I caught my dad watching inappropriate content

[paul1149]

What's missing here, unless I missed it, is the knowledge of whether this is an ongoing, all-consuming addiction, or just a one-off happenstance. Real inappropriate content addiction is serious business and can lead to other things. But as has been said, few are the people who haven't looked at inappropriate content at some time or other out of curiosity.

Tomato, spend a little time in James 3, concerning wisdom, and how it aligns with peace and some other fruit of the Spirit. Part of this may be your own trust issues, based perhaps on placing too much weight on other people. I don't think you answered my previous question concerning why you left the faith, but oftentimes that happens because people see the dirty underside of the church and conclude it is all hypocrisy. That is understandable, but it is a dangerous place to be, because even the Bible is clear that all men are fallible; only God is perfect.

The end of the 1 letter of John distinguishes between sins that "lead unto death" and those that don't. I think that test has to be applied here, and unless you have a serious case of addiction, it would be best to let it go and just pray for the situation.

 

[My Shalom]

I do not believe this is good advice. It is not a child's place to interfere with their parents' sexual issues.

When a child happens on his fathers sexual issue it certainly is his place to tell his mother for her sake. To keep his fathers secret is to betray his mothers trust.

 

[My Shalom]

My father is like the leader of my church. He is in the top chain of church (equal with priest) and there is no such group in my church. His position makes him cannot tell random people about his problem and his pride is waaaayy to high to tell others.

Bad advice is that which tells a child that has happened on his fathers betrayal of his mother to ignore it. And let his mother continue to be hurt in this way, without saying a word to her or the father that's watching inappropriate content.
Do we think this child will ever look at his father with the innocence he once had? After he happened on the inappropriate content on his fathers phone? And how did that happen anyway?
It's on his fathers phone because it would be too easy to happen on DVD's hidden in the house. And the church would prayerfully be off limits.
What about the family computer?
inappropriate content for a married man is adultery. Scripture tells us that.
Pride is a sin as we know. If he's to proud to admit he has a problem with falling into what he formerly preached against that's an issue too.
The scriptures tell us to take our concerns to a brother(or sister) in private. And if that doesn't work to take it to the church.
Your parents can't work out anything if your mother is in the dark because your father is not forthcoming about this transgression.

Go to your father face to face and bring this up to him. Give him a timeline to tell your mom and then ask if he did when that time line is over. If he didn't tell your mom. They can't work through this together if only one of them knows there's an issue.
Your father is your role model. And he's a leader of a church. That's a huge responsibility that he's shadowing with this corruption on his phone. And since he's preached against it in the past he knows it to be a sin. Sometimes from the mouths of children adults can be guided to the way to find repentance and peace.

Think of your mother.

 

[Tallguy88]

I can't disagree with the above post more strongly. It's not a child's place to get involved in their parents marital issues. And certainly not to expose those issue to the whole church.

 

[tomatocarrot]

What's missing here, unless I missed it, is the knowledge of whether this is an ongoing, all-consuming addiction, or just a one-off happenstance. Real inappropriate content addiction is serious business and can lead to other things. But as has been said, few are the people who haven't looked at inappropriate content at some time or other out of curiosity.

Tomato, spend a little time in James 3, concerning wisdom, and how it aligns with peace and some other fruit of the Spirit. Part of this may be your own trust issues, based perhaps on placing too much weight on other people. I don't think you answered my previous question concerning why you left the faith, but oftentimes that happens because people see the dirty underside of the church and conclude it is all hypocrisy. That is understandable, but it is a dangerous place to be, because even the Bible is clear that all men are fallible; only God is perfect.

The end of the 1 letter of John distinguishes between sins that "lead unto death" and those that don't. I think that test has to be applied here, and unless you have a serious case of addiction, it would be best to let it go and just pray for the situation.

It is an addiction. I saw his browser's history. Why I dont believe well it's a whole another story.

 

[tomatocarrot]

Bad advice is that which tells a child that has happened on his fathers betrayal of his mother to ignore it. And let his mother continue to be hurt in this way, without saying a word to her or the father that's watching inappropriate content.
Do we think this child will ever look at his father with the innocence he once had? After he happened on the inappropriate content on his fathers phone? And how did that happen anyway?
It's on his fathers phone because it would be too easy to happen on DVD's hidden in the house. And the church would prayerfully be off limits.
What about the family computer?
inappropriate content for a married man is adultery. Scripture tells us that.
Pride is a sin as we know. If he's to proud to admit he has a problem with falling into what he formerly preached against that's an issue too.
The scriptures tell us to take our concerns to a brother(or sister) in private. And if that doesn't work to take it to the church.
Your parents can't work out anything if your mother is in the dark because your father is not forthcoming about this transgression.

Go to your father face to face and bring this up to him. Give him a timeline to tell your mom and then ask if he did when that time line is over. If he didn't tell your mom. They can't work through this together if only one of them knows there's an issue.
Your father is your role model. And he's a leader of a church. That's a huge responsibility that he's shadowing with this corruption on his phone. And since he's preached against it in the past he knows it to be a sin. Sometimes from the mouths of children adults can be guided to the way to find repentance and peace.

Think of your mother.

My mom wont get hurt if she does not now anything.

 

[My Shalom]

My mom wont get hurt if she does not now anything.

You're saying your mom won't get hurt if she doesn't know about your fathers chronic sinning against her. Wow, she's being betrayed by two people in her life and that's tragic. When she finds out, and she will because this kind of chronic abuse of her trust will let something slip, she's going to be hurt knowing you both kept this sin from her. And so that your dad could keep on sinning as a backsliding pastor who watches inappropriate content on his phone and then ministers from the pulpit as to the righteous will of God for his flock.

And you're wrong. Your mom is being hurt by your father every single time he watches inappropriate content on his phone. Or anywhere else. Every instance in that browser history wherein you found him at an on-line inappropriate content site, that's one more betrayal to his marriage with your mother and her trust that he's violated.
A serial adulterer and you don't think your mother has a right to know?

Good luck with that. Because when she finds out what are you going to say?

 

[tomatocarrot]

You're saying your mom won't get hurt if she doesn't know about your fathers chronic sinning against her. Wow, she's being betrayed by two people in her life and that's tragic. When she finds out, and she will because this kind of chronic abuse of her trust will let something slip, she's going to be hurt knowing you both kept this sin from her. And so that your dad could keep on sinning as a backsliding pastor who watches inappropriate content on his phone and then ministers from the pulpit as to the righteous will of God for his flock.

And you're wrong. Your mom is being hurt by your father every single time he watches inappropriate content on his phone. Or anywhere else. Every instance in that browser history wherein you found him at an on-line inappropriate content site, that's one more betrayal to his marriage with your mother and her trust that he's violated.
A serial adulterer and you don't think your mother has a right to know?

Good luck with that. Because when she finds out what are you going to say?

I already made up my mind. I dont wanna make her hurt again. Therefore, if my dad said he will stop doing that then I will try to trust him. Im gonna pretend that I dont know. It's not a form of betrayal, I spare her some pain

 

[ToBeLoved]

I already made up my mind. I dont wanna make her hurt again. Therefore, if my dad said he will stop doing that then I will try to trust him. Im gonna pretend that I dont know. It's not a form of betrayal, I spare her some pain

I agree.

You have the two people that you are closest to that are in fact your parents. It is not your place to share this with them. Your father will work it out with God and his own heart.

I would just stay out of it, like you are.

 

[tomatocarrot]

I agree.

You have the two people that you are closest to that are in fact your parents. It is not your place to share this with them. Your father will work it out with God and his own heart.

I would just stay out of it, like you are.

Thankyou for supporting me. I appreciate that ☺

 

[Tallguy88]

I already made up my mind. I dont wanna make her hurt again. Therefore, if my dad said he will stop doing that then I will try to trust him. Im gonna pretend that I dont know. It's not a form of betrayal, I spare her some pain

I think you've made the right decision here.

 

[Isaiah55:6]

Just try to remember, pastors are people too. They struggle with sin just like the rest of us. It's an unfortunate situation and it must be awkward.

 

[GoldenKingGaze]

A psychologist would keep things private. And whether an atheist or Christian a psychologist is adaptive and skilled in dealing with inappropriate content addiction, they have specialities.

 

[Llewelyn Stevenson]

I dont know how to make it go away. I cannot acknowledge him anymore. He used to preach about inappropriate content and stuffs and he did it.

TC, I'm not really sure if I can help you but I think you need to allow your dad off his pedestal. I'm 55. Sometimes we hate ourselves as parents when we know we do wrong but we want to teach our children to do right. Perhaps if I share my insights with you how I taught my youngest it will help you take a new view both of your dad and of yourself. The bitterness you now feel toward your dad is understandable but it is entirely unhelpful.

I grew up in a Christian home and watched both my older brothers walk away from faith in Jesus. This hurt me as it hurts me to know you have done the same thing. Its hard growing up in a Christian home because you see all the wrong things, but I believed in Jesus for myself and not just because my parents said so. I hated being told I would one day deny Jesus and that I needed to "sow my wild oats".

Dan was about 6 when I sat with him on the back step and told him that he must believe for himself and not for me. I told him faith was a matter of life and death and ultimately he was not responsible for me, only answerable for himself.

I said, "Mate, I do wrong things and I know it. I'm asking you not to do the wrong things I do but to listen when I tell you how to do right. If I do something that's wrong I give you permission to tell me off, the same as I do to you. Don't look at what I do and blame God, yourself or others, just make sure you trust Jesus and do what God likes. You don't have to sow wild oats and you don't have to sin just because I did. Let's always be able to forgive each other. I didn't backslide and you don't have to."

I don't know why you chose to deny Jesus and I don't need to because I know Jesus loves you and is just waiting for you - even calling your name.Your dad got it wrong and its horrible and I hope he will fess up to God and has stopped but you will have to accept that he is fallible and find a way to forgive him. I wonder if he has been able to forgive himself for being found out by you, and you never know, it could have been a turning point in his life to see how he had broken his daughter's confidence in him. It happens like that sometimes.

 

[bling]

My father is like the leader of my church. He is in the top chain of church (equal with priest) and there is no such group in my church. His position makes him cannot tell random people about his problem and his pride is waaaayy to high to tell others.

Be caught in sin is a humbling activity, but "good" can come out of it if handled correctly. The Bible talks about confessing our sins to other Christians and I personally have experienced it and seen others helped by it. To keep on going on like the churches leadership is all perfect sinless people is not setting the true reality of the situation. Others in the church could be struggling with the same problem so who speaks up first?

 

[tomatocarrot]

TC, I'm not really sure if I can help you but I think you need to allow your dad off his pedestal. I'm 55. Sometimes we hate ourselves as parents when we know we do wrong but we want to teach our children to do right. Perhaps if I share my insights with you how I taught my youngest it will help you take a new view both of your dad and of yourself. The bitterness you now feel toward your dad is understandable but it is entirely unhelpful.

I grew up in a Christian home and watched both my older brothers walk away from faith in Jesus. This hurt me as it hurts me to know you have done the same thing. Its hard growing up in a Christian home because you see all the wrong things, but I believed in Jesus for myself and not just because my parents said so. I hated being told I would one day deny Jesus and that I needed to "sow my wild oats".

Dan was about 6 when I sat with him on the back step and told him that he must believe for himself and not for me. I told him faith was a matter of life and death and ultimately he was not responsible for me, only answerable for himself.

I said, "Mate, I do wrong things and I know it. I'm asking you not to do the wrong things I do but to listen when I tell you how to do right. If I do something that's wrong I give you permission to tell me off, the same as I do to you. Don't look at what I do and blame God, yourself or others, just make sure you trust Jesus and do what God likes. You don't have to sow wild oats and you don't have to sin just because I did. Let's always be able to forgive each other. I didn't backslide and you don't have to."

I don't know why you chose to deny Jesus and I don't need to because I know Jesus loves you and is just waiting for you - even calling your name.Your dad got it wrong and its horrible and I hope he will fess up to God and has stopped but you will have to accept that he is fallible and find a way to forgive him. I wonder if he has been able to forgive himself for being found out by you, and you never know, it could have been a turning point in his life to see how he had broken his daughter's confidence in him. It happens like that sometimes.

Before, I was trying to fix my faith and I almost there. I almost believe in christianity. But then, this father's problem appeared. It feels like even god does not want me back.

 

[ToBeLoved]

Before, I was trying to fix my faith and I almost there. I almost believe in christianity. But then, this father's problem appeared. It feels like even god does not want me back.

One of the things that we do as human beings is judge ourselves and many times we think that how we see ourselves or how we view ourselves is how God see's us.

But the truth is is that God does not see us like we see ourselves. He loves us and desires us to be with Him so much that He sent His Own Son to die for the sins of all mankind so we could be with God forever.

God ALWAYS wants us back. Like the prodigal son in the Bible, there is nothing that we can do that is so bad that He does not want us back. That's the type of REALLY HUGE LOVE that God has for us. It is much bigger than the love we have for ourselves.

Do not judge how much God loves you by your own feelings. God is way bigger than our feelings.

I'll be praying for you.

 

[tomatocarrot]

One of the things that we do as human beings is judge ourselves and many times we think that how we see ourselves or how we view ourselves is how God see's us.

But the truth is is that God does not see us like we see ourselves. He loves us and desires us to be with Him so much that He sent His Own Son to die for the sins of all mankind so we could be with God forever.

God ALWAYS wants us back. Like the prodigal son in the Bible, there is nothing that we can do that is so bad that He does not want us back. That's the type of REALLY HUGE LOVE that God has for us. It is much bigger than the love we have for ourselves.

Do not judge how much God loves you by your own feelings. God is way bigger than our feelings.

I'll be praying for you.

I cannot go back. Not after what happened. I cannot see His love. I cannot feel god anymore

 

[ToBeLoved]

I cannot go back. Not after what happened. I cannot see His love. I cannot feel god anymore

So because your father sinned, God does not want you?

Many times we cannot feel His love. But feeling is just that a feeling. We have the Word of God, who is holy. God cannot lie. If God in His Word tells you that if you believe that Jesus Christ is God who came to earth and lived a perfect life to be the propitiation for your sins, that is what Jesus did.

He died for the WORLD. THat means you.

Don't worry about what you are feeling. You are going through a hard time right now with your feelings.

Ask Jesus for peace. Ask Jesus to comfort you through these feelings. Ask God to help you understand why your father would sin like this. Jesus is your best friend. He knows your feelings already.

Talk to Him.
Tell Him if you are mad, or upset, or disappointed.
Tell Him if this is shaking your faith and if it is ask Him for MORE FAITH.

Ask Him to show you how to forgive your dad.
Ask Him to show you how to get past this pain.

That's why He died, so He can go through this WITH YOU. He never meant for us to go through pain alone.

 

[tomatocarrot]

So because your father sinned, God does not want you?

Many times we cannot feel His love. But feeling is just that a feeling. We have the Word of God, who is holy. God cannot lie. If God in His Word tells you that if you believe that Jesus Christ is God who came to earth and lived a perfect life to be the propitiation for your sins, that is what Jesus did.

He died for the WORLD. THat means you.

Don't worry about what you are feeling. You are going through a hard time right now with your feelings.

Ask Jesus for peace. Ask Jesus to comfort you through these feelings. Ask God to help you understand why your father would sin like this. Jesus is your best friend. He knows your feelings already.

Talk to Him. Tell Him if you are mad, or upset, or disappointed. Tell Him if this is shaking your faith and if it is ask Him for MORE FAITH.

Ask Him to show you how to forgive your dad. Ask Him to show you how to get past this pain.

Not because of my father. I have experiences and I although I wanna trust him, I cant.