I am guy. I can’t like women and am lonely/Aspergers? Help please

[pantingdeer]

I stopped being attracted to women 5 years ago seemingly overnight (I 21 now) and now my life is bad since. I get sad every time I appreciate a good looking person who isn't a woman my age. I don't think I'm gay but I have fear of it because others think I am. I also get sad when I see the women I know that I would have liked but who I now feel nothing for - before I used to get “butterflies in stomach” and get feelings and “crushes” on people. I haven’t had a crush on anyone in 5 years.
I would prefer to like women but god does not grant this wish of mine even though I ask him for 5 years. Instead I am depressed as I've no friends or people who care about me and no girl like me.
I don’t know what it is about me but I feel different to everyone else. I can’t do small talk and I can’t make interesting conversation and I find it hard to look at people and instigate a conversation. Often I’m waiting for someone to say hello to me and when they don’t I immediately think that they think I’m rude and that they don’t like me. I find making friends very difficult - I don’t have any. It dawned on me that I may have Aspergers. I have little social skills and people think I’m odd but I do a degree in maths university.
I have a little cousin of different nationality to me who is 14. I think she is a cute thing with her mannerisms and Spanish accent. Why can't god let me have a cute wife my own age who is like my cousin but not my cousin for obvious reason. My cousin is one of the few people in the world who actually likes me and she is kind to me and is endearing but I need friends my own age as I have none. Even my dad made fun of me for having no friends and taunted me while at school for being alone.
Actually on second thought, even if God gave me a wife it would be a disaster as I wouldn’t have feelings for the person as I don’t get aroused/feel attraction anymore and I don’t have any empathy for other people for some reason - I didn’t get upset at all when my Grandpa died however I was sad when my guinea pig died.
On a side note, is marrying cousins allowed? I don’t want to marry my cousin but it is interesting question.

I don’t people realise how demoralising it is to be 21 and to never had a girlfriend or to be interested in a girlfriend or to have never even had a girl who is interested in me

 

[Al Touthentop]

I stopped being attracted to women 5 year ago (I 21 now) and now my life is bad since. I get sad every time I appreciate a good looking person who isn't a woman my age. I don't think I'm gay but I have fear of it because others think I am. I also get sad when I see the women I know that I would have liked but who I now feel nothing for - before I used to get “butterflies in stomach” and get feelings and “crushes” on people. I haven’t had a crush on anyone in 5 years.
I would prefer to like women but god does not grant this wish of mine even though I ask him for 5 years. Instead I am depressed as I've no friends or people who care about me and no girl like me.
I don’t know what it is about me but I feel different to everyone else.

What you're describing are thinking errors. None of us are unique in the sense that our own thoughts are so different than the thoughts of other people. We are unique as individuals, but people think the same sorts of thoughts all the time and sometimes they use their belief in their own uniqueness to justify behaviors that aren't healthy.

That you haven't had a crush on a woman for a long time may be evidence of your maturity, not homosexuality.

You may have moved past the immature way of immediately viewing women as potential mates at first sight and have a more mature realization that such feelings don't come by sight alone but by friendship and knowledge of who a person is.

You may want to rejoice that you are growing up instead of viewing this more healthy behavior as if it is something that's wrong about you. Could be that God has granted your prayer and you aren't even aware of it.

 

[solid_core]

I know couples that have 20 years difference between them.

So I do not see any necessity for you to find a girl exactly of your age. If you will be 40, you can still find a 20 years old girl.

So you have plenty of time to look for the right one. No need to be depressed by it right now, you have life in front of you.

 

[pantingdeer]

I know couples that have 20 years difference between them.

So I do not see any necessity for you to find a girl exactly of your age. If you will be 40, you can still find a 20 years old girl.

So you have plenty of time to look for the right one. No need to be depressed by it right now, you have life in front of you.

What you're describing are thinking errors. None of us are unique in the sense that our own thoughts are so different than the thoughts of other people. We are unique as individuals, but people think the same sorts of thoughts all the time and sometimes they use their belief in their own uniqueness to justify behaviors that aren't healthy.

That you haven't had a crush on a woman for a long time may be evidence of your maturity, not homosexuality.

You may have moved past the immature way of immediately viewing women as potential mates at first sight and have a more mature realization that such feelings don't come by sight alone but by friendship and knowledge of who a person is.

You may want to rejoice that you are growing up instead of viewing this more healthy behavior as if it is something that's wrong about you. Could be that God has granted your prayer and you aren't even aware of it.

What you're describing are thinking errors. None of us are unique in the sense that our own thoughts are so different than the thoughts of other people. We are unique as individuals, but people think the same sorts of thoughts all the time and sometimes they use their belief in their own uniqueness to justify behaviors that aren't healthy.

That you haven't had a crush on a woman for a long time may be evidence of your maturity, not homosexuality.

You may have moved past the immature way of immediately viewing women as potential mates at first sight and have a more mature realization that such feelings don't come by sight alone but by friendship and knowledge of who a person is.

You may want to rejoice that you are growing up instead of viewing this more healthy behavior as if it is something that's wrong about you. Could be that God has granted your prayer and you aren't even aware of it.

My feelings for women were very high then they just seemed to reduce very quickly over a short time like 7 days. They never came back and now I’m sad as I can never approach a girl as I don’t have strong feelings even though I would’ve been very attracted to her in the past. I also can’t approach her because I wouldn’t be able to please her and because I’m not good enough for her.

 

[SkyWriting]

I stopped being attracted to women 5 years ago seemingly overnight (I 21 now) and now my life is bad since. I get sad every time I appreciate a good looking person who isn't a woman my age. I don't think I'm gay but I have fear of it because others think I am. I also get sad when I see the women I know that I would have liked but who I now feel nothing for - before I used to get “butterflies in stomach” and get feelings and “crushes” on people. I haven’t had a crush on anyone in 5 years.
I would prefer to like women but god does not grant this wish of mine even though I ask him for 5 years. Instead I am depressed as I've no friends or people who care about me and no girl like me.
I don’t know what it is about me but I feel different to everyone else. I can’t do small talk and I can’t make interesting conversation and I find it hard to look at people and instigate a conversation. Often I’m waiting for someone to say hello to me and when they don’t I immediately think that they think I’m rude and that they don’t like me. I find making friends very difficult - I don’t have any. It dawned on me that I may have Aspergers. I have little social skills and people think I’m odd but I do a degree in maths university.
I have a little cousin of different nationality to me who is 14. I think she is a cute thing with her mannerisms and Spanish accent. Why can't god let me have a cute wife my own age who is like my cousin but not my cousin for obvious reason. My cousin is one of the few people in the world who actually likes me and she is kind to me and is endearing but I need friends my own age as I have none. Even my dad made fun of me for having no friends and taunted me while at school for being alone.
Actually on second thought, even if God gave me a wife it would be a disaster as I wouldn’t have feelings for the person as I don’t get aroused/feel attraction anymore and I don’t have any empathy for other people for some reason - I didn’t get upset at all when my Grandpa died however I was sad when my guinea pig died.
On a side note, is marrying cousins allowed? I don’t want to marry my cousin but it is interesting question.

I don’t people realise how demoralising it is to be 21 and to never had a girlfriend or to be interested in a girlfriend or to have never even had a girl who is interested in me

You need to make a habit of change and to be caring and concerned for others regardless of their age or gender.

This is the solution to all your problems. Start with one thought of care and concern and friendship per hour. Just 10 seconds of appreciation per hour.

After a week you will know you are a kind person thanks to your practice.
You will have formed the habit of being a friend even before you have one.

 

[ReesePiece23]

Sounds like you care too much about what others think - well, don't. Because ultimately, their opinions have nothing to do with you. There's no 'slot' in society to fit into, because you ALREADY belong. We all do.

You just don't know how to make yourself happy. My advice is to consume yourself with what you're passionate about and work very very hard on it. Do NOT waste any more of your life worrying about things that ultimately don't concern you. Travel, tighten up on your overall social skills, force yourself into challenging situations, take your hobbies to exospheric levels and indulge your own uniqueness - because you and your quirks absolutely belong here.

Trust me, I'm AS too - I know what I'm talking about. The absolute worst thing you can do is sit on the outside looking into this 'mystical snow-globe' we call neurotypical life - because it's all an illusion. You're in, you have a purpose - the world is just waiting for you.

 

[Al Touthentop]

My feelings for women were very high then they just seemed to reduce very quickly over a short time like 7 days. They never came back and now I’m sad as I can never approach a girl as I don’t have strong feelings even though I would’ve been very attracted to her in the past. I also can’t approach her because I wouldn’t be able to please her and because I’m not good enough for her.

This is just evidence that you have a very low opinion of yourself. That's common, not unique. Only you can fix this problem by changing your thinking. But, you might need the help of a professional therapist. I would recommend it.

 

[solid_core]

My feelings for women were very high then they just seemed to reduce very quickly over a short time like 7 days. They never came back and now I’m sad as I can never approach a girl as I don’t have strong feelings even though I would’ve been very attracted to her in the past. I also can’t approach her because I wouldn’t be able to please her and because I’m not good enough for her.

It can have many causes, hormonal, mental, medical... Let it be, try to be healthy and without stress and it will probably return again. If not, you can consult some doctor. In your case, it seems to be rather psychological.

 

[pantingdeer]

Sounds like you care too much about what others think - well, don't. Because ultimately, their opinions have nothing to do with you. There's no 'slot' in society to fit into, because you ALREADY belong. We all do.

You just don't know how to make yourself happy. My advice is to consume yourself with what you're passionate about and work very very hard on it. Do NOT waste any more of your life worrying about things that ultimately don't concern you. Travel, tighten up on your overall social skills, force yourself into challenging situations, take your hobbies to exospheric levels and indulge your own uniqueness - because you and your quirks absolutely belong here.

Trust me, I'm AS too - I know what I'm talking about. The absolute worst thing you can do is sit on the outside looking into this 'mystical snow-globe' we call neurotypical life - because it's all an illusion. You're in, you have a purpose - the world is just waiting for you.

Thank you for the motivation but I don’t have any passions.

 

[pantingdeer]

It can have many causes, hormonal, mental, medical... Let it be, try to be healthy and without stress and it will probably return again. If not, you can consult some doctor.

It’s been 5 years?

 

[NBB]

You still like women because you talk about it...
Wait to start a relationship before you say you don't feel 'butterflies' anymore. Like other users said maybe you matured a bit.
I have very bad social skills also, its the main problem of being autistic, i'm pretty sure i hava autism also.

 

[solid_core]

It’s been 5 years?

You are young. Let it be and live. No need to be worried by it, it may actually make your life much more easier. Most women are just problems.

 

[pantingdeer]

You still like women because you talk about it...
Wait to start a relationship before you say you don't feel 'butterflies' anymore. Like other users said maybe you matured a bit.
I have very bad social skills also, its the main problem of being autistic, i'm pretty sure i hava autism also.

I wish to like women. I like nobody basically.

 

[NBB]

I wish to like women. I like nobody basically.

Lets say a pretty girl does some 'advances' on you, nothing too provocative, just normal things, you would reject her because you don't like women? or be interested?

 

[pantingdeer]

Lets say a pretty girl does some 'advances' on you, nothing too provocative, just normal things, you would reject her because you don't like women? or be interested?

Obviously that’d be nice but I couldn’t actually go out for her. I wouldn’t be a very good partner would I?

 

[NBB]

Obviously that’d be nice but I couldn’t actually go out for her. I wouldn’t be a very good partner would I?

I guess everyone can find someone, but with autism is harder yes.
But you LIKE women. Just maybe you are now less sensitive to them or something?

 

[pantingdeer]

I guess everyone can find someone, but with autism is harder yes.
But you LIKE women. Just maybe you are now less sensitive to them or something?

When I see attractive women who I know I would have liked before this happened, I don’t feel anything. I don’t get crushes on people anymore.

 

[Hank77]

It’s been 5 years?

Please see a doctor for a physical exam and tell him everything. When hormone levels are not what they should be it can cause all kinds of problems including psychological ones such as depression, mood swings, lack of sexual desire, etc.
I think that is the place to start and of coarse pray and thank God for His blessings. God does work through doctors of all kinds.
God bless you and keep you.

 

[pantingdeer]

Please see a doctor for a physical exam and tell him everything. When hormone levels are not what they should be it can cause all kinds of problems including psychological ones such as depression, mood swings, lack of sexual desire, etc.
I think that is the place to start and of coarse pray and thank God for His blessings. God does work through doctors of all kinds.
God bless you and keep you.

I can’t see a doctor. I feel ashamed and embarrassed. I think God could heal me.

 

[Hank77]

I can’t see a doctor. I feel ashamed and embarrassed. I think God could heal me.

Only God can heal, your life is in His hands, so whether He heals you directly or if He uses doctors, it is always Him who is healing.

Shame and embarrassment are symptoms of pride, don't let pride rob you of a blessing.

In the words of Billy Graham:

Be thankful for those to whom God in His grace has given great skill, no matter what they do or what they believe (or disbelieve). Pray for them also, that they may realize that everything they have and everything they are able to do comes from God’s hands. Above all, pray that you and your husband will use the rest of your lives to help others and point them to Jesus Christ.

God Works Through Doctors to Bring Healing