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I dont trust God anymore :/

Discussion in 'Depression Disorders' started by Far Side Of the Moon, Oct 9, 2016.

  1. Far Side Of the Moon

    Far Side Of the Moon " The moon is high& the stars are aligned" :)

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    That is my issue... Like, I.. Sometimes I wonder why I keep coming back here because I don't feel like a Christian.... I dont read or pray... But despite what has happened-- I still believe in God ( somehow... I cant get rid of it)

    I just want back what I lost, just to simply believe God liked me..and that he was happy with me. I see people on YouTube with awesome testimonies how they're so close knit with God, how God did this and that for them... And I ..i never had that. Idk why but even before the damage ( will get into soon) happen ... I had some experiences with God...mostly dreams..but it was never anything thatd make you go.." That was 100% God" idk alot of Christians make it seem like youre supposed to get an answer to every prayer, or hear clearly from God and be les by his spirit always.. ( also I still never experienced his leading..) so it just made me feel like I was defective or God just didnt like me.
    --------------------------

    That's one of the reason's its hard for me to trust God..bc its like he says he wants to be close, talk to you, give you his promises...BUT...it seems everyone else is able to do it but me .... So in that sense I felt like a carrot was being dangled in front of my face.

    Now on to the damage..
    I'm gonna make this short and bullet point it

    ▶ Pastor treated me differently , called my mom told her I was a liar and not to believe anything I said. Would rebuke me in front of others, asked if the spirit of Judas was in me, prophesied id be in a shelter..and told me God has mercy on whom he has mercy... And I didnt do anything to warrant that..infact before service...my brothers and I would clean her home ...and i bathed her once when she was ill ...and helped her take her medicine... So I didnt do anything mean or malicious to warrent all that.

    ▶ Current situation- As I've stated in other threads, I got kicked out of school.. And (gonna back track) when I was in church and what not... I feel like even when I was " blessed" itd be with Jobs I couldn't do... When id hear from someone else the job they'd have is a breeze to get through... And just the whole being in a crampt hotel with my family for 3 years...having set back after set back..

    So my faith in God was forcefully eroded.. I cant trust anymore, I have no faith...accept to believe that God is...it is simply impossible for me to believe God doesn't hate me or doesn't want to do anything bad to me...like punish me or something because of the feed back from reality in getting coupled with the spiritual silence... I cant trust because I'm afraid something bad will happen..

    During the whole stressful event of my faith being eroded... I even dreamt of my own death and it felt so real like itd actually happen ( I'm not suicidal and I dont want to die)... So its hard...
    -----------

    I honestly dont care what anyone says, you cant just read a few scriptures and everything will be fine..no.. I feel the reason we all believe in God is because we all had an experience / encounter with Him that made the book come alive. Same with all the other youtubers I see, the have faith BC God came through for them... Had he not... They wouldn't be sharing any kind of testimony...

    --------

    I want to trust God again...but I feel I cant... I dont want to try but I just want my faith back and dont want to assume the worse... I just feel like I'm fading away and its kind of scary..but I'm becoming apathetic, I even resigned myself to just the fact... Idk maybe I'm a pot of destruction to show Gods wrath... I dont know... God just kinda left me to my own devices.

    Dont know what to do.
     
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  2. Inkfingers

    Inkfingers Somebody's heretic Supporter

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    Read and pray, perhaps? ;)

    Start with Psalms and Proverbs, there's some real beauty and wisdom in there.

    The things that keep us from God are pride and vanity. They are like black clouds in the sky, blocking the sun from getting through. Its the same for all of us.

    We have to be brought low, smashing our pride and vanity, before we can be raised up to him. In this pride and vanity are also like weights tied upon us - like Jacob Marley's chains in A Christmas Carol.

    The more stiffnecked we are (and believe me, I could write the book on stuff-necked) the harder the experience of that pride and vanity being smashed.

    Oh, and don't fall for nonsense of Youtube - truth on there is like the proverbial rocking horse poo :D
     
  3. Far Side Of the Moon

    Far Side Of the Moon " The moon is high& the stars are aligned" :)

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    1) I tried reading and praying...it felt forced and I felt nothing .

    2) If everyone were all supposed to be brought low, why wasn't every Christian treated terribly by a pastor ? Or spiritual leader?( that will bring you low real quick andmess up your faith in the process)

    3) The youtubers I watch are very sincere...if that's the case I shouldn't be here either... They're also Christians
     
  4. Inkfingers

    Inkfingers Somebody's heretic Supporter

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    When you were a baby, learning to walk hardly would have felt natural. :)

    If you really want it, you will do it.

    Different people get different lessons. You are not the only one to have suffered greatly in this world; its an important lesson in perspective for us all when we each remember that.

    Are they as sincere as you think? The camera frequently lies, don't base your expectations upon it.

    Look to God, repent, read, pray, and know that whatever happens is "thy will, not my will, be done."

    God Bless.
     
    Last edited: Oct 9, 2016
  5. W2L

    W2L Well-Known Member

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    Don't worry so much. You need not force yourself. Relax, try to embrace Gods grace. Say a small prayer, even just a few words, but don't force yourself. If you must force something, force perseverance. Don't give up, see yourself as a soldier who fights a battle of perseverance. That's your only task, never give up.
     
  6. W2L

    W2L Well-Known Member

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    Jesus told Peter he needed to forgive his brother 70 times 7 times. Gods grace must be very abundant. Lets be thankful for that.
     
  7. rob_aston

    rob_aston Active Member

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    i hear what you are feeling, God (there are 4 lines in this post-two are in bold font, another in grey and blue font and another in grey font...the blue word is a link to my blog, where by the rules of this forum, i place prophetic words)
     
  8. anna ~ grace

    anna ~ grace Newbie Supporter

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    Sounds like your pastor is a bit nuts. Are you old enough to seek out fellowship in another church?
     
  9. Far Side Of the Moon

    Far Side Of the Moon " The moon is high& the stars are aligned" :)

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    I left a long time ago.
     
  10. Far Side Of the Moon

    Far Side Of the Moon " The moon is high& the stars are aligned" :)

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    Huh? Could u explain this a bit more.
     
  11. Far Side Of the Moon

    Far Side Of the Moon " The moon is high& the stars are aligned" :)

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    Yiure right.. I just need to start small.
     
  12. rob_aston

    rob_aston Active Member

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    ye, click link
     
  13. anna ~ grace

    anna ~ grace Newbie Supporter

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    That's good. Sometimes the suffering we go through down here doesn't make a whole lot of sense. Sometimes people who should know better treat us badly. People are imperfect and sinful. That doesn't mean "get over it", but it does mean keep your focus on Christ, pour out your broken heart to God, and let Him lead you. He does love you. Discipleship and growing often hurts. Leave it to God to correct / punish folks, and focus on the present. It's easier said than done, but it's doable.
     
    Last edited: Oct 9, 2016
  14. Daryl Gleason

    Daryl Gleason A man of God Supporter

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    Sister, I've gone back and read your last few posts in other threads and have been praying about what to say. I would like to offer the following, if I may:

    I want you to know that I care about you. You don't have to believe it if you don't want to; it's still the truth. :) In fact, I joined these forums to care about as many people as I possibly can, one by one if necessary, because this is what is in my heart from the holy spirit to do. I can tell you why another time if you want to know, but there's something far more important I have to say:

    The amount that I care, which is a lot, does not compare even remotely to how much Jesus cares about you. As much as you want and need someone to care about you, he cares about you even more than that. In fact, as I hope you already know, he cares so much that he suffered and died for you so that you can be with him for all eternity. He loves you that much.

    Not only this, but you don't have to wait until you die to be with him -- he is with you right now, even though you may not have seen or felt it. He is waiting for you...

    Have you thought deeply about Jesus and what he has done on the cross for you, and how much he must love you to have gone through that for you? You do realize that you're not an exception and that he didn't do it for everyone except you, right? :)

    In Christ,
    Daryl
     
  15. rob_aston

    rob_aston Active Member

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    for you to have this wisdom speaks, and God (there are 4 lines in my post-two are in bold font, another in grey and blue font and another in grey font...the blue word is a link to my blog, where by the rules of this forum, i place prophetic words)
     
  16. joseph_

    joseph_ New Member

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    One thing I do which helps me to trust God is lay on my bed and cover myself with a blanket and imagine God just holding me. Often, the Holy Spirit will speak to me while I do this. It helps me lot.
     
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  17. Far Side Of the Moon

    Far Side Of the Moon " The moon is high& the stars are aligned" :)

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    Okay...ill try this some time.
     
  18. Far Side Of the Moon

    Far Side Of the Moon " The moon is high& the stars are aligned" :)

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    Yeah people aren't perfect...including me...not trying to make myself out to be a saint BC I'm certainly not, I just keep talking about this BC I'm trying to get past it.
     
  19. anna ~ grace

    anna ~ grace Newbie Supporter

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    Give yourself space. And time. Aim to focus your heart on present blessings, not past hurts. At times facing the past is the best solution. Other times choosing not to remember is better. Depends on your situation.
     
  20. Jeshu

    Jeshu Bought by His Blood Supporter

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    Dear sister I hope you learn to understand that faith is a gift of God - and He has given you faith as well for you do believe He exists - but your unbelief, doubt, anger and misery are far more vocal in your heart and mind than faith in His loving truth has been, and this is where your down fall lays, time and again. For isn't it true you heed doubt and unbelief and anger much more often than you heed faith? Yet The Word tells us that when we doubt our Father in Heaven gives us nothing, for He knows we will loose His good again letting the enemy kill faith and the good life He gave us through that.

    Honest sis, I don't mean to accuse you of wrong but I know God wants you to fight for faith in Him, and struggle after His love by being loving and just, and seek and heed only Him no matter what. Not because you want Him for yourself exclusively but because you hate wrong and the bad life such has been bringing you, and you long and love true and right to be your guide and light in life. (It has been very much been like that for me a battle of many years to stop heeding the wicked and heed only Christ's loving truth let me assure you!!!) And pray Jesus to teach you to only heed God's loving truth and nothing else! And let all these other thoughts and feelings in opposition to His loving truth die out in you - and stop heeding them or if you fall repent from heeding them.

    Each time you heed unbelief you harm God.
    Each time you heed doubt you block God.
    Each time you heed loveless untrue thoughts and feelings you kill God in you.
    Each time you excuse God (or His children,) you let satan kill a little bit more of your good life in your heart.
    Each time you feel despair or hopelessness know that you are going into the wrong direction and best turn around as quickly as possible by getting on your knees and repenting in dust and ashes for letting the cold touch of spiritual death torment you like that. (See 1 Corinthians 13:13 to see the truth of God in stark opposition to hopelessness.)

    This is what fighting for faith in Jesus is about Sister. Refusing to stay in doubt or unbelief but letting His loving truth guide you and staying in communion with Him. There is no other way to get to know His but through faith in His loving truth. So please, please build on that dear sister and nothing else.

    Praying very hard that you see the truth of God's love clearly in your life and learn to refuse to heed that horrible liar in your heart and mind trying to keep you away from His love. (even now I'm sure.)

    Peace.

    Psalms 6

    Lord, do not rebuke me in your anger
    or discipline me in your wrath.
    Have mercy on me, Lord, for I am faint;
    heal me, Lord, for my bones are in agony.
    My soul is in deep anguish.
    How long, Lord, how long?



    Turn, Lord, and deliver me;
    save me because of your unfailing love.
    Among the dead no one proclaims your name.
    Who praises you from the grave?



    I am worn out from my groaning.

    All night long I flood my bed with weeping
    and drench my couch with tears.
    My eyes grow weak with sorrow;
    they fail because of all my foes.



    Away from me, all you who do evil,
    for the Lord has heard my weeping.
    The Lord has heard my cry for mercy;
    the Lord accepts my prayer.
    All my enemies will be overwhelmed with shame and anguish;
    they will turn back and suddenly be put to shame.
     
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