Is It Wrong When Husband Calls Another Woman Darling or Baby?

[Fossa]

We are newly married.
Now My hubby is the kind of guy who calls every woman 'darling', 'honey' or 'baby'. He has just been 'that way' and supposedly doesn't mean anything by it. He says it is a cultural thing because he has lived in the south for a while though he was born in oregon. Sometimes i think that's a cop out for men who just want to do what they want and get the attention of ladies. And we don't' live in the south and i think already a few women have misinterpreted his intentions. One i know for sure was thinking he flirted with her.
I don't' like it and i wish he'd just stop though he thinks he isn't doing anything wrong. i've have approached this subject with him several times and he is always defensive about it.

 

[bethrow]

He needs to stop if it feels disrespectful to you.
He may think it's harmless, but if it bothers you then he shouldn't do it.
How would he like it if you came across as flirting with other guys?
My dad used to tell dirty jokes to people in the grocery store. He thought he was just being funny when in reality people started to think he was a pervert.
The girl that he always told jokes to saw him coming one day and she tried to avoid him. My mom and I noticed it and we both told him to stop. She doesn't like it.
I don't think he did it again.
Some guys just don't have a clue when they are stepping over boundaries.

 

[Inkachu]

He needs to realize that he's not in the south, and what's acceptable and innocent down there, isn't in other places. Being called "honey" or "baby" by a man where I live (northeast USA) is definitely not an everyday thing, and could easily be misinterpreted if he were being friendly in other ways as well.

The fact that he's more concerned with his own habits instead of his wifes' feelings is pretty disappointing. If that's just how he is, I'm not sure what more you can do, since you've already brought it up and he's refused to change his behavior. Is he generally cold towards your feelings and wishes in general? Has he given any specific reason as to why it would be so unreasonable or impossible to change this particular habit?

 

[LinkH]

I'm from the South and that still sounds a bit flirty to me. Usually, women do that sort of thing and can 'get away with it' more without sounding too flirty. If it's a woman to a child or an older woman to a young man, that seems less likely to be flirty, too. It's the kind of thing I expect to hear from a waitress in a diner in the South.

If he's really used to doing it, though, it may be a tough habit for him to break. He may think it's no big deal. Maybe if he heard someone else's opinion on it, that might help. If you ever had a counseling session with a pastor, you could bring it up. If he chooses to stop, you may have to cut him some slack if it's engrained as a habit.

 

[DZoolander]

I agree with Link above.

I was raised in CA - and we have none of those types of colloquialisms out there (at least not when it comes to gender/terms of endearment to strangers/etc). I've also lived in the South a while - and most of the time I heard that it was in places like restaurants and diners, from relatively older women. I didn't come across much of it in everyday life otherwise.

As for men saying it - ehhh - I haven't HEARD much of it - but I'd have to go ask my wife. lol I don't get the impression it's a really common thing.

 

[Hetta]

Well I don't call anyone endearments other than husband and children and occasionally family and close friends. I would find it odd to walk around calling men "babe", and at my place of work, I would probably get sued for sexual harassment if I addressed men in such terms, and quite rightly too.

 

[Inkachu]

I don't call anyone pet names except my husband or my son. I may call a female friend "hon" or "sweetie", but never a stranger or a casual acquaintance.

 

[bethrow]

I think it's strange that he's calling strangers baby or honey...especially baby. That is for husbands to call their wives only.

 

[DZoolander]

For me it's ma'am, miss, sir, mister, etc.

 

[DZoolander]

or the generic "Hey...."

 

[bethrow]

For me it's ma'am, miss, sir, mister, etc.

Those are polite sayings in public. Honey and baby are too personal. I would think if a guy called me honey or baby in public I would think he was flirting.

 

[Hetta]

or the generic "Hey...."

"Oi" also works.

 

[Odetta]

I'm in the South, and the only acceptable use of the endearment "baby" is between romantic partners or (sometimes) a parent to a child. However, I have seen where a significantly older person can get away with calling a younger person of the opposite sex "hon" or "honey" or even "darlin'" when they are trying to impart advice. (But it still gets dicey, particularly in professional settings.)

It's the generation gap that can sterilize the use of those endearments. If one of my girlfriends' husband tried to use one on me it would make me very uncomfortable. If her father did, I probably wouldn't even notice.

 

[NothingIsImpossible]

Creepy to me really. Honey/baby has always meant to me something you say to a person your with romantically. As Odetta said above though, if someone is older I am more ok with them saying "Honey" for example.

He should really just refer to others by their names like "Hi Jenny!" or "Its ok Jenny". Or maybe not even a name. Or if your into it "mam". I know as a christian when I talk to other women I call them "sis". Because they are sisters in the Lord. That and its a cultural thing in my wifes country.

 

[Fossa]

He needs to realize that he's not in the south, and what's acceptable and innocent down there, isn't in other places. Being called "honey" or "baby" by a man where I live (northeast USA) is definitely not an everyday thing, and could easily be misinterpreted if he were being friendly in other ways as well.

The fact that he's more concerned with his own habits instead of his wifes' feelings is pretty disappointing. If that's just how he is, I'm not sure what more you can do, since you've already brought it up and he's refused to change his behavior. Is he generally cold towards your feelings and wishes in general? Has he given any specific reason as to why it would be so unreasonable or impossible to change this particular habit?

Yes he is like this with other things concerning my feelings and it hurts. But if i bring stuff like this up it's like talking to a brick wall and he gets really defensive and won't want to talk about it and puts it back on me. I'm really stuck and don't' know what to do .. except go to God with this and i've prayed about this a lot.
No, he doesn't give a reason other than he thinks there's nothing wrong he's doing and that people in the south do that. And he gets mad that i keep bringing it up

 

[Fossa]

I'm from the South and that still sounds a bit flirty to me. Usually, women do that sort of thing and can 'get away with it' more without sounding too flirty. If it's a woman to a child or an older woman to a young man, that seems less likely to be flirty, too. It's the kind of thing I expect to hear from a waitress in a diner in the South.

If he's really used to doing it, though, it may be a tough habit for him to break. He may think it's no big deal. Maybe if he heard someone else's opinion on it, that might help. If you ever had a counseling session with a pastor, you could bring it up. If he chooses to stop, you may have to cut him some slack if it's engrained as a habit.

Yeah, I mean he's done it way before he met me and it seems like an ingrained thing he does. We had premarital counseling and even though i didn't bring this up the pastor could sense and tried to tell my husband in so many words that even if husband doesn't feel a certain way, I might, and he should consider that

 

[Fossa]

I agree with Link above.

I was raised in CA - and we have none of those types of colloquialisms out there (at least not when it comes to gender/terms of endearment to strangers/etc). I've also lived in the South a while - and most of the time I heard that it was in places like restaurants and diners, from relatively older women. I didn't come across much of it in everyday life otherwise.

As for men saying it - ehhh - I haven't HEARD much of it - but I'd have to go ask my wife. lol I don't get the impression it's a really common thing.

I have heard plenty of women of all ages actually call me hon or dear like at a store or esp at a gas station, and once in a while a guy, but yeah, not that often.

The thing is too he was a professional musician and did violin….fiddle, classical, rock and roll and jazz. so he was a real performer. he made his own album out of nashville TN, and wrote many of the songs on it.

 

[Fossa]

He needs to stop if it feels disrespectful to you.
He may think it's harmless, but if it bothers you then he shouldn't do it.
How would he like it if you came across as flirting with other guys?
My dad used to tell dirty jokes to people in the grocery store. He thought he was just being funny when in reality people started to think he was a pervert.
The girl that he always told jokes to saw him coming one day and she tried to avoid him. My mom and I noticed it and we both told him to stop. She doesn't like it.
I don't think he did it again.
Some guys just don't have a clue when they are stepping over boundaries.

Thats good that your dad got the hint! My husband did see how he comes across could be easily misinterpreted or be offensive to someone. one woman thought he was flirting with her and another said "hey I'm not your honey!" you would think especially now that we live far from the south that he would see how his 'habit' just gets him into trouble and isn't wise or kind/respectful to me to do that!

i'm of the notion and grew up thinking that 'honey' and 'baby' and other terms of endearment are meant only for the significant other!

 

[Autumnleaf]

You need to get over it. You're not his mother and this is something silly to get offended about. He doesn't tell you how to talk, let him talk how he wants to.

Women call me honey all the time. I know enough to keep my distance.

 

[Fossa]

You need to get over it. You're not his mother and this is something silly to get offended about. He doesn't tell you how to talk, let him talk how he wants to.

Women call me honey all the time. I know enough to keep my distance.

I don't think you really understand…I'm not his mom and i don't' pretend to be. i just don't want there to be flirting going on..btw, a lot of the time he does tell me how to talk and do stuff…and i don't tell him how to talk it's just this one thing. And no... as christians you can't just do and talk how you want!! Esp if it's a stumbling block to someone else. Now a christian who is being flirty is really sending the wrong message!