I am emotionally numb, afraid of becoming a psychopath or sociopath

[Job405]

I was a very emotional child in my younger years, at least that's what my mom tells me, I have very few memories of those times. But after my parents divorce and school bullying my heart became hardened, and I became emotionally numb.

When I came to Christ in spring 2019 I remember the first time I cried since middle school. I just heard the beauty in the Hymn of Cherubim and it brought me to tears. I think this was also the first time I cried in that way, tears of joy or tears for beauty. I think this was the Holy Spirits work.

But then in October 2019, I tested the Holy Spirit and had a terrifying experience. I thought I had lost the Holy Spirit and tried to commit suicide twice, however as you can tell by me being here those attempts failed. God wasn't done with me yet.

Now I became emotionally numb again, untill maybe around May 2020. The Holy Spirit allowed me to cry tears of joy again for a while. But since then I've had blasphemous thoughts going on for months and now I am emotionally numb again. I cannot feel the Spirit that much anymore.

I don't want to become a psychopath or sociopath, but it feels I am regressing in that direction. Just felt the need to vent this. I don't know if there's anything anyone can do to help, except God, if He grants me that mercy.

 

[Lost4words]

Depression, anxiety etc. Extremely difficult to live with. I know, as i suffer both. Can be debilitating.

Look, God also gave us doctors. If you haven't already sought one for advice then i would recommend you do. I did, 17 years or more ago. God gives us help in all different ways my friend. He guides us softly with love.

Ask God to guide you. Offer up your sufferings to God. Lay them at His feet. I do. Daily. Never give up on God.

Its not easy living with these issues but, you have to truly believe that as you are carrying your heavy cross, Jesus is indeed carrying you my friend!

God bless and protect you. May He lay his loving, healing hands on you.

 

[Contrite Spirit]

Do not base your faith and trust in Jesus Christ to "feelings." We all feel the waxing and waning of the Holy Spirit, but be assured, the Bible promises that once you have allowed the Holy Spirit into your heart, he will not depart.

"My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all; no one can snatch them out of my Father’s hand." -- John 10:29

"All those the Father gives me will come to me, and whoever comes to me I will never drive away." --John 6:37

"Draw near to God and He will draw near to you."
--James 4:8

We all sometimes feel that we dwell more in darkness than in light, but immerse yourself in His Word and you will be assured. There is no danger of you "becoming" a sociopath. The very fact that you struggle with your feelings shows that you do have feelings, something that psychopaths/sociopaths must dig deep to develop.

I don't know if this helps, but it pains me to see anyone who has been saved fall into doubt because of transient events and emotions. Plant your feet firmly on the rock and weather the storms.

 

[Richard Mulcahy]

I was a very emotional child in my younger years, at least that's what my mom tells me, I have very few memories of those times. But after my parents divorce and school bullying my heart became hardened, and I became emotionally numb.

When I came to Christ in spring 2019 I remember the first time I cried since middle school. I just heard the beauty in the Hymn of Cherubim and it brought me to tears. I think this was also the first time I cried in that way, tears of joy or tears for beauty. I think this was the Holy Spirits work.

But then in October 2019, I tested the Holy Spirit and had a terrifying experience. I thought I had lost the Holy Spirit and tried to commit suicide twice, however as you can tell by me being here those attempts failed. God wasn't done with me yet.

Now I became emotionally numb again, untill maybe around May 2020. The Holy Spirit allowed me to cry tears of joy again for a while. But since then I've had blasphemous thoughts going on for months and now I am emotionally numb again. I cannot feel the Spirit that much anymore.

I don't want to become a psychopath or sociopath, but it feels I am regressing in that direction. Just felt the need to vent this. I don't know if there's anything anyone can do to help, except God, if He grants me that mercy.

Hi
I too have walked a long and winding road. Sometimes we just need to weather the storms.
Here's a powerful prayer for you. I say it often.
God bless...

 

[splish- splash]

May the Lord amplify the spirit of worship that"s inside of you... Be more of a worshipper everyday in your numbness. Remind satan that, God is bigger than your situation by acknowledging Him in your daily life.

 

[Jeshu]

Now I became emotionally numb again, untill maybe around May 2020. The Holy Spirit allowed me to cry tears of joy again for a while. But since then I've had blasphemous thoughts going on for months and now I am emotionally numb again. I cannot feel the Spirit that much anymore.

Dear brother one big mistake you make in all of this is measuring your mood as to how well your standing with God is. A lot of believers make this mistake. Do understand that God is NOT a feeling in our heart, when we feel bad then we should not think God has left us or does not care about us neither should we think God is pleased because we feel happy. Honest i used to do that and my life was a mess then as well.

The emotional numbness you are feeling is called depression and is more than likely the result of a mental illness you are suffering from. Do go a doctor and explain what has been happening to you and she what the diagnoses is. There are medications which may help you with these depressive feelings.

i advise you to seek out a good Christian counsellor, who can help you on the path way of faith. Are you part of a Church? Do you see Christian people in your daily life? If not seek out a good Christian bible believing Church to support you. Take your time finding one, for you want to make sure they are loving Christian and not judging ones.

About the H.S. The H.S is gifted to all those who have put their faith in the Lord Jesus and have called upon His name to be saved.

You have done that so this means that you are a child of The Lord, sick and all, and He can and will be able to help you get through this. Honest there is no one as capable helping us with the negative feelings and thoughts mental illness brings our way.

It is about keeping faith in God's love. Do you believe that Jesus has called you to be His Child? If you do then you are actively using your faith.

So make sure that you operate out of your faith in God for then His love will come to live in your heart and then you are safe, even from your mental illness.

The more you put your faith in God's love, the more hope for better will live in you. It is about growing in love with God. The more you love God the more He will live in you.

Now it is about living with our whole heart in His love, both the good and the bad that is dwelling in you needs to be washed by His blood and come to live in His love. This growing in His love we do when we actively love God at all times in our hearts.

i want to encourage you to never believe that the HS leaves you when you mess up, He simply isn't like that, for He loves you and will seek you out time and again. To build you into God's truth is His job and He does that in love.

Blessings