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i dont know what is going on or where god is

knw1991

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i have suffered with doubts about salvation for 6 years, its lead to deep depression. ive been misunderstood by unsaved loved ones who i could never explain to why i was depressed. they assumed it was a personal issue, but explaining to a nonbeliever that you are depressed about your salvation and feel like God is ignoring your pain, would be pointless, they would never understand. what hurts the most is that God has been silent, he has not help me. no matter what torment i face in my mind God has not helped me. maybe he just isnt in my life afterall which i what i feared, i can ask over and over to be saved but it wont take the doubt away. i question if i really believe im a sinner, if i really believe i deserve to go to hell for my sins, i question if i really trust that Christ died for me and was buried and rose again. i question every step of the way. i told god that in order for me to be saved i must trust in Christ but i dont know how to do that. in order to trust in christ i must believe im a sinner and need to be saved , but the holy spirit has never convicted me of sin. when people come to Christ he changes them and they are a new creature. this didnt happen to me. i came to christ in 2011, and tried thousands of times afterward because i continued to sin though i tried not to, i didnt experience closeness to God, hear God, i didnt love others , i was afraid to witness to people about Christ and salvation. there are so many reasons i did not believe i was saved.

im just realy hurt and angry with God for abandoning me in this torment,leaving me to look llike a fool to family members that are nonbelievers. ive wasted my life on this. god doesnt care, hes indifferent to it all. at my very lowest, hopeless, depressed, i CALLED OUT FOR GOD, AND HE WAS NOT THERE! I DONT UNDERSTAND HOW THAT IS LOVE, MERCY.

GOD HATES ME
 

JesusIsLord_

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i have suffered with doubts about salvation for 6 years, its lead to deep depression. ive been misunderstood by unsaved loved ones who i could never explain to why i was depressed. they assumed it was a personal issue, but explaining to a nonbeliever that you are depressed about your salvation and feel like God is ignoring your pain, would be pointless, they would never understand. what hurts the most is that God has been silent, he has not help me. no matter what torment i face in my mind God has not helped me. maybe he just isnt in my life afterall which i what i feared, i can ask over and over to be saved but it wont take the doubt away. i question if i really believe im a sinner, if i really believe i deserve to go to hell for my sins, i question if i really trust that Christ died for me and was buried and rose again. i question every step of the way. i told god that in order for me to be saved i must trust in Christ but i dont know how to do that. in order to trust in christ i must believe im a sinner and need to be saved , but the holy spirit has never convicted me of sin. when people come to Christ he changes them and they are a new creature. this didnt happen to me. i came to christ in 2011, and tried thousands of times afterward because i continued to sin though i tried not to, i didnt experience closeness to God, hear God, i didnt love others , i was afraid to witness to people about Christ and salvation. there are so many reasons i did not believe i was saved.

im just realy hurt and angry with God for abandoning me in this torment,leaving me to look llike a fool to family members that are nonbelievers. ive wasted my life on this. god doesnt care, hes indifferent to it all. at my very lowest, hopeless, depressed, i CALLED OUT FOR GOD, AND HE WAS NOT THERE! I DONT UNDERSTAND HOW THAT IS LOVE, MERCY.

GOD HATES ME


God doesn't hate you. Please if you are dealing with obsessive doubt, intrusive thoughts and anxiety bc "what if...", research for scrupulosity/religious ocd, it MIGHT be it (I'm not a doctor but pretty sure a sufferer. It's hell).

God doesn't hate you. I have a hard time believing that too sometimes, but God IS love. He loves because that's His nature, He loves you so much He created you to be His daughter and gave His Only Son to die for you.
 
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disciple1

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i have suffered with doubts about salvation for 6 years, its lead to deep depression. ive been misunderstood by unsaved loved ones who i could never explain to why i was depressed. they assumed it was a personal issue, but explaining to a nonbeliever that you are depressed about your salvation and feel like God is ignoring your pain, would be pointless, they would never understand. what hurts the most is that God has been silent, he has not help me. no matter what torment i face in my mind God has not helped me. maybe he just isnt in my life afterall which i what i feared, i can ask over and over to be saved but it wont take the doubt away. i question if i really believe im a sinner, if i really believe i deserve to go to hell for my sins, i question if i really trust that Christ died for me and was buried and rose again. i question every step of the way. i told god that in order for me to be saved i must trust in Christ but i dont know how to do that. in order to trust in christ i must believe im a sinner and need to be saved , but the holy spirit has never convicted me of sin. when people come to Christ he changes them and they are a new creature. this didnt happen to me. i came to christ in 2011, and tried thousands of times afterward because i continued to sin though i tried not to, i didnt experience closeness to God, hear God, i didnt love others , i was afraid to witness to people about Christ and salvation. there are so many reasons i did not believe i was saved.

im just realy hurt and angry with God for abandoning me in this torment,leaving me to look llike a fool to family members that are nonbelievers. ive wasted my life on this. god doesnt care, hes indifferent to it all. at my very lowest, hopeless, depressed, i CALLED OUT FOR GOD, AND HE WAS NOT THERE! I DONT UNDERSTAND HOW THAT IS LOVE, MERCY.

GOD HATES ME
i question if i really believe im a sinner

i continued to sin though i tried not to
Everyone sins, Christ is the only one who never has, but everyone else continues to.
I'd study the bible you'll learn a lot that most pastors don't know.



Matthew chapter 4 verse 4
Jesus answered, "It is written: 'Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.'"
Romans chapter 1 verse 28
Furthermore, just as they did not think it worthwhile to retain the knowledge of God, so God gave them over to a depraved mind, so that they do what ought not to be done.

John chapter 8 verse 31,32
To the Jews who had believed him, Jesus said, " If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.
2 John
9 Anyone who runs ahead and does not continue in the teaching of Christ does not have God; whoever continues in the teaching has both the Father and the Son.
Job chapter 23 verse 12
I have not departed from the commands of his lips; I have treasured the words of his mouth more than my daily bread.

Matthew 11
28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
Luke chapter 21
33 Heaven and earth will pass away, but my words will never pass away.
Romans chapter 10
17 Consequently, faith comes from hearing the message, and the message is heard through the word about Christ.
Mark chapter 13
31 Heaven and earth will pass away, but my words will never pass away.
James chapter 1
25 But whoever looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues in it—not forgetting what they have heard, but doing it—they will be blessed in what they do.
James chapter 4
8 Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded.
Isaiah chapter 45 verse 19
I have not spoken in secret, from somewhere in a land of darkness; I have not said to Jacob's descendants, 'Seek me in vain.' I, the LORD, speak the truth; I declare what is right.
Jeremiah chapter 9
24 but let the one who boasts boast about this:
that they have the understanding to know me,
that I am the Lord, who exercises kindness,
justice and righteousness on earth,
for in these I delight,”
declares the Lord.
Jeremiah chapter 5 verse 1
5 “Go up and down the streets of Jerusalem,
look around and consider,
search through her squares.
If you can find but one person
who deals honestly and seeks the truth,
I will forgive this city.
Psalm 119 verse 114
You are my refuge and my shield; I have put my hope in your word.
 
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Winken

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im just realy hurt and angry with God for abandoning me in this torment,leaving me to look llike a fool to family members that are nonbelievers. ive wasted my life on this. god doesnt care, hes indifferent to it all. at my very lowest, hopeless, depressed, i CALLED OUT FOR GOD, AND HE WAS NOT THERE! I DONT UNDERSTAND HOW THAT IS LOVE, MERCY.

GOD HATES ME
YOU'VE decided that He has abandoned you. Where do you suppose that comes from? Not God. Who is lying to you? Hello?

Once you realize that the problem is OCD bouncing around in your brain, not God ministering to you Spiritually, you can begin the curative process. OCD will disrupt your prayer life, your thoughts, your desire to be "whole," yet the curative process begins.

Be very certain that any meds you are on are the right ones. Trust a well-known M.D. who has super expertise in the field.

Romans 10:8-13, Romans 8:1.
 
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The Grouch

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i have suffered with doubts about salvation for 6 years, its lead to deep depression. ive been misunderstood by unsaved loved ones who i could never explain to why i was depressed. they assumed it was a personal issue, but explaining to a nonbeliever that you are depressed about your salvation and feel like God is ignoring your pain, would be pointless, they would never understand. what hurts the most is that God has been silent, he has not help me. no matter what torment i face in my mind God has not helped me. maybe he just isnt in my life afterall which i what i feared, i can ask over and over to be saved but it wont take the doubt away. i question if i really believe im a sinner, if i really believe i deserve to go to hell for my sins, i question if i really trust that Christ died for me and was buried and rose again. i question every step of the way. i told god that in order for me to be saved i must trust in Christ but i dont know how to do that. in order to trust in christ i must believe im a sinner and need to be saved , but the holy spirit has never convicted me of sin. when people come to Christ he changes them and they are a new creature. this didnt happen to me. i came to christ in 2011, and tried thousands of times afterward because i continued to sin though i tried not to, i didnt experience closeness to God, hear God, i didnt love others , i was afraid to witness to people about Christ and salvation. there are so many reasons i did not believe i was saved.

im just realy hurt and angry with God for abandoning me in this torment,leaving me to look llike a fool to family members that are nonbelievers. ive wasted my life on this. god doesnt care, hes indifferent to it all. at my very lowest, hopeless, depressed, i CALLED OUT FOR GOD, AND HE WAS NOT THERE! I DONT UNDERSTAND HOW THAT IS LOVE, MERCY.

GOD HATES ME

Yes for some lucky few their is a instant transformation like st paul but for most of us its a slow burning process like yeast rising in the dough often unknown and at times unbidden

Often its only after many years with still a longway to go that we look back from where we came and not only see how far we have come but also at that point we see how the hand of God is at work. By simpy moving forward we are trusting in Jesus Christ. By continuing to pray and continuing to struggle against our weaknesses and doubts we are trusting Christ it is only when we give up that we truly stop trusting.

Your merely another tool in God's great tool box all we can do is pray we are there when he wants to use us and pray that at some point he does use us. Like all tools we are not designed to do every job but specific tasks there is a reason they say patients is a virtue and if we are used but only once for a small tiny task what great joy and if we are never taken out of the tool box there is no better place to be.

God does not hate you, often its in the pain and the darkness that we grow and develop its often there that we find God teaching us and preparing us refining the tool in the fire to prepare it for the task.

Use this time to prepare yourself as a Catholic i read good catholic books encyclicals learn new prayers learn about the saints read the catechism all the while i am getting a deeper and deeper knowledge of my faith and through that i am getting to know God ever more i am getting to know God and his family his saints i am getting to know the pitfalls and how to spot the enemy who would drag me from my heavenly family like a ravenous wolf and tare me shred to shred

So use this time of doubt and darkness to draw closer to God by learning about him and preparing yourself to do the task your created for and finally how to do battle with the devil

A great prayer i learned very early on for use in times of doubt

"Lord i believe, help my unbelief Amen"

Of course i am a Catholic and would like to invite you to read and learn about the catholic way... if you dont feel comfortable with that why not read the writings and works of the early christians "the church fathers" as they are known and learn from them those who intimatley knew the apostles of our lord and recieved the christian teaching first hand, this will prepare you for both task and battle and cast you like fine Gold

I can provide you some links to the writings of the early church fathers if your interested

Let learning about God and drawing closer to him through that become your obsession

God love you
 
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Far Side Of the Moon

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I feel like I talked to you before when I was going through my depressive state...and I felt the same as you did... I can tell you now that I'm close to the other side..God doesnt leave us...even if we leave him he is still with us... Sometimes change takes time. God knows what he's doing...so take comfort in that.
 
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Far Side Of the Moon

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thank you for your replies. Far side of the moon we have talked in the past. thank you for encouragement,im glad to see youre doing better
Yah we did... I checked my PMs... And thank you and I'm here for you in anyway,shape and form I can be ...

You can still message me if you want... I'm always listening : )
 
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faroukfarouk

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i have suffered with doubts about salvation for 6 years, its lead to deep depression. ive been misunderstood by unsaved loved ones who i could never explain to why i was depressed. they assumed it was a personal issue, but explaining to a nonbeliever that you are depressed about your salvation and feel like God is ignoring your pain, would be pointless, they would never understand. what hurts the most is that God has been silent, he has not help me. no matter what torment i face in my mind God has not helped me. maybe he just isnt in my life afterall which i what i feared, i can ask over and over to be saved but it wont take the doubt away. i question if i really believe im a sinner, if i really believe i deserve to go to hell for my sins, i question if i really trust that Christ died for me and was buried and rose again. i question every step of the way. i told god that in order for me to be saved i must trust in Christ but i dont know how to do that. in order to trust in christ i must believe im a sinner and need to be saved , but the holy spirit has never convicted me of sin. when people come to Christ he changes them and they are a new creature. this didnt happen to me. i came to christ in 2011, and tried thousands of times afterward because i continued to sin though i tried not to, i didnt experience closeness to God, hear God, i didnt love others , i was afraid to witness to people about Christ and salvation. there are so many reasons i did not believe i was saved.

im just realy hurt and angry with God for abandoning me in this torment,leaving me to look llike a fool to family members that are nonbelievers. ive wasted my life on this. god doesnt care, hes indifferent to it all. at my very lowest, hopeless, depressed, i CALLED OUT FOR GOD, AND HE WAS NOT THERE! I DONT UNDERSTAND HOW THAT IS LOVE, MERCY.

GOD HATES ME
Hi; poster #2, above, gives good advice about reading John's First Epistle; in it there is excellent guidance about the nature of fellowship with the Father and with His Son Jesus Christ, walking in the light, and fellowship with other Christians, etc.
 
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knw1991

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Hi; poster #2, above, gives good advice about reading John's First Epistle; in it there is excellent guidance about the nature of fellowship with the Father and with His Son Jesus Christ, walking in the light, and fellowship with other Christians, etc.
first john does not help me, anything about salvation gives me more doubt, i dont like hearing about salvaion, and first john wont give me assurance ive read it before, and i dont believe i walk in the light , i dont know
 
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Far Side Of the Moon

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first john does not help me, anything about salvation gives me more doubt, i dont like hearing about salvaion, and first john wont give me assurance ive read it before, and i dont believe i walk in the light , i dont know
But you can start now...ita never to I late to get back on track.
I'm gonna be honest.. Since I work alot I dont spend much time with God and I do feel bad abt that but one thing I am certain of is my salvation... Its a one time thing and an irrevocable gift.

No one is perfect and every Christian has back slide at some point in their walk with God.
 
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rturner76

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i have suffered with doubts about salvation for 6 years, its lead to deep depression. ive been misunderstood by unsaved loved ones who i could never explain to why i was depressed. they assumed it was a personal issue, but explaining to a nonbeliever that you are depressed about your salvation and feel like God is ignoring your pain, would be pointless, they would never understand. what hurts the most is that God has been silent, he has not help me. no matter what torment i face in my mind God has not helped me. maybe he just isnt in my life afterall which i what i feared, i can ask over and over to be saved but it wont take the doubt away. i question if i really believe im a sinner, if i really believe i deserve to go to hell for my sins, i question if i really trust that Christ died for me and was buried and rose again. i question every step of the way. i told god that in order for me to be saved i must trust in Christ but i dont know how to do that. in order to trust in christ i must believe im a sinner and need to be saved , but the holy spirit has never convicted me of sin. when people come to Christ he changes them and they are a new creature. this didnt happen to me. i came to christ in 2011, and tried thousands of times afterward because i continued to sin though i tried not to, i didnt experience closeness to God, hear God, i didnt love others , i was afraid to witness to people about Christ and salvation. there are so many reasons i did not believe i was saved.

im just realy hurt and angry with God for abandoning me in this torment,leaving me to look llike a fool to family members that are nonbelievers. ive wasted my life on this. god doesnt care, hes indifferent to it all. at my very lowest, hopeless, depressed, i CALLED OUT FOR GOD, AND HE WAS NOT THERE! I DONT UNDERSTAND HOW THAT IS LOVE, MERCY.

GOD HATES ME
I have prayed for you and asked God to show you his face.

I see that you may suffer from OCD. I also have mental illness and have sought relief through prayer only and been disappointed. Over time I have learned that it is only rarely that God gives us an instant transformation and deliverance when a prayer is uttered. Instead my experience has been that God many times works through other people.

In the case of mental illness or when it is our thoughts that betray us, God sends us relief in the form of medical doctors, psychiatrists, and psychologists who give us substances to ingest which have healing properties that God has places in them and some of these people teach us methods of viewing what is happening to us in a different way so that we can then begin to counteract intrusive thoughts and replace them with more effective and helpful thoughts.

I can't give advice. I can just say that in my own case, what has helped hear what God is telling me, I had to or have to get medical and psychological help at the same time. Them my mind was or is more open to understand what God is asking of me or telling me. I don't hear God talking right into my mind. I hear him through what I hear in the Bible and from other people around me and little signs and symbols that I interpret in my surroundings that atheists call "coincidence".
 
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Doug Melven

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You should start studying the prophecies that Jesus fulfilled.
Then you will begin to see how much God loves you.
A good place to start would be Isaiah 53.

And think about the footprints in the sand poem.

One night I dreamed a dream.
As I was walking along the beach with my Lord.
Across the dark sky flashed scenes from my life.
For each scene, I noticed two sets of footprints in the sand,
One belonging to me and one to my Lord.

After the last scene of my life flashed before me,
I looked back at the footprints in the sand.
I noticed that at many times along the path of my life,
especially at the very lowest and saddest times,
there was only one set of footprints.

This really troubled me, so I asked the Lord about it.
"Lord, you said once I decided to follow you,
You'd walk with me all the way.
But I noticed that during the saddest and most troublesome times of my life,
there was only one set of footprints.
I don't understand why, when I needed You the most, You would leave me."

He whispered, "My precious child, I love you and will never leave you
Never, ever, during your trials and testings.
When you saw only one set of footprints,
It was then that I carried you."
 
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gloriousday2006

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i have suffered with doubts about salvation for 6 years, its lead to deep depression. ive been misunderstood by unsaved loved ones who i could never explain to why i was depressed. they assumed it was a personal issue, but explaining to a nonbeliever that you are depressed about your salvation and feel like God is ignoring your pain, would be pointless, they would never understand. what hurts the most is that God has been silent, he has not help me. no matter what torment i face in my mind God has not helped me. maybe he just isnt in my life afterall which i what i feared, i can ask over and over to be saved but it wont take the doubt away. i question if i really believe im a sinner, if i really believe i deserve to go to hell for my sins, i question if i really trust that Christ died for me and was buried and rose again. i question every step of the way. i told god that in order for me to be saved i must trust in Christ but i dont know how to do that. in order to trust in christ i must believe im a sinner and need to be saved , but the holy spirit has never convicted me of sin. when people come to Christ he changes them and they are a new creature. this didnt happen to me. i came to christ in 2011, and tried thousands of times afterward because i continued to sin though i tried not to, i didnt experience closeness to God, hear God, i didnt love others , i was afraid to witness to people about Christ and salvation. there are so many reasons i did not believe i was saved.

im just realy hurt and angry with God for abandoning me in this torment,leaving me to look llike a fool to family members that are nonbelievers. ive wasted my life on this. god doesnt care, hes indifferent to it all. at my very lowest, hopeless, depressed, i CALLED OUT FOR GOD, AND HE WAS NOT THERE! I DONT UNDERSTAND HOW THAT IS LOVE, MERCY.

GOD HATES ME
God is with you even when we don't feel it. Never give up hope. OCD requires us to have great faith. I promise that if you turn to God, He will see you through...even when our thoughts betray us.
i have suffered with doubts about salvation for 6 years, its lead to deep depression. ive been misunderstood by unsaved loved ones who i could never explain to why i was depressed. they assumed it was a personal issue, but explaining to a nonbeliever that you are depressed about your salvation and feel like God is ignoring your pain, would be pointless, they would never understand. what hurts the most is that God has been silent, he has not help me. no matter what torment i face in my mind God has not helped me. maybe he just isnt in my life afterall which i what i feared, i can ask over and over to be saved but it wont take the doubt away. i question if i really believe im a sinner, if i really believe i deserve to go to hell for my sins, i question if i really trust that Christ died for me and was buried and rose again. i question every step of the way. i told god that in order for me to be saved i must trust in Christ but i dont know how to do that. in order to trust in christ i must believe im a sinner and need to be saved , but the holy spirit has never convicted me of sin. when people come to Christ he changes them and they are a new creature. this didnt happen to me. i came to christ in 2011, and tried thousands of times afterward because i continued to sin though i tried not to, i didnt experience closeness to God, hear God, i didnt love others , i was afraid to witness to people about Christ and salvation. there are so many reasons i did not believe i was saved.

im just realy hurt and angry with God for abandoning me in this torment,leaving me to look llike a fool to family members that are nonbelievers. ive wasted my life on this. god doesnt care, hes indifferent to it all. at my very lowest, hopeless, depressed, i CALLED OUT FOR GOD, AND HE WAS NOT THERE! I DONT UNDERSTAND HOW THAT IS LOVE, MERCY.

GOD HATES ME
Often, our most challenging times are our growing times. OCD confuses us and twists our thoughts. It often throws things up that we hate and fear the most and then makes us take the blame, but GOD is Greater. No matter where you are at in the present moment, there is no place so dark that the LIGHT cannot shine.

1 Timothy 6:16
who alone has immortality, who dwells in unapproachable light, whom no one has ever seen or can see. To him be honor and eternal dominion. Amen.

Stay strong my dear friend, never let go, and do not give into the deception. God is love. He loves us so much that He took on human form and DIED for us, taking upon Him all of our SIN, that we might have everlasting life in Him. That is love so unspeakable that words cannot properly utter. He LOVES you my friend. He LOVES you. He did not die, for everyone else but you, He knows YOUR name, He formed you in the womb. You are seeking HIM. He will not cast anyone our who comes to HIM. The most HIGH God, who dwells in unapproachable light loves you and knows you by name. Do not give into the lies.

I have dealt with a terrible storm of intrusive thoughts. I am sinner. I have felt in the past like I am the worst sinner in the world. I have had severe, severe panic attacks over intrusive thoughts. All I wanted to do was sleep, because when I was sleeping it meant I didn't have to think. I have dealt with depersonalization, out of my body feeling, and severe emotion numbing. But, God loves me. He knows my name, and He knows your name my dear friend.

He knows your name. Do not give up, do not give in, and don't turn back. Turn to Jesus. Stay in the WORD. The word is sharper than any two-sharper than any two edged sword. It is our guide. OCD tries to twist the truth and make us afraid of the one CONSTANT we need God's word. I have been there, stay in the WORD.

For whatever was thus written in former days was written for our instruction, that by [our steadfast and patient] endurance and the encouragement [drawn] from the Scriptures we might hold fast to and cherish hope.
Romans 15:4 AMP

He is the radiance of the glory of God and the exact imprint of his nature, and he upholds the universe by the word of his power. After making purification for sins, he sat down at the right hand of the Majesty on high,
Hebrews 1:3

All that the Father gives me will come to me, and whoever comes to me I will never cast out. John 6:37

for whenever our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart, and he knows everything. 1 John 3:20


If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 1 John 1:9

and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” John 8:32

For “everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.” Romans 10:13

If you ever need someone to talk to, please message me ANYTIME. Stay strong in Christ.

Cast your burden on the LORD, and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved. Psalm 55:22


Love your sister in Christ!
 
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knw1991

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i hear what you all are saying, but this morning i feel like giving up. how could God love me if he watched me suffer the past 6 years, watched family members treat me any kind of way? this is not a storm for me, its a way of life. it will never change. .God has taken so much from me and he doesnt care about the burdens im left to bear. there is no way to claim that after you have cried out to someone over this amount of years and nothing has changed that they love you. there is no way im loved. i just want to erase this. i regret ever coming to God for salvation.
i know what a saved person looks like, i see God's hand on so many others' lives, he's with them, he's given them purpose, comfort in their pain, he reaches out to them in some way in their pain and they know its Him. he has ignored me for six years, no, all of my life. and that will never change. im not chosen, im not loved, and im not cared for. i wish i would stop caring and just move on. but i cant forget the pain. I hate him
 
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Mari17

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It sounds like you might have OCD...?? If you do and you think this is an obsession, then you need to start treating it like one. If you don't know how, I'd be happy to give you some pointers! I'm going to keep this brief as you've gotten a lot of good advice, but I'll just add that I agree with the other posters who say, God has not abandoned you even though it feels like it: sometimes we need to do some legwork to get to a place of healing. Also, there are people who have normal doubts about their salvation, but OCD will keep you wondering and second-guessing, and will not let you be at peace no matter how much you try to argue with yourself, keep asking God to save you, etc. And - I can say this from experience - you do not need to have a "fireworks" experience when you become saved. Or, if you do, then I'm doomed as well. :) Our relationship with God is something that keeps growing even after salvation; as we spend time with Him, we get to know Him, and learn to listen more and more to His leading in our lives, to change as we feel He is calling us to, etc. It's a bit difficult for me to tell from your post if you REALLY don't feel like you're growing in your walk with God, convicted of sin, etc., or if the OCD is making you feel that way. But from the way you're writing, it sounds rather like the doubt of OCD to me. Do you struggle with OCD in other areas of your life?
 
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Mari17

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i hear what you all are saying, but this morning i feel like giving up. how could God love me if he watched me suffer the past 6 years, watched family members treat me any kind of way? this is not a storm for me, its a way of life. it will never change. .God has taken so much from me and he doesnt care about the burdens im left to bear. there is no way to claim that after you have cried out to someone over this amount of years and nothing has changed that they love you. there is no way im loved. i just want to erase this. i regret ever coming to God for salvation.
i know what a saved person looks like, i see God's hand on so many others' lives, he's with them, he's given them purpose, comfort in their pain, he reaches out to them in some way in their pain and they know its Him. he has ignored me for six years, no, all of my life. and that will never change. im not chosen, im not loved, and im not cared for. i wish i would stop caring and just move on. but i cant forget the pain. I hate him
You're saying God watched you suffer...can you clarify? Mental suffering? External problems? How are your family members treating you? What do you feel God has taken from you? You may feel alone but please be assured that there are people on here who genuinely care about you. Let us love you where you're feeling unloved right now, and let us be channels for God's love to you when you can't see Him in other areas of your life...Praying for you.
 
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