Hello,
Why should I continue living?
● I'm 34 and single
● I don't have a permanent job which means most of the year every year, I struggle with money
● I live in one room and it is moldy and damp
● I don't have a car
● Nearly all of my friends live abroad, including my best friend
● I have no idea whether or not Christians are meant to keep the Law of Moses, even after TONS of study and reading
● My mum and sister are constantly ill every single day of their lives
● I have to take and have been taking tablets every day for mental illnesses. God can't seem to heal me...
● I have a new battle in my mind against Satan concerning blasphemy against the Holy Spirit (the unforgivable sin)
● I'm lazy, procrastinate and my tablets have had an effect on my brain
● My dad left my me and my Mum when I was just a baby and I've never had a father figure in my life which I really should have had
● I'm in debt
● And I always lose my battles against Satan concerning being tempted to commit sexual sin
So, tell me, why on earth should I continue worshiping a God who has let all this happen? God's love is an absolute joke!!!!! I hate him a lot.
You will be in my prayers. Please know that God doesn't stop loving you just because you fall into temptation. The important thing is that you accept Him into your heart before it is too late. Please also know that the apostles were regularly persecuted, threatened, beat, and often killed (in the sense of their bodies) for their beliefs, and yet continued on with more and more fervor, because, as Jesus Himself said, that was ALL they could do to them. Because of Christ's death on the cross and His own suffering and death for us, even being separated from His Father as it happened, our sins are paid for, our suffering for them being taken up by Him, and He paid the penalty on our behalf. Now all we need to do is accept that He died and was resurrected by God, and confess the Lord Jesus, and we will be saved; Period. (Romans 10:9)
As for the law, it can save nothing. We are freed from that, and in the law of Jesus, which is defined by a saving relationship with God rather than a list of rules (i.e. Romans 7:6, but really I think you need to go through the book of Romans in general; It answers so many of the questions you're seeking. In general, only trust the Bible, and go to it for questions. If you go to any other source, make sure they're citing the Bible, and if they are, look up the chapters they cite from to make sure they're not misrepresenting the Scripture.
Please don't misunderstand "blasphemy against the Holy Spirit" either. In Matthew 12:22-32, after the Pharisees accuse Him of casting out demons by Beelzebub, Jesus first rebukes them and points out that any city or house divided against itself will not stand, then declares that anyone who is not with Him is against Him, and then, after, says *"Therefore* I say to you, every sin and blasphemy will be forgiven men, but the blasphemy against the spirit will not be forgiven men." (Your translation may be different, this is the NKJV, but in any case the meaning is the same.) Please consider that the Pharisees were living to see God work in Jesus through the Spirit right in front of them, had no excuse not to recognize it, and yet consciously chose to attribute God's holy work to something foul and demonic. This is not merely insulting the Spirit; This is a total rejection of everything God stands for, delivered in a way that only someone who had no interest in repentance could. Please also note that, concerning both this account and the account of Mark 3:22-30 (specifically Matthew 9:34 and Mark 3:30), the tense used is active, meaning that they were *continously* doing this; It wasn't just that they said it once either. And don't even misunderstand that, because again, this was genuine rejection. This was a continued and deliberate rejection of the Spirit and its very nature. You cannot do this by accident, nor could anyone that would be worried about doing this possibly do this. This is not a temptation of your flesh to sin, where you're resisting and then fail. Those are just words that you can repent from. True blasphemy against the Spirit is a choice that you willingly and consciously make in a deliberate way throughout your life. You either accept what the Spirit brings, or you reject it. The good news is that it's not too late to repent. Like I said, it's easy at the end of the day to be saved. Once you are, no one and nothing can take you out of Christ's hand. (John 10:28) That includes the devil. After that, it's the sin of your flesh that you fight against, which even Paul struggled with, (Romans 7:15-25,) but knew he could fight against it with the help of Jesus' atonement, and the Spirit of God inside of him. Through this, we will crucify the flesh and its sinful desires. (Galatians 5:24)
I will be honest with you. I know it's hard. I'm in the process myself. It's a process that makes us more like our Perfect Savior, and gives us His qualities; It's also a process that we'll undergo our whole lives, until He sets up a new world for us. (1 John 3:2) This is good news, though; It's a reminder that our works can never condemn us after salvation, and that as long as we allow Him, he will continue to make us stronger and help us fight more and more against sin and the devil.
First, though, comes that salvation. As I cited before, believe in your heart, not just in your mind, truly accepting that Jesus died for your sins and rose again, and then openly declare Him; Don't ever be afraid or ashamed to tell people about your Savior. (1 John 4:15) You may have heard John 3:16: "For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life." This verse is very true. Something else crucial on the subject, however, is Romans 5:7-8: "For scarcely for a righteous man will one die; yet perhaps for a good man someone would even dare to die. But God demonstrates His own love for us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Christ, God the Son, became a man, and suffered horrible pain and died, because even though humanity lives in rebellion against Him, He still loves them. He still loves you. I pray that when you read this, you'll accept Him into your heart. He does love you, and He wants to help you like no one else could. No, He never promised you physical comfort, or a life full of the pleasures of this world; But what He did promise you is so much greater: The guarantee of eternal spiritual happiness, and a perfect and unending life after this one. For this, the apostles risked their lives and lived under constant threat of persecution, pain, and death. And yet, because they knew in their heart the Lord Jesus, and what He had given them, they had no fear of any of it. They had all they had need for to be happy. (Paul in Phillipians 4:11-13: "Not that I speak in regard to need, for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content. I know how to be abased, and I know how to abound. Everywhere and in all things I have learned both to be full and to be hungry, to abound and to suffer need. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."
You can too. Receive Him, and receive healing that nothing and no one else could ever give or provide. You don't need to repeat someone word for word or anything, Jesus knows all and He knows the intention of your heart. (Mark 2:8, John 2:25, etc.)
With all that being said, repent, and ask Him to come into your heart with the knowledge and understanding that he paid the debt of your sins with His innocent, perfect blood (Hebrews 9:28), and that He also rose again with superiority over death (Acts 2:24). Do that, and you will be saved. (Once more, I direct you to Romans 10:9.)
Please know that Christ conquered death, not only in that moment of Himself, but for all of us eternally, so that no one who accepts this gift will know true death, but live on in eternal perfection (Romans 15:50-57) and joy (Revelation 7:15-17). This gift is awaiting you, as is the Father, with open arms. (Luke 15:11-35)
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