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I FEEL LIKE COMMITING SUICIDE. PLEASE DO NOT BAN ME!

Discussion in 'Obsessive Compulsive Disorder' started by Kostilaks, Jul 25, 2020.

  1. Kostilaks

    Kostilaks Member

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    I suffer the last 2 years from ocd. My ocd fear is about making rushed promises to Gods (not Jesus) for stupid things and asking punishment in case breaking it.


    I was able to become normal, after 2 years of suffering, by breaking some ocd compulsions that I thought that they were real promises to Gods, due to intrusive thoughts.


    I remember all ocd promises to God and I cant remember anything related about sticking gum. I labeled all promises to Gods as ocd so, they do not count because I am ill. That created a new fear, what if it was a real promise that was made BEFORE my ocd?

    I started, trying to remember how this compulsion (must not stick gum) was created. I remember, during quarantine, using my laptop on my desk. On that desk, I used to stick gum some years ago, I do not remember how many, It could be 3 years or 5 or more!

    I was chewing gum, in quarantine, and it ran out of flavor. I was too bored to dispose it to the kitchen and I got a random thought that suggested me to stick it on my desk, as I used to do in the past. At that second, I got a bad feeling and a new thought popped like

    " must not do it, i may have made a promise to God that i cant remember"

    That stopped me many times from sticking gum in my desk.

    Some days later, I wanted to stick gum on my bookcase but ocd was not letting me. I wanted to be normal! I WANTED TO BE NORMAL SO I LABELED IT AS OCD and broke the compulsion. The same feeling appeared again. I started analyzing all my thoughts related to that bad habit.

    I started wondering why a random thought stopped me from sticking gum on my desk, some days ago? Why I did not stick gum on my desk but stuck on my bookcase?

    I started fearing that I may have made a real promise to God, 3 years ago, not to stick gum on furniture. Since I did not have ocd that time, I worry if that hypothetical promise is real.

    I am worrying for something hypothetical. I do not remember making a promise. I probably, never made one. I would not dare to make a promise for such a stupid matter. Even if I did, I would remember it. I remember nothing.

    If I imagine myself making the promise (which is my ocd fear for the last 2 years) I do not remember anything, but I get a really bad feeling and some images are coming to my memory that seem real but they are not. I get thoughts like

    " 3 years ago, before my ocd, I was stupid enough to make a rushed promise to God to force myself stop sticking gum on my desk. Since, I rarely, eat gum, I forgot it. But, my subsconscious remembers it. That is why I got a bad feeling. Let's imagine to see if I ever made a promise. I got some images but seem real and yet, so fake"

    I am confused and worried. Did I made a promise or not? Why my subconscious insists so much? Why this hypothetical scenario seems so real?
     
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  2. God is good

    God is good Well-Known Member

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    You are okay. God loves you and Jesus knows your heart. Please really focus on what Jesus did for you on the cross and see how much love He has for you.
     
  3. Tolworth John

    Tolworth John Well-Known Member Supporter

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    Intrusive thoughts are not real. So do not fight them, argue with them, discuss anything with them or try to suppress them.
    You merely acknowledge them. " OK you want to think that, fine." And carry on with what yo are doing.

    God and Jesus know your problems with intrusive thoughts and they do not blame you for what those thoughts say.

    If it helps you confess to God and thank him for his forgiveness.
     
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  4. paul1149

    paul1149 that your faith might rest in the power of God Supporter

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    Don't worry about anything, but in everything, through prayer and petition with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.

    Finally brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable -- if there is any moral excellence and if there is anything praiseworthy -- dwell on these things. Do what you have learned and received and heard from me, and seen in me, and the God of peace will be with you. - Phl 4:6-9 CSB​
     
  5. Michie

    Michie Human rights begin in the womb. Supporter

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    Please see a doctor.
     
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  6. Tytoman

    Tytoman New Member

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    I am a believer in Jesus Christ and God. I pray to God and my some have been answered. I live by the morality of being good and with happy spirit person. I dream to become a 2d animator and I always believe God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit are guiding me to become an animator. But I stumble on Quora with questions that would later turn to deep worry. There was one article someone posted Can blasphemy be committed through thoughts? I scrolled down and two sides tell different stories. One said said if someone speaks about it and thinking does not count. But the other side said thinking is the same as speaking. Which one is true!? My mind begins tearing apart! Now it’s been three weeks now and my OCD is driving me crazy! Does speak mean both verbally and mentally or is it different, I don’t know! I am a good person I am scared of what I might say or do that will offend God.
     
  7. Ann77

    Ann77 New Member

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    Hey @Kostilaks there is only one God.
    Those are intrusive thoughts so don't worry about it.

    Even if you still worry, remember.. all of Jesus' disciples made vows to His face not to abandon Him and they all did. But He forgave them.
     
    Last edited: Jul 25, 2020
  8. Ann77

    Ann77 New Member

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  9. Bobber

    Bobber Well-Known Member

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    No having a thought in your mind or come to your mind isn't sin. If so then the one who wrote (inspired by God) 2/3rds of the New Testament did not make heaven home. Paul told us what we're to do with thoughts which run contrary to the word of God....Cast them down and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God. 2 Cor 10:5

    Adam & Eve has a thought to disobey God....the thought wasn't a problem....it's that they yielded to it and acted upon it. Jesus was tempted with wrong thoughts in Matt 4, temptations from the devil. Even though they were from the devil they were still thoughts. There's a saying I like, Thoughts may come and persist and staying but thoughts not acted upon die unborn.
     
  10. Lost4words

    Lost4words Jesus I Trust In You Supporter

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    Be not afraid my friend. Relax.

    God loves you with open arms.

    But, please, seek some good medical advice to help you with your OCD etc. God gave us good doctors remember. Keep praying. Stay strong. Jesus is carrying you while you carry your cross.

    God bless and protect you.
     
  11. Tytoman

    Tytoman New Member

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    Thank you for answering that, I appreciate it!
     
  12. covergirl

    covergirl Newbie

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    I see you changed the title of your post to wanting to commit suicide. You are not crazy .John 10:10 listen to God's Word. The one true God through Jesus Christ who is the only way to heaven. He is telling you this " the enemy comes to steal, kill, and destroy....BUT...I COME to give you life and give it more abundantly." His Power is greater then your attacks! God (praying to the one true God, master of the universe through Jesus Christ) give my friend here the abdundant life they need right now in your word. Chase away demonic thought of suicide and ocd RIGHT now. Your plans for Kostilaks living an OCD free life through Jesus Christ is starting tonight! They will experience freedom through grace and mercy like never before so they can believe in you and You get the glory in their life! They are set free tonight in Jesus name! Amen"
     
  13. Jude1:3Contendforthefaith

    Jude1:3Contendforthefaith Well-Known Member Supporter

    +2,319
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    Please go to Mt Athos or an Orthodox Monastery and ask the monks to pray for you to speak with them.


    .
     
  14. covergirl

    covergirl Newbie

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    Only Jesus can give them the life they are looking for. John 10:10
     
  15. Jude1:3Contendforthefaith

    Jude1:3Contendforthefaith Well-Known Member Supporter

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    Oh, I know.

    I was just trying to show him a place to go ask Christians for prayer to help him.

    .
     
  16. Tytoman

    Tytoman New Member

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    I need help please! I was watching a video about repeating sins and I was looking at the comments and saw someone wrote and I was reading in my head. “In Jesus’s name I..” I don’t want to type down The negative thing this person said about spirit. But my mind and thoughts were slipping acting on its ow. I paced the floor in my room repeating I accept Holy Spirit. The r word jumped in my head and I fought the r word. Moments later my OCD made me say I accept the Holy Spirit. Then this time inappropriate pictures slipped in my thinking process. The whole month of July has been a train wreck! I found out about willful sin. I had morning panic attacks. I don’t know what I am suppose to do or what to say! I have a porn and m addiction since middle school. I don’t know where to turn with all this worries and questions in my head fearing I have said something I don’t mean to say. And you know the worst feeling I have right now. I stopped watching porn and m for three weeks and relapsed back yesterday and today. Three weeks ago I felt like God was giving me a sign like Christmas Carol, telling me I should repent and confess that night I found out about willful sin. Now I feel like I blew my chance. I feel so broken!
     
    Last edited: Aug 2, 2020
  17. covergirl

    covergirl Newbie

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    Monks? I believe that's another religion
     
  18. Bobber

    Bobber Well-Known Member

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    So do you think Jesus would tell us to do something he wouldn't be willing to do? When the disciples asked Jesus how many times should we forgive our brother what did he tell them. They asked Jesus 7 times? The knew they were to forgive more that once BUT what did Jesus say?

    Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times? Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven. Matt 18:21

    So that's 490 times and all in one day! What he was really saying to them is there is no limit as long as the other is coming seeking sincerely to rise up against sin by the grace of God. Now Jesus told us to forgive people to that degree? You don't think he's willing to do that same? Do you really think it's possible for us to be more loving than God?

    If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him? Matt 7:11

     
  19. Ann77

    Ann77 New Member

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    This is such a great answer. @Bobber
     
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