I don't know what I'm doing

[boxman144]

Hi all.

It's been a long time since I've been active on here. Unfortunately, I'm not doing well.

I think God has been very angry and disappointed with me lately. I'm not surprised in the slightest.

I've fell back into numerous sins, and to be honest, it's gotten to the point where I'm aware but I have no motivation to repent. I haven't read the Bible in a long time. I have no motivation to. When I pray, I don't know if I mean it anymore or not. I haven't prayed in a while. I've had terrible nightmares for a week straight. I hate sleeping now. Food and video games and tv takes the pain of existence away temporarily. People are saying Bible "end of world prophecies" are coming true now and I'm not ready for that. Maybe this is one of those phases people go through, the rebellious phase. But I know that I could die at any moment and end up in Hell FOREVER. NO ESCAPE. I want to go back to God but I can't. He is so so disappointed in me and I let Him doen severely. I wake up in fear everyday for some reason. I hope He sees me struggling man. I'm struggling to be myself, I don't even know who I am.

I don't know if I'm agnostic or not, I may be, but I hate my existence.

 

[Under One King]

I will be praying for you. I have gone through those same struggles, sometimes even now. It's tough. I wish I could give you some wisdom or advice, but like I said, it can be a struggle for me now.

 

[Melody Suttles]

God allows such a predicament in his grand plan, because tests of faith reveal hidden idols of the heart. He wants your heart cleansed and singularly focused on him.

Satan knows exactly what your idols are and he targets them with the greatest of temptations. He wants to destroy you and your public witness (John 10:10).

Often times, unfortunately, Satan wins the battle, sending the Christian into a life of backsliding. Here's an example of what happens...

A person chooses to break his conscience and sin, grieving the Holy Spirit in the process (Ephesians 4:30 ESV). God immediately brings a conviction of sin upon the sinner's conscience by means of internal guilt. The emotion of guilt then racks the soul of the Christian sinner, bringing gloom and doom upon him.

If you have fallen back into old ways of flesh and sin, here is a prayer I hope you will pray. The Lord has never once stopped loving you, and nothing you have done surprised Him in the least. He knew all you would go through - every success and every failure - long before you were even born. Yet, He loved you then, Boxman my brother. He loves you still.

Lord, I've fallen into temptation and sin. I sinned against you.
My soul desires you again, Lord.
Please talk to me. Tell me you love me.
Rescue me now as I fully repent and raise me up from this dark pit.
Father, forgive me, and welcome me back home.
I promise to stop all the sinning and to seek how best to live a life pleasing to You. I ask for your patience and mercy upon my life once again. I need You Lord to lead Christians across my path and to lead me to the church You choose for me. Lord, help me find a way to prove my love for you.
Let me approach You and receive your grace and forgiveness.
Release my guilt, Lord. Heal my shame, Jesus.
Invite me back into a warm relationship with you.
In Christ's holy name, Amen.

​

 

[Joined2krist]

I'm sending prayers your way

 

[mlepfitjw]

@boxman144 God still loves you very much, and desires to know about everything going on your life, every detail. Life is tough and I understand the desire of not feeling the want, or need to do anything at all because of how my life has been filled with the same experiences.

Effort is one of the biggest components in life that we have to deal with as human beings, and sometimes placing effort into things like even reading the 'New Testament', can be tough with little to no motivation in fact sometimes our flesh absolutely can hate to even do that.

Hope the best for you, and for you to find answers, and may the grace, and peace of God our Father, and the Lord Yeshua be with you, sir.