I'm not asking for advice but I'm really, really down, the downest I've been in awhile.
All I want to say right now is that certain feelings of suicidal ideation are coming back for a certain reason. I realize that since the age of 25 I kept hoping I would be able to stand up to my dad and do my own thing and now I'm 39, pushing 40 soon, and realized I was never able to do this, and I also realized that this has caused my life to be empty in a way that is not reversible because of my age. I almost can't take it. It's easy to say, just stand up to your parents - - it's not so easy to do. Maybe in the West it is, but parents from the East are different. And that's why I'm here in this position today, with nothing to show for my life. (husband, child, etc.) The damage can't be undone.
You may ask why I am writing this in this forum, well it's completely relevant, I could have started RCIA literally a decade ago were it not for this.
All I want to say right now is that certain feelings of suicidal ideation are coming back for a certain reason. I realize that since the age of 25 I kept hoping I would be able to stand up to my dad and do my own thing and now I'm 39, pushing 40 soon, and realized I was never able to do this, and I also realized that this has caused my life to be empty in a way that is not reversible because of my age. I almost can't take it. It's easy to say, just stand up to your parents - - it's not so easy to do. Maybe in the West it is, but parents from the East are different. And that's why I'm here in this position today, with nothing to show for my life. (husband, child, etc.) The damage can't be undone.
You may ask why I am writing this in this forum, well it's completely relevant, I could have started RCIA literally a decade ago were it not for this.