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[mamaneenie]

Hi, I am feeling a little flat lately. I am a SAHM with a 2yo son. I love being at home with my son and do not want to go to work, my husband doesn't want me to go to work either. My question is about finances. My husband has asked me to do a budget of what I am spending and wants me to be accountable for the money he is giving me. I find that I am resenting that. I am really having a hard time with that. It is not like I am a wasteful person either. I try to find bargains in the supermarket and buy a lot of our clothes and my sons toys second hand. I understand why he is asking me to do this and I can see his point of view. I am not sure why I resent it because it seems reasonable to me. I do sometimes have trouble with the whole submission to your husband thing. What is that exactly? I know my husband loves my son and I very much and I do want to bless him and do what makes him happy. ALso, my husband has been saying if I am interested he would pay for me to do an accounting course and then I can take care of the family budget if I wanted to. I am a bit scared of that because maths isn't my strong subject. However, I am finding that being away from work for over 2 years now, my brain seems to be going to mush. I have been praying about this course. I feel God is saying no.

Also, I am having little motivation to keep a quiet time. God has been convicting me of that lately. Any ideas as to how I can get started with a quiet time again?

 

[Follower of Christ]

Hi, I am feeling a little flat lately. I am a SAHM with a 2yo son. I love being at home with my son and do not want to go to work, my husband doesn't want me to go to work either. My question is about finances. My husband has asked me to do a budget of what I am spending and wants me to be accountable for the money he is giving me. I find that I am resenting that. I am really having a hard time with that. It is not like I am a wasteful person either. I try to find bargains in the supermarket and buy a lot of our clothes and my sons toys second hand. I understand why he is asking me to do this and I can see his point of view. I am not sure why I resent it because it seems reasonable to me. I do sometimes have trouble with the whole submission to your husband thing. What is that exactly? I know my husband loves my son and I very much and I do want to bless him and do what makes him happy. ALso, my husband has been saying if I am interested he would pay for me to do an accounting course and then I can take care of the family budget if I wanted to. I am a bit scared of that because maths isn't my strong subject. However, I am finding that being away from work for over 2 years now, my brain seems to be going to mush. I have been praying about this course. I feel God is saying no.

Also, I am having little motivation to keep a quiet time. God has been convicting me of that lately. Any ideas as to how I can get started with a quiet time again?

Id say your answer lies in your husbands motivations.
Where does he feel the problem may be.

I know that i could not trust my soon to be ex-wife with money at all.

I asked her a couple times to keep track of her spending not for the budgets sake but simply so she could see the waste she had.

Im sure this is not the case with you tho, as you seem to be very sincere about this.

Is your huband a good provider?
Not does he make lots of money, but does he do whatever it takes to keep up with everything?

If he is then I think maybe his request is more that he may be worried about bills and such.

I made over $30,000 a year up till two years ago when this disease i had put me on pretty much permanent disabilty.

Ive had to learn to live on minimums and necessities and I understand now how a man whose trying to provide can feel when things are tight.

Your husband may be looking at your household budget and maybe getting a bit nervous and in turn taking it up in a manner that may not be the best way.

Work with him, ask him exactly what it is he is concerned with.
If he wants to see where the money is going then try to show him.
When he sees how thrifty you are, he'll probably be fine.

Above all, dont let it cause you two to argue. Finances can wreck a marriage.

 

[Koop]

It sounds like you know the situation well. My only guess as to why you are resenting the idea (even though you think it's a good one) is that he is asking you to do it. Not that i'm super experienced in relationships or anything, but i've found if i ask a woman her point of view on something and see if she thinks it's a good idea. We come to an agreement together on it. When one person asks the other to do something without consulting the other person first it can be very agrivating. Wives should subit to their husbands, but husbands should respect and listen to their wives.

 

[mamaneenie]

Id say your answer lies in your husbands motivations.
Where does he feel the problem may be.

I know that i could not trust my soon to be ex-wife with money at all.

I asked her a couple times to keep track of her spending not for the budgets sake but simply so she could see the waste she had.

Im sure this is not the case with you tho, as you seem to be very sincere about this.

Is your huband a good provider?
Not does he make lots of money, but does he do whatever it takes to keep up with everything?

If he is then I think maybe his request is more that he may be worried about bills and such.

I made over $30,000 a year up till two years ago when this disease i had put me on pretty much permanent disabilty.

Ive had to learn to live on minimums and necessities and I understand now how a man whose trying to provide can feel when things are tight.

Your husband may be looking at your household budget and maybe getting a bit nervous and in turn taking it up in a manner that may not be the best way.

Work with him, ask him exactly what it is he is concerned with.
If he wants to see where the money is going then try to show him.
When he sees how thrifty you are, he'll probably be fine.

Above all, dont let it cause you two to argue. Finances can wreck a marriage.

Thanks for your input. My husband has been out of work for a long time. THis is his first "break" so to speak. So we have never been in a better financial position. I think he just wants to hand over the budget to me because he doesn't want to do it. I think it is because he has felt the pressure of handling money (when we didn't have any) we have had some big medical expenses and things like that. It was the grace of God that we had a roof over our head and food in our belly. I know it was the grace of God, because by rights we would be bankrupt, but aren't.

The funny thing is I know I should be happy my husband has a decent job, he is bringing in over $50,000 a year, which is great (sometimes it comes at a cost to our family life though) We prayed for over 2 years for it.

I also think he is aware I am feeling a lack of brain function (no joke, I think I am dropping IQ points every day and it is not funny) and wants to hand the budget to me. Maths is my worst subject, I really am so hopeless.

Also, I had bad PND after Daniel was born, I was a mess, emotionally and physically, I didn't want to know the state of our finances, I just knew they were bad and if things didn't get better we were going to declare bankruptcy. We were also homeless too. I think it is only the past 6 - 12 months that I have been able to handle anything really. My son has just had his second birthday.

TO answer your question "Is my husband a good provider" I beleive that yes, he is. I know he would lay his life down for Daniel and I, we come first in everything he does.

 

[Follower of Christ]

Thanks for your input. My husband has been out of work for a long time. THis is his first "break" so to speak. So we have never been in a better financial position. I think he just wants to hand over the budget to me because he doesn't want to do it. I think it is because he has felt the pressure of handling money (when we didn't have any) we have had some big medical expenses and things like that. It was the grace of God that we had a roof over our head and food in our belly. I know it was the grace of God, because by rights we would be bankrupt, but aren't.

The funny thing is I know I should be happy my husband has a decent job, he is bringing in over $50,000 a year, which is great (sometimes it comes at a cost to our family life though) We prayed for over 2 years for it.

I also think he is aware I am feeling a lack of brain function (no joke, I think I am dropping IQ points every day and it is not funny) and wants to hand the budget to me. Maths is my worst subject, I really am so hopeless.

Also, I had bad PND after Daniel was born, I was a mess, emotionally and physically, I didn't want to know the state of our finances, I just knew they were bad and if things didn't get better we were going to declare bankruptcy. We were also homeless too. I think it is only the past 6 - 12 months that I have been able to handle anything really. My son has just had his second birthday.

TO answer your question "Is my husband a good provider" I beleive that yes, he is. I know he would lay his life down for Daniel and I, we come first in everything he does.

hello again.

In my life personally (this is MY way of doing things), I dont believe in laying financial worries on the wife if children are being taken care of.
If you were say being a housewife and had no children, then that would be different.

There are 2 reasons I feel this way; children a a lot of responsibilty 24 hours a day for a woman till they are older.
and secondly, being the bread winner, I was in the position to control what I made and what went out and how things were paid.

The couple times I tried to let my spouse handle the budget nothing but chaos came thru it.

Now it might be different for you folks.
But if you honestly do not desire to do it and feel confident that you cant, Id try talking with your husband and see if maybe having someone else may be a better idea.

Im sure you probably can even find some inexpensive software that may do msot of the work for you.

william

 

[Crazy Liz]

I'm prayig for you & will post more later if/when I feel God has given me any kind of message or help for you.

 

[Yitzchak]

Also, I am having little motivation to keep a quiet time. God has been convicting me of that lately. Any ideas as to how I can get started with a quiet time again?

My suggestion is to take a portion of scripture to meditate on and study each week. Weekly will work much better than daily since your schedule will be unpredictable as a SAHM. Some weeks you may get through your passage several times and other weeks only once. If you make the portion a reasonable length than make it you goal to at least read it through once that week you will have somwthing you can stick with.

 

[goodgirl]

Mamameenie, do you think you are resenting your husband, or having to keep track of expenses, or are you resenting money pressures in general? I know sometimes I used to get just ticked off that I was ALWAYS having to worry about money.. and then sometimes I was ticked that in addition to having to worry and to work so hard, I also had to keep THINKING about it, in the form of doing math (at which I, too, am an idiot) and keeping track of receipts. And sometimes I'd just blame whoever was handy.

Think about what exactly you're resenting. If it's not having enough money for too long, then perhaps doing the budget will give you a feeling of control that will be helpful. But if you resent having to constantly think about money, DON'T do it or you'll be a mental case!

My gut feeling on the accounting class is that it would a waste of money. As long as you can balance the checkbook (simple addition and subtraction -- oh yeah, and tons of discipline ) that's all the accounting you need for now. Save your money for something more useful -- like a couple's massage! And for your brain, check the paper for free workshops in whatever interests you... writing workshops, or even Home Depot gives demonstrations on fix-it stuff. Failing that, you're a good writer, you could maybe volunteer to write articles, like find a charity and offer to do an article on some event they have coming up -- you get a day or night out (with adults!!), and get published too.

 

[mamaneenie]

I have been thinking more about this. What I resent is the fact that I don't have my own money. I cannot stand sitting here twiddling my thumbs while someone else brings home the bacon. Grrrrr. I think I will just have to get used to it. Every time I have tried to do something to earn cash (while working at home) God has said no to me. There is no way I will leave my son with someone else to take care of him. That may work for some people but I could never do it. I am starting to pray about what exactly is bothering me and some issues have been rising to the surface. I do not like to be told what to do either. I am the eldest of 5 children and usually the one who leads others. I think God is teaching me to trust him and learn to give and take with other people.


Good girl, I have thought about a creative writing course so many times. I used to write poetry and have won a comp or two. At the moment I feel a lack of inspiration. God has told me it is the season I am in, and he will bring out my creative abilities again in a few years.

 

[goodgirl]

mamameenie, well for what it's worth I have noticed you're a good writer so that's why I mentioned it. Maybe a form of quiet time could be taking some time each day to just write down whatever is on your mind, just a big mental burp containing whatever strange metaphors or wording or grammar your brain expels. if nothing else, maybe it'll get some emotions off your chest!

 

[mamaneenie]

Thank you, I had a prophesy a few years ago, that I was going to write books. How cool would that be. It is actually a dream of mine to write and illustrate children's books.