I know it isnt my voice in my head telling me this. Pray for me please and pray for Nicole. She needs praying for so that she can go back to the path of God's will and if she does go on that path, while there is no guarantee that she will come back to me at least she will be on the right path. It is still her decision unless she gets told by God to come back to me. She was saying that she hasnt heard from God or had any messages for months about anything and this is because she isnt following God's Will. One thing I have learnt is that if u follow the will of God then he comes closer and gives you more messages. She is blind and deaf at the moment. I am afraid for her. I have emailed her about this topic. Not expecting a reply. It seems that when she was with me allowing herself to feel the emotions for me then she was closer to God because she was following God's Will in her life. Now .. well .. she is off the path and in danger of losing out on everything she wants. Please pray for her... please. My faith hasnt broken or been put under much strain. I am being protected by God in this. I can feel him. My depression isnt that obvious to me, i feel sadness but nothing more. No suicidal thoughts either which is usually what happens to me when this type of thing goes on. It is a feeling I am not used to but I thank God for it Also if it isnt God's Will that she be my partner then please pray that my life partner turn up soon. I have surrendered to God's Will in every aspect of my life. I will accept any partner that he brings to me no matter what because it is God's Will... and if that isnt Nicole then so be it. Thanks people.
Hi blackwolf, I will pray for Nicole, but you need to understand that God is in control and you only need to concentrate on yourself. You are still young in faith, but you know that Jesus has called you. Go and get baptized without any more delay and begin helping others to come to understand the goodness of Jesus. We are to serve each other and the humble types like yourself can achieve so much for God's kingdom. Don't rush Nicole, she's had far too much turmoil and you will only weaken the relationship. Give her space to breathe and with God's help, she will come back to you, maybe not to be a wife but at least to be a sister in Christ. You need to keep your eye on the goal, and that is to put Jesus first. It is wonderful to hear that He has given you enough faith to cope with such heartbreak. Stay positive, obey God, and your life will unfold perfectly before your eyesWell my situation has gone from bad to worse. She has left me completely. No friendship nothing and no explanation as to why she has done it. I really love her and I miss her so bad. It is God's will that we be together and she is going against it. How do I know this? Because i have asked and asked since this happened. I get the same answers all the time, no exception
Yes she needs space and she has got it. I wont be talking to her, or contacting her in any way, not by my choice she told me not to. She wont be back unless God tells her to. This I do know. She is meant to be the one, God has saved my life over just this issue. He stopped a heart attack because of just this issue. He healed me because of this. What am I meant to think that He did all that just to set me up for a fall... no never he wouldnt do that .. a human would .. No She is meant to be my life partner .. When i had that heart attack i specifically asked God todo one of two things.. confirm that she is meant to be my life partner or end my life when I committed my soul into his hands. If she wasnt meant to be I would be dead right now. She knows this and is ignoring it. Yes i am hurting and I am angry but my mind isnt going to change either.. if God tells me to accept her if she comes back then I will but if she comes back and he doesnt say that to me then I am gone and she has lost everything. I am gone now as far as she is concerned and as far as I am concerned which ultimately means that in this aspect I am now walking against God's Will. What am I meant to do? I suppose it is the ultimate form of waiting .. to walk away. Anyway She did this. Not me. I have no fault in this, she decided to do this after telling me how she felt .. that she loved me .. she said it.. many times. I have to forgive her I know.. but it is so hard right now.. eventually I will.
I've told you already and you haven't listened. You are concentrating too much on the physical realm. I'm going to rub this in. When we are born of the Spirit we are given a new spiritual life which has desires of holiness. The desires of holiness are much stronger than the desires of the flesh. This why it is written "Ye are of God dear children for greater is He who is in you than he who is in the world". It will just take some time for you to become strong in the spirit, but don't give up, walking the path of straight and narrow is like walking a tight rope, it takes practice and persistence.Thanks i appreciate that. I have talked to my church about baptism but they want me to do the alpha course and prebaptism courses before they will baptise me.. so i have to wait months yet
At the moment it is really hard to put Christ first.. but I am trying .. i am praying for guidance in this. I am praying for her to be protected. I am praying for her to see the path that God has for her.. I am not praying for her to come back .. she will ignore God on that.
What does it mean to crucify your flesh and all it's desires? Put it to death, painful as it might be, you need to step out of the physical realm and into the spiritual. Do you think your love for Nicole is physical or spiritual? Do you get emotional at the thought of her?
See the words I underlined? You are desiring Nicole with your body. It consumes every thought of your brain. You need to turn that energy toward Jesus. Christians are called to be the bride of Jesus, that means that we love Him first and foremost, and everything else in life is just additional.
What do you think it means to be Christian? That everything will go your way? You'll get through life with no bumps along the way? It actually means you must live for Jesus' sake, and you will give anything to do that, even if it means crucifixion. We have it so easy in modern western cultures, there has never been a better time and place to be Christian. So ask yourself, I mean really take some time to think about this: what can you do for Jesus instead of asking what can Jesus do for you.
Jesus has given us a commandment: seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, everything else will be added. Pull that verse apart and understand it: what does it mean to "seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness"? There are so many people who are confused about God they think He is tyrannical and they think He is false. It is our responsibility to correct people so they know He is real and that He is righteous. We need to help people come to love Him and worship Him, because anyone who has life is going to want the perfect life, and what can be more perfect than what He has promised us in Revelation 21?
I've told you already and you haven't listened. You are concentrating too much on the physical realm. I'm going to rub this in. When we are born of the Spirit we are given a new spiritual life which has desires of holiness. The desires of holiness are much stronger than the desires of the flesh. This why it is written "Ye are of God dear children for greater is He who is in you than he who is in the world". It will just take some time for you to become strong in the spirit, but don't give up, walking the path of straight and narrow is like walking a tight rope, it takes practice and persistence.
Look at these verses:
What does it mean to crucify your flesh and all it's desires? Put it to death, painful as it might be, you need to step out of the physical realm and into the spiritual. Do you think your love for Nicole is physical or spiritual? Do you get emotional at the thought of her?
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My love for Nicole was in the beginning spiritual as I had no desire for her. But now I do get emotional at the thought of her.. i see the change.
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Again Paul says here that we can only have spiritual life with God if we put to death the desires of the body.
See the words I underlined? You are desiring Nicole with your body. It consumes every thought of your brain. You need to turn that energy toward Jesus. Christians are called to be the bride of Jesus, that means that we love Him first and foremost, and everything else in life is just additional.
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Yes at the moment every thought is consumed by her. I dont want it to be in fact I have prayed for God to stop those thoughts, take her from my mind and my heart.
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Again, Jesus says the same thing, we have to deny our self in order to follow Him:
What do you think it means to be Christian? That everything will go your way? You'll get through life with no bumps along the way? It actually means you must live for Jesus' sake, and you will give anything to do that, even if it means crucifixion. We have it so easy in modern western cultures, there has never been a better time and place to be Christian. So ask yourself, I mean really take some time to think about this: what can you do for Jesus instead of asking what can Jesus do for you.
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I never thought that life would be easy with or without Christ. Just a little easier with Him. Life has become easier in a way.. Depression is not really there.. it is but it has been modified by God. The last question .. what can I do .. I have not been asking and I admit that. This is a place where my prayers will change because i need it to and I need to start working for Jesus not me.
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Anyway, the point I'm making is that you are at war against your body. Your body is telling you that you want this girl and your flesh's desire has consumed you, your every thought has been consumed by the desire to have a life partner. Most of it has been an emotional type of love, that is definitely what it means to live by the flesh.
When you think about it, why do you love her more than anyone else? Isn't everyone just another person like yourself in a different body with a different history? Aren't we meant to treat each other as though we were Jesus Christ Himself?
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I love her more than anyone else because we are kindred spirits, we have so much in common in our daily lives, but it has changed, she has walked off the path. I have partly as well..i can see this now. Yes we are meant to treat everyone as if they are Jesus Christ himself and I did not see that till now. Thank you. I have been blind... so blind
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When you get to know Jesus you will love everyone as a brother and a sister, you will even love strangers! Remember how I loved you from the first post I read of you? You have to let Nicole go, if you are truly going to put Jesus first you have to trust everything to Him. If Jesus wants to bring you together again it is not going to happen by your own efforts, it will just happen. Jesus has a way of making things happen miraculously.
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I know and knew this and yet I tried and because I didnt trust it to Jesus I failed and lost her completely. My love for people is almost boundless, i very seldom think negatively about others, when I do I catch it and apologise to God for it because I know it is wrong. My main problem is towards me, though that is getting better, or rather was. It will again.
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I say you need to do that alpha course, you need to devote your whole life to Jesus and you need to get to know Him as a personal friend. That means to pray to Him, ask Him to be your king, and let every thought be about Him. He is a king, the King of all kings in fact, but He is humble enough to be a friend to little old you and me. How many kings are friends with commoners? Think about the king of the universe making friends with a commoner! Our Lord is so deserving of worship that words just cannot express it enough.
You know that He wants you to have that joy you felt just a few days ago. Joy is promised to us:
Jesus has given us a commandment: seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, everything else will be added. Pull that verse apart and understand it: what does it mean to "seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness"? There are so many people who are confused about God they think He is tyrannical and they think He is false. It is our responsibility to correct people so they know He is real and that He is righteous. We need to help people come to love Him and worship Him, because anyone who has life is going to want the perfect life, and what can be more perfect than what He has promised us in Revelation 21?
Once you have devoted your life to living for God's sake then He will just make everything else work out for you. Sometimes it might work out differently than you would expect, but take God's wisdom with a grain of salt and you'll really be able to trust Him. That's all you can do is trust Him and live honestly.
Respect Nicole's decision and because you respect her she may come to feel sorry for what she has done to you.
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I do respect her decision even if I dont understand it.. I am beginning to understand. I didnt respect it but I do now. I have always respected her.. always. I dont think she will be back unless she gets a message to do so from God
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Just be aware of what I told you earlier, when the light is shone upon you, either you will come to it or cower from it, so take some time to think about what I've said here and make a careful decision. Making the wrong decision and choosing to get angry at God is very harmful. It is important to be wise, ask God to show you what wisdom is, and ask Him to show you why Nicole has decided not to get too close for now. Maybe all it will take is a ring to change her mind, who knows?
I have been wondering what lesson God wants me to see and learn out of what has happened. Now I see it. When Nicole came to me I turned away without realising it. I kept praying but I was more wrapped up in what was happening with her, talk about moving together, talk about marriage, that I lost sight of God. I thought I hadnt but now i see that I had. Oh what a fool am I. The path of following the Will of God is so hard but one which I will not ever turn off .. if i can catch myself again. I turned away and paid for it. Never will I do that again. I hope he hears and sees this because it is true. My mind is weak it seems and the longing I have for a partner is terribly strong but now I have seen where I went wrong I can watch myself and stop it next time. It is hard for me at this moment to not think about her and what went wrong but I have to make myself think of God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit. I got a direction form God in a calling on Saturday. Needs to be confirmed yet. I am open to God .. but I need to be more open. Tonight he said that she wont be back, until we both learn from our mistakes. I am learning but I think she has a long way to go. Giving her a ring wont work. She is adamant that I not contact her so I will honour her wishes and decision. It is all I can do even though it feels wrong because it is kinda turning from the Will of God in this. But since we both need time apart to learn maybe it is the will of God that I do as she asks. In this I am unclear. What you said hit me hard, I cried reading it because I know its the truth .. i lost sight of God. I have asked for his forgiveness in doing that.. now I am calm.. so maybe he has, I dont know. I know God is not tyrannical, when I first made the decision to surrender I thought it would be more like being a slave but the freedom I have found is quite amazing. I am thankful for what he has done even the stuff that has hurt because he has done it with love. I am not angry with God, upset, but not angry. Maybe I was a couple of days ago but that has gone. I need to work on finding God more. I need to work on finding Jesus more. I so want to know them it is like an ache in my chest, but different from the loss of Nicole. There are two aches. They are intermingled but distinguishable. I need to change my prayers I think. I have asked what I can do for God but receive very little. He has been answering my selfish questions though. It was His Will that Nicole and I be together, now because she has walked away, he has changed it somewhat. I dont know where this will end up. If his main will is that she and I be together then I welcome it but if not then i also welcome it. It is his will. My will is nothing, makes mistakes, is always wrong. His Will I am trying to allow to control my will. I am making headway in this. I definately need to change my prayers but I am not sure how, or in what direction except to take it away form asking for Nicole or someone to be brought to me for life. I need to accept him fully again and not fight him. Again I am not sure how. I am reading the bible more, never stopped, but I dont know if that will be enough at this point. I see struggles ahead and I do not welcome them but I know they need to be. On Sunday when I go to Church I will be talking to the head of the Prayer section .. i assume they are a section of Prayer Warriors, and maybe deliverance people as well.. My ministry seems to be in that direction. I just need confirmation, and a partner, i have been given visions of myself and a partner (I am sure we were married) ministering to a crowd of people in a church setting. I had the distinct impression that we were married, i am sure it was Nicole but now .. i am not so sure. The face of my partner was not really defined as such. But body type and height and hair colour all match. hehe here i go again looking at the flesh. What God has planned for me is a mystery at the moment. I need guidance on how to see it. How to hear him clearer. How to know it is God that is speaking to me. Right now I am doubting everything, which is not unusual for me anyway but not this deeply. Thank you again. Thank you for being blunt and pushing it home .. i needed that
I really need to rethink what I am doing. I want to give Nicole an engagement ring, she knows I want to marry her. The last day we spent together we were talking all aspects of it including the reception. What a change from that day to the next. I have lost so much. I need to learn to regain what I have lost, not necessarily with Nicole, but if God decides to bring us back together then it will be wonderful. I have no hope of that though, I know what she is like It would have to be a miracle, well , another miracle actually the first one was her deciding to be my gf in the first place, before she changed her mind.
From what you described to me, it doesn't sound like God told you that Nicole would be your wife. Instead what it sounds like to me is you were so distressed at the time that you wanted to die and the only thing you wanted to live for was Nicole, so you blackmailed God. I think God healed you because He wanted you to live.
You should be delighted by these verses to know that God has selected you to be a part of His household forever. I know that letting go of something you love in the world is a difficult process, no doubt about it, we have all had to lose something we love about the world. But since you have already placed your hope in Jesus He has got you in His grip and even now is working on shaping you as the potter shapes the clay. I can tell by your humble nature that you are going to shape up a very beautiful piece of work. Hang in there my brother! It only hurts for a little bit of time.
See what you have to do? You have to become that vessel of gold, the vessel which will bring honor to Jesus our Lord and will rescue those of our brethren who have fallen victim in the snare of the devil. We need to help each other to grow in truth! I hope you can move beyond your sadness and lift your chin up, stand tall and blossom into that beautiful black wolf that I see in you
Keep up your prayers and think positively, make that decision for final to be baptized and ask Jesus to be your king, you have been called for a very special role in God's kingdom, much greater than me (I can tell!) 
Thank God I am having trouble... I have asked Him to make it clearer, to show me what he wants me to do .. to push me if needed. I have also asked that he makes it clearer about this situation with Nicole and I. I have so had enough of this pain and this life. I have been in emotional pain all my life .. time he took it away, gave me something in return for the suffering I have endured. Sounds selfish I know .. But I have truly had enough of all this Had enough of the pain, trials, suffering, asking and asking and asking for direction, had enough of the testing. Havent I passed enough tests by now? He has broken me in so many ways. The testing and pain seems to be never ending and I cant take it anymore.. even with God's help I cant take the pain anymore... I want him to just end it, take me to heaven and let me be with him I am ready to die ... ready, more than ready.
You are struggling with depression. I too have struggled with depression. I am diagnosed with bipolar disorder and on medication. At the peak of the last depression (while I was coming on to the medicine) I wrote a suicide letter and God thankfully put me to a deep sleep before I could action. The next day was such a relief. I cannot go into details about it, but now I know for sure that my life belongs to Jesus. I think what you are going through is different from what I went through, though I know the sort of pain you feel, I felt that way for a few years myself. But you need to get positive about life. You need to see how rich you are to live in Australia! There are people all around the world who get beaten and tortured for believing in Jesus. The babies in Africa starve because the famine meant their mothers can't produce milk. You are rich bro, just get positive and you will become a magnet to your wife!Hmm something to think about for sure.. But God cant be blackmailed... Yes I was distressed, but at the same time I was ready to die. I didnt want to live thats true. But at the time I was not thinking suicidal thoughts or contemplating suicide I just didnt want to live. hmm If God wanted me to live for some other reason then why not tell me what that reason is. And if that reason was to say become closer to him and to have faith in him then I have done that. Why then does it seem that he wanted me to live so that the partnership could be fulfilled? That is how I can see it and that is how others see it as well.. That is also how Nicole saw it for a time, till she changed her mind about the relationship. Hopefully it will become clearer for me when I see a prayer/ministry pastor on Thursday at an appointment made today. She seemed interested in talking about this aspect with me ..about what happened, and about another aspect and that is my own ministry. It seems that I have no idea what God wants of me . or how to follow his path.. From everything that has happened between Nicole and I .. it appears that God's Will is that she and I be together, but right now I am lost.. confused. I can see what you are saying ..but He could have made it clearer if that was not his intention. I am ready to die, I have made my peace with God, mostly. He could take me now and I know where i am going. It is not to hell. This I know.. from the peace that happened at the healing ..from the knowing I got when he healed me. This of course is if it is not suicide, which I came close to doing on Friday Night. Jenna talked me out of it
Blackwolf, I notice you are feeling sad, that is understandable. Just remember that the only person who knows the future is God, so He is the only one who knows who your wife is and when it will be. All you can do between now and then is prepare yourself to be that person, which means to devote your life to Jesus (gain your baptism and do what He tells you). Then you will have the complete joy that He has promised you. I am reminded of the verses which say God is in control. It reminds me that this world belongs to God and not us. These are the verses I am thinking of:
You should be delighted by these verses to know that God has selected you to be a part of His household forever. I know that letting go of something you love in the world is a difficult process, no doubt about it, we have all had to lose something we love about the world. But since you have already placed your hope in Jesus He has got you in His grip and even now is working on shaping you as the potter shapes the clay. I can tell by your humble nature that you are going to shape up a very beautiful piece of work. Hang in there my brother! It only hurts for a little bit of time.
You may be wondering why you would want to lose what you love in life in order to be Christian. That is fair. I think these verses summarize our calling:
See what you have to do? You have to become that vessel of gold, the vessel which will bring honor to Jesus our Lord and will rescue those of our brethren who have fallen victim in the snare of the devil. We need to help each other to grow in truth! I hope you can move beyond your sadness and lift your chin up, stand tall and blossom into that beautiful black wolf that I see in you
I need him to make a move within my church to enable me to be baptized now. The feeling i am having, the knowing, is that nothing else can happen ... either between myself and Nicole or someone else, if I dont get baptized .. that is what He is waiting for .. to move on me after I get baptized not before Its strange this feeling that something is going to happen for me when I get baptized.. like knowing the present exists without seeing it There is a strong anticipation within me that will only be fulfilled when Iget baptized. I dont know what it is .. it would be nice if it was a partner.. but I am not sure on this. I have asked and been given a tentative yes to that .. with Nicole, but not holding my breath there.. I want to trust him more. I do. I thought I had I lost some of my trust when Nicole left and yet I am trusting Him to do what is right in my life, no matter what it is.. or who he brings. I love Nicole, but i LOVE God more. This realisation has only appeared over the last three days. I know I am growing more in faith, but sometimes it doesnt feel like it. I know that my trust in God is growing but again sometimes it just isnt there. I know that I am getting closer but it saeems that he is further away at times.. This morning for instance Ihad the distinct feeling I was being abandoned by God but I know that wont happen.. I am hurting so much. I am so confused by my emotions that I am lost with God ..but at the same time I know he is holding me .. but what I really need is human contact in that way. The human me is crying out for it .. The spiritual me has it already.. with God. Your words are full of wisdom .. do you know? You have helped me so much. I have possibly got Borderline Personality Disorder.. but I cant get to a psych to get it diagnosed. I do have medically diagnosed Major Depression with Suicidal Tendencies and Anxiety Disorder wow what a mouthful. I am not on meds now because with them I cant go to University. I wantmy Law degree ..once Ihave that I will go back on to the meds despite what my doctor say. He thinks depression doesnt exist and I cant change doc's because the surgery is too busy .. and i am not willing to change surgeries again .. 3 month wait to see someone if I do that. that is my major problem.. loneliness... God brought me someone and took her away ( it seems to me anyway .. he most likely didnt as she is not walking in His Will right now). One thing you may have niticed ..as I just have is that I can be extremely emotional and then extremely rational within seconds.. this I hate .. I would rather be just rational. No pain .. no doubts .. no depression .. no suffering. I would have no trouble doing a mission in those places where people get beaten up and killed in trying to get the Word of Christ and His message through to the people. But then that is just part of the suicidal aspect .. my death wish i suppose the other aspect is that I want to get the word out ..doing a mission would be good Oh My God .. that only just occurred to me to be honest .. a mission would be good Scary too
I have discussed this with other Christians, whether we are saved by baptism or whether we are saved by faith. The thief on the cross is always a good example that Jesus saves us who are repentant. There is another passage in the bible that says Abraham was justified by faith before he was circumcised:wow.. u typed that while I was typing my other reply. Saw it after i posted. I want to move beyond my sadness, i want to be baptized. I have a real need for that to be honest.. it is so strong that I want it now! I have asked God to move in that direction, to allow it to happen before December, which is the earliest that I can see it happening. I cant wait for it .. lol. impatience ..haha bad me. The last two days when I have asked him what I can do for him he says "Get Baptized" and it is getting stronger. The wait message is still there .. but that is to do with Nicole..I think unless he makes her move in some way that I will be waiting all my life for her
So although your baptism may be a vividly spiritual experience, it is your faith that you have already that is your mark of salvation. I think for you the most valuable part of all this will be the education that your church is going to give you, you will become a strong priest if you continue to allow Jesus to work in your life cutting loose all temptations that would get in the way. First things first remember, seek the kingdom of God and His righteousness all the rest will be added (Nicole could come to her senses any day, just don't be a groveler, I don't think she would like that too much). You said that God can't be blackmailed, that is true. He is even prepared to die for the cause of truth, that is proven. It doesn't mean that He saved your life just so you could marry Nicole, I think He has a greater purpose for you. Remember what Jesus said Peter and Andrew "I will make you fishers of men". That is who you will be when you devote your life to "seek first the kingdom of God".
hehe again writing at the same time.. nice
I agree that I am rich and lucky to live in Australia... oh what a wonderful country we have if u are not aboriginal. This place is beautiful and is like a paradise compared to most countries in the world.. I do thank God for this .. to have been born here and not anywhere else.. despite the pain i feel constantly. I am just so lonely
I'm glad to see that you can be happy while being sad. It is important to remain positive, and since you know your medical conditions, you need to stay observant of your thoughts. When you get stuck in a negative state of mind, call someone. I'm sure that Australia has some sort of toll free counselor phone number, I know that when I was 17 I almost shot my head off and they helped me pull myself together.
