I Desperately Need Advice from Christians

[PrincessLDG]

I am 21 years old about to be 22 next month. I have been going through some tough things with my family so far because I made friends with a Christian male. However, there have been issues with my family long before when I was a child, and before I was born. They weren't as angry before as they are now. I don't understand it. They tell me that it is a sin to be friends with the opposite gender. They said God is against it and I must obey or God will deal with me severely. We are not in a relationship. We don't even hang out. We would just communicate via phone or email. He's never been inappropriate with me. He treats me as God would want a male to treat a female. We are mutual friends. They were accusing him and his family of things which blew my mind. I feel they are just paranoid about things due to their past experiences and from the stories they heard. Everyone in the world is not out to harm people. Yes, God does want us to be wise and safe. I feel they are going overboard and that is not healthy. When they said those things about my male friend and his family, it hurt me and made me upset. I said some things to them that I shouldn't have said and I apologize to them and God. I can't just sit back and let people say horrible things about others and agree with that or just forget about people. My uncle told me I had to choose between my friend or my relationship with him. That sounds crazy to me. Another family member said I wanted boyfriends and God is going to allow one day where I get raped just because I said when I graduate college I'm moving out due to my toxic family. I can't even process that. I am stunned. Some other things have been going on in my family that is not good that is relating to other things that happened between other relatives years ago. They got upset when my friend's father wanted to talk to me over the phone about what helps out with acid reflux since his son told him about my condition. His father said if I didn't feel comfortable talking to him over the phone, I could talk to his wife or his wife could talk to my mother, which is reasonable. My mom didn't want to talk over the phone. I don't have a father and the only father figure that I have is my uncle. He didn't want to talk to him. What is wrong with getting advice from someone kind enough to give it. They forced me to text my friend and tell him that they said I cannot talk to him because it's a sin. I told them that the things that they said about him and his family were unreasonable and mean. I told them that I don't agree with them about God being against being mutual friends with the opposite gender as long as it's appropriate. God is against fornication; however, that is not the case here. I told them I don't think I can stop talking to him since we have been friends for a while, especially when he has not done anything wrong to me or them. They called me a sociopath for saying that. They said I am too connected to him. They never said things like that to me before. I love my family; however, there are a lot of things don't like about them. They are breaking my heart greatly. I am starting to feel like a horrible person due to what they have said to me. I have been told that I am not saved by God. I have been told that I am arrogant, stuck up, think I know everything, that I take up for other people, and other horrible things. I am shocked by those things. I also heard remarks about me being perfect. It seems like people say those things to me just because I haven't been in a relationship with a guy before and fallen pregnant like many people in my immediate family. My family also tells me the reason why you have not gotten yourself into trouble is because of us. No, by the grace of God and by God using the ways to help. I am thankful for them for that and for supporting me. Many kids grew up in good Christian families who didn't want to follow after God. At the end of the day, the child has to make a choice. I made a choice that I wanted to serve God many years ago. Yes, I'm not perfect, but deep down I want to do what is right in God's eyes. I sometimes feel like they think I must be a certain way that makes me think that I have to be perfect. When I do something wrong or get upset, I'm not saved. There is no perfect Christian out there. There are Christians who are more righteous than others. We all have things that we need God's help to improve. Here's another thing. When I get upset I would say Oh my gosh, Oh my word, or Dadgummit. My uncle said saying oh my gosh is bad but he says oh my goodness. I don't understand. I would not dare use God's name in vain. There are times when I do get upset and say things and I would ask God for forgiveness and apologize to the person with whom I got upset. I just can't stand back and let people say horrible things about others without knowing them first or just forget about people. I am not heartless. I also have a female friend who happens to be a Mormon. They call her evil and say I should not talk to her because she's not a Christian. I know that religion is not right, but Jesus can lead people from that religion if they are searching for the truth. I wonder what God thinks of this. I feel very sad. I am not an argumentive person but I do speak up for things I don't agree with. I feel like crying right now.

 

[Gregory Thompson]

They sound like psychotic cult people, your reaction is reasonable.

 

[Gregory Thompson]

My perspective is that if every christian took on that point of view, there would be no evangelism.

My advice is to stay in prayer, and continue to make friends and be the light to them.

 

[Sabertooth]

(@PrincessLDG, please use paragraphs...)

 

[Sketcher]

They tell me that it is a sin to be friends with the opposite gender. They said God is against it and I must obey or God will deal with me severely.

That's not Biblical.

I feel they are going overboard and that is not healthy.

You're right.

To help us make sense of this, I have a couple of questions.
Is your family a recent immigrant family? If so, where are they from? Perhaps they're just not used to American culture.
What type of church or churches do they go to?

 

[jacks]

If you still live at home, you may consider moving out. That way your interactions with your parents could be more controlled and you could live more in line with your personal beliefs, not theirs.

 

[PrincessLDG]

Sorry for not using paragraphs. Usually I would do that.

(@PrincessLDG, please use paragraphs...)

 

[grumix8]

Pray to god, and ask for help not only you but other girls that have gone your way and suffer the same. Family worries but don't be hard on them also love them. Ask G_d and he will answer. Don't let this stop you from reaching your dream in life there will be always steps.

 

[PrincessLDG]

That's not Biblical.


You're right.

To help us make sense of this, I have a couple of questions.
Is your family a recent immigrant family? If so, where are they from? Perhaps they're just not used to American culture.
What type of church or churches do they go to?

We are Americans. We are nondenominational but lean toward Baptist. Currently, we don't attend church. I do miss going. We attended a Baptist Church before.

 

[PrincessLDG]

Pray to god, and ask for help not only you but other girls that have gone your way and suffer the same. Family worries but don't be hard on them also love them. Ask G_d and he will answer. Don't let this stop you from reaching your dream in life there will be always steps.

Okay, I will stay in prayer. I don't like debating. I love my family with all of my heart. It just hurts how they are blaming me for dividing up the family over a small issue like this. This family has been having issues way before I was even born. I am not going to debate with them anymore. That drains me and God does not want me doing that either. I remember the verse be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. James 1:19 That is hard, but with God's help, I will try.

 

[PrincessLDG]

If you still live at home, you may consider moving out. That way your interactions with your parents could be more controlled and you could live more in line with your personal beliefs, not theirs.

I do live at home with them, but God's willing I am going to move out once I get my college degree. I never thought that I would say that.

 

[Sketcher]

We are Americans. We are nondenominational but lean toward Baptist. Currently, we don't attend church. I do miss going. We attended a Baptist Church before.

The Baptist tent is a big tent, that's for sure.

What seemed to be acceptable among the Baptist-leaning and Pentecostal-ish young adults that I knew was that being friends first was the acceptable way for a man and a woman to get together. Which worked for some people, but for many others it didn't work because a lot of women don't like that. It was good for filtering out the crazy, but equally effective at stunting potential relationships with healthier people.

 

[Friedrich Rubinstein]

Regarding friendships with the opposite gender my parents are kinda the same (and I am male) but I am pretty certain that it is mainly their fear that their child might do a bad mistake (or even worse and value a human higher than their relationship with God).
I think their fear as parents is reasonable (especially because our sex drive is incredible strong and most sins are committed in that area) but there is no excuse to hide parental fear behind what God wants. In other words, they should never use God's will as reason to be against your friendship with someone of the opposite gender. God does not forbid such friendships but knowing the nature of us human beings we should be aware of the dangers and risks.

Some things your family and relatives said are just... wrong (and certainly don't represent God's perspective). Threatening a girl with being raped due to God's will is one of the dumbest and also most brutal things I've heard in a while. Too bad I can't tell them my opinion face to face.

Anyway, as long as you stay in a close connection to God and pay attention to that quiet voice you'll be fine. When we ask God to lead us the right way then He will lead us.

Stay strong and keep trusting the one only who gave his life for you

 

[PrincessLDG]

I wi

Regarding friendships with the opposite gender my parents are kinda the same (and I am male) but I am pretty certain that it is mainly their fear that their child might do a bad mistake (or even worse and value a human higher than their relationship with God).
I think their fear as parents is reasonable (especially because our sex drive is incredible strong and most sins are committed in that area) but there is no excuse to hide parental fear behind what God wants. In other words, they should never use God's will as reason to be against your friendship with someone of the opposite gender. God does not forbid such friendships but knowing the nature of us human beings we should be aware of the dangers and risks.

Some things your family and relatives said are just... wrong (and certainly don't represent God's perspective). Threatening a girl with being raped due to God's will is one of the dumbest and also most brutal things I've heard in a while. Too bad I can't tell them my opinion face to face.

Anyway, as long as you stay in a close connection to God and pay attention to that quiet voice you'll be fine. When we ask God to lead us the right way then He will lead us.

Stay strong and keep trusting the one only who gave his life for you

Thank you and I will. I am going to pray anout this every day and repeat that verse in my mind, be quick to listen, be slow to speak, and slow to get angry. James 1:19. That is what I need to work on.

 

[PrincessLDG]

The Baptist tent is a big tent, that's for sure.

What seemed to be acceptable among the Baptist-leaning and Pentecostal-ish young adults that I knew was that being friends first was the acceptable way for a man and a woman to get together. Which worked for some people, but for many others it didn't work because a lot of women don't like that. It was good for filtering out the crazy, but equally effective at stunting potential relationships with healthier people.

Oh. I never heard that before.

 

[Sketcher]

Oh. I never heard that before.

Yeah, if the churches want Christians to get married, they'll need to de-emphasize that. Two major figures in promoting that view, Joshua Harris and Rob Bell, have apostatized since then.

 

[tturt]

How long will it be before you finish your degree? Sorry if you stated it, I missed it. Do you think they're expecting for you to continue to live with them? Do they have this kind of input for every decision you make? Is it they realize you are moving on and they're having trouble with it?

I would try not to argue. Definitely pray. Also, it seems they're your parents or hold that position, so you want to honor them. It doesn't mean they dictate to you at your age. Get finished with your degree and move on

 

[Llewelyn Stevenson]

Princess, it is hard not being overprotective when being a parent. The oldest left home prematurely to get away and make his own decisions, made a mess of things, and I managed to get him back home and help him sort it out. Just be aware it is a mad world out there.

When he left the 2nd time he said to me, "Dad, I just want to prove to you I can do it."

I answered, "Son, you don't have to prove anything to me, I know you are capable and you will make it because you have to."

He's 39 now, still bugs me with his decisions that I feel are wrong, but he has "made it". Mum's not happy because he has never got married or given her grandkids.

Our youngest is 23 now. Still lives at home for the moment and would probably do anything I said, "Don't."

He has never openly rebelled but is very rebellious. Great son. Helps his mum a lot and has done more for me than he needed.

Both my boys have been fantastic to their dad and supported me when I really needed it. Sometimes I feel its me who has let them down.

Try to understand when harsh words are spoken. My dad said some things to me that were devastating and accused me of things I never did.

Dad's 85 now and I'm glad I can still be there for him, even when he gets insulting and it hurts so deep. He can be very challenging but I love him and I know he loves me, and I hope I can pass that on to my sons.

Its hard to tolerate,I know, I'm a preacher's kid.

Remember what God told Paul is true for you too, and he says, "My grace is sufficient for you. In your weakness my strength is revealed."

Trust him in all this, he'll get you through.

 

[Aussie Pete]

I am 21 years old about to be 22 next month. I have been going through some tough things with my family so far because I made friends with a Christian male. However, there have been issues with my family long before when I was a child, and before I was born. They weren't as angry before as they are now. I don't understand it. They tell me that it is a sin to be friends with the opposite gender. They said God is against it and I must obey or God will deal with me severely. We are not in a relationship. We don't even hang out. We would just communicate via phone or email. He's never been inappropriate with me. He treats me as God would want a male to treat a female. We are mutual friends. They were accusing him and his family of things which blew my mind. I feel they are just paranoid about things due to their past experiences and from the stories they heard. Everyone in the world is not out to harm people. Yes, God does want us to be wise and safe. I feel they are going overboard and that is not healthy. When they said those things about my male friend and his family, it hurt me and made me upset. I said some things to them that I shouldn't have said and I apologize to them and God. I can't just sit back and let people say horrible things about others and agree with that or just forget about people. My uncle told me I had to choose between my friend or my relationship with him. That sounds crazy to me. Another family member said I wanted boyfriends and God is going to allow one day where I get raped just because I said when I graduate college I'm moving out due to my toxic family. I can't even process that. I am stunned. Some other things have been going on in my family that is not good that is relating to other things that happened between other relatives years ago. They got upset when my friend's father wanted to talk to me over the phone about what helps out with acid reflux since his son told him about my condition. His father said if I didn't feel comfortable talking to him over the phone, I could talk to his wife or his wife could talk to my mother, which is reasonable. My mom didn't want to talk over the phone. I don't have a father and the only father figure that I have is my uncle. He didn't want to talk to him. What is wrong with getting advice from someone kind enough to give it. They forced me to text my friend and tell him that they said I cannot talk to him because it's a sin. I told them that the things that they said about him and his family were unreasonable and mean. I told them that I don't agree with them about God being against being mutual friends with the opposite gender as long as it's appropriate. God is against fornication; however, that is not the case here. I told them I don't think I can stop talking to him since we have been friends for a while, especially when he has not done anything wrong to me or them. They called me a sociopath for saying that. They said I am too connected to him. They never said things like that to me before. I love my family; however, there are a lot of things don't like about them. They are breaking my heart greatly. I am starting to feel like a horrible person due to what they have said to me. I have been told that I am not saved by God. I have been told that I am arrogant, stuck up, think I know everything, that I take up for other people, and other horrible things. I am shocked by those things. I also heard remarks about me being perfect. It seems like people say those things to me just because I haven't been in a relationship with a guy before and fallen pregnant like many people in my immediate family. My family also tells me the reason why you have not gotten yourself into trouble is because of us. No, by the grace of God and by God using the ways to help. I am thankful for them for that and for supporting me. Many kids grew up in good Christian families who didn't want to follow after God. At the end of the day, the child has to make a choice. I made a choice that I wanted to serve God many years ago. Yes, I'm not perfect, but deep down I want to do what is right in God's eyes. I sometimes feel like they think I must be a certain way that makes me think that I have to be perfect. When I do something wrong or get upset, I'm not saved. There is no perfect Christian out there. There are Christians who are more righteous than others. We all have things that we need God's help to improve. Here's another thing. When I get upset I would say Oh my gosh, Oh my word, or Dadgummit. My uncle said saying oh my gosh is bad but he says oh my goodness. I don't understand. I would not dare use God's name in vain. There are times when I do get upset and say things and I would ask God for forgiveness and apologize to the person with whom I got upset. I just can't stand back and let people say horrible things about others without knowing them first or just forget about people. I am not heartless. I also have a female friend who happens to be a Mormon. They call her evil and say I should not talk to her because she's not a Christian. I know that religion is not right, but Jesus can lead people from that religion if they are searching for the truth. I wonder what God thinks of this. I feel very sad. I am not an argumentive person but I do speak up for things I don't agree with. I feel like crying right now.

Thank you for sharing. You have a caring family, who are perhaps being overprotective. My parents were drunks. They were not violent, but not exactly the perfect parents either. I joined the military at the age of 16 and went into the world with little guidance or oversight. God was watching over me, even though I was not saved. He is watching over you also.

I suggest that you pray for wisdom as to how to deal with your family. Ask God to show them the best way of relating to you. My father especially treated me like a child until I was in my late 20's. I only went home once a year but it was as if I'd never left! At least your parents are believers. God can speak to them. Perhaps you need to remind them, gently, that you are no longer a child. Ask God to show you.

 

[Pavel Mosko]

(@PrincessLDG, please use paragraphs...)

lol yes I was going to make a Wall of Text comment thanks for making it for me!