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I can't take it

Discussion in 'One Bread, One Body - Catholic' started by Lady Bug, Oct 23, 2019.

  1. Lady Bug

    Lady Bug Let's get real Supporter

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    I'm not asking for advice but I'm really, really down, the downest I've been in awhile.

    All I want to say right now is that certain feelings of suicidal ideation are coming back for a certain reason. I realize that since the age of 25 I kept hoping I would be able to stand up to my dad and do my own thing and now I'm 39, pushing 40 soon, and realized I was never able to do this, and I also realized that this has caused my life to be empty in a way that is not reversible because of my age. I almost can't take it. It's easy to say, just stand up to your parents - - it's not so easy to do. Maybe in the West it is, but parents from the East are different. And that's why I'm here in this position today, with nothing to show for my life. (husband, child, etc.) The damage can't be undone.

    You may ask why I am writing this in this forum, well it's completely relevant, I could have started RCIA literally a decade ago were it not for this.
     
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  2. Michie

    Michie Human rights begin in the womb. Supporter

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    **hugs** Feel free to vent all you need to here Lady Bug.
     
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  3. Anhelyna

    Anhelyna Handmaid of God Supporter CF Senior Ambassador

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    We all have good ears that hear and mouths that can stay shut .

    Let it all out LadyBug - we are here for you

    Lots of these :crosseo: and lots of these :hug:
     
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  4. christine40

    christine40 Well-Known Member

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    today is a new day

    it's never too late to begin anew
    blessings as you go forth from this day forward
     
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  5. Robin Mauro

    Robin Mauro Active Member

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    All things are possible with God.
    And the details of our lives ultimately don't matter. What matters is believing in Jesus.
    Get your mind on Him. And believe all things work to the good of those who love him, even things that seem so wrong. One day we will see how He worked it all out for a higher good.
     
    Last edited: Oct 23, 2019
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  6. Basil the Great

    Basil the Great Well-Known Member Supporter

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    It takes some courage, Lady Bug, to let your deep feelings be known, even here in the privacy of the forums. God bless you!
     
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  7. Chrystal-J

    Chrystal-J the one who stands firm to the end will be saved Supporter

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    Sorry to hear you're going through this. :crosseo:
     
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  8. Lady Bug

    Lady Bug Let's get real Supporter

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    Thank you for replying everyone. I didn't address everyone individually, although I would have liked to. I can't describe the feeling I have in my head every day, this pressure, almost. When I leave the house, I always hope to God that it isn't my last night, because I'm not in a state of grace. I'm always worried something will happen and I hope that I get home safe.
     
  9. chevyontheriver

    chevyontheriver Well-Known Member Supporter

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    Angels can fly because they take themselves lightly, at least according to Chesterton. You aren't alone in your struggles. I've been there, returned to there, and will probably make a few more visits there. Worst part is getting there without being very aware that was where I was headed or when I arrived. Hang in there. Without God who loves us we would be in much bigger messes.
     
  10. KimmyO

    KimmyO New Member

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    I'm so sorry, I know it must be even harder in the East with the culture there. I am praying for you, and hope the Lord will change the dynamics. As long as there is breath, there is hope. There is actually relief in finding the humor in things you can't change and laughing at it all. Acceptance of some things is good, and persistence to change those things you can is good too. Even your reaction to the things your father does, if it changes, can make a change in how he responds. If you always react as you have in past, he will always react same and it is a deep rut, hard to get out of. But if you change how you react, either by laughing at it all without disrespect, but at the craziness of his wanting to control you still, it might change how he sees it. It is probably how he was raised and he knows no different. Sympathy to him in this might help too. I know you aren't asking for advice, but here I am giving it. Lol. The Lord bless you and give you peace, and assurance to move if needed. <3 Another thing, magnesium will give much calmness to your mind body and soul, and to his. Also, ginseng is great to get rid of those sticky negative thoughts, but then you might already know this, living in the East. <3
    You may ask why I am writing this in this forum, well it's completely relevant, I could have started RCIA literally a decade ago were it not for this.[/QUOTE]
     
  11. Gracia Singh

    Gracia Singh Newbie Supporter

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    Lady Bug, the prayer on my profile may help you. It's by Padre Pio.

    Stay with me, Lord - Padre Pio Devotions

    There is one line in particular that says;

    Stay with me, Lord, because at the hour of my death, I want to remain united to You, if not by communion, at least by grace and love.

    This gives me a lot of hope. I am outside of the Church, too. I have thoughts similar to yours, as well. But what encourages me is that throughout the history of the Church, there have been times when, for isolated communities, the Sacraments, holy orders, priests, Mass, and ongoing education in the Faith has been unavailable. These isolated Christians did the best they could, with what they had.

    God loved them, cared for them, and brought them through. He'll bring the rest of us through, too.
     
  12. Lady Bug

    Lady Bug Let's get real Supporter

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    Wow I really like that prayer, thank you so much for sharing :)
     
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