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I feel like an orphaned widow

Discussion in 'Memorials & Grief Support' started by BonnieL322, Oct 20, 2019.

  1. BonnieL322

    BonnieL322 New Member

    30
    +44
    United States
    Christian
    Widowed
    Hi all,

    My husband passed away in June 2018, then my dad died in June 2019, and my mother unexpectedly passed last month. My late husband and I also lost our firstborn child in 2008.

    My extended relatives live out of state, so this feeling of isolation and loneliness in grief is a bit more magnified since my siblings and I have lost the only matriarch and patriarch that we grew up around. I feel so badly for my 4 living children, and to be honest, I feel just as sad as they do. I always thought my husband would be there for me when my parents died, but obviously that’s not the case. I know God is there, but I meant in the human sense. I try to immerse myself in my maternal role and be there for my kids, but there is no human rock for me anymore since my husband and my parents are now gone. I wasn’t expecting this until I was older (I’m 34, my kids are 9, 8, 6, and 2).

    Please pray for my babies and for me to be a better mother. And please pray that God has or will find another man in mind for us sometime, to bring extra joy and a sense of stability etc to our family.
     
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  2. Gracia Singh

    Gracia Singh Newbie Supporter

    +9,480
    United States
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    Prayers, Bonnie. You sound like a precious, strong, lovely woman, and a great Mom! I'll definitely keep you and your children in my prayers. Christ be with you, shield you, hold you, and bless you.
     
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  3. Aussie Pete

    Aussie Pete Well-Known Member Supporter

    +4,830
    Australia
    Non-Denom
    Divorced
    "Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God."

    Let this be real in Bonnie's experience Father God.
     
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  4. Sam91

    Sam91 Child of the Living God Supporter

    +7,994
    United Kingdom
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    Hi from a fellow mum (5, 12, 17) who has lost her partner 4 yrs ago then her gran and brother during the next two. I still can't imagine what you are going through though.
    I have no relatives at all for hundreds of miles, so I really feel for you.

    Your circumstances sound so sad and are hard at the moment. What I know is the strength and comfort the Lord gives and I pray that for you. I pray that you keep getting smiles and peace for the foreseeable. I'll pray for your children too.

    My youngest kept me going. He was 15months when his father passed. He still needed the smiles and to be played with. I hope he helps you pull through as much as my son helped me.

    I've been doing ok but I got upset out of the blue yesterday looking at photo from 5 years ago of him and his dad. I was crying and he came through and asked me what's wrong. I said I was sad. He said 'well stop looking at your phone then' and gave me a huge hug. It actually fixed me, bless him. Such wisdom from a little head.

    I guess what I'm saying is you're not alone. You are carrying a lot of responsibility but your kids are like a human rocks. Even though it is you supporting them etc.. they do keep us grounded, going and provide smiles, laughter and plenty of stress to keep us out of our heads too much.

    I'm thinking of you Bonnie
     
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  5. Aquatic Waves

    Aquatic Waves Well-Known Member

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    Hello Bonnie. I just came across your post. I am so so sorry for your losses. I'm actually crying right now from reading bc I totally understand your pain. I lost both my parents at a very young age and they were young as well. I have no partner or children. My only relatives are my sister and grandma. However, I'm not that close to them. I have no friends either to talk to. So all I have now is God to hear me and to help me. So I know how lonely and sad you are feeling. And the grieving too. I'm sending all my prayers to both you and your children. Stay strong and have faith in the lord. I do believe good things will come to those who need it. Idk when but they will.
     
    Last edited: Nov 19, 2019
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  6. faroukfarouk

    faroukfarouk Fading curmudgeon

    +16,292
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    So sorry for your losses. Psalm 46 and John 14.1-27 are wonderful passages to read and re-read.
     
  7. BonnieL322

    BonnieL322 New Member

    30
    +44
    United States
    Christian
    Widowed
    Yes, and thank you.
     
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  8. JacquelineDeane55

    JacquelineDeane55 Newbie

    +760
    United States
    Baptist
    Single
    US-Republican
    I will pray for you that GOD makes you feel better.

    You know it is pretty normal to grieve death, I have actually done it before myself. When those around you die, and you are still alive, you feel grief that they are gone. I have actually grieved the death of Michael Jackson, although I did not know him personally. But when I heard that he had died, I just cried my eyes out. People grieve death, I guess its just natural for us to. But maybe you know that the dead are in a better place now and not suffering with the ills of this life anymore? Heaven is a perfect place, remember that. Those who go there have no more problems, woes, or worries. Just everlasting peace and joy up there, and nothing ever goes wrong...Thanks be to GOD that He made such a wonderful, everlasting HOME, for all those who believe in Jesus. Amen.

    I admit that I myself am afraid of dying. Dying is unknown to me, being that I have never done it before. I have always been alive. Maybe when it is my time to go, finally, GOD will hold my hand in HIS and bring me home safely to glory where I will see my dead relatives once more. There we will spend eternity together and we shall never be apart. Right now the veil of death separates us from one another, but one day, not anymore...
     
    Last edited: Dec 20, 2019
  9. BonnieL322

    BonnieL322 New Member

    30
    +44
    United States
    Christian
    Widowed

    I appreciate your opinion, and I’m sure you meant well, but some of what you said just sounds condescending (maybe not your intention) and as though you’re attempting to invalidate my grief and or tell me I’m grieving too much. The fact remains grief will happen, the church SHOULD be supportive, and grieving alone in the human sense, is not healthy. Grief is not just something to be put away; knowing someone you love is with the Lord and you will see them when God calls you home as well is a comfort, but it does not actually assuage grief. It does not help me when my one of my sons is screaming that he wants a daddy. It does not help me when I see my daughter staring at someone else’s father in public. It does not help me when we are at a playground where my husband and I once frolicked about in our early days together and I look across the street to see where he died. And my children and I are experiencing it on a number of levels with all of the losses (I’ve lost a son, husband, and both of my parents, the latter three losses in the last 18 months); I lean on God, but that does mean I believe that my children and I should “go it alone” as in have no real support system involving people who genuinely care.

    Life goes on a lot quicker when we grieve a celebrity or someone with whom we were not so intimately close for years or a maybe our entire lifetime up until their death. It is quite a lengthier and more complex process when it involves children, spouses, and immediate family members.

    thanks for your prayers, peace be with you
     
  10. faroukfarouk

    faroukfarouk Fading curmudgeon

    +16,292
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    Married
    I think Hebrews 7.25 is a good verse to think of; the Lord Jesus 'ever lives to make intercession' for His people; He is always there upholding them before the Father, because of the work of His Cross.
     
  11. BonnieL322

    BonnieL322 New Member

    30
    +44
    United States
    Christian
    Widowed

    Are you thinking that I fear my baby, husband and or parents were not saved? If so, that is not one of the issues I was discussing. They were all saved. I know they have gone home. However, that does not really help me with grief, it just is a nice thing to know. But thank you
     
  12. faroukfarouk

    faroukfarouk Fading curmudgeon

    +16,292
    Non-Denom
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    No implications; simply a helpful verse for believers going through a tough time. Blessings.
     
  13. BonnieL322

    BonnieL322 New Member

    30
    +44
    United States
    Christian
    Widowed
    Ohh, gotcha, I was confused at first. Thanks
     
  14. Jordan1989

    Jordan1989 Member

    65
    +66
    United States
    Christian
    Divorced
    Bonnie, I am sorry to hear all of this. My heart hurts for you; I can’t even begin to imagine the hurt and sadness you’ve been feeling these past years and to have lost so many loved ones in such a short period of time.

    I would like to share a bit of my story. While it is nothing compared to yours, my wife left me last year for another man. She left me because I’d been suffering from severe anxiety and depression throughout most of my 20s that we had to weather together for many years. And she told me while she could see I was Finally getting better due to God and counseling, she didn’t feel anything for me anymore. She just felt numb and tired of struggling with me. It was so hard. Having the woman who id been with for 9 years that I thought I’d be with forever leave me, selling our house, our pets had to be given away, and in no time I went from being married, having a house, pets, and thinking about kids to living on my own for the first time ever and wondering if I’d ever be married or have kids again. It felt like a death to me.

    Again, I don’t think I’ve gone through anything compared to what you have gone through, but I wanted you to know my background, and, in some small sense, I can understand some of the hurt you are going through.

    God has been my rock throughout it all. Through the mental health issues, the divorce, the pain, the loneliness, and the feelings of “what if I never marry again and never have children”, he has been my comforter and friend. There is a comfort and peace that God gives that truly enables us to rise above our hurts and the pain of sin in this world. It’s one that nothing in this world can fill.

    Also, know that it is not wrong to grieve. King David went through a season of grieving. He had three sons who died. His wife was assaulted. His daughter had been raped. He had to flee his kingdom and was being hunted by his enemies. Here were some of the things he said:

    “Have compassion on me, Lord, for I am weak. Heal me, Lord, for my bones are in agony. I am sick at heart. How long, O Lord, until you restore me? Return, O Lord, and rescue me. Save me because of your unfailing love. For the dead do not remember you. Who can praise you from the grave? I am worn out from sobbing. All night I flood my bed with weeping, drenching it with my tears. My vision is blurred by grief;”
    ‭‭Psalms‬ ‭6:2-7‬ ‭

    “How long must I struggle with anguish in my soul, with sorrow in my heart every day? How long will my enemy have the upper hand?”
    ‭‭Psalms‬ ‭13:2‬ ‭

    “Have mercy on me, Lord, for I am in distress. Tears blur my eyes. My body and soul are withering away. I am dying from grief; my years are shortened by sadness. Sin has drained my strength; I am wasting away from within. I am scorned by all my enemies and despised by my neighbors— even my friends are afraid to come near me. When they see me on the street, they run the other way. I am ignored as if I were dead, as if I were a broken pot. I have heard the many rumors about me, and I am surrounded by terror. My enemies conspire against me, plotting to take my life.”
    ‭‭Psalms‬ ‭31:9-13‬ ‭

    One thing I have learned through it all that I would recommend to you is this - pour yourself out to Jesus and seek him harder than you ever have. He will be there to comfort you in your pain. There have been times in my life where I didn’t think I could feel anything but despair, but I sought God, and he comforted me and gave me a peace that was beyond anything I could have ever thought possible in the midst of such a difficult season.

    “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”
    ‭‭Psalms‬ ‭34:18‬

    “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”
    ‭‭Psalms‬ ‭147:3‬ ‭

    “He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”
    ‭‭Revelation‬ ‭21:4‬ ‭NIV‬‬

    God Bless

    Jordan
     
  15. BonnieL322

    BonnieL322 New Member

    30
    +44
    United States
    Christian
    Widowed

    Thank you for your suggestions and prayers
     
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