I Desperately Need Advice from Christians

[nolidad]

I am 21 years old about to be 22 next month. I have been going through some tough things with my family so far because I made friends with a Christian male. However, there have been issues with my family long before when I was a child, and before I was born. They weren't as angry before as they are now. I don't understand it. They tell me that it is a sin to be friends with the opposite gender. They said God is against it and I must obey or God will deal with me severely. We are not in a relationship. We don't even hang out. We would just communicate via phone or email. He's never been inappropriate with me. He treats me as God would want a male to treat a female. We are mutual friends. They were accusing him and his family of things which blew my mind. I feel they are just paranoid about things due to their past experiences and from the stories they heard. Everyone in the world is not out to harm people. Yes, God does want us to be wise and safe. I feel they are going overboard and that is not healthy. When they said those things about my male friend and his family, it hurt me and made me upset. I said some things to them that I shouldn't have said and I apologize to them and God. I can't just sit back and let people say horrible things about others and agree with that or just forget about people. My uncle told me I had to choose between my friend or my relationship with him. That sounds crazy to me. Another family member said I wanted boyfriends and God is going to allow one day where I get raped just because I said when I graduate college I'm moving out due to my toxic family. I can't even process that. I am stunned. Some other things have been going on in my family that is not good that is relating to other things that happened between other relatives years ago. They got upset when my friend's father wanted to talk to me over the phone about what helps out with acid reflux since his son told him about my condition. His father said if I didn't feel comfortable talking to him over the phone, I could talk to his wife or his wife could talk to my mother, which is reasonable. My mom didn't want to talk over the phone. I don't have a father and the only father figure that I have is my uncle. He didn't want to talk to him. What is wrong with getting advice from someone kind enough to give it. They forced me to text my friend and tell him that they said I cannot talk to him because it's a sin. I told them that the things that they said about him and his family were unreasonable and mean. I told them that I don't agree with them about God being against being mutual friends with the opposite gender as long as it's appropriate. God is against fornication; however, that is not the case here. I told them I don't think I can stop talking to him since we have been friends for a while, especially when he has not done anything wrong to me or them. They called me a sociopath for saying that. They said I am too connected to him. They never said things like that to me before. I love my family; however, there are a lot of things don't like about them. They are breaking my heart greatly. I am starting to feel like a horrible person due to what they have said to me. I have been told that I am not saved by God. I have been told that I am arrogant, stuck up, think I know everything, that I take up for other people, and other horrible things. I am shocked by those things. I also heard remarks about me being perfect. It seems like people say those things to me just because I haven't been in a relationship with a guy before and fallen pregnant like many people in my immediate family. My family also tells me the reason why you have not gotten yourself into trouble is because of us. No, by the grace of God and by God using the ways to help. I am thankful for them for that and for supporting me. Many kids grew up in good Christian families who didn't want to follow after God. At the end of the day, the child has to make a choice. I made a choice that I wanted to serve God many years ago. Yes, I'm not perfect, but deep down I want to do what is right in God's eyes. I sometimes feel like they think I must be a certain way that makes me think that I have to be perfect. When I do something wrong or get upset, I'm not saved. There is no perfect Christian out there. There are Christians who are more righteous than others. We all have things that we need God's help to improve. Here's another thing. When I get upset I would say Oh my gosh, Oh my word, or Dadgummit. My uncle said saying oh my gosh is bad but he says oh my goodness. I don't understand. I would not dare use God's name in vain. There are times when I do get upset and say things and I would ask God for forgiveness and apologize to the person with whom I got upset. I just can't stand back and let people say horrible things about others without knowing them first or just forget about people. I am not heartless. I also have a female friend who happens to be a Mormon. They call her evil and say I should not talk to her because she's not a Christian. I know that religion is not right, but Jesus can lead people from that religion if they are searching for the truth. I wonder what God thinks of this. I feel very sad. I am not an argumentive person but I do speak up for things I don't agree with. I feel like crying right now.

Sorry to hear about teh hardship you are enduring.

One cardinal rule you must remember- as long as you are under their roof, you are under their rules if they are not clear violations of SCripture.

They have taken a valid biblical principle and gone way way way beyond its SCiptural intent. Generally friendships between the opposite sexes is to find the mate God has for us. Once we have found that person or think we have, then we should pull back and make all opposite sex people just friendly acquaintences. This was designed for our protection given our weak human natures.

Your relationship may be competely above board and pure, and they are way over reacting, but as long you are under their roof (direct authority) though it may be hard, it is what you must do until you find a place of your own. Wish I had more joyful advice but this is what God would say and will ultimately honor you without you dishonoring your parents by having a stealth relationship behind their backs.

 

[PrincessLDG]

Sorry to hear about teh hardship you are enduring.

One cardinal rule you must remember- as long as you are under their roof, you are under their rules if they are not clear violations of SCripture.

They have taken a valid biblical principle and gone way way way beyond its SCiptural intent. Generally friendships between the opposite sexes is to find the mate God has for us. Once we have found that person or think we have, then we should pull back and make all opposite sex people just friendly acquaintences. This was designed for our protection given our weak human natures.

Your relationship may be competely above board and pure, and they are way over reacting, but as long you are under their roof (direct authority) though it may be hard, it is what you must do until you find a place of your own. Wish I had more joyful advice but this is what God would say and will ultimately honor you without you dishonoring your parents by having a stealth relationship behind their backs.

You are right. I am just hurting right now.

 

[ChristServant]

You are right. I am just hurting right now.

My gut feeling tells me you should listen to your parents and family.

If you want close friendships, find other girls not boys because deep friendships with boys will more than likely lead you into sin.

It's clear already your feelings for this boy is past friendship status by your reactions to your family not being happy with it.

I"m guessing from what you have said that you do not even know the boy in question that well so, why would you turn against your family?

They may be a little over protective but they sound like some people I have known from Italy, Albania and other older traditional Christian countries and their customs around protecting their daughters. At least they care, not like some so called Christians who let their children do as they please and then go on to ruin their lives with sin or have numerous marriages and different partners.

You are clearly naive to when it comes to the opposite sex.

Peace be to all those in the body of Christ.

 

[PrincessLDG]

My gut feeling tells me you should listen to your parents and family.

If you want close friendships, find other girls not boys because deep friendships with boys will more than likely lead you into sin.

It's clear already your feelings for this boy is past friendship status by your reactions to your family not being happy with it.

I"m guessing from what you have said that you do not even know the boy in question that well so, why would you turn against your family?

They may be a little over protective but they sound like some people I have known from Italy, Albania and other older traditional Christian countries and their customs around protecting their daughters. At least they care, not like some so called Christians who let their children do as they please and then go on to ruin their lives with sin or have numerous marriages and different partners.

You are clearly naive to when it comes to the opposite sex.

Peace be to all those in the body of Christ.

What made me upset were what assumptions they made about him and his family without knowing them first. I was not trying to go against them. I never had a disagreement with them like that. What they said about him made me angry since he is kind and respectful. They act as if we were dating when clearly we weren't. We were just mutual friends. We didn't even hang out. We just texted each other and sent pictures. We were only Mutual friends.

 

[PrincessLDG]

My gut feeling tells me you should listen to your parents and family.

If you want close friendships, find other girls not boys because deep friendships with boys will more than likely lead you into sin.

It's clear already your feelings for this boy is past friendship status by your reactions to your family not being happy with it.

I"m guessing from what you have said that you do not even know the boy in question that well so, why would you turn against your family?

They may be a little over protective but they sound like some people I have known from Italy, Albania and other older traditional Christian countries and their customs around protecting their daughters. At least they care, not like some so called Christians who let their children do as they please and then go on to ruin their lives with sin or have numerous marriages and different partners.

You are clearly naive to when it comes to the opposite sex.

Peace be to all those in the body of Christ.

If I may ask, what did you mean when you said "You are clearly naive to when it comes to the opposite sex."

 

[PrincessLDG]

.
It's clear already your feelings for this boy is past friendship status by your reactions to your family not being happy with it.

So you are saying by me getting upset like that with my family shows that I have umm... romantic feelings for him? I never thought about it that way. I just figured I got upset at what mean things they were saying about him. I always had it in my head that we were just friends. He told me from the start that he wasn't trying to talk to me. Maybe I overlooked some things. What made me feel worse was when I told his friend to tell him that I said hi and he told his friend to tell me hi and that he missed me.

 

[GirdYourLoins]

Ive got to be honest, when I read that the first thought I had was it sounds like a controlling relationship that is in my opinion abusive. The lack of trusting you, an adult, not allowing you to choose your friends and telling you there is a lot wrong with you. They may be acting out of misguided love, but I just think they have gone way too far.

 

[Gregorikos]

I am 21 years old about to be 22 next month. I have been going through some tough things with my family so far because I made friends with a Christian male. However, there have been issues with my family long before when I was a child, and before I was born. They weren't as angry before as they are now. I don't understand it. They tell me that it is a sin to be friends with the opposite gender. They said God is against it and I must obey or God will deal with me severely. We are not in a relationship. We don't even hang out. We would just communicate via phone or email. He's never been inappropriate with me. He treats me as God would want a male to treat a female. We are mutual friends. They were accusing him and his family of things which blew my mind. I feel they are just paranoid about things due to their past experiences and from the stories they heard. Everyone in the world is not out to harm people. Yes, God does want us to be wise and safe. I feel they are going overboard and that is not healthy. When they said those things about my male friend and his family, it hurt me and made me upset. I said some things to them that I shouldn't have said and I apologize to them and God. I can't just sit back and let people say horrible things about others and agree with that or just forget about people. My uncle told me I had to choose between my friend or my relationship with him. That sounds crazy to me. Another family member said I wanted boyfriends and God is going to allow one day where I get raped just because I said when I graduate college I'm moving out due to my toxic family. I can't even process that. I am stunned. Some other things have been going on in my family that is not good that is relating to other things that happened between other relatives years ago. They got upset when my friend's father wanted to talk to me over the phone about what helps out with acid reflux since his son told him about my condition. His father said if I didn't feel comfortable talking to him over the phone, I could talk to his wife or his wife could talk to my mother, which is reasonable. My mom didn't want to talk over the phone. I don't have a father and the only father figure that I have is my uncle. He didn't want to talk to him. What is wrong with getting advice from someone kind enough to give it. They forced me to text my friend and tell him that they said I cannot talk to him because it's a sin. I told them that the things that they said about him and his family were unreasonable and mean. I told them that I don't agree with them about God being against being mutual friends with the opposite gender as long as it's appropriate. God is against fornication; however, that is not the case here. I told them I don't think I can stop talking to him since we have been friends for a while, especially when he has not done anything wrong to me or them. They called me a sociopath for saying that. They said I am too connected to him. They never said things like that to me before. I love my family; however, there are a lot of things don't like about them. They are breaking my heart greatly. I am starting to feel like a horrible person due to what they have said to me. I have been told that I am not saved by God. I have been told that I am arrogant, stuck up, think I know everything, that I take up for other people, and other horrible things. I am shocked by those things. I also heard remarks about me being perfect. It seems like people say those things to me just because I haven't been in a relationship with a guy before and fallen pregnant like many people in my immediate family. My family also tells me the reason why you have not gotten yourself into trouble is because of us. No, by the grace of God and by God using the ways to help. I am thankful for them for that and for supporting me. Many kids grew up in good Christian families who didn't want to follow after God. At the end of the day, the child has to make a choice. I made a choice that I wanted to serve God many years ago. Yes, I'm not perfect, but deep down I want to do what is right in God's eyes. I sometimes feel like they think I must be a certain way that makes me think that I have to be perfect. When I do something wrong or get upset, I'm not saved. There is no perfect Christian out there. There are Christians who are more righteous than others. We all have things that we need God's help to improve. Here's another thing. When I get upset I would say Oh my gosh, Oh my word, or Dadgummit. My uncle said saying oh my gosh is bad but he says oh my goodness. I don't understand. I would not dare use God's name in vain. There are times when I do get upset and say things and I would ask God for forgiveness and apologize to the person with whom I got upset. I just can't stand back and let people say horrible things about others without knowing them first or just forget about people. I am not heartless. I also have a female friend who happens to be a Mormon. They call her evil and say I should not talk to her because she's not a Christian. I know that religion is not right, but Jesus can lead people from that religion if they are searching for the truth. I wonder what God thinks of this. I feel very sad. I am not an argumentive person but I do speak up for things I don't agree with. I feel like crying right now.

Your family sounds extremely unhealthy. They are controlling and manipulative, and using emotional blackmail in order to control and isolate you.

One thing you might want to do is get some counseling from someone outside their church or circle of friends. You need MORE friends, not fewer!

To answer your question about the cross-gender friendship issue, Aimee Byrd has written an excellent book. She uses sounds scriptural teaching and logic to refute your family's arguments. Even more important, it will encourage YOU that you aren't disobeying God by having friends of either gender!

https://www.amazon.com/Why-Cant-We-Friends-Avoidance/dp/1629954179/ref=sr_1_2?crid=2WQRY3D8UHD59&dchild=1&keywords=why+can't+we+be+friends&qid=1610891785&sprefix=why+can't,aps,183&sr=8-2

 

[Gregorikos]

So you are saying by me getting upset like that with my family shows that I have umm... romantic feelings for him? I never thought about it that way. I just figured I got upset at what mean things they were saying about him. I always had it in my head that we were just friends. He told me from the start that he wasn't trying to talk to me. Maybe I overlooked some things. What made me feel worse was when I told his friend to tell him that I said hi and he told his friend to tell me hi and that he missed me.

I think he is dead wrong about that. Trust your heart.

 

[PrincessLDG]

Your family sounds extremely unhealthy. They are controlling and manipulative, and using emotional blackmail to control and isolate you.

One thing you might want to do is get some counseling from someone outside their church or circle of friends. You need MORE friends, not fewer!

To answer your question about the cross-gender friendship issue, Aimee Byrd has written an excellent book. She uses sounds scriptural teaching and logic to refute your family's arguments. Even more important, it will encourage YOU that you aren't disobeying God by having friends of either gender!

https://www.amazon.com/Why-Cant-We-Friends-Avoidance/dp/1629954179/ref=sr_1_2?crid=2WQRY3D8UHD59&dchild=1&keywords=why+can't+we+be+friends&qid=1610891785&sprefix=why+can't,aps,183&sr=8-2

View attachment 293558

Thank you for the link to the book. Things have been tough lately. I don't like having disagreements with my family over something like this. I don't like how I am put in a situation where I have to choose between family or friends. Mainly my uncle, who is my father figure, said I have to choose between him or my Christian male friend.

That hurts. All of this blows my mind. They say that in the Bible, God is not of favor of opposite gender friendships. I could not see that in the Bible. I know God says to stay away from fornication and youthful lusts.

Yesterday, I was at a live stream and his friend told him to come without me knowing. I was shocked and happy to see him there. He said he missed me. That makes me sad.

I love my family, but I feel they are being a bit extreme. Then they tell me about all of these stories of what harmful things guys did to girls. I understand where they are coming from. I don't want to be paranoid or fearful thinking a guy is going to harm me. Whenever I'm someplace where guys are, like a store, I get scared. That is not good and healthy. I know God wants me to wise and safe, not fearful.

Everyone out there is not out there to get me. That could be one of the reasons why I suffer from Social Anxiety. My family has a lot of fear which has kept some of them from reaching their dreams. That fear is not of God, it's of the devil. I pray that God helps my family overcome that unhealthy fear. I know he is helping me. I still have a lot to improve but I am one step in the right direction.

 

[Sparagmos]

My gut feeling tells me you should listen to your parents and family.

If you want close friendships, find other girls not boys because deep friendships with boys will more than likely lead you into sin.

It's clear already your feelings for this boy is past friendship status by your reactions to your family not being happy with it.

I"m guessing from what you have said that you do not even know the boy in question that well so, why would you turn against your family?

They may be a little over protective but they sound like some people I have known from Italy, Albania and other older traditional Christian countries and their customs around protecting their daughters. At least they care, not like some so called Christians who let their children do as they please and then go on to ruin their lives with sin or have numerous marriages and different partners.

You are clearly naive to when it comes to the opposite sex.

Peace be to all those in the body of Christ.

She’s 21, they are adults not boys and girls...

 

[nolidad]

You are right. I am just hurting right now.

Will pray and ask that teh Joy of the Lord has for you and His peace will settle your heart.

Remember to praise HIm for this situation, for it is written "In all things, give thanks, for this is the will for God for you in Christ!"

 

[Jonathan1303]

Hi, ur family really sounds toxic. Try to talk with them tho.
So if you have female friends that´s ook, or are your parents also afraid u could be homosexual?
Forbidding every friendship is unreasonable, no matter what gender the other part is. I have many friends of all genders and nothing ever happened.
Bless you Jonathan

 

[Gregorikos]

Thank you for the link to the book. Things have been tough lately. I don't like having disagreements with my family over something like this. I don't like how I am put in a situation where I have to choose between family or friends. Mainly my uncle, who is my father figure, said I have to choose between him or my Christian male friend.

That hurts. All of this blows my mind. They say that in the Bible, God is not of favor of opposite gender friendships. I could not see that in the Bible. I know God says to stay away from fornication and youthful lusts.

Yesterday, I was at a live stream and his friend told him to come without me knowing. I was shocked and happy to see him there. He said he missed me. That makes me sad.

I love my family, but I feel they are being a bit extreme. Then they tell me about all of these stories of what harmful things guys did to girls. I understand where they are coming from. I don't want to be paranoid or fearful thinking a guy is going to harm me. Whenever I'm someplace where guys are, like a store, I get scared. That is not good and healthy. I know God wants me to wise and safe, not fearful.

Everyone out there is not out there to get me. That could be one of the reasons why I suffer from Social Anxiety. My family has a lot of fear which has kept some of them from reaching their dreams. That fear is not of God, it's of the devil. I pray that God helps my family overcome that unhealthy fear. I know he is helping me. I still have a lot to improve but I am one step in the right direction.

You're welcome. I believe Jesus had friends that were women. Mary Magdalene would have to be one.

There was a group of at least 8 women who followed Jesus from town to town and helped support him. A careful examination of the Scriptures makes it look like these women probably followed him from early in his ministry in Gallilee up until the cross. (See Luke 8:1-3 and compare Matthew 27:55-56, Luke 23:49, 55, and Mark 15:40-41) These were Jesus' friends. How could they not be?

Martha and Mary are other examples. Jesus had women as friends. And you can't get more holy than Jesus!

It's up to your family to show you chapter and verse in the Bible where it says God disapproves of cross-gender friendships. I don't think they will be able to do that. As Aimee Byrd says:


What I can’t find in Scripture is any warning about avoiding friendship between the sexes in order to avoid sin. Instead the Bible says, “Let love be without hypocrisy. Detest evil; cling to what is good” (Rom. 12:9 CSB). We are to cling to what is good, not throw it out because sin is possible. Directly following that command is a call to meaningful relationships with our siblings in Christ: “Love one another deeply as brothers and sisters” (Rom. 12:10 CSB).

Byrd, Aimee. Why Can't We Be Friends? : Avoidance Is Not Purity (p. 17). P&R Publishing. Kindle Edition.

 

[Religiot]

I am 21 years old about to be 22 next month. I have been going through some tough things with my family so far because I made friends with a Christian male. However, there have been issues with my family long before when I was a child, and before I was born. They weren't as angry before as they are now. I don't understand it. They tell me that it is a sin to be friends with the opposite gender. They said God is against it and I must obey or God will deal with me severely. We are not in a relationship. We don't even hang out. We would just communicate via phone or email. He's never been inappropriate with me. He treats me as God would want a male to treat a female. We are mutual friends. They were accusing him and his family of things which blew my mind. I feel they are just paranoid about things due to their past experiences and from the stories they heard. Everyone in the world is not out to harm people. Yes, God does want us to be wise and safe. I feel they are going overboard and that is not healthy. When they said those things about my male friend and his family, it hurt me and made me upset. I said some things to them that I shouldn't have said and I apologize to them and God. I can't just sit back and let people say horrible things about others and agree with that or just forget about people. My uncle told me I had to choose between my friend or my relationship with him. That sounds crazy to me. Another family member said I wanted boyfriends and God is going to allow one day where I get raped just because I said when I graduate college I'm moving out due to my toxic family. I can't even process that. I am stunned. Some other things have been going on in my family that is not good that is relating to other things that happened between other relatives years ago. They got upset when my friend's father wanted to talk to me over the phone about what helps out with acid reflux since his son told him about my condition. His father said if I didn't feel comfortable talking to him over the phone, I could talk to his wife or his wife could talk to my mother, which is reasonable. My mom didn't want to talk over the phone. I don't have a father and the only father figure that I have is my uncle. He didn't want to talk to him. What is wrong with getting advice from someone kind enough to give it. They forced me to text my friend and tell him that they said I cannot talk to him because it's a sin. I told them that the things that they said about him and his family were unreasonable and mean. I told them that I don't agree with them about God being against being mutual friends with the opposite gender as long as it's appropriate. God is against fornication; however, that is not the case here. I told them I don't think I can stop talking to him since we have been friends for a while, especially when he has not done anything wrong to me or them. They called me a sociopath for saying that. They said I am too connected to him. They never said things like that to me before. I love my family; however, there are a lot of things don't like about them. They are breaking my heart greatly. I am starting to feel like a horrible person due to what they have said to me. I have been told that I am not saved by God. I have been told that I am arrogant, stuck up, think I know everything, that I take up for other people, and other horrible things. I am shocked by those things. I also heard remarks about me being perfect. It seems like people say those things to me just because I haven't been in a relationship with a guy before and fallen pregnant like many people in my immediate family. My family also tells me the reason why you have not gotten yourself into trouble is because of us. No, by the grace of God and by God using the ways to help. I am thankful for them for that and for supporting me. Many kids grew up in good Christian families who didn't want to follow after God. At the end of the day, the child has to make a choice. I made a choice that I wanted to serve God many years ago. Yes, I'm not perfect, but deep down I want to do what is right in God's eyes. I sometimes feel like they think I must be a certain way that makes me think that I have to be perfect. When I do something wrong or get upset, I'm not saved. There is no perfect Christian out there. There are Christians who are more righteous than others. We all have things that we need God's help to improve. Here's another thing. When I get upset I would say Oh my gosh, Oh my word, or Dadgummit. My uncle said saying oh my gosh is bad but he says oh my goodness. I don't understand. I would not dare use God's name in vain. There are times when I do get upset and say things and I would ask God for forgiveness and apologize to the person with whom I got upset. I just can't stand back and let people say horrible things about others without knowing them first or just forget about people. I am not heartless. I also have a female friend who happens to be a Mormon. They call her evil and say I should not talk to her because she's not a Christian. I know that religion is not right, but Jesus can lead people from that religion if they are searching for the truth. I wonder what God thinks of this. I feel very sad. I am not an argumentive person but I do speak up for things I don't agree with. I feel like crying right now.

I understand what they mean, and I understand what you mean, and I'm sorry.

--This may sound absurd, and I'm willing to take the flak, but it's very possible that the following can be a solution:

If at all possible, have your friend ask your uncle for permission to court you for marriage, do this only if your friend is a Christian, and share with your uncle the following passages:

"Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency. But I speak this by permission, and not of commandment. For I would that all men were even as I myself. But every man hath his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that. I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I. But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn." --1 Corinthians 7:1-9

"Now the Spirit speaketh expressly, that in the latter times some shall depart from the faith, giving heed to seducing spirits, and doctrines of devils; speaking lies in hypocrisy; having their conscience seared with a hot iron; forbidding to marry, and commanding to abstain from meats, which God hath created to be received with thanksgiving of them which believe and know the truth." --1 Timothy 4:1-3

If your uncle still refuses to allow a Christian man to court you, then he's going against what God says, period.

Godspeed to you.

 

[Rescued One]

(@PrincessLDG, please use paragraphs...)

Not every person can meet your standards!

 

[PrincessLDG]

I understand what they mean, and I understand what you mean, and I'm sorry.

--This may sound absurd, and I'm willing to take the flak, but it's very possible that the following can be a solution:

If at all possible, have your friend ask your uncle for permission to court you for marriage, do this only if your friend is a Christian, and share with your uncle the following passages:

"Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency. But I speak this by permission, and not of commandment. For I would that all men were even as I myself. But every man hath his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that. I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I. But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn." --1 Corinthians 7:1-9

"Now the Spirit speaketh expressly, that in the latter times some shall depart from the faith, giving heed to seducing spirits, and doctrines of devils; speaking lies in hypocrisy; having their conscience seared with a hot iron; forbidding to marry, and commanding to abstain from meats, which God hath created to be received with thanksgiving of them which believe and know the truth." --1 Timothy 4:1-3

If your uncle still refuses to allow a Christian man to court you, then he's going against what God says, period.

Godspeed to you.

I was shocked when you said to have my friend to ask my uncle to court me. Wow..... The craziest thing about is when I first met him, my uncle kept saying "So what is the end goal here?" I told him that I didn't know what he meant. Then he said "Are you trying to get married to him because if not, you can't talk to him?"

Then he said that he would take my phone away. I thought that sounded crazy. He did take my phone away 4 months later. My friend thinks how my family is trying to keep us apart is crazy. However, he's been respectful and kind.

The only way I can communicate with him is by his friend sending text messages of what I said or through a live gaming stream. He said that he's not going to give up. I really don't know what else he could do. I definitely would not feel comfortable telling him to court me. That would be awkward. Very awkward indeed.

 

[PrincessLDG]

Not every person can meet your standards!

I should have used paragraphs to make it easier for people to read. For now one, I will use paragraphs when I type a lot.

 

[Rescued One]

I should have used paragraphs to make it easier for people to read. For now one, I will use paragraphs when I type a lot.

I understand. I get in a hurry and make an untold number of mistakes and sometimes don't catch them till the following day.

 

[Shodan]

No offense, I hope, but I would start working on a strategy on moving out. Find a job, find a place to live, and start living your own life.

You don't have to have a big blow-out argument with your mother and/or uncle where you burn bridges - even if they say so. I wouldn't even specifically refer to your friend - just start job hunting, work out a budget, and present it to them as a fait accompli. As in "thanks for all you have done for me - it's time for me to get started out on my own. I will be sure to keep you updated on my progress."

I get the feeling they are terrified of losing you, for whatever reason. As well as worried about you, etc., etc.

But get a job and move out. Yes, it will be difficult - it always is. Yes, you will make mistakes - everyone always does. That's pretty much what growing up means - making your own mistakes, not someone else's.

Maybe your friend will help you, and maybe it will develop into a romantic relationship, and maybe it will last for a while and maybe it won't. But you can't get married (if that is what you want) if you don't meet anyone, and you can't be happily married if you aren't friends with your spouse. So that's something you have to practice.

The Lord be with you. 1 Cor 10:13 - what you are going thru is more severe than it usually is, but knocking down a few fences is a normal, unavoidable part of growing up. Everyone has to put some distance between themselves and their families, to some degree.

But don't argue with them. It won't help either of you. The only thing that will convince them is seeing you live a happy, successful life. With friends. It might take a while for them to get used to it. Heck, it will take a while for you to get used to it. But it's worth it. Life usually is.

Regards,
Shodan