I Desperately Need Advice from Christians

[FutureAndAHope]

I am 21 years old about to be 22 next month. I have been going through some tough things with my family so far because I made friends with a Christian male. However, there have been issues with my family long before when I was a child, and before I was born. They weren't as angry before as they are now. I don't understand it. They tell me that it is a sin to be friends with the opposite gender. They said God is against it and I must obey or God will deal with me severely. We are not in a relationship. We don't even hang out. We would just communicate via phone or email. He's never been inappropriate with me. He treats me as God would want a male to treat a female. We are mutual friends. They were accusing him and his family of things which blew my mind. I feel they are just paranoid about things due to their past experiences and from the stories they heard. Everyone in the world is not out to harm people. Yes, God does want us to be wise and safe. I feel they are going overboard and that is not healthy. When they said those things about my male friend and his family, it hurt me and made me upset. I said some things to them that I shouldn't have said and I apologize to them and God. I can't just sit back and let people say horrible things about others and agree with that or just forget about people. My uncle told me I had to choose between my friend or my relationship with him. That sounds crazy to me. Another family member said I wanted boyfriends and God is going to allow one day where I get raped just because I said when I graduate college I'm moving out due to my toxic family. I can't even process that. I am stunned. Some other things have been going on in my family that is not good that is relating to other things that happened between other relatives years ago. They got upset when my friend's father wanted to talk to me over the phone about what helps out with acid reflux since his son told him about my condition. His father said if I didn't feel comfortable talking to him over the phone, I could talk to his wife or his wife could talk to my mother, which is reasonable. My mom didn't want to talk over the phone. I don't have a father and the only father figure that I have is my uncle. He didn't want to talk to him. What is wrong with getting advice from someone kind enough to give it. They forced me to text my friend and tell him that they said I cannot talk to him because it's a sin. I told them that the things that they said about him and his family were unreasonable and mean. I told them that I don't agree with them about God being against being mutual friends with the opposite gender as long as it's appropriate. God is against fornication; however, that is not the case here. I told them I don't think I can stop talking to him since we have been friends for a while, especially when he has not done anything wrong to me or them. They called me a sociopath for saying that. They said I am too connected to him. They never said things like that to me before. I love my family; however, there are a lot of things don't like about them. They are breaking my heart greatly. I am starting to feel like a horrible person due to what they have said to me. I have been told that I am not saved by God. I have been told that I am arrogant, stuck up, think I know everything, that I take up for other people, and other horrible things. I am shocked by those things. I also heard remarks about me being perfect. It seems like people say those things to me just because I haven't been in a relationship with a guy before and fallen pregnant like many people in my immediate family. My family also tells me the reason why you have not gotten yourself into trouble is because of us. No, by the grace of God and by God using the ways to help. I am thankful for them for that and for supporting me. Many kids grew up in good Christian families who didn't want to follow after God. At the end of the day, the child has to make a choice. I made a choice that I wanted to serve God many years ago. Yes, I'm not perfect, but deep down I want to do what is right in God's eyes. I sometimes feel like they think I must be a certain way that makes me think that I have to be perfect. When I do something wrong or get upset, I'm not saved. There is no perfect Christian out there. There are Christians who are more righteous than others. We all have things that we need God's help to improve. Here's another thing. When I get upset I would say Oh my gosh, Oh my word, or Dadgummit. My uncle said saying oh my gosh is bad but he says oh my goodness. I don't understand. I would not dare use God's name in vain. There are times when I do get upset and say things and I would ask God for forgiveness and apologize to the person with whom I got upset. I just can't stand back and let people say horrible things about others without knowing them first or just forget about people. I am not heartless. I also have a female friend who happens to be a Mormon. They call her evil and say I should not talk to her because she's not a Christian. I know that religion is not right, but Jesus can lead people from that religion if they are searching for the truth. I wonder what God thinks of this. I feel very sad. I am not an argumentive person but I do speak up for things I don't agree with. I feel like crying right now.

Everything you have said makes sense to me, you are right, they are way, way too strict on you.

 

[Pavel Mosko]

I am 21 years old about to be 22 next month. I have been going through some tough things with my family so far because I made friends with a Christian male. However, there have been issues with my family long before when I was a child, and before I was born. They weren't as angry before as they are now. I don't understand it. They tell me that it is a sin to be friends with the opposite gender. They said God is against it and I must obey or God will deal with me severely. We are not in a relationship. We don't even hang out. We would just communicate via phone or email. He's never been inappropriate with me. He treats me as God would want a male to treat a female. We are mutual friends. They were accusing him and his family of things which blew my mind. I feel they are just paranoid about things due to their past experiences and from the stories they heard. Everyone in the world is not out to harm people. Yes, God does want us to be wise and safe. I feel they are going overboard and that is not healthy. When they said those things about my male friend and his family, it hurt me and made me upset. I said some things to them that I shouldn't have said and I apologize to them and God. I can't just sit back and let people say horrible things about others and agree with that or just forget about people. My uncle told me I had to choose between my friend or my relationship with him. That sounds crazy to me. Another family member said I wanted boyfriends and God is going to allow one day where I get raped just because I said when I graduate college I'm moving out due to my toxic family. I can't even process that. I am stunned. Some other things have been going on in my family that is not good that is relating to other things that happened between other relatives years ago. They got upset when my friend's father wanted to talk to me over the phone about what helps out with acid reflux since his son told him about my condition. His father said if I didn't feel comfortable talking to him over the phone, I could talk to his wife or his wife could talk to my mother, which is reasonable. My mom didn't want to talk over the phone. I don't have a father and the only father figure that I have is my uncle. He didn't want to talk to him. What is wrong with getting advice from someone kind enough to give it. They forced me to text my friend and tell him that they said I cannot talk to him because it's a sin. I told them that the things that they said about him and his family were unreasonable and mean. I told them that I don't agree with them about God being against being mutual friends with the opposite gender as long as it's appropriate. God is against fornication; however, that is not the case here. I told them I don't think I can stop talking to him since we have been friends for a while, especially when he has not done anything wrong to me or them. They called me a sociopath for saying that. They said I am too connected to him. They never said things like that to me before. I love my family; however, there are a lot of things don't like about them. They are breaking my heart greatly. I am starting to feel like a horrible person due to what they have said to me. I have been told that I am not saved by God. I have been told that I am arrogant, stuck up, think I know everything, that I take up for other people, and other horrible things. I am shocked by those things. I also heard remarks about me being perfect. It seems like people say those things to me just because I haven't been in a relationship with a guy before and fallen pregnant like many people in my immediate family. My family also tells me the reason why you have not gotten yourself into trouble is because of us. No, by the grace of God and by God using the ways to help. I am thankful for them for that and for supporting me. Many kids grew up in good Christian families who didn't want to follow after God. At the end of the day, the child has to make a choice. I made a choice that I wanted to serve God many years ago. Yes, I'm not perfect, but deep down I want to do what is right in God's eyes. I sometimes feel like they think I must be a certain way that makes me think that I have to be perfect. When I do something wrong or get upset, I'm not saved. There is no perfect Christian out there. There are Christians who are more righteous than others. We all have things that we need God's help to improve. Here's another thing. When I get upset I would say Oh my gosh, Oh my word, or Dadgummit. My uncle said saying oh my gosh is bad but he says oh my goodness. I don't understand. I would not dare use God's name in vain. There are times when I do get upset and say things and I would ask God for forgiveness and apologize to the person with whom I got upset. I just can't stand back and let people say horrible things about others without knowing them first or just forget about people. I am not heartless. I also have a female friend who happens to be a Mormon. They call her evil and say I should not talk to her because she's not a Christian. I know that religion is not right, but Jesus can lead people from that religion if they are searching for the truth. I wonder what God thinks of this. I feel very sad. I am not an argumentive person but I do speak up for things I don't agree with. I feel like crying right now.

Well it sounds like folks are just being over protective..

 

[Jesse Dornfeld]

Philippians 4:4-7 Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice. 5 Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; 6 do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

 

[Rene Loup]

"Sin to be friends with the opposite gender."

28 There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond nor free, there is neither male nor female: for ye are all one in Christ Jesus.
~Galatians 3:28 (KJV)

28 There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus.
~Galatians 3:28 (NKJV)

28 There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.
~Galatians 3:28 (NIV)

28 Now, in Christ, there is no difference between Jew and Greek. There is no difference between slaves and free men. There is no difference between male and female. You are all the same in Christ Jesus.
~Galatians 3:28 (ICB)

John 4:1-42 Is a good read. It is about the Lord Jesus Christ, the SON of God, interacting with a Samaritan WOMAN. In the end, Lord Jesus Christ gives this disgraced woman hope in life.

Bible Gateway passage: John 4:1-42 - King James Version
Bible Gateway passage: John 4:1-42 - New King James Version
Bible Gateway passage: John 4:1-42 - New International Version
Bible Gateway passage: John 4:1-42 - International Children’s Bible

Adam, the first man, was given Eve, the first woman, by God. Adam obviously liked what he saw and loved her as his own. Why did God do this? In His Own words in the NKJV Bible, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.” It was BECAUSE Adam needed a human companion/friend/spouse, whatever you call it, that God made Eve out of Adam's rib. They both existed PRESUMABLY before the concept of marriage even existed, though I am not entirely sure.

Bible Gateway passage: Genesis 2 - King James Version
Bible Gateway passage: Genesis 2 - New King James Version
Bible Gateway passage: Genesis 2 - New International Version
Bible Gateway passage: Genesis 2 - International Children’s Bible

I would say the only sinful aspect of a male-female friendship is if sexual immorality was committed, such as sexual relations before marriage. Some call it "Friends with Benefits" and that is NEVER a friendship an unmarried pair should EVER aspire to.

 

[PrincessLDG]

"Sin to be friends with the opposite gender."

28 There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond nor free, there is neither male nor female: for ye are all one in Christ Jesus.
~Galatians 3:28 (KJV)

28 There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus.
~Galatians 3:28 (NKJV)

28 There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.
~Galatians 3:28 (NIV)

28 Now, in Christ, there is no difference between Jew and Greek. There is no difference between slaves and free men. There is no difference between male and female. You are all the same in Christ Jesus.
~Galatians 3:28 (ICB)

John 4:1-42 Is a good read. It is about the Lord Jesus Christ, the SON of God, interacting with a Samaritan WOMAN. In the end, Lord Jesus Christ gives this disgraced woman hope in life.

Bible Gateway passage: John 4:1-42 - King James Version
Bible Gateway passage: John 4:1-42 - New King James Version
Bible Gateway passage: John 4:1-42 - New International Version
Bible Gateway passage: John 4:1-42 - International Children’s Bible

Adam, the first man, was given Eve, the first woman, by God. Adam obviously liked what he saw and loved her as his own. Why did God do this? In His Own words in the NKJV Bible, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.” It was BECAUSE Adam needed a human companion/friend/spouse, whatever you call it, that God made Eve out of Adam's rib. They both existed PRESUMABLY before the concept of marriage even existed, though I am not entirely sure.

Bible Gateway passage: Genesis 2 - King James Version
Bible Gateway passage: Genesis 2 - New King James Version
Bible Gateway passage: Genesis 2 - New International Version
Bible Gateway passage: Genesis 2 - International Children’s Bible

I would say the only sinful aspect of a male-female friendship is if sexual immorality was committed, such as sexual relations before marriage. Some call it "Friends with Benefits" and that is NEVER a friendship an unmarried pair should EVER aspire to.

Yes, I totally agree with it being a sin if sexual immorality was committed. I didn't know what Friends with Benefits meant until someone told me some months ago. I was shocked by that. I didn't know some people did that.

 

[SANTOSO]

I am 21 years old about to be 22 next month. I have been going through some tough things with my family so far because I made friends with a Christian male. However, there have been issues with my family long before when I was a child, and before I was born. They weren't as angry before as they are now. I don't understand it. They tell me that it is a sin to be friends with the opposite gender. They said God is against it and I must obey or God will deal with me severely. We are not in a relationship. We don't even hang out. We would just communicate via phone or email. He's never been inappropriate with me. He treats me as God would want a male to treat a female. We are mutual friends. They were accusing him and his family of things which blew my mind. I feel they are just paranoid about things due to their past experiences and from the stories they heard. Everyone in the world is not out to harm people. Yes, God does want us to be wise and safe. I feel they are going overboard and that is not healthy. When they said those things about my male friend and his family, it hurt me and made me upset. I said some things to them that I shouldn't have said and I apologize to them and God. I can't just sit back and let people say horrible things about others and agree with that or just forget about people. My uncle told me I had to choose between my friend or my relationship with him. That sounds crazy to me. Another family member said I wanted boyfriends and God is going to allow one day where I get raped just because I said when I graduate college I'm moving out due to my toxic family. I can't even process that. I am stunned. Some other things have been going on in my family that is not good that is relating to other things that happened between other relatives years ago. They got upset when my friend's father wanted to talk to me over the phone about what helps out with acid reflux since his son told him about my condition. His father said if I didn't feel comfortable talking to him over the phone, I could talk to his wife or his wife could talk to my mother, which is reasonable. My mom didn't want to talk over the phone. I don't have a father and the only father figure that I have is my uncle. He didn't want to talk to him. What is wrong with getting advice from someone kind enough to give it. They forced me to text my friend and tell him that they said I cannot talk to him because it's a sin. I told them that the things that they said about him and his family were unreasonable and mean. I told them that I don't agree with them about God being against being mutual friends with the opposite gender as long as it's appropriate. God is against fornication; however, that is not the case here. I told them I don't think I can stop talking to him since we have been friends for a while, especially when he has not done anything wrong to me or them. They called me a sociopath for saying that. They said I am too connected to him. They never said things like that to me before. I love my family; however, there are a lot of things don't like about them. They are breaking my heart greatly. I am starting to feel like a horrible person due to what they have said to me. I have been told that I am not saved by God. I have been told that I am arrogant, stuck up, think I know everything, that I take up for other people, and other horrible things. I am shocked by those things. I also heard remarks about me being perfect. It seems like people say those things to me just because I haven't been in a relationship with a guy before and fallen pregnant like many people in my immediate family. My family also tells me the reason why you have not gotten yourself into trouble is because of us. No, by the grace of God and by God using the ways to help. I am thankful for them for that and for supporting me. Many kids grew up in good Christian families who didn't want to follow after God. At the end of the day, the child has to make a choice. I made a choice that I wanted to serve God many years ago. Yes, I'm not perfect, but deep down I want to do what is right in God's eyes. I sometimes feel like they think I must be a certain way that makes me think that I have to be perfect. When I do something wrong or get upset, I'm not saved. There is no perfect Christian out there. There are Christians who are more righteous than others. We all have things that we need God's help to improve. Here's another thing. When I get upset I would say Oh my gosh, Oh my word, or Dadgummit. My uncle said saying oh my gosh is bad but he says oh my goodness. I don't understand. I would not dare use God's name in vain. There are times when I do get upset and say things and I would ask God for forgiveness and apologize to the person with whom I got upset. I just can't stand back and let people say horrible things about others without knowing them first or just forget about people. I am not heartless. I also have a female friend who happens to be a Mormon. They call her evil and say I should not talk to her because she's not a Christian. I know that religion is not right, but Jesus can lead people from that religion if they are searching for the truth. I wonder what God thinks of this. I feel very sad. I am not an argumentive person but I do speak up for things I don't agree with. I feel like crying right now.

Dear sister,
I understand that you made friend with a male Christian and that became an issue with your family. But you have told us that have an issue before you were born. Dear sister, there is something that trouble and anger your mother, uncle or family that you have not known or known well enough. So, their anger or demands are actually targeted toward their own misgivings about others whom they have met or may be at themselves, too.

Sister, I understand your hurt and pain in this afflictions but have you noticed that the family whom you love are also hurt that deep.
And you didn’t know much the reasons what makes them hurt that much. So their anger at you, unreasonable, their false accusations about that male friend that you met are actually that your family didn’t not know what they were doing to you.

Because of their anger over that issue, that they have not released forgiveness to those who wrong them —- leads them to evil.
For this is what we have heard:
Refrain from anger, and forsake wrath! Fret not yourself; it tends only to evil. -Psalms 37:8

I am not saying your family is evil but the evil spirits of accusations, anger, hate, bitterness, guilt and shame are disturbing your family’s godly thoughts pattern. Therefore, seek the Lord’s help and pray on their behalf that may the Lord bring them to repentance and reconciliation with you so that you may find peace in your family.

Dear sister, you may have heard:
And a person's enemies will be those of his own household. -Matthew 10:36

Didn’t the Lord also tell us this:
"But I say to you who hear, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, -Luke 6:27

But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, -Matthew 5:44

Dear sister, even though our own household can be our enemies, we need to heed our Lord’s voice by loving our enemies, and do good to those who hate us and pray for them.

Yes, it is painful. We heard your cries. We who are male, also cried though silently. How blessed we who cried because we love our family and do what God wants.

Yes, in this prosecution, we need to know that we are blessed. For this is what we have heard:
"Blessed are you when others revile you and persecute you and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely on my account. -Matthew 5:11
Rejoice and be glad, for your reward is great in heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you. -Matthew 5:12

Dear sister, consider this when we suffered for what is wrong, we need to repent and come to the Lord’s side and be in His grace.
But when we suffer for what is right, we suffer for righteousness’ sake — we suffer for Christ’s sake.

This is what apostle Peter told us:
But rejoice insofar as you share Christ's sufferings, that you may also rejoice and be glad when his glory is revealed. -1 Peter 4:13

If we suffer for Christ’s sake ! How do Christ suffer with us ? This is what we have heard:
Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. -Matthew 11:29

When the Lord asks us to take His yoke! Didn’t He say He will suffer with us ! Believe that you have taken the Lord’s yoke and that the Lord suffers with you. For this is what we have heard:

and if children, then heirs'heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with Him in order that we may also be glorified with Him. -Romans 8:17

So dear sister, when you consider your suffering, you believe that the Lord suffered with you. And rejoice !

I understand that it is painful but let us continue to release forgiveness those who wronged us, especially our family every day and every time. And let us love them with the love that comes from God.

In time of afflictions, let us continue to fix our eyes on our Beloved Christ. Trust in our Beloved Christ who will free us from the net. Believe that He will turn to us and show His favor. In His righteousness, He will bring us out of our distresses. For our Beloved Christ considers our afflictions, sufferings and take our sins away. How wonderful is our Beloved who willingly bears burden daily. Yes, our Beloved Christ will save us.

Dear sister, I share from my experience, our physical resource and strength don’t suffice to meet the challenges; we need to rely on God’s strength. For this is what we have heard:
The LORD is the strength of His people; He is the saving refuge of His anointed. -Psalms 28:8

Sister, when you are in despair, take refuge in prayer then the Lord’s peace that surpass understanding will guard your heart and mind in Christ Jesus.

dear sister, sing praise to the Lord in your despair, and the Lord will lift your heart with joy and fill with His love.

Lastly, remember the Lord’s voice:
Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go." -Joshua 1:9

Dear sister, stay in the Lord’s steadfast love. For love cast all fear including the fear that holds your family.

 

[Sabertooth]

Hello & welcome. (Sorry that I neglected that earlier.)

I feel they are just paranoid about things due to their past experiences and from the stories they heard. Everyone in the world is not out to harm people. Yes, God does want us to be wise and safe. I feel they are going overboard and that is not healthy.

Generally, I would agree with the other posters about your family being overbearing, but given

I struggle greatly with Social Anxiety. I have been battling with it since the 5th grade and now I am 21 about to be 22 next month.

Could it be that your family is overprotective of you because of your social anxiety?

I cannot know for sure, but in your naiveté, they might see some warning flags that you have missed. You are 21. You do not need their approval (unless you are under a guardianship). But if they are close to this situation, they still might worry.

(I have a daughter with social anxiety, too...)

 

[Cis.jd]

Your family is either indoctrinated by a christian cult or they could also be protective because of other factors. If it is the later, maybe ask them to help you get counseling for it.

If it is the earlier, then as a young adult you can probably look for a job and try to move out.

 

[LightLoveHope]

I do live at home with them, but God's willing I am going to move out once I get my college degree. I never thought that I would say that.

Praise the Lord for your faith.
Friendships matter more than family. Learning to be loved and appreciated for who you are is what life is, and families are who you are born with, good or bad. I have two daughters your age, both with good friendship groups, and fully integrated. The skills of living like this is real life, and foundational.

Jesus calls us to a relationship adventure outside the family unit with Him. In His love we have the victory, and this matters. Finding the language of one's heart and caring is the path we all need, and families often hate this reality because they do not know how to live it themselves.

Leaving home is your next important step but with friendship support. Finding a good church will help you, so I suggest you begin to look for one.

God bless you

 

[SamanthaAnastasia]

I am 21 years old about to be 22 next month. I have been going through some tough things with my family so far because I made friends with a Christian male. However, there have been issues with my family long before when I was a child, and before I was born. They weren't as angry before as they are now. I don't understand it. They tell me that it is a sin to be friends with the opposite gender. They said God is against it and I must obey or God will deal with me severely. We are not in a relationship. We don't even hang out. We would just communicate via phone or email. He's never been inappropriate with me. He treats me as God would want a male to treat a female. We are mutual friends. They were accusing him and his family of things which blew my mind. I feel they are just paranoid about things due to their past experiences and from the stories they heard. Everyone in the world is not out to harm people. Yes, God does want us to be wise and safe. I feel they are going overboard and that is not healthy. When they said those things about my male friend and his family, it hurt me and made me upset. I said some things to them that I shouldn't have said and I apologize to them and God. I can't just sit back and let people say horrible things about others and agree with that or just forget about people. My uncle told me I had to choose between my friend or my relationship with him. That sounds crazy to me. Another family member said I wanted boyfriends and God is going to allow one day where I get raped just because I said when I graduate college I'm moving out due to my toxic family. I can't even process that. I am stunned. Some other things have been going on in my family that is not good that is relating to other things that happened between other relatives years ago. They got upset when my friend's father wanted to talk to me over the phone about what helps out with acid reflux since his son told him about my condition. His father said if I didn't feel comfortable talking to him over the phone, I could talk to his wife or his wife could talk to my mother, which is reasonable. My mom didn't want to talk over the phone. I don't have a father and the only father figure that I have is my uncle. He didn't want to talk to him. What is wrong with getting advice from someone kind enough to give it. They forced me to text my friend and tell him that they said I cannot talk to him because it's a sin. I told them that the things that they said about him and his family were unreasonable and mean. I told them that I don't agree with them about God being against being mutual friends with the opposite gender as long as it's appropriate. God is against fornication; however, that is not the case here. I told them I don't think I can stop talking to him since we have been friends for a while, especially when he has not done anything wrong to me or them. They called me a sociopath for saying that. They said I am too connected to him. They never said things like that to me before. I love my family; however, there are a lot of things don't like about them. They are breaking my heart greatly. I am starting to feel like a horrible person due to what they have said to me. I have been told that I am not saved by God. I have been told that I am arrogant, stuck up, think I know everything, that I take up for other people, and other horrible things. I am shocked by those things. I also heard remarks about me being perfect. It seems like people say those things to me just because I haven't been in a relationship with a guy before and fallen pregnant like many people in my immediate family. My family also tells me the reason why you have not gotten yourself into trouble is because of us. No, by the grace of God and by God using the ways to help. I am thankful for them for that and for supporting me. Many kids grew up in good Christian families who didn't want to follow after God. At the end of the day, the child has to make a choice. I made a choice that I wanted to serve God many years ago. Yes, I'm not perfect, but deep down I want to do what is right in God's eyes. I sometimes feel like they think I must be a certain way that makes me think that I have to be perfect. When I do something wrong or get upset, I'm not saved. There is no perfect Christian out there. There are Christians who are more righteous than others. We all have things that we need God's help to improve. Here's another thing. When I get upset I would say Oh my gosh, Oh my word, or Dadgummit. My uncle said saying oh my gosh is bad but he says oh my goodness. I don't understand. I would not dare use God's name in vain. There are times when I do get upset and say things and I would ask God for forgiveness and apologize to the person with whom I got upset. I just can't stand back and let people say horrible things about others without knowing them first or just forget about people. I am not heartless. I also have a female friend who happens to be a Mormon. They call her evil and say I should not talk to her because she's not a Christian. I know that religion is not right, but Jesus can lead people from that religion if they are searching for the truth. I wonder what God thinks of this. I feel very sad. I am not an argumentive person but I do speak up for things I don't agree with. I feel like crying right now.

Lord have mercy.
This is hard.
Your parents are being too strict. Also, you are an adult. Yes, you are unmarried but being an adult entails more freedoms than when you were a child.
Love them, respect them. But be clear in that you disagree with them.
Something like, “I love you and respect your opinion very much but I disagree. If you love me, you’d give me the same”.
God bless.

 

[coffee4u]

Op I am very sorry to hear the family situation that you are in. You are in a tough spot since you don't want to hurt either side. Your families response is not Christian. I am wondering if there is more going on here then you know about, perhaps some history between his family and yours? or some other reason they are fearful of you being friends with this man that they are not telling you, but instead are making this outrageous claims.

Have you explained to him that your family feels your friendship is wrong?
I am going to guess they don't believe that you are just friends and think you have more going on. Are you sure this young man doesn't have romantic feelings towards you and they have picked up on it?
Not that there is anything wrong with that if you both did since you are both adults and if you are to ever to marry you would want to be building up a friendship with the man you would want to marry, bit difficult to ever get married if you are not allowed to talk to men.
Is there any reason you can think of for them to disprove of him?

While you live at home try and be respectful as much as possible towards them and I would suggest asking him not to call but rather keep it to texts. Keep the phone conversation for when you out someplace. If you explain he should understand that you don't want to hurt either him or your family.

 

[mlepfitjw]

Dear friend (seeker of truth) @PrincessLDG ,

You should understand this God forgives us, of everything we have done in our life and he shows mercy and compassion on every human being on this planet. The Son of God namely the Lord Jesus Christ, paid for all mankind sins, and was risen again by God. Which is a symbol for us to put away our own sinful nature of how we go about life, instead directing ourselves towards the desires of God in living in a new form of life. There is a holy spirit that indwells you as a believer. This spirit is not a spirit of fear. However it is a spirit of power, of love, and self-control (in knowing who you are in Christ - Which is either a son or daughter of God by faith in believing on the Lord Jesus Christ).

You have been having it hard lately due to social anxiety, and life in general because we all have anxiety to some form or degree in the unknown field of life itself, however God can make it a bit more easier if we lean on him instead and we go and pray for all the people we know, and we also pray and talk to him about the things we need help with say be it to help have self-control, to help with anxiety (to not worry about what others thing of me God, God remind me of who I am in you, which is a son or a daughter of God), help me to forgive my enemies, help to love them instead and not to hate or be bitter against them.

My encouragement would be for you to trust God, ask him for wisdom on situations and how to handle them, and do not doubt him to help give you wisdom, or to help you by the spirit he provides, because he loves and cares about each of us, and that means you to. His great mercy is what gets people to turn from their darkness into the light.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Scriptures used:

2 Timothy 1:
6For this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you through the laying on of my hands.

7For God has not given us a spirit of fear,a but of power, love, and self-control.

8So do not be ashamed of the testimony of our Lord, or of me, His prisoner. Instead, join me in suffering for the gospel by the power of God. 9He has saved us and called us to a holy calling, not because of our works, but by His own purpose and by the grace He granted us in Christ Jesus before time began.b

10And now He has revealed this grace through the appearing of our Savior, Christ Jesus, who has abolished death and illuminated the way to life and immortality through the gospel, 11to which I was appointed as a preacher, an apostle, and a teacher.

Romans 2: 4 Or do you have no regard for the wealth of His kindness and tolerance and patience [in withholding His wrath]? Are you [actually] unaware or ignorant [of the fact] that God’s kindness leads you to repentance [that is, to change your inner self, your old way of thinking—seek His purpose for your life]?

James 1:6 But he must ask [for wisdom] in faith, without doubting [God’s willingness to help], for the one who doubts is like a billowing surge of the sea that is blown about and tossed by the wind.

John 1:12 (Believing on the Son of God) But to as many as did receive and welcome Him, He gave the right [the authority, the privilege] to become children of God, that is, to those who believe in (adhere to, trust in, and rely on) His name—

2 Corinthians 5:17 Therefore if anyone is in Christ [that is, grafted in, joined to Him by faith in Him as Savior], he is a new creature [reborn and renewed by the Holy Spirit]; the old things [the previous moral and spiritual condition] have passed away. Behold, new things have come [because spiritual awakening brings a new life].

1 Timothy 2:1First of all, then, I urge that petitions (specific requests), prayers, intercessions (prayers for others) and thanksgivings be offered on behalf of all people, 2 for kings and all who are in [positions of] high authority, so that we may live a peaceful and quiet life in all godliness and dignity. 3 This [kind of praying] is good and acceptable and pleasing in the sight of God our Savior, 4 who wishes all people to be saved and to come to the knowledge and recognition of the [divine] truth.

1 John 2:1-2. “My little children, I am writing these things to you so that you may not sin. ... He is the propitiation for our sins, and not for ours only but also for the sins of the whole world.”

 

[PrincessLDG]

Hello & welcome. (Sorry that I neglected that earlier.)

Generally, I would agree with the other posters about your family being overbearing, but given

Could it be that your family is overprotective of you because of your social anxiety?

I cannot know for sure, but in your naiveté, they might see some warning flags that you have missed. You are 21. You do not need their approval (unless you are under a guardianship). But if they are close to this situation, they still might worry.

(I have a daughter with social anxiety, too...)

Guardianship? I do live with my family.

 

[DiscipleHeLovesToo]

I am 21 years old about to be 22 next month. I have been going through some tough things with my family so far because I made friends with a Christian male. However, there have been issues with my family long before when I was a child, and before I was born. They weren't as angry before as they are now. I don't understand it. They tell me that it is a sin to be friends with the opposite gender. They said God is against it and I must obey or God will deal with me severely. We are not in a relationship. We don't even hang out. We would just communicate via phone or email. He's never been inappropriate with me. He treats me as God would want a male to treat a female. We are mutual friends. They were accusing him and his family of things which blew my mind. I feel they are just paranoid about things due to their past experiences and from the stories they heard. Everyone in the world is not out to harm people. Yes, God does want us to be wise and safe. I feel they are going overboard and that is not healthy. When they said those things about my male friend and his family, it hurt me and made me upset. I said some things to them that I shouldn't have said and I apologize to them and God. I can't just sit back and let people say horrible things about others and agree with that or just forget about people. My uncle told me I had to choose between my friend or my relationship with him. That sounds crazy to me. Another family member said I wanted boyfriends and God is going to allow one day where I get raped just because I said when I graduate college I'm moving out due to my toxic family. I can't even process that. I am stunned. Some other things have been going on in my family that is not good that is relating to other things that happened between other relatives years ago. They got upset when my friend's father wanted to talk to me over the phone about what helps out with acid reflux since his son told him about my condition. His father said if I didn't feel comfortable talking to him over the phone, I could talk to his wife or his wife could talk to my mother, which is reasonable. My mom didn't want to talk over the phone. I don't have a father and the only father figure that I have is my uncle. He didn't want to talk to him. What is wrong with getting advice from someone kind enough to give it. They forced me to text my friend and tell him that they said I cannot talk to him because it's a sin. I told them that the things that they said about him and his family were unreasonable and mean. I told them that I don't agree with them about God being against being mutual friends with the opposite gender as long as it's appropriate. God is against fornication; however, that is not the case here. I told them I don't think I can stop talking to him since we have been friends for a while, especially when he has not done anything wrong to me or them. They called me a sociopath for saying that. They said I am too connected to him. They never said things like that to me before. I love my family; however, there are a lot of things don't like about them. They are breaking my heart greatly. I am starting to feel like a horrible person due to what they have said to me. I have been told that I am not saved by God. I have been told that I am arrogant, stuck up, think I know everything, that I take up for other people, and other horrible things. I am shocked by those things. I also heard remarks about me being perfect. It seems like people say those things to me just because I haven't been in a relationship with a guy before and fallen pregnant like many people in my immediate family. My family also tells me the reason why you have not gotten yourself into trouble is because of us. No, by the grace of God and by God using the ways to help. I am thankful for them for that and for supporting me. Many kids grew up in good Christian families who didn't want to follow after God. At the end of the day, the child has to make a choice. I made a choice that I wanted to serve God many years ago. Yes, I'm not perfect, but deep down I want to do what is right in God's eyes. I sometimes feel like they think I must be a certain way that makes me think that I have to be perfect. When I do something wrong or get upset, I'm not saved. There is no perfect Christian out there. There are Christians who are more righteous than others. We all have things that we need God's help to improve. Here's another thing. When I get upset I would say Oh my gosh, Oh my word, or Dadgummit. My uncle said saying oh my gosh is bad but he says oh my goodness. I don't understand. I would not dare use God's name in vain. There are times when I do get upset and say things and I would ask God for forgiveness and apologize to the person with whom I got upset. I just can't stand back and let people say horrible things about others without knowing them first or just forget about people. I am not heartless. I also have a female friend who happens to be a Mormon. They call her evil and say I should not talk to her because she's not a Christian. I know that religion is not right, but Jesus can lead people from that religion if they are searching for the truth. I wonder what God thinks of this. I feel very sad. I am not an argumentive person but I do speak up for things I don't agree with. I feel like crying right now.

my Mama raised my 2 siblings and me in a major denominational church. my older sibling went on to attend a seminary sponsored by a different major denomination and became an ordained minister. my next older sibling became involved in a strict, independent church (almost a cult) and became an ordained minister through that church; he later broke with them and moved from church to church in yet another denomination as a assistant minister while working a full time job. my Daddy had a very hard life from early childhood; and was a hard, moral, strict man who seldom read the bible, and attended church only to appease my Mama. i was saved at a very young age, read my bible regularly as a child and young adult, and could see that no one in my family was trying to live by what it said, in spite of the fact that two were ordained ministers - there was much strife among us all for many years.

so i do have some idea of what you've been going through.

i felt like a victim most of my childhood and early adult years where my family was concerned, and as i poured out my heart to God about this one day (much as you have poured out your heart to us here), when i finally got quiet, a question came to my mind - 'who wants to be the Christian in all this strife?'

i believed then and now that God asked me that question. i had to think about this for quite some time (years) before i realized that none of us (the family i grew up in, including me) was acting like a 'Christ in training' - we all kept track of injustices we suffered from each other, and no one was listening to anyone anymore - we just kept repeating the same cycle of false 'nicety', followed by strife, hurt, offense, anger, and bitterness - we weren't a family, we were a group of strangers bound together in the the family structure who didn't really like each other or seem to have much in common.

by this time in my life i had begun to listen to recorded sermons regularly - seeking for 'pearls of wisdom from God'. I was listening to a sermon on overcoming life's obstacles, triumphing over life's challenges - and the subject was forgiveness, when i heard the preacher say this:

'the difference between a victim and a victor is forgiveness'.

you've been victimized by your family, and you are not alone in this - my guess is that just about everyone can relate to at least some of what you and i have shared about our families - there are no perfect families, because there are no perfect people.

so my advice is to treat your family as strangers:

-forgive them of all the sins they've sinned against you, past, present, and even future sins - as Christ has forgiven us. that means that you don't talk about these past hurts any more, as Christ does not remind us of our sins that He has forgiven.

-when you're around them, keep the focus on what's going on with them; the less they know about you, the less they will have to judge you for - and if you need to pour your heart out to someone, pour it out to God, and be prepared to get quiet and listen for His still small voice after you do.

it takes two to create strife; if you refuse to participate, shift your focus from you to them when you're around them, and through Christ-like forgiveness refuse to receive offense, the strife will cease and you will transition from victim to victor.

 

[Neostarwcc]

I am 21 years old about to be 22 next month. I have been going through some tough things with my family so far because I made friends with a Christian male. However, there have been issues with my family long before when I was a child, and before I was born. They weren't as angry before as they are now. I don't understand it. They tell me that it is a sin to be friends with the opposite gender. They said God is against it and I must obey or God will deal with me severely. We are not in a relationship. We don't even hang out. We would just communicate via phone or email. He's never been inappropriate with me. He treats me as God would want a male to treat a female. We are mutual friends. They were accusing him and his family of things which blew my mind. I feel they are just paranoid about things due to their past experiences and from the stories they heard. Everyone in the world is not out to harm people. Yes, God does want us to be wise and safe. I feel they are going overboard and that is not healthy. When they said those things about my male friend and his family, it hurt me and made me upset. I said some things to them that I shouldn't have said and I apologize to them and God. I can't just sit back and let people say horrible things about others and agree with that or just forget about people. My uncle told me I had to choose between my friend or my relationship with him. That sounds crazy to me. Another family member said I wanted boyfriends and God is going to allow one day where I get raped just because I said when I graduate college I'm moving out due to my toxic family. I can't even process that. I am stunned. Some other things have been going on in my family that is not good that is relating to other things that happened between other relatives years ago. They got upset when my friend's father wanted to talk to me over the phone about what helps out with acid reflux since his son told him about my condition. His father said if I didn't feel comfortable talking to him over the phone, I could talk to his wife or his wife could talk to my mother, which is reasonable. My mom didn't want to talk over the phone. I don't have a father and the only father figure that I have is my uncle. He didn't want to talk to him. What is wrong with getting advice from someone kind enough to give it. They forced me to text my friend and tell him that they said I cannot talk to him because it's a sin. I told them that the things that they said about him and his family were unreasonable and mean. I told them that I don't agree with them about God being against being mutual friends with the opposite gender as long as it's appropriate. God is against fornication; however, that is not the case here. I told them I don't think I can stop talking to him since we have been friends for a while, especially when he has not done anything wrong to me or them. They called me a sociopath for saying that. They said I am too connected to him. They never said things like that to me before. I love my family; however, there are a lot of things don't like about them. They are breaking my heart greatly. I am starting to feel like a horrible person due to what they have said to me. I have been told that I am not saved by God. I have been told that I am arrogant, stuck up, think I know everything, that I take up for other people, and other horrible things. I am shocked by those things. I also heard remarks about me being perfect. It seems like people say those things to me just because I haven't been in a relationship with a guy before and fallen pregnant like many people in my immediate family. My family also tells me the reason why you have not gotten yourself into trouble is because of us. No, by the grace of God and by God using the ways to help. I am thankful for them for that and for supporting me. Many kids grew up in good Christian families who didn't want to follow after God. At the end of the day, the child has to make a choice. I made a choice that I wanted to serve God many years ago. Yes, I'm not perfect, but deep down I want to do what is right in God's eyes. I sometimes feel like they think I must be a certain way that makes me think that I have to be perfect. When I do something wrong or get upset, I'm not saved. There is no perfect Christian out there. There are Christians who are more righteous than others. We all have things that we need God's help to improve. Here's another thing. When I get upset I would say Oh my gosh, Oh my word, or Dadgummit. My uncle said saying oh my gosh is bad but he says oh my goodness. I don't understand. I would not dare use God's name in vain. There are times when I do get upset and say things and I would ask God for forgiveness and apologize to the person with whom I got upset. I just can't stand back and let people say horrible things about others without knowing them first or just forget about people. I am not heartless. I also have a female friend who happens to be a Mormon. They call her evil and say I should not talk to her because she's not a Christian. I know that religion is not right, but Jesus can lead people from that religion if they are searching for the truth. I wonder what God thinks of this. I feel very sad. I am not an argumentive person but I do speak up for things I don't agree with. I feel like crying right now.

If you were married or engaged I would side with your family on not being friends with the opposite sex. I know too well how tempting adultery can be and have given into those temptations as had my wife which has put way too much strain on our marriage. Trust me, its easier to just not seek friendship from the opposite sex when you're committed to another person.

But thats not the case here. You're not married and you seem to really like this person. Nothing wrong with that. I met my wife online too. You seem to really want to obey God and thats a really good thing. Way too many "Christians" today think that salvation is a once and done deal. They'll "accept" Christ without repentance or ever calling on him ever again. From what you've said you really love him and want to do what is right. Fantastic! I applaud you keep it up!

 

[PrincessLDG]

Op I am very sorry to hear the family situation that you are in. You are in a tough spot since you don't want to hurt either side. Your families response is not Christian. I am wondering if there is more going on here then you know about, perhaps some history between his family and yours? or some other reason they are fearful of you being friends with this man that they are not telling you, but instead are making this outrageous claims.

Have you explained to him that your family feels your friendship is wrong?
I am going to guess they don't believe that you are just friends and think you have more going on. Are you sure this young man doesn't have romantic feelings towards you and they have picked up on it?
Not that there is anything wrong with that if you both did since you are both adults and if you are to ever to marry you would want to be building up a friendship with the man you would want to marry, bit difficult to ever get married if you are not allowed to talk to men.
Is there any reason you can think of for them to disprove of him?

While you live at home try and be respectful as much as possible towards them and I would suggest asking him not to call but rather keep it to texts. Keep the phone conversation for when you out someplace. If you explain he should understand that you don't want to hurt either him or your family.

My family doesn't know his family. I don't think that he likes me in that way. He said I was his friend. Nothing else. If he gives me a compliment about something, they would blow things out of proportion.

Then they would say crazy things that I am in love with him because I didn't want to stop talking to him. He's my friend. Friends develop bonds. Quite naturally I would cry and get upset if they are saying mean things like that about him and make me stop talking to him. Then I feel they were manipulating my emotions by keep saying he was trying to talk to me when I felt he wasn't.

I am still shocked by what they were saying about him and his family when they don't even know them. They disprove of him because he's a guy. They said you can't be friends with a guy. You can only be married. I don't understand that logic. My friend said that he respected my family's opinion but didn't agree with it.

He said he felt males and females can be friends if it is kept appropriate. He then said how could a female get married if she can't be friends with a guy. He said if they don't want him talking to me, he won't send texts since that was how we communicated most of the time. I know he is disappointed since I have not talked to him in 2 weeks. I had one of his friends text him that I said hi. He texted him back and told him to say hi to me and that he missed me.

That is heartbreaking. My family does not know how this is hurting me and upsetting me. They just said you will get over him. Those feelings will go away. I am stunned. They wonder why I got upset with them this one day.

I was fed up. I apologized to them and God for my actions. However, they are holding that against me. This makes me not want to have friends, let alone male friends. I never had a male friend before.

He was my only male friend. We had so much in common which caused us to become good friends. I never thought that I could have so much in common with a guy.

 

[Sabertooth]

Guardianship? I do live with my family.

A guardianship is when a person over the age of 18 is stripped (by the court) of her adult autonomy due to severe mental incapacity. (I am the guardian for my 26yo daughter who has a mental age of 18mos.) As long as you have all of the autonomy of a legal adult, you are not under a guardianship.

 

[PrincessLDG]

A guardianship is when a person over the age of 18 is stripped (by the court) of her adult autonomy due to severe mental incapacity. (I am the guardian for my 26yo daughter who has a mental age of 18mos.) As long as you have all of the autonomy of a legal adult, you are not under a guardianship.

Oh, I see what you are saying now. I don't have a guardian over me. Although I do suffer from social anxiety, it's not too severe to a point where I need a guardian over me.

 

[fhansen]

I am 21 years old about to be 22 next month. I have been going through some tough things with my family so far because I made friends with a Christian male. However, there have been issues with my family long before when I was a child, and before I was born. They weren't as angry before as they are now. I don't understand it. They tell me that it is a sin to be friends with the opposite gender. They said God is against it and I must obey or God will deal with me severely. We are not in a relationship. We don't even hang out. We would just communicate via phone or email. He's never been inappropriate with me. He treats me as God would want a male to treat a female. We are mutual friends. They were accusing him and his family of things which blew my mind. I feel they are just paranoid about things due to their past experiences and from the stories they heard. Everyone in the world is not out to harm people. Yes, God does want us to be wise and safe. I feel they are going overboard and that is not healthy. When they said those things about my male friend and his family, it hurt me and made me upset. I said some things to them that I shouldn't have said and I apologize to them and God. I can't just sit back and let people say horrible things about others and agree with that or just forget about people. My uncle told me I had to choose between my friend or my relationship with him. That sounds crazy to me. Another family member said I wanted boyfriends and God is going to allow one day where I get raped just because I said when I graduate college I'm moving out due to my toxic family. I can't even process that. I am stunned. Some other things have been going on in my family that is not good that is relating to other things that happened between other relatives years ago. They got upset when my friend's father wanted to talk to me over the phone about what helps out with acid reflux since his son told him about my condition. His father said if I didn't feel comfortable talking to him over the phone, I could talk to his wife or his wife could talk to my mother, which is reasonable. My mom didn't want to talk over the phone. I don't have a father and the only father figure that I have is my uncle. He didn't want to talk to him. What is wrong with getting advice from someone kind enough to give it. They forced me to text my friend and tell him that they said I cannot talk to him because it's a sin. I told them that the things that they said about him and his family were unreasonable and mean. I told them that I don't agree with them about God being against being mutual friends with the opposite gender as long as it's appropriate. God is against fornication; however, that is not the case here. I told them I don't think I can stop talking to him since we have been friends for a while, especially when he has not done anything wrong to me or them. They called me a sociopath for saying that. They said I am too connected to him. They never said things like that to me before. I love my family; however, there are a lot of things don't like about them. They are breaking my heart greatly. I am starting to feel like a horrible person due to what they have said to me. I have been told that I am not saved by God. I have been told that I am arrogant, stuck up, think I know everything, that I take up for other people, and other horrible things. I am shocked by those things. I also heard remarks about me being perfect. It seems like people say those things to me just because I haven't been in a relationship with a guy before and fallen pregnant like many people in my immediate family. My family also tells me the reason why you have not gotten yourself into trouble is because of us. No, by the grace of God and by God using the ways to help. I am thankful for them for that and for supporting me. Many kids grew up in good Christian families who didn't want to follow after God. At the end of the day, the child has to make a choice. I made a choice that I wanted to serve God many years ago. Yes, I'm not perfect, but deep down I want to do what is right in God's eyes. I sometimes feel like they think I must be a certain way that makes me think that I have to be perfect. When I do something wrong or get upset, I'm not saved. There is no perfect Christian out there. There are Christians who are more righteous than others. We all have things that we need God's help to improve. Here's another thing. When I get upset I would say Oh my gosh, Oh my word, or Dadgummit. My uncle said saying oh my gosh is bad but he says oh my goodness. I don't understand. I would not dare use God's name in vain. There are times when I do get upset and say things and I would ask God for forgiveness and apologize to the person with whom I got upset. I just can't stand back and let people say horrible things about others without knowing them first or just forget about people. I am not heartless. I also have a female friend who happens to be a Mormon. They call her evil and say I should not talk to her because she's not a Christian. I know that religion is not right, but Jesus can lead people from that religion if they are searching for the truth. I wonder what God thinks of this. I feel very sad. I am not an argumentive person but I do speak up for things I don't agree with. I feel like crying right now.

This is a very difficult world to love in-and these people aren’t practicing that virtue very well either, meaning that they’re not acting or living particularly Christian themselves. I hear more fear than anything else, in fact.

So you must take the higher road, you must resolve to love as God does with the strength He gives as we ask. You must be the Christian that they are not being in order for you to have any real peace about this, and to bring good out of it, and to understand them and their failings, and to know that God is with you. Love always does the right thing.

We must seek praise from and place our faith, hope, and love in God first of all, not men. The negative influences of these people and the nonsense they espouse are born of human self-righteousness, truth be known, not of God.

 

[Sparagmos]

I am 21 years old about to be 22 next month. I have been going through some tough things with my family so far because I made friends with a Christian male. However, there have been issues with my family long before when I was a child, and before I was born. They weren't as angry before as they are now. I don't understand it. They tell me that it is a sin to be friends with the opposite gender. They said God is against it and I must obey or God will deal with me severely. We are not in a relationship. We don't even hang out. We would just communicate via phone or email. He's never been inappropriate with me. He treats me as God would want a male to treat a female. We are mutual friends. They were accusing him and his family of things which blew my mind. I feel they are just paranoid about things due to their past experiences and from the stories they heard. Everyone in the world is not out to harm people. Yes, God does want us to be wise and safe. I feel they are going overboard and that is not healthy. When they said those things about my male friend and his family, it hurt me and made me upset. I said some things to them that I shouldn't have said and I apologize to them and God. I can't just sit back and let people say horrible things about others and agree with that or just forget about people. My uncle told me I had to choose between my friend or my relationship with him. That sounds crazy to me. Another family member said I wanted boyfriends and God is going to allow one day where I get raped just because I said when I graduate college I'm moving out due to my toxic family. I can't even process that. I am stunned. Some other things have been going on in my family that is not good that is relating to other things that happened between other relatives years ago. They got upset when my friend's father wanted to talk to me over the phone about what helps out with acid reflux since his son told him about my condition. His father said if I didn't feel comfortable talking to him over the phone, I could talk to his wife or his wife could talk to my mother, which is reasonable. My mom didn't want to talk over the phone. I don't have a father and the only father figure that I have is my uncle. He didn't want to talk to him. What is wrong with getting advice from someone kind enough to give it. They forced me to text my friend and tell him that they said I cannot talk to him because it's a sin. I told them that the things that they said about him and his family were unreasonable and mean. I told them that I don't agree with them about God being against being mutual friends with the opposite gender as long as it's appropriate. God is against fornication; however, that is not the case here. I told them I don't think I can stop talking to him since we have been friends for a while, especially when he has not done anything wrong to me or them. They called me a sociopath for saying that. They said I am too connected to him. They never said things like that to me before. I love my family; however, there are a lot of things don't like about them. They are breaking my heart greatly. I am starting to feel like a horrible person due to what they have said to me. I have been told that I am not saved by God. I have been told that I am arrogant, stuck up, think I know everything, that I take up for other people, and other horrible things. I am shocked by those things. I also heard remarks about me being perfect. It seems like people say those things to me just because I haven't been in a relationship with a guy before and fallen pregnant like many people in my immediate family. My family also tells me the reason why you have not gotten yourself into trouble is because of us. No, by the grace of God and by God using the ways to help. I am thankful for them for that and for supporting me. Many kids grew up in good Christian families who didn't want to follow after God. At the end of the day, the child has to make a choice. I made a choice that I wanted to serve God many years ago. Yes, I'm not perfect, but deep down I want to do what is right in God's eyes. I sometimes feel like they think I must be a certain way that makes me think that I have to be perfect. When I do something wrong or get upset, I'm not saved. There is no perfect Christian out there. There are Christians who are more righteous than others. We all have things that we need God's help to improve. Here's another thing. When I get upset I would say Oh my gosh, Oh my word, or Dadgummit. My uncle said saying oh my gosh is bad but he says oh my goodness. I don't understand. I would not dare use God's name in vain. There are times when I do get upset and say things and I would ask God for forgiveness and apologize to the person with whom I got upset. I just can't stand back and let people say horrible things about others without knowing them first or just forget about people. I am not heartless. I also have a female friend who happens to be a Mormon. They call her evil and say I should not talk to her because she's not a Christian. I know that religion is not right, but Jesus can lead people from that religion if they are searching for the truth. I wonder what God thinks of this. I feel very sad. I am not an argumentive person but I do speak up for things I don't agree with. I feel like crying right now.

I’m so sorry to hear you are going through this, you must feel quite alone at times. I went through similar things when I was young, although not nearly as extreme as what you describe.

Your gut, your inner wisdom, is telling you that your family is not acting in your best interest and you are right. Now is the time for you to learn to trust your own wisdom and the spiritual wisdom you have developed over your family’s wisdom. You are an adult and need to look out for yourself, because your family does not truly have your best interest at heart, despite what they think or say. You will need to separate your sense of self worth and of right and wrong from your family’s toxic beliefs and input. I know it’s not easy, but on the other side of this process is a world of happiness and many wise people, also Christians, who you can develop healthy relationships with.

I would advise you to think a little bit every day about what your exit plan is, and to take a small step everyday towards independence. Finances are key. If you haven’t, you will need to start saving money and keep it safe from your family.

If you need to be secretive about relationships outside of your family, that is ok. You are an adult and you have strong morals and can decide who to spend your time with. These new relationships with people who see you as an adult and respect you are important, so that when your parents are abusive you have people to go to for advice and support.

Once you are out of your parents house, are financially self-sustaining, and have relationships with healthy Christian friends and mentors outside of your family, you will likely feel a sense of freedom and security like you have never known. I’m not saying life will be easy, but after living under emotional abuse and control, you will have a special ability to appreciate simple things in life that many take for granted.

You have your whole life ahead of you, and you can decide which direction to go and who to share your life with. Make sure to take some time each day imagining what you would like in your life and praying about it.