I don’t think God loves me

[meggy]

Hi, my name is Megan. I don’t think God loves me because He chose me to be an Esau. And in the scriptures, it says He hated Esau. And that He has mercy on whom He has mercy and chooses to harden who He wants to harden. (Romans 9) I remember reading that when I was a teenager and I didn’t like that about God. I never had an encounter with God before. I never heard Him speak to me. Never really felt His presence of what I can remember. And my life never changed after I got into Jesus and the Bible. I never changed. I am a mentally ill person. Messed up in the head. My life was just darkness and full of weird messed up sin. I was anorexic when I was 11. Then it went away. Then when I was 16 I got mentally ill again I was obsessed with climate change and veganism. Then Jesus and the Bible got thrown into it. I was crazy. Then I got really scared of the unforgivable sin thinking I did it and then I had the worst satanic and blasphemous thoughts against the Holy Spirit. My legs and heart would burn and I went to the mental hospital for 21 days. They say I’m schizophrenic so they put me on more antipsychotics than I was on before. I knew Jesus was Lord. And I didn’t understand why God created me to go to hell. As time went on I got boy obsessed and didn’t get scared of unforgivable sin anymore and I don’t think I had any fear of the Lord anymore. I did sexual sins a bunch when I was 18 and 19 but I had no sexual feeling cuz of my meds so idk why I did it. And I had many hell experiences after I smoked weed 2 times 1 year apart. I felt what hell was like while I was on earth. I knew I was separated from God all things good. I was already in torment. And I knew God wouldn’t forgive me after this and oh my gosh my worse fear is happening to me. I’m in this soul and I’m stuck in it to suffer forever. and now all they can do is give me drugs to calm me down and I’ll die and go to hell. And that’s what’s happening. And this year when it was excruciating I cried out to God that he’d forgive me but I found no relief. Now I have no emotions anymore. I never cry. I think I’m a sociopath. I think I did deliberate sins too much and I can’t be forgiven that or I was given over to a reprobate mind and I committed the unforgivable sin because I don’t even have any fear about it anymore. I pray but nothing happens. I see everyone else’s lives with Jesus and I’m jealous. I don’t understand why Jesus didn’t do the same for me. I guess it’s simply because He doesn’t love me and He didn’t choose me. Sometimes I get so confused I don’t know what’s real anymore. I know Jesus is out there I see the miracles for other people. I knew so much truth and light yet I sinned and I think that increases my condemnation. I remember going to the international house of prayer conference in 2016 and I wanted to have an encounter with God and my friend I brought to have one too but nothing happened. I was just always messed up in the head. I never truly had a relationship with Jesus. And I want one but I try and He doesn’t respond at all to me. He doesn’t tell me He loves me or anything. I don’t think He loves me. And I know He’s coming back soon and He’s going to take His holy people with Him and I’m not one of them.

 

[Jeshu]

For as long as you keep repeating those lies in your head you will not experience His salvation and cut yourself off from His goodness. Honest you have placed yourself in the shoes of an unbeliever for you do not believe the truth of God's word put let the accuser in your mind twist it into lies.

You are going by your feelings and the thoughts and feelings satan brings alive within you believing his lies. For years i thought the same as you, i'm also a schizophrenic and understand a little of that hell you are talking about.

The bible says you harvest what you sow.

Now what will these lies harvest you?

1. God doesn't love me
2. i'm not elected
3. i'm doomed
4. i'm going to hell because i cursed the Holy Spirit.
   
5. i sinned to badly to be saved
   
6. Jesus cannot save me

No wonder you harvest MISERY

See! all lies. Scripture is full of the truth of His salvation why don't you believe that?

Instead put your faith in the love of God for then you will begin to harvest Heavenly gifts and a fearless heart.

For what will these truth harvest you?

1. 1 John 4:10 "This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins."
2. Romans 3:22-26 "This righteousness is given through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference between Jew and Gentile, for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus. God presented Christ as a sacrifice of atonement, through the shedding of his blood—to be received by faith. He did this to demonstrate his righteousness, because in his forbearance he had left the sins committed beforehand unpunished— he did it to demonstrate his righteousness at the present time, so as to be just and the one who justifies those who have faith in Jesus."
3. Luke 5:32 "I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance."
4. 1 John 2:1-2 "My dear children, I write this to you so that you will not sin. But if anybody does sin, we have an advocate with the Father—Jesus Christ, the Righteous One. He is the atoning sacrifice for our sins, and not only for ours but also for the sins of the whole world."

Try it! Try putting your faith in God's love and see that your whole life will begin to change when you do that. Let His loving truth direct your steps and see where He takes you.

Please repent of the lies you believe and seek His loving truth to rule your heart. He sure is a good thing. He turned my life upside down and brought me His goodness and love. He wants to do the same for you.

Peace.

 

[OldWiseGuy]

If God didn't love us he wouldn't have written the greatest love letter in history to us.

 

[Aussie Pete]

Hi, my name is Megan. I don’t think God loves me because He chose me to be an Esau. And in the scriptures, it says He hated Esau. And that He has mercy on whom He has mercy and chooses to harden who He wants to harden. (Romans 9) I remember reading that when I was a teenager and I didn’t like that about God. I never had an encounter with God before. I never heard Him speak to me. Never really felt His presence of what I can remember. And my life never changed after I got into Jesus and the Bible. I never changed. I am a mentally ill person. Messed up in the head. My life was just darkness and full of weird messed up sin. I was anorexic when I was 11. Then it went away. Then when I was 16 I got mentally ill again I was obsessed with climate change and veganism. Then Jesus and the Bible got thrown into it. I was crazy. Then I got really scared of the unforgivable sin thinking I did it and then I had the worst satanic and blasphemous thoughts against the Holy Spirit. My legs and heart would burn and I went to the mental hospital for 21 days. They say I’m schizophrenic so they put me on more antipsychotics than I was on before. I knew Jesus was Lord. And I didn’t understand why God created me to go to hell. As time went on I got boy obsessed and didn’t get scared of unforgivable sin anymore and I don’t think I had any fear of the Lord anymore. I did sexual sins a bunch when I was 18 and 19 but I had no sexual feeling cuz of my meds so idk why I did it. And I had many hell experiences after I smoked weed 2 times 1 year apart. I felt what hell was like while I was on earth. I knew I was separated from God all things good. I was already in torment. And I knew God wouldn’t forgive me after this and oh my gosh my worse fear is happening to me. I’m in this soul and I’m stuck in it to suffer forever. and now all they can do is give me drugs to calm me down and I’ll die and go to hell. And that’s what’s happening. And this year when it was excruciating I cried out to God that he’d forgive me but I found no relief. Now I have no emotions anymore. I never cry. I think I’m a sociopath. I think I did deliberate sins too much and I can’t be forgiven that or I was given over to a reprobate mind and I committed the unforgivable sin because I don’t even have any fear about it anymore. I pray but nothing happens. I see everyone else’s lives with Jesus and I’m jealous. I don’t understand why Jesus didn’t do the same for me. I guess it’s simply because He doesn’t love me and He didn’t choose me. Sometimes I get so confused I don’t know what’s real anymore. I know Jesus is out there I see the miracles for other people. I knew so much truth and light yet I sinned and I think that increases my condemnation. I remember going to the international house of prayer conference in 2016 and I wanted to have an encounter with God and my friend I brought to have one too but nothing happened. I was just always messed up in the head. I never truly had a relationship with Jesus. And I want one but I try and He doesn’t respond at all to me. He doesn’t tell me He loves me or anything. I don’t think He loves me. And I know He’s coming back soon and He’s going to take His holy people with Him and I’m not one of them.

You are looking for answers in the wrong places. God speaks in a number of ways, but He has given us His Word, the Bible, as a certain foundation for believing. Trusting thoughts, feelings, experiences or what others say is unreliable. This is especially true if we are battling mental problems or when Satan is attacking us.

God also shows us who He is by what He does. Many people doubt God's love. There is no reason whatever to doubt. God demonstrated His love, for the worst of sinners, by sending Lord Jesus to die for us. Lord Jesus suffered terribly and He was totally innocent. Lord Jesus was punished in your place. That is reason enough to accept that God loves you. God is love.

God is not obliged to save anyone. God did not make Adam sin. That was his choice. Yet God stepped in to reverse the consequences of sin. None of Adam's descendants were willing or able to solve the problem of sin. Lord Jesus was both willing and able - at the cost of His life. That is love.

You are not sure that all this applies to you? How about this? "The Lord is not slow to fulfill His promise as some understand slowness, but is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish but everyone to come to repentance."

Put your name in there instead of "anyone". God does not want you to perish.

I suggest that you read the article that follows. It will help you.

Are you absolutely sure you are born again? - Christian Life Frankston

 

[Nobody_Special]

You gotz the demons?

You need deliverance.

Re-read the Gospels.

Must forgive others, your "concept of God" and your abusers and you.

Must believe God can forgive you (he forgave Paul, a self righteous murderer; He forgave hedonistic, idolatrous orgy Corinthian gentiles. He forgave the woman caught in adultery.)

Must follow Jesus teachings.

Show Him you're serious by hearing what he says and doing it

The Bible says it's an evil heart of unbelief.
Read Hebrews, unpardonable sin, is for those who have tasted of the Heavenly gift and gone back, you never had that

God wants all men to come to repentance and knowledge of the truth one God one mediator between God and man the man Jesus Christ

God didn't predestined you to be an Esau...

Believe it or not free choice is a thing and were eternally judged for it
when we choose God and choose righteousness good job

Paul says some are self-condemned

Peter says some have their conscience seared with a hot iron

You're here with a cry for help

You're not too far gone
when you believe the lies of the enemy, you're holding on to that lie, and the demon has a greater hold on you
Instead of holding onto God's True words...


I suggest you bind all unclean spirits in the name of Jesus of Nazareth the only begotten son of God who is risen and seated at the right hand of God
(Yeshua ha'Mashiach the Nazarene: the salvation of Yah, all who call on the name of Yahweh will be saved)

Do you understand that Christianity is a life swap when you commit your soul to Jesus Christ you don't live your life anymore, he owns it and he lives through you



Christianconnection.co

 

[crossnote]

Your words are a doorway that lets in light,
giving understanding to the thoughtless. Psalms 119:130 CJB

Pick up His Word again.

 

[Dorothy Mae]

Hi, my name is Megan. I don’t think God loves me because He chose me to be an Esau. And in the scriptures, it says He hated Esau. And that He has mercy on whom He has mercy and chooses to harden who He wants to harden. (Romans 9) I remember reading that when I was a teenager and I didn’t like that about God. I never had an encounter with God before. I never heard Him speak to me. Never really felt His presence of what I can remember. And my life never changed after I got into Jesus and the Bible. I never changed. I am a mentally ill person. Messed up in the head. My life was just darkness and full of weird messed up sin. I was anorexic when I was 11. Then it went away. Then when I was 16 I got mentally ill again I was obsessed with climate change and veganism. Then Jesus and the Bible got thrown into it. I was crazy. Then I got really scared of the unforgivable sin thinking I did it and then I had the worst satanic and blasphemous thoughts against the Holy Spirit. My legs and heart would burn and I went to the mental hospital for 21 days. They say I’m schizophrenic so they put me on more antipsychotics than I was on before. I knew Jesus was Lord. And I didn’t understand why God created me to go to hell. As time went on I got boy obsessed and didn’t get scared of unforgivable sin anymore and I don’t think I had any fear of the Lord anymore. I did sexual sins a bunch when I was 18 and 19 but I had no sexual feeling cuz of my meds so idk why I did it. And I had many hell experiences after I smoked weed 2 times 1 year apart. I felt what hell was like while I was on earth. I knew I was separated from God all things good. I was already in torment. And I knew God wouldn’t forgive me after this and oh my gosh my worse fear is happening to me. I’m in this soul and I’m stuck in it to suffer forever. and now all they can do is give me drugs to calm me down and I’ll die and go to hell. And that’s what’s happening. And this year when it was excruciating I cried out to God that he’d forgive me but I found no relief. Now I have no emotions anymore. I never cry. I think I’m a sociopath. I think I did deliberate sins too much and I can’t be forgiven that or I was given over to a reprobate mind and I committed the unforgivable sin because I don’t even have any fear about it anymore. I pray but nothing happens. I see everyone else’s lives with Jesus and I’m jealous. I don’t understand why Jesus didn’t do the same for me. I guess it’s simply because He doesn’t love me and He didn’t choose me. Sometimes I get so confused I don’t know what’s real anymore. I know Jesus is out there I see the miracles for other people. I knew so much truth and light yet I sinned and I think that increases my condemnation. I remember going to the international house of prayer conference in 2016 and I wanted to have an encounter with God and my friend I brought to have one too but nothing happened. I was just always messed up in the head. I never truly had a relationship with Jesus. And I want one but I try and He doesn’t respond at all to me. He doesn’t tell me He loves me or anything. I don’t think He loves me. And I know He’s coming back soon and He’s going to take His holy people with Him and I’m not one of them.

Daer Megan,

I am very sorry you were taught Calvinist theology and I have seen this sort of results from that theology many times. Simply put, what you were taught and believe above is wrong.

1. God did not hate Esau the man. I can supply scriptures but God blessed Esau the man who became a wealthy and happy man by the time he met Jacob again. Jacob felt bad. Esau was overjoyed. God gave the descendents of Esau land and protected them, or at least the Children of Jacob were not allowed to do anything to them. It was only when the became Evil as a people many Generations later that God "hated" them means he hated their deeds. So Esau the man was loved and blessed by God as evidenced by what He did for Esau. That verse that says God hated Esau was written after many Generations later and they became an Evil people.

2. God never chose some for hell and some for heaven at all, not before we were Born nor afterwards. He calls all men. John 3:16 says God so loved the WORLD. Does not say God so loved the elect. So God loves you.

3. Regarding you crying out for forgiveness, it is sometimes necessary to cry out and not give up. This is not known in our Generation who want instant relief. But previous Generations knew that sometimes a Person Needs to cry out for forgiveness and seek Him for forgiveness until it is granted. You purposely sinned and Pretty big time according to your own words. His forgiveness is still great but if you are asking for forgiveness because you are afraid of punishment (hell) He does not Always respond to that. One Needs to ask for forgiveness because the deeds we did were wrong. And it is sometimes required that you ask forgiveness of all those you wronged. I have found that is great freedom in going back and asking forgiveness of those who have done wrong to or with. Sometimes people do not experience full forgiveness because they want to Keep it all between God and them. The Bible says that "God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble. So humble yourselves.."

So in your seeking forgiveness you might Need to go first and ask people to forgive you for (Name the sin). It is important to humble yourself and Name the sin, by the way. Blanket forgiveness is Nothing.

Because you deliberately sinned, it is harder to find forgiveness. Ignorant sin in one Thing. Deliberate sin is a harder nut to crack. In doing deliberate sin, we give ourselves over to the Enemy and then he has a claim on us.

Wishing you all the best,
Dorothy

 

[FutureAndAHope]

Hi, my name is Megan. I don’t think God loves me because He chose me to be an Esau. And in the scriptures, it says He hated Esau. And that He has mercy on whom He has mercy and chooses to harden who He wants to harden. (Romans 9) I remember reading that when I was a teenager and I didn’t like that about God. I never had an encounter with God before. I never heard Him speak to me. Never really felt His presence of what I can remember. And my life never changed after I got into Jesus and the Bible. I never changed. I am a mentally ill person. Messed up in the head. My life was just darkness and full of weird messed up sin. I was anorexic when I was 11. Then it went away. Then when I was 16 I got mentally ill again I was obsessed with climate change and veganism. Then Jesus and the Bible got thrown into it. I was crazy. Then I got really scared of the unforgivable sin thinking I did it and then I had the worst satanic and blasphemous thoughts against the Holy Spirit. My legs and heart would burn and I went to the mental hospital for 21 days. They say I’m schizophrenic so they put me on more antipsychotics than I was on before. I knew Jesus was Lord. And I didn’t understand why God created me to go to hell. As time went on I got boy obsessed and didn’t get scared of unforgivable sin anymore and I don’t think I had any fear of the Lord anymore. I did sexual sins a bunch when I was 18 and 19 but I had no sexual feeling cuz of my meds so idk why I did it. And I had many hell experiences after I smoked weed 2 times 1 year apart. I felt what hell was like while I was on earth. I knew I was separated from God all things good. I was already in torment. And I knew God wouldn’t forgive me after this and oh my gosh my worse fear is happening to me. I’m in this soul and I’m stuck in it to suffer forever. and now all they can do is give me drugs to calm me down and I’ll die and go to hell. And that’s what’s happening. And this year when it was excruciating I cried out to God that he’d forgive me but I found no relief. Now I have no emotions anymore. I never cry. I think I’m a sociopath. I think I did deliberate sins too much and I can’t be forgiven that or I was given over to a reprobate mind and I committed the unforgivable sin because I don’t even have any fear about it anymore. I pray but nothing happens. I see everyone else’s lives with Jesus and I’m jealous. I don’t understand why Jesus didn’t do the same for me. I guess it’s simply because He doesn’t love me and He didn’t choose me. Sometimes I get so confused I don’t know what’s real anymore. I know Jesus is out there I see the miracles for other people. I knew so much truth and light yet I sinned and I think that increases my condemnation. I remember going to the international house of prayer conference in 2016 and I wanted to have an encounter with God and my friend I brought to have one too but nothing happened. I was just always messed up in the head. I never truly had a relationship with Jesus. And I want one but I try and He doesn’t respond at all to me. He doesn’t tell me He loves me or anything. I don’t think He loves me. And I know He’s coming back soon and He’s going to take His holy people with Him and I’m not one of them.

The bible says:

Ecc 9:4 For to him that is joined to all the living there is hope: for a living dog is better than a dead lion.

While we are alive there is hope for us. The cross covers a lifetime of sins and failures.

Heb 9:27-28 And as it is appointed unto men once to die, but after this the judgment: So Christ was once offered to bear the sins of many;

None of your sins are unforgivable.

Think of the story of the prodigal son, God loved the son even when he was away from the house in his life of sin, the Father waited patiently for him to return. When he returned the Father threw His arms around the son embracing Him.

Your loving Father is waiting for you to return. As James states of the wayward:

Jas 5:19-20 My brothers, if one of you has gone out of the way of the true faith and another has made him see his error, Be certain that he through whom a sinner has been turned from the error of his way, keeps a soul from death and is the cause of forgiveness for sins without number.

 

[Jesse Johnson]

Hi, my name is Megan. I don’t think God loves me because He chose me to be an Esau. And in the scriptures, it says He hated Esau. And that He has mercy on whom He has mercy and chooses to harden who He wants to harden. (Romans 9) I remember reading that when I was a teenager and I didn’t like that about God. I never had an encounter with God before. I never heard Him speak to me. Never really felt His presence of what I can remember. And my life never changed after I got into Jesus and the Bible. I never changed. I am a mentally ill person. Messed up in the head. My life was just darkness and full of weird messed up sin. I was anorexic when I was 11. Then it went away. Then when I was 16 I got mentally ill again I was obsessed with climate change and veganism. Then Jesus and the Bible got thrown into it. I was crazy. Then I got really scared of the unforgivable sin thinking I did it and then I had the worst satanic and blasphemous thoughts against the Holy Spirit. My legs and heart would burn and I went to the mental hospital for 21 days. They say I’m schizophrenic so they put me on more antipsychotics than I was on before. I knew Jesus was Lord. And I didn’t understand why God created me to go to hell. As time went on I got boy obsessed and didn’t get scared of unforgivable sin anymore and I don’t think I had any fear of the Lord anymore. I did sexual sins a bunch when I was 18 and 19 but I had no sexual feeling cuz of my meds so idk why I did it. And I had many hell experiences after I smoked weed 2 times 1 year apart. I felt what hell was like while I was on earth. I knew I was separated from God all things good. I was already in torment. And I knew God wouldn’t forgive me after this and oh my gosh my worse fear is happening to me. I’m in this soul and I’m stuck in it to suffer forever. and now all they can do is give me drugs to calm me down and I’ll die and go to hell. And that’s what’s happening. And this year when it was excruciating I cried out to God that he’d forgive me but I found no relief. Now I have no emotions anymore. I never cry. I think I’m a sociopath. I think I did deliberate sins too much and I can’t be forgiven that or I was given over to a reprobate mind and I committed the unforgivable sin because I don’t even have any fear about it anymore. I pray but nothing happens. I see everyone else’s lives with Jesus and I’m jealous. I don’t understand why Jesus didn’t do the same for me. I guess it’s simply because He doesn’t love me and He didn’t choose me. Sometimes I get so confused I don’t know what’s real anymore. I know Jesus is out there I see the miracles for other people. I knew so much truth and light yet I sinned and I think that increases my condemnation. I remember going to the international house of prayer conference in 2016 and I wanted to have an encounter with God and my friend I brought to have one too but nothing happened. I was just always messed up in the head. I never truly had a relationship with Jesus. And I want one but I try and He doesn’t respond at all to me. He doesn’t tell me He loves me or anything. I don’t think He loves me. And I know He’s coming back soon and He’s going to take His holy people with Him and I’m not one of them.

.
There's no denying that this life is harder for some than others. I don't say that to minimize your experience, please believe me. I have suffered from severe anxiety and depression for over 50 years. I have been on the medicinal rollercoaster ride myself and have, in desperation, done things with medicine that I would never recount here for fear of giving other folks with mental health problems bad ideas. The point I'm getting to is that since it is so obvious that people suffer in different ways and to differing degrees, it stands to reason that some will suffer horribly. This fact, coupled with a few texts that seem to diagnose an individual's spiritual condition, is not proof that God doesn't love someone or that they have resisted Him to the limit of His forbearance. It could, in fact, mean that God has had to resort to allowing this suffering to get our attention that we're not aware enough of our need for, and dependence upon Him for our physical, mental and spiritual needs. You and I may have done our best (or not, I must at least confess in my own case), but even if we have, it will never be enough. Only His best will be enough, and His best is not like our best, in that it is both sufficient and abundant. It is an effort we can never match, nor provide a suitable substitute.

The sacrifice of God's Son at Calvary is the centerpiece of time, space, matter, and reality. nothing else even comes close to being comparable, even on the smallest scale. He asks you to make it your own. He has literally given himself for and to you as a member of the race He personally created. He can be all yours while offering the same gift to all others. All is of and from and for Christ. “For by him were all things created, that are in heaven, and that are in earth, visible and invisible, whether they be thrones, or dominions, or principalities, or powers: all things were created by him, and for him:” (Colossians 1:16). Until we throw ourselves at His feet, as though we were nothing, we can have no part with Him. Even this which seems so much like a definable event can be a lifelong process for some. I have been a Christian for nearly 50 years. This is a lesson I have had to learn over and over again and still sometimes “don’t get it.” He doesn’t give up on us when we “don’t get it.” “For a righteous man may fall seven times And rise again, But the wicked shall fall by calamity.” (Proverbs 24:16) I really like the way the Good News Translation puts this: “No matter how often honest people fall, they always get up again; but disaster destroys the wicked.” The reason the word “seven” isn’t used here is because many scholars believe that numbers are often used in an abstract manner in the Bible and actually mean something more profound than a mathematical figure. The word ‘seven” is used this way in Matthew 18:21-22: “Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times? Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven.” Seriously, are we to imagine that Christ requires us to keep track of how many times we have forgiven someone?

This is taken from a book about the life of Christ called “Desire Of Ages,” which is available for free in hundreds of places on the web:

"All true obedience comes from the heart. It was heart work with Christ. And if we consent, He will so identify Himself with our thoughts and aims, so blend our hearts and minds into conformity to His will, that when obeying Him we shall be but carrying out our own impulses."

This is how deep the change in us must be. It must be a "heart work." We can't do this ourselves. We can only continue to surrender ourselves to His will, even if we have to do it a million times. And as difficult as it is to endure for some of us, it has it's benefits now and in the hereafter.

"I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly."
John 10:10

Claim this promise as though it were only meant for you. It should be considered that way, because no one else in the world faces the struggles you do, and God longs to have a personal relationship with you.
.

 

[Justasking123]

"All true obedience comes from the heart

I'm wondering what if the heart is dead because of too much sin and their seams to be no desire for God ?

Unfortunatly in my case I am realising only now that I may have gone too far because of willful sins and it seems that I now have no no honesty in myself. My motives are all bad and I only seek to fill selfish needs it is terrible.

 

[Jeshu]

I'm wondering what if the heart is dead because of too much sin and their seams to be no desire for God ?

Unfortunatly in my case I am realising only now that I may have gone too far because of willful sins and it seems that I now have no no honesty in myself. My motives are all bad and I only seek to fill selfish needs it is terrible.

Yes God does hand us over to our desires. To show us the truth of our corruption and our need for salvation. This is what is happening to you. You need to know that Christ loved us while we were still sinners, can you do the same? Can you love yourself enough to die in your bad life for you? Christ died for your bad life and loves to give you your good life back.

Believe and be baptised with the holy Ghost for then willingness to love and serve Him will grow back in your heart. As it is you have been trampling all over the Spirit by disbelieving the truth of God's word. What other way to be saved but to believe the truth?

i urge you to put your faith in God's love - Jesus Christ - for then things will turn around for you.

 

[Jesse Johnson]

I'm wondering what if the heart is dead because of too much sin and their seams to be no desire for God ?

Unfortunatly in my case I am realising only now that I may have gone too far because of willful sins and it seems that I now have no no honesty in myself. My motives are all bad and I only seek to fill selfish needs it is terrible.

Yes, your heart is dead. You have no power to fix it. You don't even have any part in the urge that makes you come here to inquire as to what to do. Just recognize that and you can take the next step.

Consider this thought from a book called "Steps To Christ" that, again, is freely available to read and download on the Internet. It was written over 100 years ago and has been printed in many millions of copies:

"Just here is a point on which many may err, and hence they fail of receiving the help that Christ desires to give them. They think that they cannot come to Christ unless they first repent, and that repentance prepares for the forgiveness of their sins. It is true that repentance does precede the forgiveness of sins; for it is only the broken and contrite heart that will feel the need of a Saviour. But must the sinner wait till he has repented before he can come to Jesus? Is repentance to be made an obstacle between the sinner and the Saviour? The Bible does not teach that the sinner must repent before he can heed the invitation of Christ, “Come unto Me, all ye that labor and are heavy-laden, and I will give you rest.” Matthew 11:28. It is the virtue that goes forth from Christ, that leads to genuine repentance. Peter made the matter clear in his statement to the Israelites when he said, “Him hath God exalted with His right hand to be a Prince and a Saviour, for to give repentance to Israel, and forgiveness of sins.” Acts 5:31. We can no more repent without the Spirit of Christ to awaken the conscience than we can be pardoned without Christ. Christ is the source of every right impulse. He is the only one that can implant in the heart enmity against sin. Every desire for truth and purity, every conviction of our own sinfulness, is an evidence that His Spirit is moving upon our hearts."

"It is true that men sometimes become ashamed of their sinful ways, and give up some of their evil habits, before they are conscious that they are being drawn to Christ. But whenever they make an effort to reform, from a sincere desire to do right, it is the power of Christ that is drawing them. An influence of which they are unconscious works upon the soul, and the conscience is quickened, and the outward life is amended. And as Christ draws them to look upon His cross, to behold Him whom their sins have pierced, the commandment comes home to the conscience. The wickedness of their life, the deep-seated sin of the soul, is revealed to them. They begin to comprehend something of the righteousness of Christ, and exclaim, “What is sin, that it should require such a sacrifice for the redemption of its victim? Was all this love, all this suffering, all this humiliation, demanded, that we might not perish, but have everlasting life?” The sinner may resist this love, may refuse to be drawn to Christ; but if he does not resist he will be drawn to Jesus; a knowledge of the plan of salvation will lead him to the foot of the cross in repentance for his sins, which have caused the sufferings of God's dear Son."

I know it seems clichéd. But you wouldn't be here if weren't being drawn by God.

No one can come to Me unless the Father who sent Me draws him; and I will raise him up at the last day.
John 6:44

It doesn't say " No one can come to me if they suffer from mental health issues."

Right?

I can also assure you from a hermeneutical standpoint that the word "hate" as it is used in the Bible does not always mean the same thing. The devil has done a number on our language to try to obscure the truth about God's character so that we too often see Him as a heavenly name-taker, just itching to catch us doing something wrong.

 

[Justasking123]

Thank you both, the thing is that I know that God has tried to help me. I had a moment in my life where I did really bad things and afterwards I wanted to change honestly, God sent me blessings so I could really change and become more like Jesus and He put light on me but I refused multiple times the help.. instead of coming more in the light I flew from it and now I regret it bitterly.

As I tried later on to follow the right path I found myself numb because of my sins and in a place of darkness, fear and hopelessness because my sins are before my eyes and they grow each day also I fear the judgement to come.

I often think about my sins against Jesus and against Christians who honestly tried to help me and see I have no excuses because I chose the bad path. It makes me think I am the worst of person and I do not even deserve to be on this Earth physically, also I always feel down but all those are sorrows of the world because I am just sorry for myself really and it does not lead to repentance.

When I look at my sins, a lot happened in thougths which is in a sense worst because I see perversity, manipulation and lies in them. It is better to sin in the flesh without calculation but the willfull sins are the worse and I think God despises me now because of them. I know intellectually that He does not hate a soul without reasons, as you stated that a lot of people have been forgiven but they did not know they acted against God when they sinned, which is fair, that is why I am very worried, because I acted knowingly, deliberatly in most cases I think..

I have typical thougths like I belong to the darkness, I don't want or love anyone not even the One who died to save me, my life will end in torments and I don't want it but I know I deserve it, I don't exist anymore, all my motives are bad I am worst than I was before I knew about the Truth, I am a liar in all I do, before God and before people, because I know the right path but I did not choose it and now I try to flea the consequences. I even regret knowing the Truth or being born even if I know this is an enourmous blessing, because I havent done anything with it. I could have been a friend of Christ and a servitor of God but instead I serve Satan and demons because in my stupidity, selfishness and pride I chose to do everything my way although I knew better. I am 24 and my soul is probably already sealed for the worst which I don't want to imagine and I have to wait for it.

It like beeing in a small room without windows or doors and wanting to escape pushing the walls and Jesus came and bilt a door just for me but I said no I prefer to push the wall by myself, it will surely work and told Him I actually don't need any help but I knew I did. And now I am starving to death in this room and I realise the stupid thought but it is to late because I am so exhausted I cannot even properly (honestly) call for help.


I think I am writing just because I feel sorry for myself and I want to act like I'm trying to seek help but deep inside I know it is too late..

 

[Justasking123]

I sabotaged my soul and saving about 22 years because of poor choices but at least I didn't know the Truth, but since 2 years nearly I am a conscious enemy of the Creator. I can see how it affects the atate of mind because it is the worst to be against the One who gave you everything.

I am like Esau because he despised the holy gift and cried for it later and I am like Judas because he followed his bad motives knowingly and it led him slowly but surelysur do the worst of things but when he realised what he had done it was too late and he fell in despair.

 

[Jeshu]

I think I am writing just because I feel sorry for myself and I want to act like I'm trying to seek help but deep inside I know it is too late..

That is a horrible conclusion to come to, and what is worse, it is so untrue.

i have sinned willfully plenty of times, i have run away from God plenty of times, i have sinned perhaps even far more than you ever dream of doing, yet i found grace.

The truth is that God's grace is for those who know their sin and misery. For those who don't know their sin cannot be convinced they are wrong. You know you are wrong, selfish, arrogant, pleasure loving, lusting after your desires rather than pining after God. Who did you think showed you that? The Truth did, didn't He?

The truth is God showed you your corruption, it is His Spirit within you teaching you the truth. The very One you trample on when you reject Christ's sacrifice for being too bad a case for Him to handle. Surely that is just your guilty conscience speaking and not the Truth? The truth is that God loves you, for He loves us while we are still sinners. Sure wrong in you needs to go. That is what serving Jesus is all about. To find your true self back again. The one you killed within you sinning so much. Your righteous you.

That deep down feeling you got is satan within whispering his lies. He has hold of you that deeply. Please be warned that he will screw you badly out of shape and torture you in his dungeons You best of not heeding him. He lies about God's salvation. He kept it from me for years as well sprouting the same kind of lies you now believe.

He only hurts God's kids not those who don't care about their sins, that is why i know you are one of Christ. You hurt the wicked instead of celebrate them. You suffer their punishment for having them on board. You can see for yourself that serving satan doesn't pay dividends but steals all our goodness.

For yes in willful sin you shall die, no doubt about it, but you best of having Jesus raise you up in your good life once again before physical death catches up with you, spiritually you are as good as dead already. Yet after the first resurrection the second death has no power over us any more. You cannot have sinned against the Spirit of God because you know the truth and only God's own know the truth for in the lie is no truth. (Surely you have seen that?)

Please know that faith in God's love transforms us. You can't change yourself before the event. You can't make yourself good enough for Christ. It doesn't work like that.

To go against that deep down voice, until God's love exposes him and you let go of it in favour of heeding God's voice within. Then the inner change will begin to happen, not before.

Lay your heart bare before Jesus and confess all the wilful sins you have done while you walk in the willful sinner self and let Jesus save you from these goats so that in your sheep you can be set free.

God loves you to be His again. He is angry with you for not heeding His loving truth but heeding the voice of your tormentors. This is why He hands you over into their hands, as you do to Him, He does to you. When you stop disbelieving His love for you then He will be there and flood you with His love.

So even in unbelief He loves you true and lets your will be god in your life. Please repent from hurting Him and please repent from hurting yourself. Stop hurting your Heavenly Father. Accept Jesus as your Lord and Saviour and turn your back to willful sin and its inner misery.

Please include yourself back into His Family. i did and have never looked back. That deep down feeling where i saw myself cursed and doomed, was indeed cursed and doom and died out of me. All the evil voices, thoughts and feelings did. Though it took a few years of rebuilding. Jesus got the job done. All i had to do was learn to have faith in Him with all my heart so He could unite me into one person loving and serving Him.

Praying you call upon His name even now. So He can bring you a new life without the torture you are going through now.

Peace.

Isaiah 53

 

[Brenda Blakely]

Megan you may be a person who understands what I mean when I say, “My mind is a dangerous place to go without the Holy Spirit.” Many times I have struggled to understand and watched God carry out His work for others, but it just did not seem to be for me. For me, I had to pray “Father, I want so to believe, ‘help my unbelief’” This verse come from Mark 9:24 in the Bible. I had to write it down and remind myself to pray it until it became real in my life. I posted it on the mirror in my bathroom.
Megan, I want to pray for you. “Father God, I come before You knowing that You are God and You tell me You love me. Help my unbelief and help Megan to know that You are real and You love her. Help her to seek You. Help her to read Your word and believe it. Help her to have a clear mind that can receive Your truth. Help her to study Your word even when it is difficult. Help Megan to walk in Your truth wrapped in Your love and to experience Your peace and joy. Renew her mind and keep it stayed upon You. Let Megan be able to say, “In God I trust.” and not waver. I ask this in the power of the name of Jesus and thank You Father for hearing this and touching Megan. Amen”
Megan, I believe it would help you to study God’s word and to have a group of people who would encourage you. Please call this number 855 382 6433- and ask them to help you find such a group in your area. You and I are God’s children and He loves us.

 

[meggy]

I’m at a loss for words. All I know is that I did know the truth full well and I went with sinners and I sinned greatly. I have so much judgement. I can’t even think right now because it’s so bad. I know I committed the unforgivable sin. I’m not even scared like I used to be. My legs and heart are burning right now. It’s just so bad what I’ve done and it doesn’t even phase me. I don’t have a broken and contrite heart. I feel like I was used by Satan to drive people away from Jesus. I got so confused that I didn’t know if Jesus or Satan was Lord or not. That thought used to terrify me, that saying. And now nothing. My judgment is going to be so bad. A pastor said I was on the devil’s side once as he was trying to get the Holy Spirit inside of me. I feel like I hated God or something and I didn’t really know it. And it says that we love because He first loved us.

 

[Tempura]

I’m at a loss for words. All I know is that I did know the truth full well and I went with sinners and I sinned greatly.

I've sinned more than you. Many of us have, knowingly, in our weakness.

Please don't trust your feelings of condemnation. And whoever that pastor was, I wouldn't believe a word coming from their mouth after hearing something like that.

The Gospel of Christ is about good news. God reconciling His creation to Himself, Jesus Christ being our savior, our sins were punished in Him, at the cross. We could never do it ourselves, and we still can't. We fall, we get up. We fall, we get up. In the name of Christ there is always forgiveness. When we read "God is love", those are not just pretty meaningless words. If we believe them to be meaningless words, then of course we're going to have a lot of trouble. Some people, like me, had to learn how God is love the hard way. I fought against it with everything I had. I simply couldn't believe it in my misery. I fought and I fought.

You haven't committed anything unforgivable. You sin like the rest of us. The only difference here is, that for whatever reason, you believe your sins are a thousand times more wicked, more real, more evil than anyone else's. You're not alone with that either, I've seen this strange phenomena happening in these boards. But God is very able and willing to forgive and mighty to save. More able and mighty, than we can ever be able to despair.

Please stop torturing yourself. God isn't doing it. The spirit of fear isn't from Him. Think of yourself as ill, as someone who needs plenty of rest and care. Mental illness isn't your fault. It's not. Whatever awful confusion your mind throws at you, it's not you. It's not God either. The illness is real, and whatever it throws at you will seem like the only reality, but your illness doesn't get to be God. Our fears, our confusion, our ailments, even our knowledge, they aren't God. When our mind is against us, and fear rules, everything goes upside down, even the Bible becomes just another accuser and we can't see or feel the love and forgiveness we need. It's especially difficult for a believer, because then our mind throws all our religious fears against us. When it happens with full force, it's heartbreaking. That's when we must persevere, because in those moments we are believing lies.

Dear sister, Jesus Christ is victorious, and He has us. He has me, and He has you. Whatever you feel has nothing to do with it. Whatever conviction you have against it, He still has you. He knows you, we were created through Him, He was given for you. He has us poor sinners. He came for the sinners. He paid the price. The sick need the medicine. He is the medicine, He is the hope. He found them, He found the sinners, He found the sick, He continuously does this, He always finds us. He goes after the lost sheep. The lost sheep are afraid, they don't know anything except how lost they are. But He will come, He always does. He is our righteousness. Anyone or anything who wants to take us from His hand, would have to go through Him first. They can't.

Dear sister, God loves you. What you can't find in yourself, is in Christ for you. You are safely hid in Him. No matter how much you couldn't agree with this. No matter how much you felt awful condemnation. No matter how adamant you are in your current belief. No matter what you feel or don't feel. God has always loved you. He knows the awful trouble you're in. I hope you surround yourself with people who have compassion, who want your best, who love you and care for you.

Please persevere. Please stay safe. I join with others in praying for you. You are loved with the most divine love. You matter. You really do. You are not a lost cause nor will you ever be. Much love to you sister. Christ is with you. He is. You are safe.

 

[Tempura]

Dear sister Megan, one more thing, I stumbled into something a few weeks ago, and now I know it wasn't an accident. I hope you read this, a wonderful take about spiritual despair by CH Spurgeon. It goes quite deep, perhaps you can recognize some of yourself in it.

Here it is: Consolation for the Despairing

God bless you.