alone. With depression it gets hard because when we're alone with our thoughts, our minds can wander into some seriously dark and scary places. Even still, God is there. Even in your depression and your dark hole God is with you and He loves you. No matter what you've done or what you feel, God loves you and wants a relationship with you. Our human feelings are a part of us but they are not always reliable as far as real truth goes. We may feel left alone and betrayed by God but it's never true.

God is so much bigger and more infinite than us humans. It is impossible for us to completely understand or comprehend Him and therein lies a whole other struggle. We may not ever fully understand why God allows bad things to happen to us or what purpose there is for us to go through these dark and doubtful periods in our lives. But faith in Him and His desire for what is truly best for us as individuals is what we hold onto when everything around us is falling apart. It's a struggle and it's painful, I know.

Prayer is part of the answer, though perhaps not the one you want to hear most. When you pray to God, you are talking to Him and you can tell him whatever you like, even if you are angry at Him. He is our Father in Heaven; He can handle your anger and hurt. And I guarantee that He'll listen to you. Actively seeking out God is the other half of the answer. He wants a relationship with you. He wants you to get to know him more. Picking up a Bible and reading His Word is one way to do that. Even a study Bible might be of help as it explains things better as you read along.

Matthew 7:7-8 "7 Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you: 8 for every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened."

Look for God with your mind and your heart. Ask Him to be near you and reveal Himself to you. And then keep your mind and heart and even your eyes open as you actively seek Him out and I think you'll find Him and over time you'll heal.

 

[R. Hartono]

God doesnt ask too much from us other than obeying His commandments and love others as we love ourselves. Does this make you stressed ?

 

[notreligus]

Hello, thank you for taking your time to read this first of all. Let me get started. I am in high school currently but I feel at a complete lost. Last year my faith to Christ was super strong and just unbelievably incredible looking back on it from my current state. Now that school has rolled around again after coming back from a Christian Camp before and during the camp my faith was really lacking also but never much like this now. I became strong in my faith in Christ after a few weeks camp was over. I started to read my Bible getting ready for school to roll around again. My faith was stronger than ever, I felt like I was emitting light because I've never seen myself glow like how I did ever in my faith. It was September and my faith in Christ was really strong and then during December a lot of bad events started happening in my life. I trusted God but I had fallen so deep into depression, that I was drowning I felt like. My depression had separated me from God even though I should've gotten closer with Him. My life was falling apart I felt like I was so beyond depressed, I was suicidal. I felt like God wasn't there for me at all and He was just laying it on me, I've never felt so alone in my life at that moment. I had start to drift far from God as the months rolled by up to December my faith wasn't like before but still strong enough and then December hit me. I had lost all hope. I would always feel alone like God wasn't actually there to comfort me. I was so hopeless. I would pray sometimes but even that didn't do anything I felt at that time. Then January rolls by I had gotten out of suicidal depression because of my friends; but I still struggle with depression and sadness. I feel like God has just laid it on my without a care and during January I put myself in an Atheist stand of point. What happens if there is no god and we just die after. What happens if there is no heaven. I asked my friends this and they asked if I was doubting and I said no but then I rethought about it I was doubting a lot after that. I don't know where I stand now. I am so far away from God to the point I don't think I can ever go back to the way I was. I don't even feel like I love God or Christ anymore. I feel so full of hate and temptation to hate things and be apart of this world. I feel like I have no words to speak how I truly feel anymore because I feel like I have to be with the world now. My faith has gotten into a hole so deep I can't even see it now. It makes me so upset, angry, infuriated, sad, heartbroken mostly and I don't know what to do. Please help me. I want to be back with Christ. I want more than the answer to just pray. Please HELP.

The first thing I noticed here is that you are focusing on yourself. You're condemning yourself because of how you feel, or because things you think you're not doing , or because of things you are doing.

From where does righteousness come? I suggest you read Romans Chapter Five. I don't think there's a better summary of the gospel than this.

Peace with God Through Faith

Rom 5:1 Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ.
Rom 5:2 Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God.
Rom 5:3 Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance,
Rom 5:4 and endurance produces character, and character produces hope,
Rom 5:5 and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.
Rom 5:6 For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly.
Rom 5:7 For one will scarcely die for a righteous person—though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die—
Rom 5:8 but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
Rom 5:9 Since, therefore, we have now been justified by his blood, much more shall we be saved by him from the wrath of God.
Rom 5:10 For if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, now that we are reconciled, shall we be saved by his life.
Rom 5:11 More than that, we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.

Death in Adam, Life in Christ

Rom 5:12 Therefore, just as sin came into the world through one man, and death through sin, and so death spread to all men because all sinned—
Rom 5:13 for sin indeed was in the world before the law was given, but sin is not counted where there is no law.
Rom 5:14 Yet death reigned from Adam to Moses, even over those whose sinning was not like the transgression of Adam, who was a type of the one who was to come.
Rom 5:15 But the free gift is not like the trespass. For if many died through one man's trespass, much more have the grace of God and the free gift by the grace of that one man Jesus Christ abounded for many.
Rom 5:16 And the free gift is not like the result of that one man's sin. For the judgment following one trespass brought condemnation, but the free gift following many trespasses brought justification.
Rom 5:17 For if, because of one man's trespass, death reigned through that one man, much more will those who receive the abundance of grace and the free gift of righteousness reign in life through the one man Jesus Christ.
Rom 5:18 Therefore, as one trespass led to condemnation for all men, so one act of righteousness leads to justification and life for all men.
Rom 5:19 For as by the one man's disobedience the many were made sinners, so by the one man's obedience the many will be made righteous.
Rom 5:20 Now the law came in to increase the trespass, but where sin increased, grace abounded all the more,
Rom 5:21 so that, as sin reigned in death, grace also might reign through righteousness leading to eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.

All men are cursed because of the disobedience of the first Adam. The obedience of the Second Adam, Jesus Christ, brought a relief from this curse. You must learn to trust Him. What you do or don't do is not going to make you presentable before God the Father. After Romans the Book of Hebrews is good to read because in that we find that Jesus Christ is now the Great High Priest who is on the throne. By His righteousness we can boldly come to the throne room and God will hear us and God will see us as righteous by viewing us through the shed blood of Jesus. Jesus is our Mediator and Intercessor. He represents us before the Father as righteous in Him. No man (or woman) should try to represent himself before a judge. We have Christ standing in our stead as our representative.

I don't know your background and I don't know if you are a member of a particular church body or not. A church can be the best place to be or sometimes it can be the worst place you can be. Be sure you are planted where the main focus of what is taught there and preached there is Jesus Christ. He is the main character in the Scriptures. The Bible is a book about the redemption of mankind. Through Christ mankind has been redeemed and we must only believe by faith. Keep your faith in Him and don't waver over what you do or don't do. Many Bible teachers and preachers still teach a form of law even if they say they don't follow the Mosaic Law (the Law which was Israel's constitution). I know of church groups who teach you've got to follow a process to be saved. Those processes just make folk doubt even more that they've done enough for God to save them or even want to save them.

Remember that Christ's sacrifice is God Almighty's provision. The blood of Christ was what satisfied the Father as the payment for mankind's sin.

Before the foundation of the world God envisioned the Church. He wants you to be part of His glorious church and the fact that you're asking these questions points to the fact that you really want to be in the Body of Christ.

Hebrews 7:25 Consequently, he is able to save to the uttermost those who draw near to God through him, since he always lives to make intercession for them.

This prophecy about the Christ in Isaiah has been fulfilled in Jesus finished work on the cross and this reveals what He suffered that we would not have to:

Isa 53:1 Who has believed what he has heard from us? And to whom has the arm of the LORD been revealed?
Isa 53:2 For he grew up before him like a young plant, and like a root out of dry ground; he had no form or majesty that we should look at him, and no beauty that we should desire him.
Isa 53:3 He was despised and rejected by men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief; and as one from whom men hide their faces he was despised, and we esteemed him not.
Isa 53:4 Surely he has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows; yet we esteemed him stricken, smitten by God, and afflicted.
Isa 53:5 But he was pierced for our transgressions; he was crushed for our iniquities; upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with his wounds we are healed.
Isa 53:6 All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned—every one—to his own way; and the LORD has laid on him the iniquity of us all.
Isa 53:7 He was oppressed, and he was afflicted, yet he opened not his mouth; like a lamb that is led to the slaughter, and like a sheep that before its shearers is silent, so he opened not his mouth.
Isa 53:8 By oppression and judgment he was taken away; and as for his generation, who considered that he was cut off out of the land of the living, stricken for the transgression of my people?
Isa 53:9 And they made his grave with the wicked and with a rich man in his death, although he had done no violence, and there was no deceit in his mouth.
Isa 53:10 Yet it was the will of the LORD to crush him; he has put him to grief; when his soul makes an offering for guilt, he shall see his offspring; he shall prolong his days; the will of the LORD shall prosper in his hand.
Isa 53:11 Out of the anguish of his soul he shall see and be satisfied; by his knowledge shall the righteous one, my servant, make many to be accounted righteous, and he shall bear their iniquities.
Isa 53:12 Therefore I will divide him a portion with the many, and he shall divide the spoil with the strong, because he poured out his soul to death and was numbered with the transgressors; yet he bore the sin of many, and makes intercession for the transgressors.

Eph 1:3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places,
Eph 1:4 even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him. In love
Eph 1:5 he predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will,
Eph 1:6 to the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in the Beloved.
Eph 1:7 In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace,
Eph 1:8 which he lavished upon us, in all wisdom and insight
Eph 1:9 making known to us the mystery of his will, according to his purpose, which he set forth in Christ
Eph 1:10 as a plan for the fullness of time, to unite all things in him, things in heaven and things on earth.
Eph 1:11 In him we have obtained an inheritance, having been predestined according to the purpose of him who works all things according to the counsel of his will,
Eph 1:12 so that we who were the first to hope in Christ might be to the praise of his glory.
Eph 1:13 In him you also, when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation, and believed in him, were sealed with the promised Holy Spirit,
Eph 1:14 who is the guarantee of our inheritance until we acquire possession of it, to the praise of his glory.
Thanksgiving and Prayer
Eph 1:15 For this reason, because I have heard of your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love toward all the saints,
Eph 1:16 I do not cease to give thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers,
Eph 1:17 that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and of revelation in the knowledge of him,
Eph 1:18 having the eyes of your hearts enlightened, that you may know what is the hope to which he has called you, what are the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints,
Eph 1:19 and what is the immeasurable greatness of his power toward us who believe, according to the working of his great might
Eph 1:20 that he worked in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly places,
Eph 1:21 far above all rule and authority and power and dominion, and above every name that is named, not only in this age but also in the one to come.
Eph 1:22 And he put all things under his feet and gave him as head over all things to the church,
Eph 1:23 which is his body, the fullness of him who fills all in all.

By Grace Through Faith

Eph 2:1 And you were dead in the trespasses and sins
Eph 2:2 in which you once walked, following the course of this world, following the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience—
Eph 2:3 among whom we all once lived in the passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the body and the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind.
Eph 2:4 But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us,
Eph 2:5 even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved—
Eph 2:6 and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus,
Eph 2:7 so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus.
Eph 2:8 For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God

 

[Heart2Soul]

Hello, thank you for taking your time to read this first of all. Let me get started. I am in high school currently but I feel at a complete lost. Last year my faith to Christ was super strong and just unbelievably incredible looking back on it from my current state. Now that school has rolled around again after coming back from a Christian Camp before and during the camp my faith was really lacking also but never much like this now. I became strong in my faith in Christ after a few weeks camp was over. I started to read my Bible getting ready for school to roll around again. My faith was stronger than ever, I felt like I was emitting light because I've never seen myself glow like how I did ever in my faith. It was September and my faith in Christ was really strong and then during December a lot of bad events started happening in my life. I trusted God but I had fallen so deep into depression, that I was drowning I felt like. My depression had separated me from God even though I should've gotten closer with Him. My life was falling apart I felt like I was so beyond depressed, I was suicidal. I felt like God wasn't there for me at all and He was just laying it on me, I've never felt so alone in my life at that moment. I had start to drift far from God as the months rolled by up to December my faith wasn't like before but still strong enough and then December hit me. I had lost all hope. I would always feel alone like God wasn't actually there to comfort me. I was so hopeless. I would pray sometimes but even that didn't do anything I felt at that time. Then January rolls by I had gotten out of suicidal depression because of my friends; but I still struggle with depression and sadness. I feel like God has just laid it on my without a care and during January I put myself in an Atheist stand of point. What happens if there is no god and we just die after. What happens if there is no heaven. I asked my friends this and they asked if I was doubting and I said no but then I rethought about it I was doubting a lot after that. I don't know where I stand now. I am so far away from God to the point I don't think I can ever go back to the way I was. I don't even feel like I love God or Christ anymore. I feel so full of hate and temptation to hate things and be apart of this world. I feel like I have no words to speak how I truly feel anymore because I feel like I have to be with the world now. My faith has gotten into a hole so deep I can't even see it now. It makes me so upset, angry, infuriated, sad, heartbroken mostly and I don't know what to do. Please help me. I want to be back with Christ. I want more than the answer to just pray. Please HELP.

It is a tough place to be in life feeling like God has abandoned you.... but He hasn't....He is right there...waiting....the moment you cry out to Him....Abba, Father....help me! I need you! Forgive me!...
You know He is your Father....He loves you more than you can ever comprehend and as a loving Father He will not turn His back on you even though you turned yours on Him. Just call upon Him and He will answer....I know....I went through the same wilderness in my life....but the moment I finally surrendered it all was the moment He rushed in and began doing a new thing in me....
He is the Potter and you are the clay. At one time you were a vessel He created but at some point you became broken. He knows how to put all the pieces back together.
His gifts and callings are without repentance and you were predestined before you were conceived to serve His purpose....Trust in His Love...Jesus bought you with His own Life, how much more can He do to show how much He loves you.
Father, I ask right now that you send your Holy Spirit to minister peace and love to this person and that the Joy of the Lord will be their strength to overcome this depression and sadness. In Jesus Name, Amen.

 

[NothingIsImpossible]

I'd say, and I don't mean this as a hurtful statement, God doesn't abandon us. We abandon God. Because He will always love us no matter what. And this world as it is has become SO evil and corrupt that many find it easier to give up on God. The devil has become good at overwhelming us with worry, fear, hate, confusion...etc.

The devil is whisperting in your ear "See all this bad stuff? God hates you! See how your prayer wasn't answered? God did this to you, he ignored you! God loves you yet you suffer, thats not love!". This is something the devil is good at telling us. But if we read the bible we know those are lies from the devil and its exactly what he wants us to fall for.

God always there for us. Sure, maybe His answers aren't always yes to what we pray. But theres always a reason for it. And sure we have trials, but no where in the bible did God ever say becoming a christian means problems go away. Even Jesus has issues He had to face. But He always trusted in God. Now yes none of us can ever be as amazing as Jesus was. But we have to try. Or else the devil will pulls us deep into pits so far that we forget what the light looks like outside of the tunnel.

I know because I was in a pit beyond deep. I was hateful, nasty and downright ungodly despite claiming to be a christian. Once I changed my life around and told the devil to stop feeding me lies, life got better. Am I saying life became perfect? Nope. But it became easier when I trusted and relied on Him, even if things didn't work out.