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I don’t want to live with my husband.

Discussion in 'Married Couples' started by rtrulock, Apr 20, 2019.

  1. rtrulock

    rtrulock Newbie

    7
    +2
    United States
    Non-Denom
    Married
    Hi everyone. This is something that has been in my thoughts for a couple of years at least. I love my husband, who is a nonbeliever. I just don’t want to share a space with him. We have different personalities and living styles. I do not want a divorce and want to stay married till death. I just crave a quiet home without the distractions of tv and internet. They seem to take over my life and I know that is not something he wants to give up. So is it unbiblical to live apart even if you see each other every day? I feel like no one understands me and it depresses me that I feel stuck in my current home. I guess I just need some advice and encouragement on handling these ideas.
     
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  2. DaisyDay

    DaisyDay blind squirrel

    +8,970
    United States
    Unitarian
    Married
    US-Others
    Every couple has their own way of being. This is something to work out with your husband. But I will say, having your own space is a lifesaver for many a spouse.
     
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  3. GodsGrace101

    GodsGrace101 Well-Known Member Supporter

    +1,617
    Italy
    Christian
    Married
    A friend of mine has a reading room. It's very nice...not too big. Nice couch, lamp, lighting just the way she wants it. She hides away there and reads and does needlework and other hobbies she likes. My home is quiet and I've never felt like I had to "get away"...but if you do, you should.

    (Living apart is not what God had in mind when He created Eve) --- a man didn't leave his parents' home so he could live alone...
     
  4. Endeavourer

    Endeavourer Well-Known Member

    +989
    United States
    Christian
    Married
    No one should be compelled to live a life where so much energy is spent cringing from the annoying habits of another person. If that person is your spouse you will eventually fall out of love with them because every time they perform an annoying habit it dings your love tank for them.

    You may think you love your husband, but if you are already dreaming about living apart from him you are likely not in love with him anymore.

    Please read these articles:
    Love Busters - Annoying Habits (Marriage Builders®, Inc.)
    Love Busters - Independent Behavior (Marriage Builders®, Inc.)

    It's your husband's responsibility to manage his behavior so he doesn't annoy you to the point that you are ready to move out. In my marriage, my husband and I take great care to not annoy the other person at all.

    You can brainstorm with your husband ways for him to enjoy his video media without noise affecting you.

    Also, you need to spend more recreational time together enjoying each other's company. It sounds like you spend a fair amount of your together time on your own pursuits.
     
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  5. St_Worm2

    St_Worm2 Senior Member Supporter

    +38,591
    United States
    Calvinist
    Married
    US-Republican
    Hi rtrulock, I agree with @GodsGrace101's advice to you.

    The Scriptures speak to this very issue.

    1 Corinthians 7
    13 If any woman has an unbelieving husband, and he consents to live with her, she must not send her husband away.
    14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified through her believing husband; for otherwise your children are unclean, but now they are holy.
    15 Yet if the unbelieving one leaves, let him leave; the brother or the sister is not under bondage in such cases, but God has called us to peace.

    --David
     
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  6. Blade

    Blade Veteran Supporter

    +1,610
    Christian
    Married
    Many trust ME understand you. What is LOVE? What are the fruits of the spirit? Love never thinks of it self. Our best example is Christ.. for GOD so loved the world.. that HATED Him.

    Been with my wife for way over 30y. I know exactly how you feel. Love never thinks of self. You dont want to live with your spouse. But you dont want to get divorced. So.. you think GOD is what...proud you never got divorced? Dont work that way. To think and live that way.. your not one in Gods eyes.

    See we must freely want to follow Christ in all things. Everything Christ did was not Himself but the Father. Not my will be done but yours. See He didnt just say..man I dont want to be here but I will stick it out because I love the Father and were one. No... HE LOVED us..HE wanted to do it. Love never thinks of self. This LOVE comes from HIM! And the CHOICE YOU must make. He WILL give you be there for you.
     
  7. Phoebe Ann

    Phoebe Ann From Mormonism to Christ Supporter

    +8,134
    United States
    Protestant
    Widowed
    Yes, it is unbiblical.


    1 Corinthians 7:3-5
    3 The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. 5 Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. (NIV)
    https://tolovehonorandvacuum.com/20...ians-7-do-not-deprive-each-other-really-mean/

    [​IMG]
    Sheila Wray Gregoire has been married for 25 years and happily married for 20! She loves traveling around North America with her hubby in their RV, giving her signature "Girl Talk" about sex and marriage. And she's written 8 books. About sex and marriage. See a theme here? Plus she knits. Even in line at the grocery store.
    https://tolovehonorandvacuum.com/20...ians-7-do-not-deprive-each-other-really-mean/
     
  8. Angeldove97

    Angeldove97 In the Lord, my labor is not in vain Supporter

    +1,922
    United States
    Traditional. Cath.
    Married
    My husband has an Aunt/Uncle who are legally separated - or at least have their finances legally separated, but are still married and they live in 2 different houses. I'm not sure what exactly took place between them - I heard that the Uncle did not want to add her name to his house deed - but it seems to be working out really well for them to have that situation.

    My husband and I are opposites too - I need quiet and peacefulness, while he can have music, TV, and his computer going on LOUD to be content. We compromised by him having his game room and me having the bedroom as much quiet area. We shut doors, do our own thing, and come together when we want to and are happy.

    My MIL and I both love our husbands dearly, but we agree that we wish we could have our own bedrooms. To be able to decorate, keep clean, and do what we want as we still crave having some privacy. I love sleeping next to my husband, but here are nights when I just want to have the bed to myself - hubby has vetoed that idea though so its not happening.

    You learn what works for the two of you to make a lifetime together work.
     
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