I am divorced. Recently I have met a man who appears to be a keeper, but I am becoming more and more frightened. How can I stop my fear and insecurity about messing up, from CAUSING me to mess up by trying too hard?
I am very frightened....
- Thread starter cruztacean
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What suuport do you have - people to talk to, a pastor etc? Fear can be crippling and you need to be related somewhere to help you through where you are right now.
John
NZ
John
NZ
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michaeljr5
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- Nov 10, 2006
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Have you told this guy how you feel. Most guys I know would be flattered. There is no such thing as "trying too hard." IMHO
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live4grace
Senior Member
Ps 56:3 When I am afraid, I will trust in you.
I don't mean to be trite, but that is the bottom line.
A very good friend of mine was in the same situation as you and she told me her fiance' kept saying "I have three words for you - I'm not <ex-husband's name>." Just be yourself and let God do the rest. If he doesn't love you for who you are, he's not for you anyway.
But it's hard, of course. I'll pray for you.
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Elijah2
No weapons formed against me will prosper.
Being frightened can come from grief and trauma.
I believe it's time that you spoke to a good mature healing and deliverance ministry counsellor to help you to be strong and to conquer these spiritual problems.
You need our Lord, but at the same time you need help.
I believe it's time that you spoke to a good mature healing and deliverance ministry counsellor to help you to be strong and to conquer these spiritual problems.
You need our Lord, but at the same time you need help.
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He did. He left me for another woman.
And I hear what you're saying about the sanctity of marriage. I believe in forever. Don't let the divorce fool you.
Thanks to all of you who have replied, and I will pray. I request that others join me. I need as much prayer as possible for this matter.
By the way, the man I am interested in is a believer as well. Otherwise I would not be interested in him.
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Slow down girlie! Take a deep breath and remember to not be too anxious about anything. There are plenty of guys out there willing to know you. The matter is more or less your opinion of yourself and not so much what he thinks of you.
Don't get carried away or I will have to tickle you or something.
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Dear Sister,
First of all, I am so sorry to hear of your husband's divorcing you for another woman. Second, I'd like to share why I too am frightened of being with another.
My husband divorced me after 25 years of marriage. We separated (not legally) three times because he was violent towards me and our two children. The third time is when he met his new wife and divorced me.
Each time I separated from him, I did as Paul commanded and remained as unmarried. I did not talk to any man romantically. This included the third separation. My hope and prayers during these separations was that he would change his emotional and physically abusive ways. I loved him and would have returned had he shown a sincere repentance and willingness to seek godly help in this area. He was unwilling to change. Instead, he found someone else who will soon feel the "rage" displayed against her.
My fear was and completely and totally a fear of God. His word plainly tells us that marriage is for life and that a wife is not free from that "one flesh" union until her husband dies.
I believe that you are experiencing fear for a reason. If you belong to God (a believer in the Lord Jesus Christ); His Holy Spirit may be telling you of your error in being with this new man who will be an adulterer if he marries you as well as you being an adultress because your husband still lives.
Do you really want to take a chance on being disobedient to God to be with this man? He plainly tells a believing woman that if she departs from her husband; she must remain single or be reconciled to her husband.
I am not placing blame dear sister, nor judging. Just asking that you seek the Lord diligently regarding this matter and place your faith in obedience to His Holy word and His will.
Sisterly Love in Christ Jesus
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Hi,
I think that if you love, respect and please yourself, you can't go wrong. If you guess what someone else will admire and you're wrong, it could cost you what you value and you'll betray yourself too. Best wishes!
I think that if you love, respect and please yourself, you can't go wrong. If you guess what someone else will admire and you're wrong, it could cost you what you value and you'll betray yourself too. Best wishes!
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Have to agree with Elijah2. This is definitely a spiritual matter, and you need help for deliverance from fear.
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jesusxchick
God's Little Princess
Pray to God, Sister. Ask Him to take away your fear and worry and to replace it with His peace. Ask God to show you His will and to have the strength to follow it.
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I thank everyone who has responded so far. I am taking my time and digesting each answer. But there is something I need to address right now.
Some of you who say you don't mean to be judging me, ARE judging me. What you don't know is that the gentleman in question has never been married before, and therefore there are no vows for him to break. I think at least one of you assumed he had been divorced also.
And, whereas Matthew 19:9 releases a vow on the grounds of adultery, I Corinthians 7:15 adds (NIV)
I am not afraid God is going to disapprove. I am afraid I am going to mess up another relationship, and run another man off. I would really like to hold on to this one. Thank you to those who have offered to join me in prayer about this insecurity on my part.
Some of you who say you don't mean to be judging me, ARE judging me. What you don't know is that the gentleman in question has never been married before, and therefore there are no vows for him to break. I think at least one of you assumed he had been divorced also.
And, whereas Matthew 19:9 releases a vow on the grounds of adultery, I Corinthians 7:15 adds (NIV)
I am not afraid God is going to disapprove. I am afraid I am going to mess up another relationship, and run another man off. I would really like to hold on to this one. Thank you to those who have offered to join me in prayer about this insecurity on my part.
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