- Jul 9, 2019
- 59
- 46
- 31
- Country
- United States
- Faith
- Eastern Orthodox
- Marital Status
- Single
Growing up I didn't experience the same things most people did. I grew up in an evangelical household and everything kids my age enjoyed was "of the devil" for the most part. No harry potter, no pokemon, ect. I don't really have a grudge against my parents for this they were doing the best they could. However as I got older I never really learned the social skills needed to connect to other people. By the time I entered highschool I was pretty much friendless and kept my head inside books instead of trying to connect to others. I was full of anger, resentment, and all sorts of other things. In highschool I didn't have the normal "Coming of age" experiences that most people do. I didn't pursued any crushes, I didn't go to any dances, I wasn't involved in any sports or extra-circulars, I didn't have a first kiss (till my 20s),and I never just spent time with people my on age.
In early college I started to realize that the problem probably wasn't everyone else but was me. I put myself out there, failed horribly, but improved and became somewhat social. I learned how to function in social settings, be personable and sociable, and basically just how to function. That said, I had horrible health problems. I lost a LOT of weight and almost starved to death at one point (no exaggeration). During all this I was figuring out my faith. I never had the normal college experiences of "going wild", I never went to a party, I still basically made no friends, but I tried. I was hyper judgmental, I thought that drinking, partying, and honestly most forms of fun that people had were sinful or just boring.
Then my health issues got worse, I dropped out of school and spent 3 years where I couldn't leave my home. I was in deep isolation, in a lot of pain, and at the same time I was seeking God because I needed him. I had accepted that I was probably going to be dead by 30 years old, and all the things that come along with that realization. I found orthodoxy, and eventually converted. In doing so I had great change in my life, my health issues seemed to resolve, and I was able to go back out into the world and live a normal life.
Now, I'm a fun sociable guy most of the time,I have friend I regularly hangout with (both male and female), I had one relationship with a woman (though it started when I was still homebound and before orthodoxy). Therapy has been great, my priest is also great, my church is great, I have an ever growing love for God and when I'm more able will move closer to my parish so I can attend more services. I don't attend services because I feel obligated but because I desire God and know that I can find him there.
Where am I going with this? I'm getting there. I know there is nothing wrong with having a drink (I regularly do), I know there is nothing wrong with dancing (depending on the type lol), I know there is nothing wrong with bar hopping or nightlife (Within reason). But these are experiences which Ive never had. Which brings me to my frustration.
I recently met a woman online and have been getting to know her. She is orthodox and seems to be very serious about it. Honestly she is probably doing better at living the orthodox life than I am. She volunteers and seems to really care about people where as I basically don't serve anyone but myself (I'm trying to change that). As time has gone one (a few months now) Ive grown to have an interest in her. To be honest much more interest than I ever expected I would have. We relate on many things that its actually scary. I have to keep myself from saying "yes that's also something I believe/love/enjoy" so I don't come across as one of those guys who changes who he is because he is interested in someone. That's not happening but it would certainly seem that way from the outside at times because we really do share a lot of views.
However, I can completely not relate to her life experiences. Like recently she was talking about a place she enjoyed visiting and I ask what she liked about it. She mentioned the night life and dancing. Ive been to some concerts, a club like bar thing with a friend or 2, and that's it. That's my entire experience with "night life". I don't know enough about it to even really know what it is. Same in regards to dancing. As a musician I probably would really enjoy dancing but ive only tried once and it felt awkward. Ive never really been able to "let loose" and just have fun. Even my PRIEST has told me I need to learn to let loose (in healthy non-sinful ways obviously).
This isn't just an issue with this woman, its an issue with almost everyone I meet. I have done a fantastic job at learning to socialize, make friends, have good conversations ,ect. But I still feel very alien around others. To be honest I don't have a lot of interest in these things either. Even travel (which Ive enjoyed lately) has a waning interest. Everyone I meet has goals, ambitions, and I really don't have many. Ive let most of my dreams die because the amount of effort required to pursue them is more than I want to put forth. I would much rather stay at home and pursue having a quiet and peaceful life. I'll enjoy my guitar,a good book,video games, my writing songs, and prayers. I don't have a strong desire to go out and make up for lost time by traveling or partying because honestly a lot of it just seems distasteful to me. I wish I could enjoy it but I had no desire to enjoy it. With dating I worry that I'll never find someone, because for example this woman i'm interested in is someone who seems very active and I doubt I could ever keep pace with her, and I don't think I would want to either.
I just want a quiet and peaceful life, as much of one as I can have.
tl;dr My life has been devoid of many normative experiences of other people, I never had a "wild" phase, and I struggle to relate to people and their normal life experiences that are alien to my life.
In early college I started to realize that the problem probably wasn't everyone else but was me. I put myself out there, failed horribly, but improved and became somewhat social. I learned how to function in social settings, be personable and sociable, and basically just how to function. That said, I had horrible health problems. I lost a LOT of weight and almost starved to death at one point (no exaggeration). During all this I was figuring out my faith. I never had the normal college experiences of "going wild", I never went to a party, I still basically made no friends, but I tried. I was hyper judgmental, I thought that drinking, partying, and honestly most forms of fun that people had were sinful or just boring.
Then my health issues got worse, I dropped out of school and spent 3 years where I couldn't leave my home. I was in deep isolation, in a lot of pain, and at the same time I was seeking God because I needed him. I had accepted that I was probably going to be dead by 30 years old, and all the things that come along with that realization. I found orthodoxy, and eventually converted. In doing so I had great change in my life, my health issues seemed to resolve, and I was able to go back out into the world and live a normal life.
Now, I'm a fun sociable guy most of the time,I have friend I regularly hangout with (both male and female), I had one relationship with a woman (though it started when I was still homebound and before orthodoxy). Therapy has been great, my priest is also great, my church is great, I have an ever growing love for God and when I'm more able will move closer to my parish so I can attend more services. I don't attend services because I feel obligated but because I desire God and know that I can find him there.
Where am I going with this? I'm getting there. I know there is nothing wrong with having a drink (I regularly do), I know there is nothing wrong with dancing (depending on the type lol), I know there is nothing wrong with bar hopping or nightlife (Within reason). But these are experiences which Ive never had. Which brings me to my frustration.
I recently met a woman online and have been getting to know her. She is orthodox and seems to be very serious about it. Honestly she is probably doing better at living the orthodox life than I am. She volunteers and seems to really care about people where as I basically don't serve anyone but myself (I'm trying to change that). As time has gone one (a few months now) Ive grown to have an interest in her. To be honest much more interest than I ever expected I would have. We relate on many things that its actually scary. I have to keep myself from saying "yes that's also something I believe/love/enjoy" so I don't come across as one of those guys who changes who he is because he is interested in someone. That's not happening but it would certainly seem that way from the outside at times because we really do share a lot of views.
However, I can completely not relate to her life experiences. Like recently she was talking about a place she enjoyed visiting and I ask what she liked about it. She mentioned the night life and dancing. Ive been to some concerts, a club like bar thing with a friend or 2, and that's it. That's my entire experience with "night life". I don't know enough about it to even really know what it is. Same in regards to dancing. As a musician I probably would really enjoy dancing but ive only tried once and it felt awkward. Ive never really been able to "let loose" and just have fun. Even my PRIEST has told me I need to learn to let loose (in healthy non-sinful ways obviously).
This isn't just an issue with this woman, its an issue with almost everyone I meet. I have done a fantastic job at learning to socialize, make friends, have good conversations ,ect. But I still feel very alien around others. To be honest I don't have a lot of interest in these things either. Even travel (which Ive enjoyed lately) has a waning interest. Everyone I meet has goals, ambitions, and I really don't have many. Ive let most of my dreams die because the amount of effort required to pursue them is more than I want to put forth. I would much rather stay at home and pursue having a quiet and peaceful life. I'll enjoy my guitar,a good book,video games, my writing songs, and prayers. I don't have a strong desire to go out and make up for lost time by traveling or partying because honestly a lot of it just seems distasteful to me. I wish I could enjoy it but I had no desire to enjoy it. With dating I worry that I'll never find someone, because for example this woman i'm interested in is someone who seems very active and I doubt I could ever keep pace with her, and I don't think I would want to either.
I just want a quiet and peaceful life, as much of one as I can have.
tl;dr My life has been devoid of many normative experiences of other people, I never had a "wild" phase, and I struggle to relate to people and their normal life experiences that are alien to my life.
