I Desperately Need Advice from Christians

[Rescued One]

I was shocked when you said to have my friend to ask my uncle to court me. Wow..... The craziest thing about is when I first met him, my uncle kept saying "So what is the end goal here?" I told him that I didn't know what he meant. Then he said "Are you trying to get married to him because if not, you can't talk to him?"

Then he said that he would take my phone away. I thought that sounded crazy. He did take my phone away 4 months later. My friend thinks how my family is trying to keep us apart is crazy. However, he's been respectful and kind.

Your family probably learned that behavior from their parents. It sounds crazy to me, but do they know something they aren't telling you? My mother moved when my sister started hanging out with men. My sister rebelled and let my mother move away without her. Then my sister married the abusive child molester my mother was trying to get my sister away from. He ended up molesting several young people, and physically abused at least one other.

The only way I can communicate with him is by his friend sending text messages of what I said or through a live gaming stream. He said that he's not going to give up. I really don't know what else he could do. I definitely would not feel comfortable telling him to court me. That would be awkward. Very awkward indeed.

Is it worth it?

 

[BNR32FAN]

I am 21 years old about to be 22 next month. I have been going through some tough things with my family so far because I made friends with a Christian male. However, there have been issues with my family long before when I was a child, and before I was born. They weren't as angry before as they are now. I don't understand it. They tell me that it is a sin to be friends with the opposite gender. They said God is against it and I must obey or God will deal with me severely. We are not in a relationship. We don't even hang out. We would just communicate via phone or email. He's never been inappropriate with me. He treats me as God would want a male to treat a female. We are mutual friends. They were accusing him and his family of things which blew my mind. I feel they are just paranoid about things due to their past experiences and from the stories they heard. Everyone in the world is not out to harm people. Yes, God does want us to be wise and safe. I feel they are going overboard and that is not healthy. When they said those things about my male friend and his family, it hurt me and made me upset. I said some things to them that I shouldn't have said and I apologize to them and God. I can't just sit back and let people say horrible things about others and agree with that or just forget about people. My uncle told me I had to choose between my friend or my relationship with him. That sounds crazy to me. Another family member said I wanted boyfriends and God is going to allow one day where I get raped just because I said when I graduate college I'm moving out due to my toxic family. I can't even process that. I am stunned. Some other things have been going on in my family that is not good that is relating to other things that happened between other relatives years ago. They got upset when my friend's father wanted to talk to me over the phone about what helps out with acid reflux since his son told him about my condition. His father said if I didn't feel comfortable talking to him over the phone, I could talk to his wife or his wife could talk to my mother, which is reasonable. My mom didn't want to talk over the phone. I don't have a father and the only father figure that I have is my uncle. He didn't want to talk to him. What is wrong with getting advice from someone kind enough to give it. They forced me to text my friend and tell him that they said I cannot talk to him because it's a sin. I told them that the things that they said about him and his family were unreasonable and mean. I told them that I don't agree with them about God being against being mutual friends with the opposite gender as long as it's appropriate. God is against fornication; however, that is not the case here. I told them I don't think I can stop talking to him since we have been friends for a while, especially when he has not done anything wrong to me or them. They called me a sociopath for saying that. They said I am too connected to him. They never said things like that to me before. I love my family; however, there are a lot of things don't like about them. They are breaking my heart greatly. I am starting to feel like a horrible person due to what they have said to me. I have been told that I am not saved by God. I have been told that I am arrogant, stuck up, think I know everything, that I take up for other people, and other horrible things. I am shocked by those things. I also heard remarks about me being perfect. It seems like people say those things to me just because I haven't been in a relationship with a guy before and fallen pregnant like many people in my immediate family. My family also tells me the reason why you have not gotten yourself into trouble is because of us. No, by the grace of God and by God using the ways to help. I am thankful for them for that and for supporting me. Many kids grew up in good Christian families who didn't want to follow after God. At the end of the day, the child has to make a choice. I made a choice that I wanted to serve God many years ago. Yes, I'm not perfect, but deep down I want to do what is right in God's eyes. I sometimes feel like they think I must be a certain way that makes me think that I have to be perfect. When I do something wrong or get upset, I'm not saved. There is no perfect Christian out there. There are Christians who are more righteous than others. We all have things that we need God's help to improve. Here's another thing. When I get upset I would say Oh my gosh, Oh my word, or Dadgummit. My uncle said saying oh my gosh is bad but he says oh my goodness. I don't understand. I would not dare use God's name in vain. There are times when I do get upset and say things and I would ask God for forgiveness and apologize to the person with whom I got upset. I just can't stand back and let people say horrible things about others without knowing them first or just forget about people. I am not heartless. I also have a female friend who happens to be a Mormon. They call her evil and say I should not talk to her because she's not a Christian. I know that religion is not right, but Jesus can lead people from that religion if they are searching for the truth. I wonder what God thinks of this. I feel very sad. I am not an argumentive person but I do speak up for things I don't agree with. I feel like crying right now.

They’re overreacting. There’s nothing wrong with having friends of the opposite sex especially if they’re fellow Christians. How are you ever supposed to find your significant other if you can’t even have friends of the opposite sex? It’s a wonder how you were ever born to begin with. I mean did your parents get married the moment they met or did they live in “sin” while they became friends first? You need to rebuke them for their false accusations against you and your friend.

 

[Rescued One]

Monster Preacher in Philadelphia; Gary Heidnik's House of Horrors:

You're better off if you know a person from your church or high school. You need to know his parents and reputation.

 

[BNR32FAN]

I am 21 years old about to be 22 next month. I have been going through some tough things with my family so far because I made friends with a Christian male. However, there have been issues with my family long before when I was a child, and before I was born. They weren't as angry before as they are now. I don't understand it. They tell me that it is a sin to be friends with the opposite gender. They said God is against it and I must obey or God will deal with me severely. We are not in a relationship. We don't even hang out. We would just communicate via phone or email. He's never been inappropriate with me. He treats me as God would want a male to treat a female. We are mutual friends. They were accusing him and his family of things which blew my mind. I feel they are just paranoid about things due to their past experiences and from the stories they heard. Everyone in the world is not out to harm people. Yes, God does want us to be wise and safe. I feel they are going overboard and that is not healthy. When they said those things about my male friend and his family, it hurt me and made me upset. I said some things to them that I shouldn't have said and I apologize to them and God. I can't just sit back and let people say horrible things about others and agree with that or just forget about people. My uncle told me I had to choose between my friend or my relationship with him. That sounds crazy to me. Another family member said I wanted boyfriends and God is going to allow one day where I get raped just because I said when I graduate college I'm moving out due to my toxic family. I can't even process that. I am stunned. Some other things have been going on in my family that is not good that is relating to other things that happened between other relatives years ago. They got upset when my friend's father wanted to talk to me over the phone about what helps out with acid reflux since his son told him about my condition. His father said if I didn't feel comfortable talking to him over the phone, I could talk to his wife or his wife could talk to my mother, which is reasonable. My mom didn't want to talk over the phone. I don't have a father and the only father figure that I have is my uncle. He didn't want to talk to him. What is wrong with getting advice from someone kind enough to give it. They forced me to text my friend and tell him that they said I cannot talk to him because it's a sin. I told them that the things that they said about him and his family were unreasonable and mean. I told them that I don't agree with them about God being against being mutual friends with the opposite gender as long as it's appropriate. God is against fornication; however, that is not the case here. I told them I don't think I can stop talking to him since we have been friends for a while, especially when he has not done anything wrong to me or them. They called me a sociopath for saying that. They said I am too connected to him. They never said things like that to me before. I love my family; however, there are a lot of things don't like about them. They are breaking my heart greatly. I am starting to feel like a horrible person due to what they have said to me. I have been told that I am not saved by God. I have been told that I am arrogant, stuck up, think I know everything, that I take up for other people, and other horrible things. I am shocked by those things. I also heard remarks about me being perfect. It seems like people say those things to me just because I haven't been in a relationship with a guy before and fallen pregnant like many people in my immediate family. My family also tells me the reason why you have not gotten yourself into trouble is because of us. No, by the grace of God and by God using the ways to help. I am thankful for them for that and for supporting me. Many kids grew up in good Christian families who didn't want to follow after God. At the end of the day, the child has to make a choice. I made a choice that I wanted to serve God many years ago. Yes, I'm not perfect, but deep down I want to do what is right in God's eyes. I sometimes feel like they think I must be a certain way that makes me think that I have to be perfect. When I do something wrong or get upset, I'm not saved. There is no perfect Christian out there. There are Christians who are more righteous than others. We all have things that we need God's help to improve. Here's another thing. When I get upset I would say Oh my gosh, Oh my word, or Dadgummit. My uncle said saying oh my gosh is bad but he says oh my goodness. I don't understand. I would not dare use God's name in vain. There are times when I do get upset and say things and I would ask God for forgiveness and apologize to the person with whom I got upset. I just can't stand back and let people say horrible things about others without knowing them first or just forget about people. I am not heartless. I also have a female friend who happens to be a Mormon. They call her evil and say I should not talk to her because she's not a Christian. I know that religion is not right, but Jesus can lead people from that religion if they are searching for the truth. I wonder what God thinks of this. I feel very sad. I am not an argumentive person but I do speak up for things I don't agree with. I feel like crying right now.

You could always just get engaged to this guy. That’ll shut ‘em up. Don’t have to set a marriage date yet. Then you’d have to get to know each other.

 

[Religiot]

I was shocked when you said to have my friend to ask my uncle to court me. Wow..... The craziest thing about is when I first met him, my uncle kept saying "So what is the end goal here?" I told him that I didn't know what he meant. Then he said "Are you trying to get married to him because if not, you can't talk to him?"

Then he said that he would take my phone away. I thought that sounded crazy. He did take my phone away 4 months later. My friend thinks how my family is trying to keep us apart is crazy. However, he's been respectful and kind.

The only way I can communicate with him is by his friend sending text messages of what I said or through a live gaming stream. He said that he's not going to give up. I really don't know what else he could do. I definitely would not feel comfortable telling him to court me. That would be awkward. Very awkward indeed.

Sorry to break it to you, but he is courting you, poorly, but courting you indeed.

Your uncle is wiser than you think, submit to his authority for now until a young man with some fortitude and respect confronts him about asking for your hand.

The world today, especially in the so called church, couldn't care less about God's standards, thus they have their children fornicating while they themselves go from one adultery to another.

Marriage is God's idea, not man's, it is sacred and spiritual, from start to finish.

Your uncle may not know how to express what he feels, but he is guarding you, your purity, for someone whom he deems is worthy of a God fearing woman.

If the guy that is courting you cannot speak to your uncle in a way that wins over his respect, then move on young sister, cause it won't end well.

It is by the grace of God that you still have a man protecting your honor from foolish boys who spend their days playing video games.

Respect your uncle, and submit to his authority, regardless of his capacity, for he is responsible for you, as a father would, and is only guarding you, as best he can.

You must only respect a man that will first respect your uncle enough, to ask for his permission to court you.

Only a real man will ask to meet your father before he would even consider commencing a relationship with you--your uncle is now in the place of your father, and you will do well to all remember that.

It is written, that we must honor our mothers and fathers, so that it may be well with us in the land.

Be patient, and don't be seduced by seemingly innocent boys; just fear God, and keep His commands, and in doing so, you will only attract a God fearing man.

 

[PrincessLDG]

Your family probably learned that behavior from their parents. It sounds crazy to me, but do they know something they aren't telling you? My mother moved when my sister started hanging out with men. My sister rebelled and let my mother move away without her. Then my sister married the abusive child molester my mother was trying to get my sister away from. He ended up molesting several young people, and physically abused at least one other.



Is it worth it?

Sorry to hear that happen between your mother and sister. What did you mean by is it worth it?

 

[PrincessLDG]

They’re overreacting. There’s nothing wrong with having friends of the opposite sex especially if they’re fellow Christians. How are you ever supposed to find your significant other if you can’t even have friends of the opposite sex? It’s a wonder how you were ever born, to begin with. I mean did your parents get married the moment they met or did they live in “sin” while they became friends first? You need to rebuke them for their false accusations against you and your friend.

I confronted them two times. I will be honest, the first time I let my emotions get the best of me, and reacted in a way that I know God did not approve of. I apologize to them and asked God for forgiveness. Sometimes it is hard to be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. I also remember there being something in the Bible saying that a wise man holds his tongue. I need to work on that. I am not an argumentive person. I am the one who tries to keep down peace in my family or even if I had friends who were arguing, I would try to help sort out things. However, I don't like when people accuse others of things they know nothing about. Some of the accusations they made about him and his family were plain out disgraceful. I am still in shock by what they said. Today, I sent them an email giving them my point of view on things and telling them they were wrong for what they said. I lovingly worded everything and I don't feel guilty since I did it the right way this time.

 

[PrincessLDG]

Sorry to break it to you, but he is courting you, poorly, but courting you indeed.

Your uncle is wiser than you think, submit to his authority for now until a young man with some fortitude and respect confronts him about asking for your hand.

The world today, especially in the so called church, couldn't care less about God's standards, thus they have their children fornicating while they themselves go from one adultery to another.

Marriage is God's idea, not man's, it is sacred and spiritual, from start to finish.

Your uncle may not know how to express what he feels, but he is guarding you, your purity, for someone whom he deems is worthy of a God fearing woman.

If the guy that is courting you cannot speak to your uncle in a way that wins over his respect, then move on young sister, cause it won't end well.

It is by the grace of God that you still have a man protecting your honor from foolish boys who spend their days playing video games.

Respect your uncle, and submit to his authority, regardless of his capacity, for he is responsible for you, as a father would, and is only guarding you, as best he can.

You must only respect a man that will first respect your uncle enough, to ask for his permission to court you.

Only a real man will ask to meet your father before he would even consider commencing a relationship with you--your uncle is now in the place of your father, and you will do well to all remember that.

It is written, that we must honor our mothers and fathers, so that it may be well with us in the land.

Be patient, and don't be seduced by seemingly innocent boys; just fear God, and keep His commands, and in doing so, you will only attract a God fearing man.

Wow. You actually think he was courting me? I thought it was only a courtship if both parties agreed to it. We didn't even hang out. He doesn't play video games all day. He has a job, and from what I heard, he is a hardworking person.

I go to live gaming streams when I have free time(I love video games.) and feel he does likewise. We only texted each other every day and sent pictures of our daily activities. From the start, he told me that he was not trying to make a move. He said he enjoyed talking to me about things and to me in general since we had similar interests.

I remember he called us kindred spirits since we had so much in common. He called me his friend, not his girlfriend. He has never expressed that he liked me in that way. He has never called me beautiful or anything like that even though he has pictures of me.

Things are complicated to me. If he was trying to talk to me and that is a huge if, why didn't he tell me from the start? Why would he tell me that he wasn't trying to talk to me? This doesn't make any sense dear friend.

 

[Religiot]

Wow. You actually think he was courting me? I thought it was only a courtship if both parties agreed to it. We didn't even hang out. He doesn't play video games all day. He has a job, and from what I heard, he is a hardworking person.

I go to live gaming streams when I have free time(I love video games.) and feel he does likewise. We only texted each other every day and sent pictures of our daily activities. From the start, he told me that he was not trying to make a move. He said he enjoyed talking to me about things and to me in general since we had similar interests.

I remember he called us kindred spirits since we had so much in common. He called me his friend, not his girlfriend. He has never expressed that he liked me in that way. He has never called me beautiful or anything like that even though he has pictures of me.

Things are complicated to me. If he was trying to talk to me and that is a huge if, why didn't he tell me from the start? Why would he tell me that he wasn't trying to talk to me? This doesn't make any sense dear friend.

He is talking to you, literally.

And I'm glad for you that he is a hard worker.

Men, not boys, don't ask the women they are courting for her permission to court her: courting is the act of gaining her favor, so that she would want to be the wife of that man.

Moreover, courting is public, thus it requires the permission of the father, or uncle, or brother, or mother (if no men of age), and in that order: for they are the first defense to a woman's honor.

If a man cannot obtain enough respect from one of these men (in that order), to get their permission to court their daughter, niece or sister, then there isn't much to say about that man.

God fearing men look for God fearing women, period.

--I know how the world is, and that most couldn't care less about having standards of morality in accordance to God's word, but that doesn't mean you, nor I, nor anyone, has to play along.

If you are interested in marriage, then you shouldn't waste your time, at all, with someone who is not.

Do Christian charity work, or something very public with other Christians, all the time; that way you will meet someone who is looking for a God fearing woman to marry--and if they are too "modern" to know what it means to court, then help them out by telling them.

Godspeed.

 

[PrincessLDG]

He is talking to you, literally.

And I'm glad for you that he is a hard worker.

Men, not boys, don't ask the women they are courting for her permission to court her: courting is the act of gaining her favor, so that she would want to be the wife of that man.

Moreover, courting is public, thus it requires the permission of the father, or uncle, or brother, or mother (if no men of age), and in that order: for they are the first defense to a woman's honor.

If a man cannot obtain enough respect from one of these men (in that order), to get their permission to court their daughter, niece or sister, then there isn't much to say about that man.

God fearing men look for God fearing women, period.

--I know how the world is, and that most couldn't care less about having standards of morality in accordance to God's word, but that doesn't mean you, nor I, nor anyone, has to play along.

If you are interested in marriage, then you shouldn't waste your time, at all, with someone who is not.

Do Christian charity work, or something very public with other Christians, all the time; that way you will meet someone who is looking for a God fearing woman to marry--and if they are too "modern" to know what it means to court, then help them out by telling them.

Godspeed.

Thank you for the wisdom that you have given. I will think deeply about that. I know that I have much growing and learning to do in life. God bless you.

 

[Religiot]

Thank you for the wisdom that you have given. I will think deeply about that. I know that I have much growing and learning to do in life. God bless you.

Be at peace, sister.

Godspeed.

 

[Rescued One]

The only way I can communicate with him is by his friend sending text messages of what I said or through a live gaming stream. He said that he's not going to give up. I really don't know what else he could do. I definitely would not feel comfortable telling him to court me. That would be awkward. Very awkward indeed.

Is it worth alienating your family over someone who might be cleverly trying to entrap you? Even in churches there are people who pretend to be Christians, like the "pastor" in the youtube video. Predators look for gullible people.

Not every non-Christian is a predator. But if a person seems godly in the open, is he the same when no one is looking?

May God guide you.

 

[PrincessLDG]

Is it worth alienating your family over someone who might be cleverly trying to entrap you? Even in churches there are people who pretend to be Christians, like the "pastor" in the youtube video. Predators look for gullible people.

Not every non-Christian is a predator. But if a person seems godly in the open, is he the same when no one is looking?

May God guide you.

No, it's not worth alienating my family over someone. I am not trying to do that whatsoever. I am also aware that there are wolfs in sheep clothing. However, he's never disrespected my family. He's been respectful.

I am quite curious what he meant when he told his friend to tell me that he isn't going to give up. I am not worried about it though. Everything is in God's hands. I feel this is a bit absurd. I never expected anything like this before.

 

[Shodan]

No, it's not worth alienating my family over someone. I am not trying to do that whatsoever. I am also aware that there are wolfs in sheep clothing. However, he's never disrespected my family. He's been respectful.

FWIW, this is a good thing, and speaks well of him. And you.

I am quite curious what he meant when he told his friend to tell me that he isn't going to give up. I am not worried about it though. Everything is in God's hands. I feel this is a bit absurd. I never expected anything like this before.

Also FWIW - probably not much but -

• I am a guy.
• I don't know you from Adam, and even less about him.
• I haven't been on a first date in forty years.

On the other hand -

• I am a guy.

And I don't believe male nature has changed much over the last few decades.

I think he meant that he wants to be your friend, and possibly/probably date you. And there is nothing wrong with that. It happens.

I base my opinion of you only on reading your posts, but lots of people come across like idiots, jerks, or bozos in general online. (See my post history if you don't believe it. ) But you don't. You sound like a nice, intelligent, reasonable and rather mature young lady. That is highly attractive, especially to the right sort of guy. The kind of guy you are going to want to date, when you are ready. Notice I said when you are ready. Not "when your uncle is ready", or "when your mom is ready".

Which goes back to what I said earlier - you need to get out, get a job, get a place to live, and then start making friends, some of which will be male and some of which will want to date you. Probably a lot will want to date you.

Obviously it is highly unlikely that this guy, your first male friend, is The One. If for no other reason than you aren't experienced enough in dating or being friends with men to be The One for him, and that is at least as important. But dating is practice in getting to know people, and having fun along the way. And along the way you will notice that most of the men you date will fall into one of three categories

• Jerks or losers. He doesn't have a job or any prospects in life, and he isn't trying. Or he is rude to people, puts you down, whines about how nothing is his fault, etc.
• Nice enough, but not interesting. This doesn't mean there is anything wrong with him - he just doesn't trip your triggers. He's not your physical type, or you don't share any interests, or whatever. And
• Possibles. People who might, eventually, wind up being someone you want to share your life and your dreams and your bed with.

Guys of the first type, you don't go out with. Or you go out with him once, and he's rude to the waitress or doesn't pay any attention to you, so you cut the date short and ignore him from then on.

Guys of the second type, maybe you date once or twice, because maybe he's got interesting friends, but if there is no electricity, you tell him "thanks but no thanks" and move on to the next guy. There's always a next guy. Every pot's got a lid.

The third category, you date for a while and get to know him and he gets to know you. He laughs at your jokes, you have fun picking out a movie together, you like the way he looks at you. That kind of thing.

And if you play your cards right, forty years later you find yourself married to someone who forgives you for blaming her for losing the remote control for the TV when it winds up you were sitting on it for the last twenty minutes.

The Lord be with you. Courtship is a dance, and finding the right partner, and being the right partner, are great adventures. The ultimate reality show.

One of my favorite quotes.

“The road to truth is long, and lined the entire way with annoying bastards.”

Dating is sometimes like that. Heck, life is sometimes like that.

I hope I am not one of them. If I come across that way, please forgive.

Regards,
Shodan

 

[PrincessLDG]

FWIW, this is a good thing, and speaks well of him. And you.
Also FWIW - probably not much but -

• I am a guy.
• I don't know you from Adam, and even less about him.
• I haven't been on a first date in forty years.

On the other hand -

• I am a guy.

And I don't believe male nature has changed much over the last few decades.

I think he meant that he wants to be your friend, and possibly/probably date you. And there is nothing wrong with that. It happens.

I base my opinion of you only on reading your posts, but lots of people come across like idiots, jerks, or bozos in general online. (See my post history if you don't believe it. ) But you don't. You sound like a nice, intelligent, reasonable and rather mature young lady. That is highly attractive, especially to the right sort of guy. The kind of guy you are going to want to date, when you are ready. Notice I said when you are ready. Not "when your uncle is ready", or "when your mom is ready".

Which goes back to what I said earlier - you need to get out, get a job, get a place to live, and then start making friends, some of which will be male and some of which will want to date you. Probably a lot will want to date you.

Obviously it is highly unlikely that this guy, your first male friend, is The One. If for no other reason than you aren't experienced enough in dating or being friends with men to be The One for him, and that is at least as important. But dating is practice in getting to know people, and having fun along the way. And along the way you will notice that most of the men you date will fall into one of three categories

• Jerks or losers. He doesn't have a job or any prospects in life, and he isn't trying. Or he is rude to people, puts you down, whines about how nothing is his fault, etc.
• Nice enough, but not interesting. This doesn't mean there is anything wrong with him - he just doesn't trip your triggers. He's not your physical type, or you don't share any interests, or whatever. And
• Possibles. People who might, eventually, wind up being someone you want to share your life and your dreams and your bed with.

Guys of the first type, you don't go out with. Or you go out with him once, and he's rude to the waitress or doesn't pay any attention to you, so you cut the date short and ignore him from then on.

Guys of the second type, maybe you date once or twice, because maybe he's got interesting friends, but if there is no electricity, you tell him "thanks but no thanks" and move on to the next guy. There's always a next guy. Every pot's got a lid.

The third category, you date for a while and get to know him and he gets to know you. He laughs at your jokes, you have fun picking out a movie together, you like the way he looks at you. That kind of thing.

And if you play your cards right, forty years later you find yourself married to someone who forgives you for blaming her for losing the remote control for the TV when it winds up you were sitting on it for the last twenty minutes.

The Lord be with you. Courtship is a dance, and finding the right partner, and being the right partner, are great adventures. The ultimate reality show.

One of my favorite quotes. Dating is sometimes like that. Heck, life is sometimes like that.

I hope I am not one of them. If I come across that way, please forgive.

Regards,
Shodan

Thank you. God bless.

 

[Alex Reynolds]

Courtship is important for a relationship, you do not want to rush into a relationship if you don't first find friendship in someone, and sometimes we need a lot of friends to guide us, even if it's not for a relationship! People are right here it isn't biblical, there is a certain amount of parental protection that is fine, but there is a limit to how healthy it is.

That being said, I think Michael Collum drives the point home well on this one.

Life is painful and difficult no doubt, and I am deeply sorry to hear that you are dealing with this, but all things are temporary and it is through difficult situations that we become wiser faster than others.

It sounds like you are in a toxic situation but do not be consumed by anger or bitterness, you are far better off nurturing your own light within.

God bless you and I hope you see greener fields ahead.

 

[Junia]

I am 21 years old about to be 22 next month. I have been going through some tough things with my family so far because I made friends with a Christian male. However, there have been issues with my family long before when I was a child, and before I was born. They weren't as angry before as they are now. I don't understand it. They tell me that it is a sin to be friends with the opposite gender. They said God is against it and I must obey or God will deal with me severely. We are not in a relationship. We don't even hang out. We would just communicate via phone or email. He's never been inappropriate with me. He treats me as God would want a male to treat a female. We are mutual friends. They were accusing him and his family of things which blew my mind. I feel they are just paranoid about things due to their past experiences and from the stories they heard. Everyone in the world is not out to harm people. Yes, God does want us to be wise and safe. I feel they are going overboard and that is not healthy. When they said those things about my male friend and his family, it hurt me and made me upset. I said some things to them that I shouldn't have said and I apologize to them and God. I can't just sit back and let people say horrible things about others and agree with that or just forget about people. My uncle told me I had to choose between my friend or my relationship with him. That sounds crazy to me. Another family member said I wanted boyfriends and God is going to allow one day where I get raped just because I said when I graduate college I'm moving out due to my toxic family. I can't even process that. I am stunned. Some other things have been going on in my family that is not good that is relating to other things that happened between other relatives years ago. They got upset when my friend's father wanted to talk to me over the phone about what helps out with acid reflux since his son told him about my condition. His father said if I didn't feel comfortable talking to him over the phone, I could talk to his wife or his wife could talk to my mother, which is reasonable. My mom didn't want to talk over the phone. I don't have a father and the only father figure that I have is my uncle. He didn't want to talk to him. What is wrong with getting advice from someone kind enough to give it. They forced me to text my friend and tell him that they said I cannot talk to him because it's a sin. I told them that the things that they said about him and his family were unreasonable and mean. I told them that I don't agree with them about God being against being mutual friends with the opposite gender as long as it's appropriate. God is against fornication; however, that is not the case here. I told them I don't think I can stop talking to him since we have been friends for a while, especially when he has not done anything wrong to me or them. They called me a sociopath for saying that. They said I am too connected to him. They never said things like that to me before. I love my family; however, there are a lot of things don't like about them. They are breaking my heart greatly. I am starting to feel like a horrible person due to what they have said to me. I have been told that I am not saved by God. I have been told that I am arrogant, stuck up, think I know everything, that I take up for other people, and other horrible things. I am shocked by those things. I also heard remarks about me being perfect. It seems like people say those things to me just because I haven't been in a relationship with a guy before and fallen pregnant like many people in my immediate family. My family also tells me the reason why you have not gotten yourself into trouble is because of us. No, by the grace of God and by God using the ways to help. I am thankful for them for that and for supporting me. Many kids grew up in good Christian families who didn't want to follow after God. At the end of the day, the child has to make a choice. I made a choice that I wanted to serve God many years ago. Yes, I'm not perfect, but deep down I want to do what is right in God's eyes. I sometimes feel like they think I must be a certain way that makes me think that I have to be perfect. When I do something wrong or get upset, I'm not saved. There is no perfect Christian out there. There are Christians who are more righteous than others. We all have things that we need God's help to improve. Here's another thing. When I get upset I would say Oh my gosh, Oh my word, or Dadgummit. My uncle said saying oh my gosh is bad but he says oh my goodness. I don't understand. I would not dare use God's name in vain. There are times when I do get upset and say things and I would ask God for forgiveness and apologize to the person with whom I got upset. I just can't stand back and let people say horrible things about others without knowing them first or just forget about people. I am not heartless. I also have a female friend who happens to be a Mormon. They call her evil and say I should not talk to her because she's not a Christian. I know that religion is not right, but Jesus can lead people from that religion if they are searching for the truth. I wonder what God thinks of this. I feel very sad. I am not an argumentive person but I do speak up for things I don't agree with. I feel like crying right now.

This is heartbreakingt

they 're presenting to you a false gospel

A gospel.which says God is a tyrant who will punish you with rape for making any kind of mistake????

this is emotional abuse

I don't throw that term around lightly. I grew up in similar home and it caused so much harm

your parents may mean well but they are going about it all.wrong

BIblically, once a child came of age they were to leave their parents as maybe cleave (marry) if they wanted to. Or inn the case of women back then, many had to. . Nowadays women get a choice

parents can advise but they don't run your life for you.

Seems a good idea to move out

as you are being abused, you may be able to access some support through housing department

 

[Junia]

Sorry to break it to you, but he is courting you, poorly, but courting you indeed.

Your uncle is wiser than you think, submit to his authority for now until a young man with some fortitude and respect confronts him about asking for your hand.

The world today, especially in the so called church, couldn't care less about God's standards, thus they have their children fornicating while they themselves go from one adultery to another.

Marriage is God's idea, not man's, it is sacred and spiritual, from start to finish.

Your uncle may not know how to express what he feels, but he is guarding you, your purity, for someone whom he deems is worthy of a God fearing woman.

If the guy that is courting you cannot speak to your uncle in a way that wins over his respect, then move on young sister, cause it won't end well.

It is by the grace of God that you still have a man protecting your honor from foolish boys who spend their days playing video games.

Respect your uncle, and submit to his authority, regardless of his capacity, for he is responsible for you, as a father would, and is only guarding you, as best he can.

You must only respect a man that will first respect your uncle enough, to ask for his permission to court you.

Only a real man will ask to meet your father before he would even consider commencing a relationship with you--your uncle is now in the place of your father, and you will do well to all remember that.

It is written, that we must honor our mothers and fathers, so that it may be well with us in the land.

Be patient, and don't be seduced by seemingly innocent boys; just fear God, and keep His commands, and in doing so, you will only attract a God fearing man.

I

Fair enough but maybe better for the OP to go to live somewhere and get some independence and decide on a career or college before marriage unless she already feels ready and feels this guy is right for her

But if course the young man should get to meet her uncle and see whether he meets approval, because the young lady is living with her uncle still. If she were living away from home then that's different

Do you like this young man as more than a friend op?

 

[Junia]

Courtship is important for a relationship, you do not want to rush into a relationship if you don't first find friendship in someone, and sometimes we need a lot of friends to guide us, even if it's not for a relationship! People are right here it isn't biblical, there is a certain amount of parental protection that is fine, but there is a limit to how healthy it is.

That being said, I think Michael Collum drives the point home well on this one.

Life is painful and difficult no doubt, and I am deeply sorry to hear that you are dealing with this, but all things are temporary and it is through difficult situations that we become wiser faster than others.

It sounds like you are in a toxic situation but do not be consumed by anger or bitterness, you are far better off nurturing your own light within.

God bless you and I hope you see greener fields ahead.

Amen!

I would question whether anyone should be under authority of an abusive parent

 

[Religiot]

I

Fair enough but maybe better for the OP to go to live somewhere and get some independence and decide on a career or college before marriage unless she already feels ready and feels this guy is right for her

But if course the young man should get to meet her uncle and see whether he meets approval, because the young lady is living with her uncle still. If she were living away from home then that's different

Do you like this young man as more than a friend op?

All that I advised had nothing to do with where she resides, but only the morality of the question.