I can't decide if I belong to God or Satan? I tend to "switch sides" sometimes depending on how I'm feeling.

[Bobber]

I have a strange relationship with God. I try to be a better person, I try to turn my back on sin and be a good person, but I remember past sins and regrets which basically feels like it throws mud on my efforts, I then give up trying and start to switch back to my old ways. A while ago I used to want to be a bad person, I used to deliberately be horrible to others and I used to not care because i considered myself one of the Devil's, but due to things in personal life I've realised that's not what I want and I try to change, but when I feel like I've failed if I commit a sin again, or if i feel like God has rejected me, I go into a sort of sulk and start thinking I have more in common with Satan and that's why things aren't working out when I try.

Some people are of God and some are of The Devil, how do you know exactly which side you belong to? I can't be all bad as I desire a relationship with God, but sometimes I get sick of trying and start to go the other way thinking that perhaps I'm more accepted by Satan than God.


I'm genuinely confused and I worry that I'm kidding myself when I say I want a relationship with God, as I've not been a very nice person in my life, and because I've always felt like an outcast I've always felt like I have more in common with Satan than God, as he too is technically an outcast for pretty much the same reasons I've always been, namely wanting to do things his own way instead of living upto his expectations.

Sorry but I really don't feel much sympathy with the things that you say.

Did the devil come to the earth, die on a cross for your sins, was he beat up and whipped, spit on and had spikes driven into his hands and feet and a spear thrust into his side. NO. SATAN would never have done that for you.

Jesus did however. Something for you to maybe think about?

 

[AdTW]

I don't want nor expect sympathy. I am aware of what God has done for humanity and I'm so grateful for His sacrifice. I understand that the Devil doesn't care about anyone, but I haven't always known that. I used to be under the illusion that God is the judgemental one and the Devil accepts me for who I am and is in the same boat as me because he's also selfish and a sinner like me. I felt like God's standards are too dogmatic but Satan's easy going & understands me, but I understand now that is exactly what he wants me to think, and I've repented often for those bad thoughts & I'm hoping God will forgive me if he hasn't already.

I agree with the person who said I lack understanding, but I'm working on it, posting here was a first step and believe me when I say I didn't make the decision lightly.