I could really use advice on what to do in my relationship.

[Anon777]

Dear reader.

I found this forum due to my desperate need for solid christian advice. You see, I am in a hard spot in both life and in my relationship to my fiance. The both of us are homeless. When I met her she was homeless and since my family would not accept her I chose to join her. In our efforts we managed to get into a place for a while but due to us having issues with drug addiction, and her not bring descrete about it we lost that home. Also because of that my family will not support either of us in our attempts to break free and astablish ourselves again because they do not believe we are better and wiser now. Since then we have been homeless for months, all the way through winter with no where to go even until today. I am not claiming to be perfect here, and I am far from the perfect christian I strive to be I've lied, stollen, and misused people just to get by, even people who love me the most. Hopefully I am not put on trial for that because I truly am trying to do better and have put many of those wrong habbits behind me for good, and in all of the complaints I make below I hope you can understand where I am coming from with this stuff.

My fiance has a bad thing with lying. Most of my dishonesty was in support of her. She lies to everyone, giving aob stories and exaggerating everything in order to find pity from others. What she doesn't understand is she really doesn't have to do that because honesty would certainly be enough to convince someone to help us anyway. But she milks that with everything she has. Even though I did not approve of her lies I supported her anyway. However I never thought she would lie to me.

Recently over the last month I have caught her lying to me about several things. Of course this hurt me. I called her out on it but she already gets mad about me not trusting her, though she has been testing that trust with her actions and words. A month ago she nearly left me. I got five different stories about it from different people, and three different stories from her. Though I chose to forgive anyway, despite the fact that she may have very well tried to leave me gor someone else. When I co fronted her she denied everything and assured me that those suspicions were all false and she never wanted to leave me, just for me to show I would fight for her. Regardless, there were plenty of times before and after that made me question her authenticity. Today she lied to my face about something I was well aware of just so I wouldn't grill her over it. It made me wonder just what else she was dishonest about.

She obviously wants to be with me now, yet my trust is tested and her honestly on trial as far as me and her go.I have been honest and open about nearly evetythong with her, except my distrust of her and my desire for relief. The truth Is I am not sure I want to be with her anymore. Though we are not matried on paper yet due to our poorness, we have had our wedding and gave vows. We even want kids together and have been trying at every opportunity. (Despite our situation she is close to getting her disability.)

I do not want to abandon her in this situation. Also if I did leave her none of my family would help me anyway, so id be honeless too in the same small town. I do not know what to believe anymore. I love her but she has lost my trust. I don't want to leave her because I love her, but I dont want to stay either because I can't trust her.

My question is, what would be the right thing to do? The world seems against our relationship, but God put us together. Both of us feel that way and God has even spoken to me about forgiving her for nearly leaving me But I'm hurting deeply over the lies, and I don't know what's true or not anymore. Please help, somehow someway. Any advice or thoughts are welcome.

 

[salt-n-light]

Hey welcome to CF!

I'm sorry you and your fiancee are going through rough times and I will keep you in prayers as you both are trying to maneuver through this life. It sounds very hostile and stressful and you must feel spiritually exhausted.

I guess to put things into perspective, I'll start off my saying no, I don't think the world is against your relationship, but no I don't think God had necessarily put you together either. I'll explain. God's focus is for us to abide under His will. However that path would look like, whether its through our destructive ways or through times that we are obedient. When we operate under His Will, that comes with all the promises, peace, joy, sound mind, fruitfulness, etc. And what is God's will? For all to be saved, to come to know Him, to walk in purity, to have us make disciples, to die for the Truth. And the promises is that He will take care of you, your soul isnt damned, you would walk in peace, freedom from the enslavement of the world, etc.

With all that said, you have alot going on and alot of big events happening. This is a good time while you are seeking out, to step back and reflect on whether or not you are after the will of God or your own will. Do you understand what is required of you? And do you trust on God's promises when you do decide to follow after God's will, no matter how painful the decision may be.Sometimes that means giving up on things, on people, on harboring hatred and fears and doubt, and sometimes that mean taking up on things your flesh doesn't want to do, like seeking help, or studying on the word, or ministering to others. Just trust that whatever decision you end up making, if its after the heart of God, God will take care of you, he will bring you joy and peace that you are longing for, true peace.Never be too ashamed to talk to God, and never feel too timid to reach out to others for help.

Be encouraged.

 

[Andrew77]

Dear reader.

I found this forum due to my desperate need for solid christian advice. You see, I am in a hard spot in both life and in my relationship to my fiance. The both of us are homeless. When I met her she was homeless and since my family would not accept her I chose to join her. In our efforts we managed to get into a place for a while but due to us having issues with drug addiction, and her not bring descrete about it we lost that home. Also because of that my family will not support either of us in our attempts to break free and astablish ourselves again because they do not believe we are better and wiser now. Since then we have been homeless for months, all the way through winter with no where to go even until today. I am not claiming to be perfect here, and I am far from the perfect christian I strive to be I've lied, stollen, and misused people just to get by, even people who love me the most. Hopefully I am not put on trial for that because I truly am trying to do better and have put many of those wrong habbits behind me for good, and in all of the complaints I make below I hope you can understand where I am coming from with this stuff.

My fiance has a bad thing with lying. Most of my dishonesty was in support of her. She lies to everyone, giving aob stories and exaggerating everything in order to find pity from others. What she doesn't understand is she really doesn't have to do that because honesty would certainly be enough to convince someone to help us anyway. But she milks that with everything she has. Even though I did not approve of her lies I supported her anyway. However I never thought she would lie to me.

Recently over the last month I have caught her lying to me about several things. Of course this hurt me. I called her out on it but she already gets mad about me not trusting her, though she has been testing that trust with her actions and words. A month ago she nearly left me. I got five different stories about it from different people, and three different stories from her. Though I chose to forgive anyway, despite the fact that she may have very well tried to leave me gor someone else. When I co fronted her she denied everything and assured me that those suspicions were all false and she never wanted to leave me, just for me to show I would fight for her. Regardless, there were plenty of times before and after that made me question her authenticity. Today she lied to my face about something I was well aware of just so I wouldn't grill her over it. It made me wonder just what else she was dishonest about.

She obviously wants to be with me now, yet my trust is tested and her honestly on trial as far as me and her go.I have been honest and open about nearly evetythong with her, except my distrust of her and my desire for relief. The truth Is I am not sure I want to be with her anymore. Though we are not matried on paper yet due to our poorness, we have had our wedding and gave vows. We even want kids together and have been trying at every opportunity. (Despite our situation she is close to getting her disability.)

I do not want to abandon her in this situation. Also if I did leave her none of my family would help me anyway, so id be honeless too in the same small town. I do not know what to believe anymore. I love her but she has lost my trust. I don't want to leave her because I love her, but I dont want to stay either because I can't trust her.

My question is, what would be the right thing to do? The world seems against our relationship, but God put us together. Both of us feel that way and God has even spoken to me about forgiving her for nearly leaving me But I'm hurting deeply over the lies, and I don't know what's true or not anymore. Please help, somehow someway. Any advice or thoughts are welcome.

It is possible that G-d isn't "putting you together".. and actually G-d is sending all these warnings to you, to get you away from her?

So I am not one to play around and give you lip service. I call things as I see them.

I do not mean to be brutal to you, and I apologize if this comes across as harsh.....

I don't see anything that suggests G-d wants you with this girl. I see a ton that suggests G-d is trying to warn his wayward lost son, to get away from a poisonous woman.

My advice is simply this..... get away from her. Get away from this woman. You did not give me one single reason to believe this girl has anything good for you. She lies to you. She denies wrong doing. She has a drug problem. The only future I'm seeing is you living in misery and poverty on disability? That is the solution? Disability?

Get away from her. End this. She is ripping out your soul day by day, and I don't see one good possible outcome from this.

You asked for advice. This is mine. Take it or leave it. I wish you the best either way, but that is my advice given what you have written here.

 

[Anon777]

(I dont kmow how to erase messages, oops)

 

[Anon777]

Hey welcome to CF!

I'm sorry you and your fiancee are going through rough times and I will keep you in prayers as you both are trying to maneuver through this life. It sounds very hostile and stressful and you must feel spiritually exhausted.

I guess to put things into perspective, I'll start off my saying no, I don't think the world is against your relationship, but no I don't think God had necessarily put you together either. I'll explain. God's focus is for us to abide under His will. However that path would look like, whether its through our destructive ways or through times that we are obedient. When we operate under His Will, that comes with all the promises, peace, joy, sound mind, fruitfulness, etc. And what is God's will? For all to be saved, to come to know Him, to walk in purity, to have us make disciples, to die for the Truth. And the promises is that He will take care of you, your soul isnt damned, you would walk in peace, freedom from the enslavement of the world, etc.

With all that said, you have alot going on and alot of big events happening. This is a good time while you are seeking out, to step back and reflect on whether or not you are after the will of God or your own will. Do you understand what is required of you? And do you trust on God's promises when you do decide to follow after God's will, no matter how painful the decision may be.Sometimes that means giving up on things, on people, on harboring hatred and fears and doubt, and sometimes that mean taking up on things your flesh doesn't want to do, like seeking help, or studying on the word, or ministering to others. Just trust that whatever decision you end up making, if its after the heart of God, God will take care of you, he will bring you joy and peace that you are longing for, true peace.Never be too ashamed to talk to God, and never feel too timid to reach out to others for help.

Be encouraged.

It is possible that G-d isn't "putting you together".. and actually G-d is sending all these warnings to you, to get you away from her?

So I am not one to play around and give you lip service. I call things as I see them.

I do not mean to be brutal to you, and I apologize if this comes across as harsh.....

I don't see anything that suggests G-d wants you with this girl. I see a ton that suggests G-d is trying to warn his wayward lost son, to get away from a poisonous woman.

My advice is simply this..... get away from her. Get away from this woman. You did not give me one single reason to believe this girl has anything good for you. She lies to you. She denies wrong doing. She has a drug problem. The only future I'm seeing is you living in misery and poverty on disability? That is the solution? Disability?

Get away from her. End this. She is ripping out your soul day by day, and I don't see one good possible outcome from this.

You asked for advice. This is mine. Take it or leave it. I wish you the best either way, but that is my advice given what you have written here.

To be honest I simply do not know what to do. My brother and his wife both met before either were christians. Now both are in ministry with music together. If I were to leave my Fiance when God had a plan for us I would be going purely against his will. But even if I left her now it wouldn't fix anything for myself. I would still be homeless, looking for work, and struggling to find my way out of consuming darkness. Only I would be alone. To be hobest, it's a faint memory, but early in our relationship I do believe God said for me to leave her in great grief due to a life of being lonely I refused. Though now I am not sure what God would have me do. I love her, but she makes me miserable. I stay because I have a deep desire for a partner. I simply dont know what to do

 

[ValleyGal]

You sinned against God in support of this woman who has been little more than a painful thorn in your relationship with God - the loving Father who waits for his prodigal to leave his chosen lifestyle and return home.

I agree with Andrew, that this is not necessarily the woman for you. But you can test this. Choose to get healthy. Go to treatment for your addictions, learn what it is to become healthy and have healthy relationships. Make your amends with your family, whether they take you back or not. Better yet, make your amends with God. Dig deep and find such a strong love for Jesus that it motivates you to obedience for the sake of obedience rather than for the idea of getting anything out of it. As you seek to get healthy, to make your amends, to get clean... this woman may or may not follow the path you blaze. If she follows you and works to also get treatment and get healthy, then there is no reason you shouldn't grow together in Christian faith. But if she does not follow you and chooses to stay in her lifestyle, then you should let her go.

But Jesus is calling you back to your first Love; that is, to himself. He is calling you to obedience, to confront the addictions and the likely pain of your past that you are trying to medicate. You gave up sooo much to be with a homeless, lying woman that you love. Are you willing to give her up for the Lord who loves you so deeply, who won't lie to you, who will restore you and give you life.

 

[salt-n-light]

To be honest I simply do not know what to do. My brother and his wife both met before either were christians. Now both are in ministry with music together. If I were to leave my Fiance when God had a plan for us I would be going purely against his will. But even if I left her now it wouldn't fix anything for myself. I would still be homeless, looking for work, and struggling to find my way out of consuming darkness. Only I would be alone. To be hobest, it's a faint memory, but early in our relationship I do believe God said for me to leave her in great grief due to a life of being lonely I refused. Though now I am not sure what God would have me do. I love her, but she makes me miserable. I stay because I have a deep desire for a partner. I simply dont know what to do

His will is for you to walk with Him. If she is being a stumbling block in that, then staying is not of God's will. That would be choosing her over choosing God. But you would have to make that decision for yourself whether or not being on your own in the long run will help you walk with God. It aint easy, but remember many people have faced this before you, and many will face it after, God will be with you as long as you draw close to Him and His promises.

 

[Kit Sigmon]

Dear reader.

I found this forum due to my desperate need for solid christian advice. You see, I am in a hard spot in both life and in my relationship to my fiance. The both of us are homeless. When I met her she was homeless and since my family would not accept her I chose to join her. In our efforts we managed to get into a place for a while but due to us having issues with drug addiction, and her not bring descrete about it we lost that home. Also because of that my family will not support either of us in our attempts to break free and astablish ourselves again because they do not believe we are better and wiser now. Since then we have been homeless for months, all the way through winter with no where to go even until today. I am not claiming to be perfect here, and I am far from the perfect christian I strive to be I've lied, stollen, and misused people just to get by, even people who love me the most. Hopefully I am not put on trial for that because I truly am trying to do better and have put many of those wrong habbits behind me for good, and in all of the complaints I make below I hope you can understand where I am coming from with this stuff.

My fiance has a bad thing with lying. Most of my dishonesty was in support of her. She lies to everyone, giving aob stories and exaggerating everything in order to find pity from others. What she doesn't understand is she really doesn't have to do that because honesty would certainly be enough to convince someone to help us anyway. But she milks that with everything she has. Even though I did not approve of her lies I supported her anyway. However I never thought she would lie to me.

Recently over the last month I have caught her lying to me about several things. Of course this hurt me. I called her out on it but she already gets mad about me not trusting her, though she has been testing that trust with her actions and words. A month ago she nearly left me. I got five different stories about it from different people, and three different stories from her. Though I chose to forgive anyway, despite the fact that she may have very well tried to leave me gor someone else. When I co fronted her she denied everything and assured me that those suspicions were all false and she never wanted to leave me, just for me to show I would fight for her. Regardless, there were plenty of times before and after that made me question her authenticity. Today she lied to my face about something I was well aware of just so I wouldn't grill her over it. It made me wonder just what else she was dishonest about.

She obviously wants to be with me now, yet my trust is tested and her honestly on trial as far as me and her go.I have been honest and open about nearly evetythong with her, except my distrust of her and my desire for relief. The truth Is I am not sure I want to be with her anymore. Though we are not matried on paper yet due to our poorness, we have had our wedding and gave vows. We even want kids together and have been trying at every opportunity. (Despite our situation she is close to getting her disability.)

I do not want to abandon her in this situation. Also if I did leave her none of my family would help me anyway, so id be honeless too in the same small town. I do not know what to believe anymore. I love her but she has lost my trust. I don't want to leave her because I love her, but I dont want to stay either because I can't trust her.

My question is, what would be the right thing to do? The world seems against our relationship, but God put us together. Both of us feel that way and God has even spoken to me about forgiving her for nearly leaving me But I'm hurting deeply over the lies, and I don't know what's true or not anymore. Please help, somehow someway. Any advice or thoughts are welcome.

What you put up with, that is what you end up with.

The Bible teaches that we should be honest with ourselves and with one another, that's not been the standard in your relationship.
You built your relationship upon the sand and a sandy foundation is unstable and eventually fails.
I advise... sincere repentance to the Lord and to your family and that you seek counseling asap, so you can work on your issues.

 

[Anon777]

You sinned against God in support of this woman who has been little more than a painful thorn in your relationship with God - the loving Father who waits for his prodigal to leave his chosen lifestyle and return home.

I agree with Andrew, that this is not necessarily the woman for you. But you can test this. Choose to get healthy. Go to treatment for your addictions, learn what it is to become healthy and have healthy relationships. Make your amends with your family, whether they take you back or not. Better yet, make your amends with God. Dig deep and find such a strong love for Jesus that it motivates you to obedience for the sake of obedience rather than for the idea of getting anything out of it. As you seek to get healthy, to make your amends, to get clean... this woman may or may not follow the path you blaze. If she follows you and works to also get treatment and get healthy, then there is no reason you shouldn't grow together in Christian faith. But if she does not follow you and chooses to stay in her lifestyle, then you should let her go.

But Jesus is calling you back to your first Love; that is, to himself. He is calling you to obedience, to confront the addictions and the likely pain of your past that you are trying to medicate. You gave up sooo much to be with a homeless, lying woman that you love. Are you willing to give her up for the Lord who loves you so deeply, who won't lie to you, who will restore you and give you life.

I think of all of the suggestions given thisbid thr one I feel best about I feel like abandoning her right now is the wrong choice since she would have less options than me afterwards. In my desire to do right by her I simply cannot hust up and leave. But I believe I should give everything to God and do what is right. If she rejects that, "again" then I will make the choice. To be honest, I believe in that situation she would choose to leave me. She has domewhat apposed my desire to do right with God already. God has a plan greater than all of our ideas. I will do whats right, seek god, and try to do so without her influence. If she rejects that choice then I won't change for the worse for her. Its horrible to put that on her, but I in my heart know what I desire to do and that's to do right by God and her.

Thank you for your perspective, I think this is agreeing with my conscience on what actions to take. God bless.