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I can't take this anymore! It's ruined my life!!!

LuvJesus87

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I am sick of this! One minute I am happy and have a lot of hope and energy, The next minute I am down with a lot of intrusive racing thoughts and mood swings. Also, when I am down my mind bring up my sexual abuse and make me angry and want to be the person up that did it. There are days when I am down I can't concentrate. I get Agitated and Frustrated easily. I also talk a lot at times when I am introverted. I am on medications for general anxiety and depression. I feel like I have another underline mental illness that hasn't been addressed yet. This problem is ruined my life.
 

Jeshu

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Dear sister it sounds like you maybe suffering from P.T.S.D. The process of healing from abuse is complex and differs for each person. Abused hearts are just like minefields you keep blowing up at seemingly random times. As someone who was sexually abused and almost murdered i know what awful forces abuse can plant into the victim's heart.

A few things stand central the abused person needs to find a healthy outlet for the negative emotions this/these event(s) has/have brought up. Usually good counselling is essential to be able to process the bad life that you met up with because of the abuse.

If this process is dealt with successfully then you will come to the realisation that the person who hurt you needs your forgiveness as well as God's.

Personally i found that not until i forgave my three attackers from the heart, because i realised they were stuck with a lot of bad life too, God's love could begin to work inside my heart where i had been abused, and healing began.

Again it is essential that you get good help doing this. i found that a man by the name Roland Bal is a very good therapist and has lots of good information. He has written quiet a few books on the topic of P.T.S.D and offers a excellent video meditation sessions, in which lots of people in your predicament have found support, understanding and healing.

Complex Trauma PTSD Articles Summary | Roland Bal

Honest this man has helped me more than any one on earth dealing with my complex trauma experiences and has given me the ability to leave my often psychotic rage behind and even build good life in the place where before there was only bad life.

i highly recommend his materials
 
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The Righterzpen

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I am sick of this! One minute I am happy and have a lot of hope and energy, The next minute I am down with a lot of intrusive racing thoughts and mood swings. Also, when I am down my mind bring up my sexual abuse and make me angry and want to be the person up that did it. There are days when I am down I can't concentrate. I get Agitated and Frustrated easily. I also talk a lot at times when I am introverted. I am on medications for general anxiety and depression. I feel like I have another underline mental illness that hasn't been addressed yet. This problem is ruined my life.

A couple of questions here: How old are you and how long have you been in mental health treatment?

You sound a lot like me when I was in my late teens and early 20's. I'm the adult child of an alcoholic, an incest survivor and a war veteran. I'm 49 years old and I've been in counseling since I was 13. PTSD sucks; and it is absolutely true that life is managed, it isn't cured.

You can get better; but it's a journey.
 
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LuvJesus87

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A couple of questions here: How old are you and how long have you been in mental health treatment?

You sound a lot like me when I was in my late teens and early 20's. I'm the adult child of an alcoholic, an incest survivor and a war veteran. I'm 49 years old and I've been in counseling since I was 13. PTSD sucks; and it is absolutely true that life is managed, it isn't cured.

You can get better; but it's a journey.
I am 33 years old and I been taking medicine since 2007.
 
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anna ~ grace

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A couple of questions here: How old are you and how long have you been in mental health treatment?

You sound a lot like me when I was in my late teens and early 20's. I'm the adult child of an alcoholic, an incest survivor and a war veteran. I'm 49 years old and I've been in counseling since I was 13. PTSD sucks; and it is absolutely true that life is managed, it isn't cured.

You can get better; but it's a journey.
I agree with this. It’s a journey. Some days will be joyful and manageable, and good. Some days something will trigger something and you’re down in a hole again.

It’s a journey. Don’t beat yourself up. Pray for yourself, pray for the abuser, and go easy on yourself. Healing generally doesn’t happen at once. It can be a life-long up and down trek, and that’s ok. That’s normal.
 
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antwaniiz

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I am sick of this! One minute I am happy and have a lot of hope and energy, The next minute I am down with a lot of intrusive racing thoughts and mood swings. Also, when I am down my mind bring up my sexual abuse and make me angry and want to be the person up that did it. There are days when I am down I can't concentrate. I get Agitated and Frustrated easily. I also talk a lot at times when I am introverted. I am on medications for general anxiety and depression. I feel like I have another underline mental illness that hasn't been addressed yet. This problem is ruined my life.
Here is what you do....

Every time you start to feel terrible for your situation
think of all them who have no legs or arms or who were
born deaf and dumb or blind.

Think of all them that was put in prisons and spent
all their lives pinned up in a cage like they were animals.
Think of all those who died in the prime of their youth in wars and calamities for the sake of evil doers who have no gratitude
for the sacrifice of others so they can live in comfort and peace.

And if that doesn't do it for you
just remember that any of them already in hell would trade places with you and never give it a thought.
 
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The Righterzpen

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I am 33 years old and I been taking medicine since 2007.

OK, so you are not new to dealing with this. You're just exhausted from it. (And yes, I think you do have PTSD.)

Are you having nightmares? Are you sleeping? If you're not sleeping; that can make you feel 10 times as squirrelly. People who can't sleep become irrational. And then it gets dangerous; because then they contemplate killing themselves. Are you at that point? Because if you are you need help immediately.

It's OK to be angry about what happened to you. God's wrath abides on the unrepentant and there's a reason for that. So nothing is wrong with you because you are angry. We get angry at injustice like this because we are created in His image. So keep in mind that you are not abnormal.

Back in 1998 (I'm 49 years old.) I had a major depressive episode and I ended up in the hospital because I almost jumped off a bridge. I was 2 weeks impatient, 4 weeks outpatient and then went to a day treatment program for 3 months. The psychiatrist I had told me that I needed to get away from my family. I was never going to get better if I kept listening to them. The goal of the dysfunctional family (be it alcoholism, sexual abuse, domestic violence etc) is to keep the system in tact. So if the person who did this to you is part of your life still; you need to walk away.

That was probably one of the hardest things I ever did. But I came to realize that I had to do what ever it was I had to do in order to stay alive; even if my family didn't like it. That's an important place to come to.

I faced a similar decision with my husband years later. And that wasn't any easier. But I've been doing this a long time and I got better at managing my own mental health.

It's been 9 years since I was separated from my husband; (He committed suicide 3 years ago.) 14 years since my dad died and 18 years since my mother died. My son is 18 now; this separation journey started because I felt I had an obligation to my kid to not repeat the cycle. It took a lot of being brave and establishing boundaries. (And occasionally calling the police.)

It took a lot of me facing myself to not repeat the cycle.

The first difficult life decision I'd made was telling someone about the abuse (I was 14 when I told my counselor in school.)

The second most difficult life decision I made was joining the military and I did that to get away from my mother. I had to prove to myself that I could stand on my own two feet. And I definitely came out a changed person.

My next major life decision was telling my counselor at the time (1998) that I was suicidal.

Next was deciding to keep my son. I wasn't sure I could take care of a baby; but he gave me a reason to keep going.

The next major decision was separating myself from my family.

A couple of years later came the decision to go into a domestic violence shelter. That opened up avenues of assistance that I needed. By far though, the most difficult decision I'd ever made was reporting myself to CPS. I had to hold myself accountable to be a better parent. I owed that to my son. Now that was a whole other journey, because he's also developmentally disabled.

So here's my little "homework" assignment for you. Think of the steps you've already taken to manage your own mental health. You are the most important member on your recovery team! Don't EVER forget that!

Now there are other resources I can tell you about that have helped me; but right now, I know you're tired and what we need most when we are tired is hope.

It will be a long road. I'm not going to lie to you. But for now, all you have to worry about is getting through today. You only have to deal with the next thing in front of you. If that means you need to take a nap; then take a nap. You need to take a shower, go for a walk, write in a journal, watch something innocent and goofy like Winnie the Pooh. If you need to spend some more time praying. Listen to some music that speaks to you. What ever it needs to be. You're "job" right now is to get better.

I'll be praying for you too.
 
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SANTOSO

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Why wait by yourself when you can wait on God

In the times of troubles, many people say wait by themselves and try to be patient ; some already at their limit and frustrated.

Or do we just put a good front and just be patient ? Or do this relief last ?

Why not wait on God ?
This is He promises us who believe that those who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength.

Some may say : Are you sure ?

And Jesus answered them, "Have faith in God. -Mark 11:22

Truly, I say to you, whoever... does not doubt in his heart, but believes that what he says will come to pass, it will be done for him. -Mark 11:23

Even, apostle Paul pray this :
that according to the riches of His ( God’s) glory He ( God ) may grant you to be strengthened with power through His Spirit in your inner being, -Ephesians 3:16

Even David reaffirms this about God:
Once God has spoken; twice have I heard this: that strength belongs to God, -Psalms 62:11

Seek the LORD and His strength; seek His presence continually! -1 Chronicles 16:11

Let us seek God’s strength.

How?

The Psalmist say:
strengthen me according to Your word! -Psalms 119:28

Then we say:
I can do all things through Him ( our Lord Christ Jesus) who strengthens me. -Philippians 4:13

So then don’t wait by yourself but wait on God.
Remember that we are God’s people:
May the LORD give strength to His people!
May the LORD bless His people with peace! -Psalms 29:11

Remember what our Lord Jesus Christ said:

I have said these things to you,
that in me you may have peace.
In the world you will have tribulation.
But take heart;
I have overcome the world." -John 16:33

As we wait for God, let us be found in Him we may have peace as we wait.

Yes, we should take heart that we in Christ Jesus have overcome the world.

Some may say we say lofty things ; no we are not. Why?This is why :

And they have conquered him ( THE ACCUSER - who is also THE DEVIL and SATAN ) by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony, for they loved not their lives even unto death. -Revelation 12:11

Yes, our confession of faith in Christ Jesus that have overcome the world ( The devil, the god of this world)

Therefore, we have heard before :
for the LORD your God is He who goes with you to fight for you against your enemies, to give you the victory.' -Deuteronomy 20:4

Yes, this is what we believe :

for the LORD our God is He who goes with us to fight for us against our enemies, to give us the victory.'
Amen


Therefore, in the times of troubles,
This is what we say for we have received God’s strength.

"Behold, God is my salvation; I will trust, and will not be afraid;
for the LORD GOD is my strength and my song,
and He has become my salvation." -Isaiah 12:2

Amen
 
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