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Featured I feel like a hypocrite and it scares me

Discussion in 'Christian Advice' started by grandvizier1006, Mar 25, 2019.

  1. grandvizier1006

    grandvizier1006 Still a human by God's grace Supporter

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    I graduated college back in December. For the past few months I've been sitting around doing very little and I understand that I need a job. I have issues with being lazy, porn, etc. All typical stuff young men my age have issues with when they have too much free time. I've been having trouble getting to bed and waking up at reasonable hours. This is a problem I've had whenever there were periods in my life without anything to do.

    I feel like I'm letting God down and he's disappointed in me because I'm not doing anything that indicates I'm a Christian. I haven't been going to church (too lazy, scared of driving, the only church I can go to is incredibly crowded and I'd have to go with my parents). I sometimes wonder if I were to die, right now, would God say I deserve Hell because I've done very little to glorify Him?

    The reason why I am calling myself a hypocrite is because my twin brother is an atheist. But he at the very least has a job and is getting into a graduate school. I have no idea what I'm going to do with my life, by contrast. I can't say that I'm doing well or living a godly life while my brother isn't just because I believe and he doesn't when he's the one that's actually doing things and I struggle with sin and wasting my time. How should I feel about all this? Guilty? Forgiven? Ashamed?
     
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  2. Gracia Singh

    Gracia Singh Newbie Supporter

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    Guilty, convicted, yet hopeful, and proactive.
     
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  3. Tree of Life

    Tree of Life Survives on Coffee and Whiskey

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    You should feel motivated to change. Since you are a Christian, as you say you are, you have the Spirit of the living God dwelling within you. Also, you've been transferred from God's wrath and are destined to reign with him in heaven. You are no longer enslaved to sin but now have the ability to assume your identity as a victorious son of God.

    In other words, you have no good reason to stay where you're at. Change takes time and is a step-by-step process. What's preventing you from taking some steps to change?
     
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  4. Southernscotty

    Southernscotty Well-Known Member Supporter Angels Team

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    Load up your stuff in a backpack. Take a bible and go deep in the woods and camp out there while reflecting on God and your situation at hand.
    Do a little fishing and a lot of praying.
    [It works for me]
     
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  5. turkle

    turkle Blessed

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    The question is not how you should feel. The question is what you should do.

    If you are choosing to remain in sin, then guilt is appropriate. God allows us to feel guilt when we are in willful disobedience, which it sounds like you are. If you don't want to feel guilty or ashamed, then repent. Repentance is simply turning from sinful ways and re-aligning yourself with God. But you have to make that choice.

    The other question is why you are sitting around with too much time. Job searches take a lot of time. Are you doing this? Who is supporting you during this lazy period. Your parents? Will they continue to do this indefinitely?

    If you want to alleviate guilt, you need to take action. If you're scared to drive, then practice and get better at it. Then make finding a job a full time job. When someone close to me lost his job, he spent 10 hours a day searching for a new one. That is dedication to doing the right thing.

    If your witness as a Christian is important to you, then you need to behave in a manner that reflects it. By your own admission, you are not. The great news is that God always gives us a chance to change our flesh driven ways, but He won't do it for us. We have to make the choice to transform into His likeness and do what He's called us to do.
     
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  6. thecolorsblend

    thecolorsblend If God is your Father, who is your Mother?

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    Shame is a natural part of dishonorable living.

    The fact that you're aware of your shortcomings is a healthy sign.

    As it happens, the remedy for your situation is rather prosaic; to wit, get a job.

    As to the other thing, your service attendance is important. But your comfort matters too. If you're uncomfortable in crowded, noisy environments (and I'm somebody who suffers easily from sensory overload so I sympathize with you, believe me), perhaps you should seek out a more comforting environment when you have the opportunity.
     
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  7. Monk Brendan

    Monk Brendan Well-Known Member Supporter

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    You can't "let God down" or disappoint Him because you can't surprise Him.
     
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  8. grandvizier1006

    grandvizier1006 Still a human by God's grace Supporter

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    A number of things, but the biggest one is anxiety. I'm scared of making a mistake. If I try driving again, I could die in a car wreck or render myself paralyzed, thus limiting my options. If I try and get a job, it could turn out to be horrible and I could get stuck in it. Also, I don't really know how to live on my own. I understand there are bills to pay and maintain, but I'm not familiar with all of them. I just know there are a ton and so finding a job that would pay them could be difficult. Should I have learned? Should my parents have taught me? I don't know, I guess I was just supposed to figure it out at some point. But I didn't. Anxiety scares me into doing nothing because doing nothing is the safest option.
     
  9. grandvizier1006

    grandvizier1006 Still a human by God's grace Supporter

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    I wish I could do that. Problem is I don't know how to survive in the wilderness.
     
  10. Tree of Life

    Tree of Life Survives on Coffee and Whiskey

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    What if doing nothing isn't the safest option? What if doing nothing is the biggest mistake you could make? Why aren't you anxious about that?
     
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  11. dzheremi

    dzheremi Coptic Orthodox non-Egyptian

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    Pray the hours. Wake up early to pray the prime hour with the rising of the sun. This will orient your day correctly with prayer and supplication to God.

    If you are not used to praying the hours (I get the feeling most western Catholics wouldn't be), look up some examples online and follow those. Here is a link to a YouTube video playlist with the entire first hour of the Coptic Agpeya (the hours as they are prayed in the Coptic Orthodox Church), which obviously wouldn't be exactly the same as you would pray them in the Roman Catholic tradition, but can give you some idea of how it is to pray them.

    You could start with the prime (1st) and compline (retiring) hours, beginning and ending your day with prayers and supplications. This is what a lot of people do when their day is filled with other things (e.g., work, school), as hopefully yours will be soon once you are employed/in grad school/actually doing something with your life.

    For your other problem, remember that the intercessions of the Theotokos St. Mary, the ever-virgin mother of God, and other saints specifically noted for their virginity and purity are powerful (I don't know the RC tradition about this well enough to recommend any specific to it, but we could say of the eastern Christians saints examples like St. Mary of Egypt, or St. Demiana who is famously pictured in icons with her disciples -- 40 virgin acolytes). I have even seen priests recommend that you put up icons or other pictures of these saints around your computer, to remind you of the many supporters and role models you have in the struggle against the flesh. I don't know whether or not that works (I'm not allowed to hang things on the wall here, as per my lease agreement), but I do have a 15th century Ethiopian icon of the Theotokos and the Child Christ (known as "the One who listens") set as my desktop background as my own reminder of what I should be focusing on.

    And to paraphrase one of the desert fathers, if we could see the depths of our own sins, there would not be enough monks in all of the deserts of the world to mourn over them. So feeling like a hypocrite is understandable in this view (not good, but understandable), as true humility is to admit that we have done nothing good before God (I believe it was Abba Isaiah who said that, but don't quote me on it). That's the beginning -- your/our reaction after realizing this is the first step towards turning everything around. Lord have mercy.
     
  12. Southernscotty

    Southernscotty Well-Known Member Supporter Angels Team

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    Learn!!!
    That will increase your confidence in many ways friend.
    There is no greater teacher than experience and you need only to step out and do it to succeed!
    A tent and some Ramen noodles along with a few basic elements will set you up just fine and make you appreciate things as it brings into perspective the things that we tend to take for granted.

    Some of my greatest lessons about life have been learned in the woods and when you turn everything else in the world off, Then you can truly hear God speaking to you in a magnificent way.
     
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  13. grandvizier1006

    grandvizier1006 Still a human by God's grace Supporter

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    The idea of doing nothing my whole life scares me, too. I just don't know what God would condemn me for doing: not getting a job and feeling miserable, or trying and failing horrendously?
     
  14. Brotherly Spirit

    Brotherly Spirit Well-Known Member Supporter

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    When you have free time it helps to think of as a period to do whats needed, but hadn't the time. Simple needs are start too, cleaning your room or washing dishes. Anything needing to be done personally or around the house. Even checking online here to see whats happening, the prayer wall for example brings you near to God and refocuses your attention on the prayers of others. None of us are perfect about it, but the main way we as Christians are helped is coming to the Lord in need. This also includes the needs of everyone.

    Yet it's important to go by step and not rush with high expectations. Continue to consider yourself and life, where you're at and need to go. But not comparing yourself to your brother or Christian, look to Jesus as your example. He came to the Father in prayer and fast, read and remembered His word, thankful and charitable. As for sinners he didn't judge but had mercy, what Jesus knew and taught was all are sinners in need. So he called sinners to him and guided them to not only to seek God but help people to do the same.

    Repentant I think covers it all, the fact you're considering everything with God in mind means you're on the right path. Whatever you feel as time goes, keep Him in mind, slowly and carefully walk with the Lord. Okay you feel this or that, but how would Jesus handle it and go from there.
     
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  15. Dave G.

    Dave G. Well-Known Member

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    Silly really if you think about it.

    Get off your butt and start changing some things up. Knock off one item at a time. You might consider starting with the porn since that's straight out of hell to begin with. It sounds like the car is key so you might want to tackle that tomorrow, with porn gone tonight ( by the way you ended porn by not turning it on, done deal). Wed is job search.

    You gotta love God in the book of Job in the 40th chapter " stand up and be a man and I will ask you questions and you will answer me". God doesn't diddle around, He is very direct.
     
  16. grandvizier1006

    grandvizier1006 Still a human by God's grace Supporter

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    While I suppose this could help, I'm unfamiliar with routine prayers. I was raised Presbyterian and I'm from Mississippi, known for the least amount of Catholics anywhere in the US. I'm not Catholic (I hope you don't think I'm a heretic for that; I'd like to think I'm trying to be a Christian). As such, I've never prayed to a saint before. It's just not in my upbringing and it resembles paganism too much to me (I know that it is not, but when you haven't grown up with such things you can understand how it would be difficult to change denominations and practices so drastically.) That being said, I do have a cross necklace. I got that for Christmas because I asked for it. I wanted a physical object reminding me of my faith--nothing fancy or elaborate. That being said, I'm willing to give the hours a shot if they work.
     
  17. Silverback

    Silverback Active Member

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    It's time to go into the military, you should consider it, and most people will respect you afterward. That has been my personal experience, anyway. It will help order your thoughts.
     
  18. redleghunter

    redleghunter Abide Boldy my friend Supporter

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    Why not volunteer your free time to your church until you find a job? I'm sure they would love the help and I'm sure they have a "Recovery" program where you can address your habits.
     
  19. DeborahG.

    DeborahG. New Member

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    It’s been my experience that what you are feeling is conviction from God. However, not knowing you, it could also be condemnation from Satan. God will never ever make you feel like a failure or unworthy of His love. He loves you regardless. You will never be able to make Him not love you. Now with that said, is He pleased with you? By your own testimony I would say probably not. You have a spirit of laziness upon you, you have a spirit of sexual perverson on you & you likely have a few other things too. This does not mean you are possessed. You, as a child of God have the power within you to over come all things. Unfortunately you are handing your power and authority over to the darkness & evil. My suggestion is to talk to God right now right where you are. Confess to Him, repent and ask Him for His divine help. You’re under a His mercy now because you’re still alive, get under His blessing so you can live.
    Praying for you!
     
  20. grandvizier1006

    grandvizier1006 Still a human by God's grace Supporter

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    I'm not physically fit and I fear I would be killed.
     
  21. grandvizier1006

    grandvizier1006 Still a human by God's grace Supporter

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    This church is more of my parents' church. They go some Sundays, if they get up early enough, and just stay for the service, then leave. It's very crowded and we know no one there. Why my parents aren't willing to interact with anyone is unknown to me, but I personally feel uncomfortable sharing my struggles with people that are essentially strangers. A smaller church with less emphasis on "looking polite and well-dressed" would be easier for that, but I have to go out and find one. I've thought about asking my friends if I could arrange something where they take me to whatever church they go to each Sunday, but I don't want to be a burden to them (I'd probably have to pay for their gas; we're all college students or graduates so most of us are poor-ish).
     
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