I failed. i have a problem. can you advice me?

[Kostilaks]

As you know, I suffer from Ocd. Today, I was calm and happy. I work as an actor and somehow as a assistant director to a play. I am supposed to invite actresses for my director in auditions. Ovd was giving me trouble and worries and suggesting not to invite certain people in this audition. why? because ocd. Yesterday, I read a good Cv and really wanted to invite but my ocd was telling me not to do for ocd reasons. I know they were just stuff without my will but I was so excited that thoughts without my will happened in my head from ocd like ocd: make a promise to the Generic God without your will invite her and also you should ask for a curse in case if you dont. it is an olc ocd trick that tries to temporarily let me do what I want and later try to trap me. I did not paid much attention, I just said to the Generic God that they are just thoughts without my will. but somehow random thoughts kept happening to my head without my will like " now you should invite her because you may have made a promise" and i just do what i want to do. i worry now because i was carefree and happy and felt relieved when Ocd suggested about promises to the Generic God without my will in order to be forced to DO WHAT I WANT. ocd is like now ocd: why you felt relieved and happy? maybe the Generic God got bored of your ocd tricks and suggestions and the fact that instead of ignoring them you feel relieved. mostly are just thoughts without my will to myself and not to the Generic God. but i cant 100% ignore them everything happens fast. it goes like this. i want to do something that ocd does not allow me. randomly, thoughts without my will happen in my head really fast like ocd: you should promise to the Generic God to do what you want and ignore ocd compulsion cause that will make you free. I fast pray to the Generic God and tell Him fast that are just without my wills but I get some thoughts without my will to myself like " maybe I should really ignore ocd and do what I want because a promise without my will maybe have happened to the Generic God. besides, i am being forced with these thoughts without my will to do what I wanted to do in the first places. so i am happy" boom! ocd: today it happened twice in a row are you sure they were thoughts without your will? maybe they were yours and try to blame it on ocd . why you are so happy and carefree?

 

[Petros2015]

make a promise to the Generic God without your will invite her and also you should ask for a curse in case if you dont.

Don't ask for curses for yourself Kostilaks. "May I be a blessing to others today. May I be a blessing to my friends and co-workers and anyone I meet. God, please grant me your Spirit today to bless others as your Son blessed others". These are good prayers, to a good God, whether you call him Generic or not. He knows His name, and He blesses those who call on Him to bless.

"Bless. Bless and do not curse"

This is said many times and many ways in the New Testament. Mostly it is there so that we do not curse our enemies. But it applies to you yourself and for yourself. I know this, I called curses down on myself many times and I made 'bargain curses' like you described to try and prevent behavior when I was very young. It never worked, and then I felt cursed. But this is not God nor from God.

33Again, you have heard that it was said to the ancients, ‘Do not break your oath, but fulfill your vows to the Lord.’ 34But I tell you not to swear at all: either by heaven, for it is God’s throne; 35or by the earth, for it is His footstool; or by Jerusalem, for it is the city of the great King. 36Nor should you swear by your head, for you cannot make a single hair white or black. 37Simply let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ Anything more comes from the evil one.

You call him 'the Generic God'. Sometimes, our vision is a little cloudy at first, like a man with bad vision can't see something well that is far away. I think as you draw nearer, you will see clearer and know God better and know Him by Name. But for now, I want you to know God as 'the God of Blessings', for that is who He is. He is definitely NOT the 'the God of Curses'. That's not a Generic God, that's the wrong God.

So please try the prayer I gave you today, and say it out loud. And refer to God not as the Generic God but as 'the God of Blessings'. This is still a little 'generic' but it is also a little closer to Who He Is. This is my advice to you - please try it and I hope it helps.

Oh, and by the way...

God Bless You

 

[Petros2015]

BTW - I'm happy to hear you are an actor and involved in theater, I've seen you write here before, but it's nice to know a little more about you. I have always enjoyed plays very much myself, though I have not been involved in producing or participating them in a long time. Here's a clip from a play called 'Harvey'. It is one of my favorites plays that was later made into a movie, hope you enjoy it.

 

[Petros2015]

When I was stuck in a mental institution in 1999, I had a friend of mine bring this movie in for movie night

 

[Mari17]

OCD hates for us to be happy! It tries to keep us worried as much as it can. It's SO important for you to start learning how to say no to your OCD and/or to get professional help if at all possible. None of this overthinking is necessary, but it's hard to see that when you're in the OCD cycle.

 

[Petros2015]

37Simply let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ Anything more comes from the evil one.

When I look at this verse, it also often helps to encourage me to 'do what I said I was going to do'
If I have made a commitment to be at a certain place to help with something, then I will do it.
For you, it might be something like 'I have told my director I will look for and conduct good interviews for actors and actresses, so I will do it, regardless of any OCD voices or suggestions'

It's very important to temper this with a good spirit though. If, in a moment of anger, I say "if so and so does something to me again, I'm going to hurt them" the correct thing to do is not to regard this as a promise to be kept, but as a sin to be repented of (anger, unforgiveness and the desire to harm) and not followed through on.

In general though, this verse helps me to be "a man of my word" as best I can. And not to make oaths, and also to realize that sometimes there are circumstances beyond my control. If I say, "I will be such and such a place at 8AM to give you a ride", and my car breaks down at 7:45AM, there's not much I can do. An oath that I would have been there is just vanity - I don't know what will happen during the day! Although, I could call a friend when the car breaks down and still make an effort to meet my commitment.

For me, "doing what I say I am going to do" has helped me many times. Because many times, I say I'm going to do something, but when the moment comes, I don't feel like doing it. I am too tired, or lazy, or something else more appealing is suddenly happening at the moment that I don't want to miss. But the verse helps me to do it anyway, and I am a better, more reliable person for doing what I say I'm going to do. This helps keeps me from being selfish and in some ways has saved my life.