I am not worthy

[blackwolf001]

I have discussed this with other Christians, whether we are saved by baptism or whether we are saved by faith. The thief on the cross is always a good example that Jesus saves us who are repentant. There is another passage in the bible that says Abraham was justified by faith before he was circumcised:

So although your baptism may be a vividly spiritual experience, it is your faith that you have already that is your mark of salvation. I think for you the most valuable part of all this will be the education that your church is going to give you, you will become a strong priest if you continue to allow Jesus to work in your life cutting loose all temptations that would get in the way. First things first remember, seek the kingdom of God and His righteousness all the rest will be added (Nicole could come to her senses any day, just don't be a groveler, I don't think she would like that too much). You said that God can't be blackmailed, that is true. He is even prepared to die for the cause of truth, that is proven. It doesn't mean that He saved your life just so you could marry Nicole, I think He has a greater purpose for you. Remember what Jesus said Peter and Andrew "I will make you fishers of men". That is who you will be when you devote your life to "seek first the kingdom of God".

Yes. I can see what you are saying .. I have been saved by my faith this i do know..and while writing this the Holy Spirit confirmed it However he still wants me to be baptized and in a hurry hehehe. I dont know why this insistence to be honest.. maybe to reverse my last baptism ?? which was in the Mormon church. I dont know... and that for me is confusing. Also maybe to finally rid me of my dark spiritual past as well.

I was given visions (more like picture flashes over a period of 5 minutes) in which I saw myself as if I was part of the congregation.. preaching .. me .. lol .. shy lil me who couldnt stand in front of 5 people and preach But the astonishing thing that I saw was that I was not alone .. I had a partner in the ministry. The body type, height, hair colour is Nicole's but I wasnt allowed to see her face. Oh I wont grovel when she comes back (if she does) she will have to. No doubt about that, though I wont let her do so for too long.. lol ..seconds maybe Anyway I have a feeling that it wont happen till after I get baptised. As for the learning within the church .. that will happen regardless of the time of baptism... before or after.. I will still do the Alpha course and what ever other courses they offer to me. It is something I need regardless of the knowledge that I already have. It is another way to get the community aspect of Christianity which I sorely lack. I would like to know more about why he saved my life.. i really need to know.. if it isnt Nicole then why leave me with that impression? anyway these answers will hopefully some soon... surely he can see the turmoil I am in. That I need these answers. Desperately. They will give me some peace no matter what the outcome of Nicole and I. Of course if it isnt Nicole who is my ministering partner then who could it be? So many questions and no answers Wish he would just answer me. Well he does .. lol ..just not as clearly as I need.

 

[oi_antz]

Yes. I can see what you are saying .. I have been saved by my faith this i do know..and while writing this the Holy Spirit confirmed it However he still wants me to be baptized and in a hurry hehehe. I dont know why this insistence to be honest.. maybe to reverse my last baptism ?? which was in the Mormon church. I dont know... and that for me is confusing. Also maybe to finally rid me of my dark spiritual past as well.

I was given visions (more like picture flashes over a period of 5 minutes) in which I saw myself as if I was part of the congregation.. preaching .. me .. lol .. shy lil me who couldnt stand in front of 5 people and preach But the astonishing thing that I saw was that I was not alone .. I had a partner in the ministry. The body type, height, hair colour is Nicole's but I wasnt allowed to see her face. Oh I wont grovel when she comes back (if she does) she will have to. No doubt about that, though I wont let her do so for too long.. lol ..seconds maybe Anyway I have a feeling that it wont happen till after I get baptised. As for the learning within the church .. that will happen regardless of the time of baptism... before or after.. I will still do the Alpha course and what ever other courses they offer to me. It is something I need regardless of the knowledge that I already have. It is another way to get the community aspect of Christianity which I sorely lack. I would like to know more about why he saved my life.. i really need to know.. if it isnt Nicole then why leave me with that impression? anyway these answers will hopefully some soon... surely he can see the turmoil I am in. That I need these answers. Desperately. They will give me some peace no matter what the outcome of Nicole and I. Of course if it isnt Nicole who is my ministering partner then who could it be? So many questions and no answers Wish he would just answer me. Well he does .. lol ..just not as clearly as I need.

Hi blackwolf, it just takes time, just stay positive. Time doesn't go faster when we are anxious Remember these wise words of James:

Profiting from Trials

2 My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, 3 knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. 4 But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing. 5 If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him. 6 But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for he who doubts is like a wave of the sea driven and tossed by the wind. 7 For let not that man suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; 8 he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.

It is interesting to know that the Holy Spirit is telling you to be baptized despite a former baptism by the LDS. Do you think that when your current church baptizes you, you will be able to congregate with other denominations? Which denomination are you currently attending by the way?

 

[blackwolf001]

Hi blackwolf, it just takes time, just stay positive. Time doesn't go faster when we are anxious Remember these wise words of James:

Profiting from Trials

2 My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, 3 knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. 4 But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing. 5 If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him. 6 But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for he who doubts is like a wave of the sea driven and tossed by the wind. 7 For let not that man suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; 8 he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.

It is interesting to know that the Holy Spirit is telling you to be baptized despite a former baptism by the LDS. Do you think that when your current church baptizes you, you will be able to congregate with other denominations? Which denomination are you currently attending by the way?

Yes it is interesting and I cant answer why this is so.. Will I be able to congregate with other denominations I would hope so. If Nicole does come back she is of the Anglican denomination. I am not sure but I think the church I am in now is pentecostal .. hmmm they call themselves a Church of Christ. I really should find out hehe dont know why i havent before to be honest. Didnt seem to matter ..but now that you have brought it up about the LDS baptism it does seem strange and I should find out. I dont think I would have trouble congregating with other denominations, i dont see why I would. Another thing is that while I went to the church that Nicole attends once with her.. i got a message there that specifically told me "You will be married in this church". That clear it was.. so clear.. so wonderful. So I dont know what will happen now if I get baptised into Door Of Hope, and if Nicle and I do get married... where would it be.. i mean I got that message so clear, yet I wont be part of that congregation, not unless She and I do get together, but then I would rather she came to my church It is interesting what might happen. I personally dont see why I couldnt get married in the Anglican Church I was told that I would be married in and still be part of the congregation of Door Of Hope. I have a feeling that If she and I do get together that I wont have much of a choice where I get married anyway ., her parents will most likely take care of that No problem with that either Hmmm maybe get married in the Anglican church and have baptism of our children in Door Of Hope.. interesting thoughts.

Maybe I need baptism to finally wipe out the dark spiritual past I have which occurred after the LDS baptism, a baptism which by rights should not have happened anyway due the nature of it happening .. we were kind of tricked into it.. The day we were baptised we walked into the church to see the font being prepared. My mother asked who was being baptised and received no answer ..once the font was ready however the bishop took us aside and explained what was happening .. My mother agreed to it due to peer pressure ... So was it really a baptism? So maybe this is why the Holy Spirit is being so insistent about the baptism.

I know the aspect of the good of suffering builds one up in faith, but in my experience too much suffering can destroy ones faith.. Ok my faith is growing stronger ,, that I have no doubts on now. But my suffering is more than the average I think. I really have had enough of it. One thing I do know is that if my faith was weak , what Nicole did to me would have broken it .. it hasnt ..its made it stronger. Interesting that .. to me anyway. Another thing I have noticed is that instead of immediately falling into a major depressive episode complete with suicidal thoughts .. it took about 7 days to happen and even now it isnt that deep .. Friday was the worst. Right now I suppose i am a little angry at God for allowing this to happen which is why I challenged him yesterday about Nicole and the heart attack. I need something to happen for a change for the better and if Nicole and I are meant to be together then I want it to happen soon .. very soon. I have had enough of waiting, I been waiting all my life for this person to come into my life. Time for God to do something about keeping her here.. i did nothing to drive her away. She changed her mind. Wish she would just walk with God's Will and see where it takes her ..even if it isnt to me, although if I read it right and read the messages right.. it is to me that she will walk to .. when she starts to follow God's Will and does a total surrender to God in her life. Just hope I have read it all right. I have to trust in God in this.. I cant do anything anymore. This path is so damn hard. But i am not going to step off it. Especially since I have already seen His power through two miracles. Why would I walk away from that? hehehe.

 

[oi_antz]

Yes it is interesting and I cant answer why this is so.. Will I be able to congregate with other denominations I would hope so. If Nicole does come back she is of the Anglican denomination. I am not sure but I think the church I am in now is pentecostal .. hmmm they call themselves a Church of Christ. I really should find out hehe dont know why i havent before to be honest. Didnt seem to matter ..but now that you have brought it up about the LDS baptism it does seem strange and I should find out. I dont think I would have trouble congregating with other denominations, i dont see why I would. Another thing is that while I went to the church that Nicole attends once with her.. i got a message there that specifically told me "You will be married in this church". That clear it was.. so clear.. so wonderful. So I dont know what will happen now if I get baptised into Door Of Hope, and if Nicle and I do get married... where would it be.. i mean I got that message so clear, yet I wont be part of that congregation, not unless She and I do get together, but then I would rather she came to my church It is interesting what might happen. I personally dont see why I couldnt get married in the Anglican Church I was told that I would be married in and still be part of the congregation of Door Of Hope. I have a feeling that If she and I do get together that I wont have much of a choice where I get married anyway ., her parents will most likely take care of that No problem with that either Hmmm maybe get married in the Anglican church and have baptism of our children in Door Of Hope.. interesting thoughts.

Maybe I need baptism to finally wipe out the dark spiritual past I have which occurred after the LDS baptism, a baptism which by rights should not have happened anyway due the nature of it happening .. we were kind of tricked into it.. The day we were baptised we walked into the church to see the font being prepared. My mother asked who was being baptised and received no answer ..once the font was ready however the bishop took us aside and explained what was happening .. My mother agreed to it due to peer pressure ... So was it really a baptism? So maybe this is why the Holy Spirit is being so insistent about the baptism.

I know the aspect of the good of suffering builds one up in faith, but in my experience too much suffering can destroy ones faith.. Ok my faith is growing stronger ,, that I have no doubts on now. But my suffering is more than the average I think. I really have had enough of it. One thing I do know is that if my faith was weak , what Nicole did to me would have broken it .. it hasnt ..its made it stronger. Interesting that .. to me anyway. Another thing I have noticed is that instead of immediately falling into a major depressive episode complete with suicidal thoughts .. it took about 7 days to happen and even now it isnt that deep .. Friday was the worst. Right now I suppose i am a little angry at God for allowing this to happen which is why I challenged him yesterday about Nicole and the heart attack. I need something to happen for a change for the better and if Nicole and I are meant to be together then I want it to happen soon .. very soon. I have had enough of waiting, I been waiting all my life for this person to come into my life. Time for God to do something about keeping her here.. i did nothing to drive her away. She changed her mind. Wish she would just walk with God's Will and see where it takes her ..even if it isnt to me, although if I read it right and read the messages right.. it is to me that she will walk to .. when she starts to follow God's Will and does a total surrender to God in her life. Just hope I have read it all right. I have to trust in God in this.. I cant do anything anymore. This path is so damn hard. But i am not going to step off it. Especially since I have already seen His power through two miracles. Why would I walk away from that? hehehe.

Ok I get what you are saying about the baptism, it really had no meaning to you. Baptism is the kingpin of the LDS faith, they believe that people are saved by baptism. I believe people are saved by faith. You are the only one who is qualified to know if you are saved, and even then we are told to not be complacent but to obey God. Jesus is a great guy to serve you know, as long as you deal to the sin in your life He's pretty easy going. You'll get to know this for yourself as time goes by, I'm glad I have been available to help you with your relationship to Him, I wish you all the best and let me know if you think my honest thoughts may be helpful again Let us pray:

Dear heavenly Father, we know the trouble that has happened between blackwolf and Nicole, we know it has been hard on blackwolf to cope with the dissatisfaction and loss of what was a rewarding relationship. Father we commend the matter into your hands knowing that miracles happen at your command. We know that Nicole was willing once, that she can be willing again, and we ask for the right circumstances to occur that blackwolf and Nicole can live together rather than apart. We know Lord that Nicole's decision has happened after receiving external advice, and that decision has severed a bond of love, we pray for that bond of love to become so powerful that it would break through the impedance, Lord may love conquer fear, may love conquer hate, may love conquer envy, may love unite these two in holy matrimony, in your good time. We pray for blackwolf's faith, how it has grown and abounded through the trial, as he said the trial has made his faith stronger, so even if the separation was only for the purpose of strengthening his faith, Lord we thank you for that too. Holy Father, we commit everything to you, and we ask for your spirit of peace to be upon these two and to relieve blackwolf of his anxiety, let him rest assured that in your good time, he will be united with the wife of your choosing. We thank you Father for the privilege we have to speak with you, the almighty creator, who holds the universe in His palm, through the blessed name of your son and our savior, Jesus Christ. Amen.

 

[blackwolf001]

Thank you that prayer was wonderful You have helped me more than you can know. I thank you for your patience. Oh I think I need to fully surrender to God again I walked off his path for a while and I know that is one reason why Nicole left even if she doesnt. This separation was a sign from God to watch my step. I just hope that something can come of it.. I will be much much more careful next time. I have learnt from my mistake. Although I cant quite see where it happened I know I did, and I think it was probably the night she first committed .. before the doubts came into her mind again. I was so joyously happy that I may have not seen God shaking his head warning me to be careful with this elation. I will be more careful. I do hope and trust that God will bring her back even if it takes some time., dont want it to take time but it is in God's hands and in His Will.. not mine

 

[blackwolf001]

Interesting things are happening but I am not sure what they mean yet. I have this boundless joy flowing through me ... so happy but I dont know why. Still sadness there but there is also excitement. God is doing something somewhere within myself but externally also but where?? I dont know. Not going to get my hopes up. Something has changed somewhere. Hopefully for the better.

 

[blackwolf001]

Everything has gone downhill again. I am so down its not funny.. dont know what happened. I hate how I am feeling and I cant dig myself out of this one. I dont know if i will survive this day. I have made an appointment to see a counselor on wednesday at the university but I dont honestly know if i can make it that far I dont want to live anymore.. I cant take this.. I have given up all hope.. there is nothing here for me anymore

 

[oi_antz]

Everything has gone downhill again. I am so down its not funny.. dont know what happened. I hate how I am feeling and I cant dig myself out of this one. I dont know if i will survive this day. I have made an appointment to see a counselor on wednesday at the university but I dont honestly know if i can make it that far I dont want to live anymore.. I cant take this.. I have given up all hope.. there is nothing here for me anymore

It's a pretty bad case of depression you have there, are you sure medication is not an option? You are meant to be happy in life, especially here in Godzone!

 

[blackwolf001]

It's a pretty bad case of depression you have there, are you sure medication is not an option? You are meant to be happy in life, especially here in Godzone!

hehe good point, I am going to see a counsellor at Uni on wednesday at 11 am to talk about options for 12month deferment of studies .. if it is ok with the Uni I will leave and go back on meds. Cant study in meds. Idont know why I went down last night .. because I was spirit filled for about 3 hours then crashed bad. Still down though not as bad as last night. There was no reason for either that I could see. Although the spirit filled aspect started at about the same time that Nicole would have been at church for evening service. Only thing Ican out it down to is that I was feeling her stuff.. something which I had thought I had severed over last week. Although today at uni I didnt feel her close by ., so I dont know whats happening. Just wish It would not happen. Meds is definitely a good option if I can defer. One thing i should be able to do is to get in touch with ministry work of some kind. Will talk to the person I see on Thursday about that, since I found out she is the associate minister for prayer and deliverance ministry at the church Hope she can help, cause i cant see any help anywhere right now

 

[blackwolf001]

It's a pretty bad case of depression you have there, are you sure medication is not an option? You are meant to be happy in life, especially here in Godzone!

hehe good point, I am going to see a counsellor at Uni on wednesday at 11 am to talk about options for 12month deferment of studies .. if it is ok with the Uni I will leave and go back on meds. Cant study in meds. Idont know why I went down last night .. because I was spirit filled for about 3 hours then crashed bad. Still down though not as bad as last night. There was no reason for either that I could see. Although the spirit filled aspect started at about the same time that Nicole would have been at church for evening service. Only thing Ican out it down to is that I was feeling her stuff.. something which I had thought I had severed over last week. Although today at uni I didnt feel her close by ., so I dont know whats happening. Just wish It would not happen. Meds is definitely a good option if I can defer.

 

[blackwolf001]

Update: She contacted me yesterday. Talk about first fights It was via email. I basically told her that she has lost all her aspects of Christianity due to her doubts. I know it was wrong to say that but maybe she will begin to search deeply now. She also told me that her feelings changed for me only because she thought it was God's Will that it be so.. What a load of ... wont say it. She chased me for months and now she tellsme that she didnt love me except for that few days before she broke contact NO sorry Nicole. Love doesnt work that way. Anyway a ring isnt going to bring her back ever. I have broken contact with her now .. 3rd last email too her Itold her to not contact .. 2nd last email I told her not to contact .. last email I told her NO CONTACT. I think the message got through. I love her but I cant take the pain of her actions. The strange thing is that while I was reading the emails I had the distinct feeling that I had read them before ... It was like De Javu or however you spell it haha It was meant to happen this way but I dont know to what end anymore.. I have to trust in God on this. I know longer know if we are meant to be together or where the messages have come from.. or the healing for that matter. I am doubting all of it. The only thing I dont doubt is how she feels to me. She says she doesnt love me then I have to take her word for it despite her continuing to come back after she walsk away. Makes me wonder if she will stay away for good. If she doesnt I am going to point it out to her that she needs to really think about why she has come back. I dont even know why she came back this time.. To rub it in? Thats what I asked her never got an answer. She is questioning my faith which is why i said what I did to her. She has doubted so much over small issues that she has lost the core reason for becoming a Christian and that is sad. I miss her but I can live without her .. just. I just cant take this loneliness anymore and I dont know what to do about it She was scared of the intensity and strength of my faith. To be scared is to doubt her own faith She will wake up one day and realise what she has lost.. unless she wakes up soon. Wish I hadnt met her, wish I hadnt fallen for her Oh and I found out what was said to her to make her walk away.. apparently in their younger years before her parents got together they had the same experiences as I am having with God telling them that they aremeant to be with someone and yet it was the wrong person for each of them. In that they were the only ones getting the messages not the other person too. As Nicole wasnt getting messages she thinks it is the same reason. Problem is that she is not getting messages because her doubts have pushed her away from God and she is not seeking him by surrendering She cant see that though No matter anymore.. what was said in the emails last night should sever anything possible in the future anyway unless she forgives me and sees what she has done and apologises. Cant see that happening

 

[oi_antz]

Update: She contacted me yesterday. Talk about first fights It was via email. I basically told her that she has lost all her aspects of Christianity due to her doubts. I know it was wrong to say that but maybe she will begin to search deeply now. She also told me that her feelings changed for me only because she thought it was God's Will that it be so.. What a load of ... wont say it. She chased me for months and now she tellsme that she didnt love me except for that few days before she broke contact NO sorry Nicole. Love doesnt work that way. Anyway a ring isnt going to bring her back ever. I have broken contact with her now .. 3rd last email too her Itold her to not contact .. 2nd last email I told her not to contact .. last email I told her NO CONTACT. I think the message got through. I love her but I cant take the pain of her actions. The strange thing is that while I was reading the emails I had the distinct feeling that I had read them before ... It was like De Javu or however you spell it haha It was meant to happen this way but I dont know to what end anymore.. I have to trust in God on this. I know longer know if we are meant to be together or where the messages have come from.. or the healing for that matter. I am doubting all of it. The only thing I dont doubt is how she feels to me. She says she doesnt love me then I have to take her word for it despite her continuing to come back after she walsk away. Makes me wonder if she will stay away for good. If she doesnt I am going to point it out to her that she needs to really think about why she has come back. I dont even know why she came back this time.. To rub it in? Thats what I asked her never got an answer. She is questioning my faith which is why i said what I did to her. She has doubted so much over small issues that she has lost the core reason for becoming a Christian and that is sad. I miss her but I can live without her .. just. I just cant take this loneliness anymore and I dont know what to do about it She was scared of the intensity and strength of my faith. To be scared is to doubt her own faith She will wake up one day and realise what she has lost.. unless she wakes up soon. Wish I hadnt met her, wish I hadnt fallen for her Oh and I found out what was said to her to make her walk away.. apparently in their younger years before her parents got together they had the same experiences as I am having with God telling them that they aremeant to be with someone and yet it was the wrong person for each of them. In that they were the only ones getting the messages not the other person too. As Nicole wasnt getting messages she thinks it is the same reason. Problem is that she is not getting messages because her doubts have pushed her away from God and she is not seeking him by surrendering She cant see that though No matter anymore.. what was said in the emails last night should sever anything possible in the future anyway unless she forgives me and sees what she has done and apologises. Cant see that happening

Rather than Deja Vu, maybe what you are seeing is your self expressed in her. That is what happens with couples, they form a spiritual bond. So you should treat her as though she was Jesus Christ and then you'll induce her to love you. If you think you said something wrong, apologize for it. Be utmost humble and patient and honest, that is the only thing that is going to win her back. She is obviously thinking about you a lot otherwise she wouldn't have contacted you.

 

[blackwolf001]

Maybe.. but she was also stewing over the questions asked by her pastor at her church last Sunday as I had written him a couple of emails about the situation .. It seems she had lied to him about contact with me. As she has lied to most people she knows. Her lies are coming home to roost. To be honest right now I am not even sure she loved me. I have doubts on everything right now and the despair is so deep and so strong. She wouldnt accept an apology now .. not after what I said. She wont accept me even if she did accept the apology. We both have doubts over the others faith. That is something that time and distance wont overcome. Everything is over Nothing I can do now. She has an idea in her head and keeps thinking about it and it goes deeper into her belief in what has happened over the last few months. I can still feel her sometimes. I dont want that at all. Never did. We have both hurt each other too much in the last day. And she in the last 2 weeks As I told her not to contact me how would contacting her make it better? It would only prove to her that I cant stay away and that is what she wants, supposedly. I dont know why she contacted me .. but she is real angry I know that from what she said in the last few emails. She wants to try and cover her butt from the lies I do know that. She wanted me to send an attachment of what I had said to her pastor.. I wont do that, its private between him and I otherwise he would have told her everything. He is questioning my stability. Interesting how people will automatically accept the visions, dreams, and messages of a long time church member but not of a recent convert. Its interesting because it is the recent converts who get the most messages to begin with. this world stinks, and my life is worse. I dont know why God saved me from the Heart Attack. Nicole said that because of what I asked in that .. that I have her as a goal ... so wrong . if that was the case I would never have given her up completely two days before she changed her mind. Interesting choice of words for her.. a goal.. an aim in life.. funny thats what marriage is isnt it? Does she expect me to finish it after a few months of marriage because it was only a goal and when a goal is completed you put it away. Silly girl. Also if I apologise too quickley for her then she might think it insincere.. I have no idea what to do now.. I really cant be lonely anymore. Had too much. The feeling of the need to get married and have a partner is too strong for me It just comes down to her being too young. I wish God would send me someone else or just take all the yearning out of me and make me content in this area of life. Its the only area I am not content in.

Another thing why it isnt worth apologising for is that I said somethings that she would never accept an apology for

 

[oi_antz]

Maybe.. but she was also stewing over the questions asked by her pastor at her church last Sunday as I had written him a couple of emails about the situation .. It seems she had lied to him about contact with me. As she has lied to most people she knows. Her lies are coming home to roost. To be honest right now I am not even sure she loved me. I have doubts on everything right now and the despair is so deep and so strong. She wouldnt accept an apology now .. not after what I said. She wont accept me even if she did accept the apology. We both have doubts over the others faith. That is something that time and distance wont overcome. Everything is over Nothing I can do now. She has an idea in her head and keeps thinking about it and it goes deeper into her belief in what has happened over the last few months. I can still feel her sometimes. I dont want that at all. Never did. We have both hurt each other too much in the last day. And she in the last 2 weeks As I told her not to contact me how would contacting her make it better? It would only prove to her that I cant stay away and that is what she wants, supposedly. I dont know why she contacted me .. but she is real angry I know that from what she said in the last few emails. She wants to try and cover her butt from the lies I do know that. She wanted me to send an attachment of what I had said to her pastor.. I wont do that, its private between him and I otherwise he would have told her everything. He is questioning my stability. Interesting how people will automatically accept the visions, dreams, and messages of a long time church member but not of a recent convert. Its interesting because it is the recent converts who get the most messages to begin with. this world stinks, and my life is worse. I dont know why God saved me from the Heart Attack. Nicole said that because of what I asked in that .. that I have her as a goal ... so wrong . if that was the case I would never have given her up completely two days before she changed her mind. Interesting choice of words for her.. a goal.. an aim in life.. funny thats what marriage is isnt it? Does she expect me to finish it after a few months of marriage because it was only a goal and when a goal is completed you put it away. Silly girl. Also if I apologise too quickley for her then she might think it insincere.. I have no idea what to do now.. I really cant be lonely anymore. Had too much. The feeling of the need to get married and have a partner is too strong for me It just comes down to her being too young. I wish God would send me someone else or just take all the yearning out of me and make me content in this area of life. Its the only area I am not content in.

Another thing why it isnt worth apologising for is that I said somethings that she would never accept an apology for

Okay, well it certainly sounds like a mess that only God can clean up, I would be focusing on working for Jesus if I was you, that is the only thing that will fulfill your heart's desire. Why not take a look around the rest of the forum and see whether you can comment on other people's problems? We are all capable of sharing our thoughts, and I'm sure your beautiful heart will be just what someone out there needs to hear. I hope you'll be able to get over this quickly and discover again how to love the world. The world doesn't stink I'll have you know, what stinks is that you didn't get what you really wanted. So keep looking and just be more wise next time.

 

[blackwolf001]

Thanks

 

[blackwolf001]

While God maybe able to clean this mess up .. I will send an apology, on Monday or Tuesday Night or Wednesday Morning probably. It will have given us both time to think about what happened. But I know it is over What a shame

 

[joycem]

I am a new christian about 1 year, but the main thing I rely on is .... Jesus died for ALL of humans sin. Every human on this earth is a sinner (it is in our nature/blood), that is why Jesus had to die...to cover all the sins of humans on the earth for eternity.

As I understand it, God does not rate sin, ie: a serial killer is worse than a liar (as long as both are truly saved). He forgives the serial killer just as fast and completely as the liar (I am just using these 2 extreme examples to make a point).

My guess is it is the devil attacking you and keeping you from forgiving yourself, saying you are no good, but just remember we are all sinners (even the best Christians) and our sin has been paid for by Jesus's blood.

 

[marianess]

I spent the past several years of my life living in sin and trying to prove that God doesn't exist. I grew up in a spiritual home and was saved as a child. For some reason or another the world's temptations led me astray. I don't want to go into details but I can't help but not to feel forgiven. I recently asked Jesus to come back into my heart even though I am sure he never left. In all my years of sin everything felt empty, pointless, and followed with guilt. I want to think that was the Holy Spirit convicting me and trying to set me back on course. I have had enough of satan's torture in my mind and want a relationship with God. The sins I have committed of the flesh are not what I am having a problem with now. It is my years doubting God's existence and the hypothetical scenarios I have ran through in my head. I have had, in the past, very troubling thoughts that I could not forgive-such as forsaking God or thinking terrible things like "If you don't believe in God would you cut a deal with the devil?" Even then those thoughts were followed by guilt but I still thought things like I would if it meant being rich. I guess what I need to say is I thought I would. How could God take me after something like that? It's confusing to me, because those thought processes carried ut over a wide spectrum of hypotheticals that I eventually came to think could happen or were going to happen. I always feel theguilt though and it got to the point recently that I had an anxiety attack because I know it wasn't me. I got back into church and have been trying to understand God's will for me. My first service back I felt the Spirit and felt like I needed to follow. I can't explain my feelings but I repent and repent and don't see how I could ever be accepted into the Kingdom of Heaven. I feel comforted in repenting but at the same time I ask for forgiveness I feel like I can't forgive myself and it hinders my ability to start or have a stronger relationship with God. Any advice, scriptures, or experiences that can be shared would be greatly appreciated. I apologize for any typos and poor grammar I am writing from a mobile device. Thank You and keep this stranger in your prayers.

Just trust him and love him with all your hearts. Remember Jesus is always forgiving our sins. You can change your life if you want. Don't forget to pray and ask him for help.

 

[seashale76]

Christ is the Great Physician and His Church is our hospital. None of us are worthy- but He loves us anyway and we have a way to salvation through Him.

Here are some articles and resources that I have found helpful. You may as well.

P r a y e r
Let us
What Is Most Important
F A I T H
The Way into the Kingdom of Heaven