I am blessed with Asperger's Syndrome

[Japher]

I was first diagnoed with that 3 years ago....I`m a writer and am going to college to prgramm games...I`m an excellent writer...

 

[ContraMundum]

There's quite a few of us on this forum now.....wonder how many?

 

[ConstantlySearching]

Hi,
I am a 34 year old female who was recently diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome this past June (2005). Since then I have found a whole new found freedom. Ever since I can remember I have struggled with stuff that my gifts and talents have hidden from everyone including myself. For example, I have always have this unnerving need to be held non-stop...this was not an emotional need but rather a physical one. I couldn't find a way to tell anyone in a way that they actually understood. I was accused of being too needy, and emotionally "unstable" and similar ideas. I was afraid someone would look at my parents and accuse them of not loving me enough...when I knew all too well they did...I just seemed to need more than the average kid. I even used to cry myself to sleep because of it. Now I own a weighted blanket and that urge has subsided. After about three nights of using the blanket, I slept a full eight hours with only waking up once for the first time in about 15 years or more.

The other thing that had freed me...is my inability to say things sometimes. I have very prolific vocabulary and appear to have no speech problems whatsoever...I have been accuse of being shy and reserved my entire life. What people don't comprehend (a few are just now starting to understand) is that there are times that I just can say anything. I have told people in the past about it...and the comment I have always gotten is "Oh I have trouble figuring out what to say too." They totally missed it. I can hear and see my words in my head...they just won't come out of my mouth...some sort of short circut or something. So I simply appear quiet...when inside...I am the biggest motor mouth you ever met. Hence my tendency for extensive writings.

Since my diagnosis...I have found it to be a calling of mine to share with others about autism and what things are like...I feel lead to speak for those that can't speak for themselves. (Note: my "speaking" is generally written). I have already gotten my first Article published in the local Parent Support Group Newsletter. And they have asked for more.

So if those of you who have questions about what it is like to have Autism/Asperger's Syndrome or just need some ideas please don't hesitate to ask...the Autistic Spectrum Difficulties range tremendously so I may not have answers for everything...but I just might have an answer to some. I am particularly aware of the sensory difficulties that I share with my fellow Aspie's and Auti's.

Wow, Tad (I hope you don't mind if I call you that. ). That's so well-put. I just wish that I could have the optimism that you have about AS. I tend to think of it as a curse, and I wish that I could just stop existing, since I keep failing at whatever I try. But I'm glad that you've got a handle on your life...good for you!

 

[Sugar Plum]

My parents,and I do believe that I have Aspergers Syndrome because all of the symptoms for it like fit me perfectly,besides that I was misdiagnosed with autism by a psychiatrist in my early 20's,and back then my parents would treat me badly by calling me names,and stuff not something I want to get in to,I found out about AS before my daddy did,and when he told me that he thought I had it I told him that I knew about it,and that I thought the samething. The one good thing about one of my online enemies was my finding out about AS.
It helped me to understand a lot about my social behaviour,how there are times I can't think of a thing to say,and have to have conversation starters to give me something to talk about,or sometimes my friends have to do most of the talking on the phone because I can't think of a thing to say,and why I have to do a lot of my talking in letters why I prefer it that way,and online instead of on the phone,and offline. I also belive now that I wasn't truly shy,and quiet growing up,and just grew out of it,I was never really shy just quiet because I had difficulty talking to people,and as I grew up I just became more talkative but still had trouble because I'm still know as the quiet person when you get to know me you know I'm a talkative person not a quiet one. I know that mine is a big part of my personality.

I was like in boring Special Ed in school didn't get boring until high school only certain subjects reading,english,and spelling my best subjects do to being to easy for me,I've learned more at ILC (Independant Living Center) than in school. I love to learn.

I'm in the Special Education Sunday School class at church because for now it is still what I need regardless of how smart I am,I maybe the smartest one in there next to my favorite cousin but I enjoy it still been in it for over 8 years now.

I do sometimes wonder if my tendancy to type up my mind in my posts has anything to do with it.

 

[RedTulipMom]

Hey you guys,
I wanted to tell y'all about an article I found, and I am trying this with my son.

I have taken Melatonin for 4 years, and you would not believe the difference it has made in my life. (Melatonin is the hormone that helps you go to sleep) Sleep! Enough sleep will just about cure anything mental that ails you. I was depressed, stressed, anxious, and just exhausted.

So, when my son was diagnosed with AS, of course, I began researching. I found an article that states that all autistic children are found to have low levels of Seratonin in their bodies. The study goes on to say that most of these kids have sleep disorders as well, and the doctors found that if they gave these kids Melatonin, they functioned much better. Apparantly, there is a link between Melatonin and Seratonin. As Melatonin increases, so does seratonin. This makes total sense to me, and with my son's MD in agreement, I started him on a low dose of Melatonin each night. It is safe and natural, and my son says that he feels great. Here's the link!

http://www.autism.org/melatonin.html

Would a 2 yr old be able to take melatonin?

 

[RedTulipMom]

Tad,
Could you please tell me where i can purchase a weighted blanket. I need one for my 23 mos old son. His OT mentioned it last week and i am not sure where to buy it. I believe, like you that he also needs to be held all the time. I didnt realize this till 2 weeks ago when he started OT. He doesnt have an official diagnosis yet but he is in the Early Intervention program and now sees and OT, a DT, and a Speech therapist. He only says a couple words so far. Anyways, please let me know where to find a weighted blanket..thanks alot!
karen

 

[messedupkid]

blessed with AS???? maybe a mixed blessing. i'm not moaning at the way God made me, but a lot of the things that go with AS make it hard to live a christian life. to mention just a few:
= obsessions
= meltdowns
= lack of interest in people

but at least now i know i have AS i don't feel as guilty about it all.

and there are more things that i like about AS than dislike!

same as uniquetadpole i'm happy to chat with anyone that wants to know how a christian handles AS.

 

[uniquetadpole]

Tad,
Could you please tell me where i can purchase a weighted blanket. I need one for my 23 mos old son. His OT mentioned it last week and i am not sure where to buy it. I believe, like you that he also needs to be held all the time. I didnt realize this till 2 weeks ago when he started OT. He doesnt have an official diagnosis yet but he is in the Early Intervention program and now sees and OT, a DT, and a Speech therapist. He only says a couple words so far. Anyways, please let me know where to find a weighted blanket..thanks alot!
karen

I have been away since the end of april.... I will look it up tomorrow and get you an address of where I got mine custom made for approximately the same amount as the ones in the catalogs...and you can get it made from whatever mterial you want... it is an awesome purchase but it does take a while to get it. I will look tomorrow...
hugs
Tad

 

[uniquetadpole]

bringing this back to the front

 

[Rev Wayne]

The other thing that had freed me...is my inability to say things sometimes. I have very prolific vocabulary and appear to have no speech problems whatsoever...I have been accuse of being shy and reserved my entire life. What people don't comprehend (a few are just now starting to understand) is that there are times that I just can say anything. I have told people in the past about it...and the comment I have always gotten is "Oh I have trouble figuring out what to say too." They totally missed it. I can hear and see my words in my head...they just won't come out of my mouth...some sort of short circut or something. So I simply appear quiet...when inside...I am the biggest motor mouth you ever met. Hence my tendency for extensive writings.

When I read these words, I was speechless. But then, that's been pretty normal for me most of my life. But I was more than speechless, when I got to this point in that first post, I left the forum in tears. It was too much for me to handle to find out I'm not unique anymore. I had posted on another autism thread just before I came to this one, where I had just mentioned a little bit of the same kind of experience. But this one was like someone had read my life story and was retelling it. And I finally figured out recently that the speech impediment I had as a child was simply because my brain was too fast for my mouth, and my mouth sometimes couldn't quite catch up. And I, too, have a facility with written expression that compensates for the vocal difficulties. People have told me for years how well I articulate in my writing. In fact, my college degree before I entered seminary was in English. I came pretty close to heading out to Baylor, where I had already been accepted for graduate work in English. But the Lord had other ideas about that.
I have a desire to do something along the lines of what you are doing here, raising people's awareness, but I recognize my own deficiency and I know I have to raise my own first. And I think I would like to be involved in the area of fund-raising, after reading about an autism-related golf event. I'm a terrible golfer, maybe I'll make a better fund-raiser, who knows?

Thanks again for sharing, I have a feeling I'll be popping back in soon.

Wayne

 

[uniquetadpole]

When I read these words, I was speechless. But then, that's been pretty normal for me most of my life. But I was more than speechless, when I got to this point in that first post, I left the forum in tears. It was too much for me to handle to find out I'm not unique anymore. I had posted on another autism thread just before I came to this one, where I had just mentioned a little bit of the same kind of experience. But this one was like someone had read my life story and was retelling it. And I finally figured out recently that the speech impediment I had as a child was simply because my brain was too fast for my mouth, and my mouth sometimes couldn't quite catch up. And I, too, have a facility with written expression that compensates for the vocal difficulties. People have told me for years how well I articulate in my writing. In fact, my college degree before I entered seminary was in English. I came pretty close to heading out to Baylor, where I had already been accepted for graduate work in English. But the Lord had other ideas about that.
I have a desire to do something along the lines of what you are doing here, raising people's awareness, but I recognize my own deficiency and I know I have to raise my own first. And I think I would like to be involved in the area of fund-raising, after reading about an autism-related golf event. I'm a terrible golfer, maybe I'll make a better fund-raiser, who knows?

Thanks again for sharing, I have a feeling I'll be popping back in soon.

Wayne

It is always so nice to know you are not alone in this world... but I do beg to differ... you are unique... we are God's fingerprints on this world... no two are alike...however...you have to sometimes take a closer look to see the differences... however with most... they don't bother to appreciate the differences... they rather them simply be all the same... the other image I get with this is snowflakes... no two of them are alike... but the beauty in them can only really be seen under a microscope... and that is what I love to do...research under a microscope!!!

I am glad you have found this place too... It is always nice to meet someone with some similar experiences to share... I can't wait to hear some of yours!!!!

Tad

 

[Rev Wayne]

I've finally discovered with my diagnosis why I'm not much of a pastor (but I try), it's AS- and thus I guess I'm more of a teacher. I think AS makes it harder to have empathy for others, but God can use us for other gifted ministries too.

I have an interest now in getting a diagnosis, I have wondered whether I grew up autistic and undiagnosed. After reading here, I was almost certain it might be AS because of some similarities, but after your post, I’m left wondering again. I too feel like I’m not the pastor I ought to be—visitation is the area I struggle. I found it strange that preaching is the area I get the most affirmative feedback. But a lot of that comes from the thought organization skills and writing strength developed from pursuing an English degree.

The empathy comment was the one that caught my attention. Please permit me a little space, and I would like to share some significant experiences I’ve had in that area. In my clinical training for pastoral ministry, I had several unusual experiences that I never understood until I began this self-searching journey in tandem with the journey I walk with my children. The first time I signed up for CPE training, it was in a psychiatric hospital a few miles from where I lived. The director had me go out on the floor with him and just get a feel for things by talking with a few people. There was a young lady in her mid-20’s who became a patient after being diagnosed as bipolar. She sat and talked with us about how hard it was to transition from being a strong person, one in control, who at the time of diagnosis was a drill instructor in the military, and now struggled with an illness over which she had no control at all. As she described her feelings, it seemed the strangest thing that her expression never changed at all while big huge rolling tears streamed down her face. My thought at the time was, it was the purest form of pain I thought I had ever witnessed.

After we finished that visit and went back to our meeting space, I went in the bathroom and sat down and cried my eyes out. Later on, after reflection about the experience, it all seemed strange. I had a friend who was also in the program, and I asked him about it privately. He told me the director would be very happy to talk to me about anything I needed help with. But I never pursued it. It wasn’t long after that experience that I dropped out of the program after getting some criticisms from a handful of people in the church I was serving.

Within a year I had moved, and entered another program at the local hospital. Halfway through the term, I was moved to the cardiac floor, where a similar sort of experience occurred. It became harder and harder to be out on the floor and making the visits, and I found myself withdrawing more and more frequently. But I also had a watershed experience of sorts. I went to a room to visit someone who had just had bypass surgery a few days before, and I got little or no response to anything I had to say. I had experienced visits like this one before and we had even been told that some visits would be like this, but this one was different. For some reason, I felt compelled to go back the next day to see this woman again, and I was trying to fight the impulse because of the nature of the visit on the previous day. But I did go back, and after a little coaxing, I managed to get her started talking, and very soon it began pouring out like a flood. It turned out she had had an extraordinarily difficult life. I winced as she told me she grew up in Mannheim, Germany, because I knew that her listed age on her chart meant she would have been about 12 when WWII broke out. She spent a few nights in hell when Mannheim was leveled by Allied bombing. She lost all her family and had nothing. An American GI befriended her, an interest kindled, and she eventually was able to come to this country with her soon-to-be husband. He was not very kind to her, and to make it worse, he spoke no German and she spoke no English. They had a child, and when the child was around 17, he suffered a head injury in an auto accident and was left incapacitated. She faithfully took care of him through the years, until her husband became seriously ill, then she left his care others while she cared for her husband. Then her husband died, and shortly afterward she was admitted to the hospital for bypass surgery.

One thing for sure, I certainly had no serious problems the rest of that day, none that I could think of anyway. But I was fascinated by the sense of urgency or significance that seemed to attach itself to the need I felt to go back to see her. It was almost like I knew there was something there, and yet without knowing it in the usual way of “knowing.” A similar experience occurred once when my mother was hit by a car while crossing the street. A young lady was driving, and apparently she never saw her, as there were no skid marks. She was in intensive care for a few days, and it was touch and go. Her injuries were severe, and her age (73) didn’t help matters. The girl was frantic to find out something. She had spoken with a visitation pastor at her church and asked him to go see about my mom. I remember him coming and speaking with us, and the name of the church stuck in my head, because it was a town where I had been involved at one time in another church’s youth ministry. When she called the hospital the next day, my sister-in-law spoke sharply with her, and when I found out, I was immediately out the door and on my way for the 45-minute drive to her church for information. The pastor was very open and friendly, but assured me he had tried to call her during the day, and got no answer. Immediately the thought came to me, “She’s not answering her phone.” I got the address but didn’t know the way because I was not familiar with the street name. So I went to a friend’s house, one of the members of the church I had been involved with, and she told me how to get there. When I got there, I found it just as I had already suspected. The big surprise was that she even answered the door at all. This poor single mother of four children was all tangled up inside, trying to figure out why this had happened to her. As a social worker, it was even more devastating that as someone who helps people, she had hurt someone so seriously. It was a strange dual role as a pastoral situation and as a representative of my family with whom she could make contact. I found it hard to believe when she told me she had talked with her pastor, and the advice he gave her was, essentially, the same advice Job was given by his friends. I really didn’t know what to say, because I was in a situation of professionals ethics and/or courtesy, and I was suddenly keenly aware that if I contradicted this advice from her pastor, I ran the risk of influencing her sense of pastoral trust. Somewhere down the road, he might very likely give her some very sound advice that she needed to follow, and how I responded might have devastating effects if she didn’t listen to him.

I drove home wondering what I could have said and how I could have said it. The minute I turned the car off when I got back home in my driveway, I collapsed over the wheel and at first just these big choking groans came out, and then I cried like a baby, I don’t even know how long. I walked into the house and there was the sage advice I needed coming, strangely, from the lips of Bill Cosby on my TV, advising a friend who was dealing with the same devastating issues of “why bad things happen to good people.” And he said, “God doesn’t hurt, God loves. You can’t turn away and decide God doesn’t care. Sometimes, things just happen.” Wow, Bill, where were you when I needed you?

My youngest son seems to exhibit some of the same capabilities for empathy. He has always been a big hugger, and he has really stolen some hearts at the church we currently serve. Our organist had not missed a Sunday since we had been here, and then last winter she was sick and did not make it to church one week, and Robert asked me over and over every day that week, “Is Miss Ann all right?” When I told her, of course she was very touched, and the same thing has occurred with a couple of other people in the church. Each time it was almost like an obsession with him, which I’m told is his level of “normal.” So I’ve been wondering if that is something related with the spectrum disorders. It seemed unusual to me, because I had been told that the opposite would be the usual expectation.

And now I see once again I am true to form, sit down and type “a few lines,” and when I get done and look up I find a book has appeared. (I get some kidding from friends about how “novel” my posts always seem to be.) So I will stop and say, I don’t really know what to make of all this, I’m still sorting and sifting things and trying, of all things, to lead a church in the middle of an intentional growth program. I hope this sparks some feedback, whether it’s sharing other thoughts or experiences, or someone with more knowledge on the matter who can offer an informed perspective on these things.

Tad,

Thanks again for being willing to open up and talk about this, and you are correct, you articulated exactly what I was thinking, and "alone" was a better choice than "unique" to express what I felt.

I wrote all the above after first reading ContraMundum's post and being struck by the comments. But before posting, I have sat and read through the remainder of the comments, and there is simply a steady stream of parallels that seem to indicate AS for me as well. And I also had a question in my mind. After taking my youngest son to a psychologist, who concurred with a diagnosis of autism, on more than one occasion we have been asked whether we had noticed if Robert has any inordinate fears. At the time, we could think of none, but since that time he has shown an almost paralyzing fear of bugs. Not just any bug, but one night there were a couple of very tiny moth-like bugs flying around his ceiling light as we were telling him goodnight, and beginning the next night, he did not want to go into his room to go to bed. I finally convinced him by assuring him that bugs were very afraid of the dark, and as soon as he turned out the light in his room, as long as he left the door open, they would see the light in the other rooms and leave. (Not very scientific, but at least I knew it would happen just as I said.) And since that time he exhibits a bit of bravado about it: "I'm not scared of any little bugs!'

My question is, is that something associated with AS? Or was the Dr.'s question fishing for something else to add or cross off possibilities? The main reason it came to mind is, I don't think I saw where anyone here mentioned anything of that nature in relation to AS.
Wayne

 

[uniquetadpole]

I have an interest now in getting a diagnosis, I have wondered whether I grew up autistic and undiagnosed. After reading here, I was almost certain it might be AS because of some similarities, but after your post, I’m left wondering again. I too feel like I’m not the pastor I ought to be—visitation is the area I struggle. I found it strange that preaching is the area I get the most affirmative feedback. But a lot of that comes from the thought organization skills and writing strength developed from pursuing an English degree.

The empathy comment was the one that caught my attention. Please permit me a little space, and I would like to share some significant experiences I’ve had in that area. In my clinical training for pastoral ministry, I had several unusual experiences that I never understood until I began this self-searching journey in tandem with the journey I walk with my children. The first time I signed up for CPE training, it was in a psychiatric hospital a few miles from where I lived. The director had me go out on the floor with him and just get a feel for things by talking with a few people. There was a young lady in her mid-20’s who became a patient after being diagnosed as bipolar. She sat and talked with us about how hard it was to transition from being a strong person, one in control, who at the time of diagnosis was a drill instructor in the military, and now struggled with an illness over which she had no control at all. As she described her feelings, it seemed the strangest thing that her expression never changed at all while big huge rolling tears streamed down her face. My thought at the time was, it was the purest form of pain I thought I had ever witnessed.

After we finished that visit and went back to our meeting space, I went in the bathroom and sat down and cried my eyes out. Later on, after reflection about the experience, it all seemed strange. I had a friend who was also in the program, and I asked him about it privately. He told me the director would be very happy to talk to me about anything I needed help with. But I never pursued it. It wasn’t long after that experience that I dropped out of the program after getting some criticisms from a handful of people in the church I was serving.

Within a year I had moved, and entered another program at the local hospital. Halfway through the term, I was moved to the cardiac floor, where a similar sort of experience occurred. It became harder and harder to be out on the floor and making the visits, and I found myself withdrawing more and more frequently. But I also had a watershed experience of sorts. I went to a room to visit someone who had just had bypass surgery a few days before, and I got little or no response to anything I had to say. I had experienced visits like this one before and we had even been told that some visits would be like this, but this one was different. For some reason, I felt compelled to go back the next day to see this woman again, and I was trying to fight the impulse because of the nature of the visit on the previous day. But I did go back, and after a little coaxing, I managed to get her started talking, and very soon it began pouring out like a flood. It turned out she had had an extraordinarily difficult life. I winced as she told me she grew up in Mannheim, Germany, because I knew that her listed age on her chart meant she would have been about 12 when WWII broke out. She spent a few nights in hell when Mannheim was leveled by Allied bombing. She lost all her family and had nothing. An American GI befriended her, an interest kindled, and she eventually was able to come to this country with her soon-to-be husband. He was not very kind to her, and to make it worse, he spoke no German and she spoke no English. They had a child, and when the child was around 17, he suffered a head injury in an auto accident and was left incapacitated. She faithfully took care of him through the years, until her husband became seriously ill, then she left his care others while she cared for her husband. Then her husband died, and shortly afterward she was admitted to the hospital for bypass surgery.

One thing for sure, I certainly had no serious problems the rest of that day, none that I could think of anyway. But I was fascinated by the sense of urgency or significance that seemed to attach itself to the need I felt to go back to see her. It was almost like I knew there was something there, and yet without knowing it in the usual way of “knowing.” A similar experience occurred once when my mother was hit by a car while crossing the street. A young lady was driving, and apparently she never saw her, as there were no skid marks. She was in intensive care for a few days, and it was touch and go. Her injuries were severe, and her age (73) didn’t help matters. The girl was frantic to find out something. She had spoken with a visitation pastor at her church and asked him to go see about my mom. I remember him coming and speaking with us, and the name of the church stuck in my head, because it was a town where I had been involved at one time in another church’s youth ministry. When she called the hospital the next day, my sister-in-law spoke sharply with her, and when I found out, I was immediately out the door and on my way for the 45-minute drive to her church for information. The pastor was very open and friendly, but assured me he had tried to call her during the day, and got no answer. Immediately the thought came to me, “She’s not answering her phone.” I got the address but didn’t know the way because I was not familiar with the street name. So I went to a friend’s house, one of the members of the church I had been involved with, and she told me how to get there. When I got there, I found it just as I had already suspected. The big surprise was that she even answered the door at all. This poor single mother of four children was all tangled up inside, trying to figure out why this had happened to her. As a social worker, it was even more devastating that as someone who helps people, she had hurt someone so seriously. It was a strange dual role as a pastoral situation and as a representative of my family with whom she could make contact. I found it hard to believe when she told me she had talked with her pastor, and the advice he gave her was, essentially, the same advice Job was given by his friends. I really didn’t know what to say, because I was in a situation of professionals ethics and/or courtesy, and I was suddenly keenly aware that if I contradicted this advice from her pastor, I ran the risk of influencing her sense of pastoral trust. Somewhere down the road, he might very likely give her some very sound advice that she needed to follow, and how I responded might have devastating effects if she didn’t listen to him.

I drove home wondering what I could have said and how I could have said it. The minute I turned the car off when I got back home in my driveway, I collapsed over the wheel and at first just these big choking groans came out, and then I cried like a baby, I don’t even know how long. I walked into the house and there was the sage advice I needed coming, strangely, from the lips of Bill Cosby on my TV, advising a friend who was dealing with the same devastating issues of “why bad things happen to good people.” And he said, “God doesn’t hurt, God loves. You can’t turn away and decide God doesn’t care. Sometimes, things just happen.” Wow, Bill, where were you when I needed you?

My youngest son seems to exhibit some of the same capabilities for empathy. He has always been a big hugger, and he has really stolen some hearts at the church we currently serve. Our organist had not missed a Sunday since we had been here, and then last winter she was sick and did not make it to church one week, and Robert asked me over and over every day that week, “Is Miss Ann all right?” When I told her, of course she was very touched, and the same thing has occurred with a couple of other people in the church. Each time it was almost like an obsession with him, which I’m told is his level of “normal.” So I’ve been wondering if that is something related with the spectrum disorders. It seemed unusual to me, because I had been told that the opposite would be the usual expectation.

And now I see once again I am true to form, sit down and type “a few lines,” and when I get done and look up I find a book has appeared. (I get some kidding from friends about how “novel” my posts always seem to be.) So I will stop and say, I don’t really know what to make of all this, I’m still sorting and sifting things and trying, of all things, to lead a church in the middle of an intentional growth program. I hope this sparks some feedback, whether it’s sharing other thoughts or experiences, or someone with more knowledge on the matter who can offer an informed perspective on these things.

Tad,

Thanks again for being willing to open up and talk about this, and you are correct, you articulated exactly what I was thinking, and "alone" was a better choice than "unique" to express what I felt.

I wrote all the above after first reading ContraMundum's post and being struck by the comments. But before posting, I have sat and read through the remainder of the comments, and there is simply a steady stream of parallels that seem to indicate AS for me as well. And I also had a question in my mind. After taking my youngest son to a psychologist, who concurred with a diagnosis of autism, on more than one occasion we have been asked whether we had noticed if Robert has any inordinate fears. At the time, we could think of none, but since that time he has shown an almost paralyzing fear of bugs. Not just any bug, but one night there were a couple of very tiny moth-like bugs flying around his ceiling light as we were telling him goodnight, and beginning the next night, he did not want to go into his room to go to bed. I finally convinced him by assuring him that bugs were very afraid of the dark, and as soon as he turned out the light in his room, as long as he left the door open, they would see the light in the other rooms and leave. (Not very scientific, but at least I knew it would happen just as I said.) And since that time he exhibits a bit of bravado about it: "I'm not scared of any little bugs!'

My question is, is that something associated with AS? Or was the Dr.'s question fishing for something else to add or cross off possibilities? The main reason it came to mind is, I don't think I saw where anyone here mentioned anything of that nature in relation to AS.
Wayne

Well Wayne... you gots novels like me LOL

As to the empathy...I think there is true empathy and percieved empathy... and what I mean by this is that I believe that all people on the spectrum have more true empathy than NT's do... however...the way we express it apparently is not of the NT norm. To me the way both you and your son express it falls right in line with how I would probably express it... but I would venture to say that uninformed NT's would not take those responses in quite the same way...

Hmmm... I am having difficulty find the words to express what it is I am understanding inside. Duh.... that is exactly what happened with empathy... we express it differently is all... we don't tend to use our verbal communication skills to express the empathy that we feel... we express it in a more spiritual way I believe...now I am not talking religion here... I am talking spirituality... meaning a connection with something greater than ourselves... I have been doing alot of searching to find my true self after realizing the trauma that ihave been through in my own life that has led me to completely dissociate my mind from my emotions... however... when I am in a connected state I find that my intuition speaks stronger than any words out there... it is this that I find people on the spectrum have in greater abundancy...however because of societies imposition of these social rules and communication skills we work at not using our intuition but rather our thought processes to solve the problems. So we get stuck at working to show empathy on a verbal level and hence we struggle immensly with... ever since I began realizing this and began working at being more in touch with my intuitive parts... I am finding relationships becoming easier... not easy mind you... but more connected with others... I have noticed that others use their words as their primary form of connection with the rest of the world... but I feel most connected...most empathetic with other when I simply be with the other person... sometimes verbal cummunication occurs... but not always... I hate crowds... but I am most content when I am working on something by myself in a room where there are a few others...the less the better but at least one... I hadn't thought of it before now but I think perhaps it is because I use that connectedness to feed off of... but for me I don't need constant interaction... whereas NT's think it odd to be in a room full of people an not want or need to interact... and then we begin getting the pressure to make the effort to do it their way. I think you simply being there at those particular times... probably spoke louder than any words from her pastor could have...as for the lady in the hospital... I sense that you just sitting there listening to her story was exactly what she needed...you used your intuition and your empathy to do God's will... and if you had been NT perhaps you would have been so uncomfortable without telling her the exact right thing that you might have never heard her story... to me empathy is not about words... it is about being and connecting. And that is what I reckon NT's I don't get or perhaps are afraid to experience... now let me back myself up here...not all NT's are like this...I know many intuitive NT's... but I simply mean in general I think this may be at least in part what is going on...

as for the Dr.'s question... you got me... I was wondering the same thing when I read what he asked you... however I would lean more towards crossing off possibilities... but knowing my past the way it was... I am finding that a large part of my trauma issues has to do with not being diagnosed as a youngster... being misunderstood constantly and always working so hard at doing what was expected of me and never quite getting there... that is exactly what happens in abusive relationships... and hence there is a parallel... resulting from that and my "odd" logic... I have what other consider irrational fears...and possible that might be what that doctor was looking for... I work with a therapist that is an expert on autistic spectrum disorders... and very very experienced in all areas of the spectrum... ans she shared with me that she believes that most people on the spectrum both dissociate to some higher degree than the average person and suffer some level of PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disroder) especially by the time they reach adulthood. Given that one of the biggest symptoms of PTSD is a high level of anxiety...and hence when treating a person on the spectrum that is depressed...an anti-anxiety med actually tends to work better for that individual. Yep we tend to do most things backwards LOL... I love it!!! I find my oddities that become a challenge to the professional word to be quite humorous at times...fooled them once again LOL. I do get frustrated at the same time but if I can find the humor in it...it makes life so much more bearable.

And my suggestion to approching your boys odd behaviors albeit probably isn't all that odd to you... see if you can find out their logic to their reactions... because there is logic there guaranteed. My mom told me once...that she knew how I would respond but my responces never made any sense to her until she began asking me why? and then she said and there was always a logically explanation...and off the wall logic to her...but always logical... you did exactly what your son needed to hear...the logic in what the bugs would do... to not be afraid without dismissing his fears... we find comfort in logic...

I hope my Novel is as enjoyable and thought provoking for you as yours was for me.

Tad

 

[Rev Wayne]

I hope my Novel is as enjoyable and thought provoking for you as yours was for me.

In a word: "riveting."

The empathy thing was something that really helped me get a handle on it when I understood it. And yes, I agree, there seems to be a high level of it going on with those on the spectrum. It was bouncing me all over the place when I was receiving the sensory input because I could sense that something was going on but couldn't "put it in a box" well enough to sort out the emotions. The emotional side was the hardest, because there were times I might walk into a room with someone and suddenly just feel so depressed or confused or lonely, and usually overwhelmingly so. But it helps now to understand that the feelings were not mine but were an empathic "read" on the other person.

Functionally and diagnostically, I find it to be an incredible tool for ministry, but one that is so unconventional I may never discover in a lifetime all the potential it holds. It seems to be so abstract and discrete that it defies any systematic harnessing, almost like it occurs randomly and devoid of any direction or purpose. But spiritually it comes across totally the opposite, and it's like tracing the "unseen hand" as God uses situations and people, and fires up the afterburners in that intuitive process. When that happens, I can feel myself being carried along with the tide of it, but it's almost like an out-of-body experience, looking down on the experience from outside of it, rather than actually experiencing it.

But I also find it to be a very delicate balance that is easily upset with the least disturbance on sensitivity issues. When that occurs, often I will not realize it for days, months, even years afterward. The whole spiral that took me down the drug abuse cycle was triggered by a breakup. I had been so painfully shy, even to the point that in retrospect I call it withdrawn, that a relationship with the opposite sex was elusive and mostly an ingrown desire. That all exploded the summer after coming back home from my first year away at college, which was majorly life-changing also, as you might imagine. An incredibly cute young lady came with my sister to watch our baseball game. I was no hitter, I don't think I got on base all season except by an occasional free pass from a pitcher who was strike zone-challenged. I came to the game from a dental appointment and was late, so I sat talking with this girl and it was instant fascination, and mutual. Then a friend who had struck out four times already was too dismal to go on, and asked if I would pinch-hit for him. So here I go into the game, this no-hit wonder who rarely ever made contact with a ball, as our team's last-ditch hope. It was church league, and we were playing the best team in the league as the cellar-dwelling worst team. But it was bottom of the ninth, we were only one run down, and there was a man on first--although there were 2 outs. I step up there and knock this tremendously high ball out toward left field, and I watch as the left-fielder back-pedals a bit, then some more, and some more----I was already rounding second and about to run over the other runner in front of me, when I saw the left fielder fall backwards and the center fielder frantically chasing the ball behind him. And I knew that suddenly the goat had turned hero, and at the most incredibly opportune of moments, because it turned out the left-fielder was this young lady's ex-boyfriend.

Can you imagine the inner dynamics of that for someone on this spectrum? Life was suddenly super-charged, "God's-in-His-heaven-and-all's-right-with-the-world" stuff, and I was basking in it on an incredible summer-long high. We were so close and getting closer and everything so right, and then just as abruptly, she cut it off that fall and I went into a cataclysmic fall that even now I have not fully comprehended. I do remember after being first soused in alcohol, then immersed in experimenting with every drug that came along, and abandoning church and eventually family and friends, that coming back from that was like entering a new world, like walking out of a dungeon and having to squint and hold my hand up to fend off the overwhelmingness of light.

And there came some very spiritual apprehensions of what was going on with it. The most vivid one was after I had started seminary five years later. Some guys came into the dorm and told us that there was a revival going on across the street at the college. A chapel service that morning had been led by one of the school's professors, on the topic of sexual healing. when the altar was opened up, a flood of young students came down, and things started happening, and it just overflowed and continued and had gone on all day. This was about 10 p.m. when they told us about it, and they said it was still going on. When we got there, unbelievably, the auditorium was entirely packed, and the professor who had led the service was onstage with a mike talking to them. As I sat there, I got the impression that nothing was really happening, because it was so subdued as to give the appearance that nothing was taking place. People were very quiet and attentive, and it looked for all the world like a group gathered to hear a lecture or watch some dramatic presentation. After sitting there for nearly a half hour that way, suddenly it was as if the Holy Spirit walked in, sat down beside me, and said, "Hi Wayne, let's talk." And the inner (or 'inner-seeming'?) voice began to recount the details of my life, going back to the harsh breakup and its effect, and showing ,me how everything that I had experienced because of that had all been tied together, like a chain of collapsing dominoes. The effect was cathartic, and understanding all the dynamics of those things was a release that was tremendously healing.

And now I see I'm in the midst of this new novel, and don't know quite how I got here. I think it was something you mentioned about the spiritual aspect that triggered it. Yes, there is a definite spiritual component to it that is way beyond the norm, and at the time the chains of drug addiction were thrown off, it came charging to the forefront. Every new day was vibrant, I was in total communion with God and life and nature, and the whole path of my life up to that point was open and luminescent before me. I was seeing and understanding the events of my life like I never had. Even the conversion itself that opened the door for it all, was a bizarre chain of unusually strange events.

But that's another novel.

And we're in the middle of our VBS program this week, and my two youngest are also away at day camp during the day this week. I keep waiting to hear the phone ring, and someone from the camp to be bringing me word of some issue with Robert due to the autism. We actually did get the call Monday, but it turned out to be Stephanie, who had missed the sign saying 10 feet and jumped off the diving board even though she can't swim! Maybe I've got another one that bears watching? LOL

Thanks for your "novel," too, your comments are very much on target and helpful, and seem to confirm a few things I've generally noticed. The "I hate crowds" I certainly can resonate with. I spent quite a number of years as a "loner." When I did make friends, the circle was small, and more often tended toward one really close friend. Strangely, as life went through changes, in both circumstances and location, there never was any trouble disengaging, adjusting to transitions and developing a new "center," and it became a series of "lives" that I adapted to, and a whole series of "best friends."

The thing you said about "doing everything backwards" was a huge laugh for me, I can see that so well. It was an incredible point of learning for me, somewhere during the course of taking the different personality inventories, to discover that the bulk of learning and sensory input that I do is actually done on the intuitive scale. So it has been an incredibly strange ride. My wife is highly intuitive as well, and I still marvel at how God could ever manage such a bizarre and improbable task as bringing the two of us together.

But that, too, is another novel, and I think maybe I need to finish this one first. And that's twice now I've brought it up. So I'll just stop, though it feels a bit awkward and abrupt. But I'm thinking that's natural with the new awareness this brings. This is a wonderfully liberating thing to be able to open these things up and examine them, and I greatly appreciate what you have had to share.

Wayne

 

[uniquetadpole]

In a word: "riveting."

The empathy thing was something that really helped me get a handle on it when I understood it. And yes, I agree, there seems to be a high level of it going on with those on the spectrum. It was bouncing me all over the place when I was receiving the sensory input because I could sense that something was going on but couldn't "put it in a box" well enough to sort out the emotions. The emotional side was the hardest, because there were times I might walk into a room with someone and suddenly just feel so depressed or confused or lonely, and usually overwhelmingly so. But it helps now to understand that the feelings were not mine but were an empathic "read" on the other person.

Functionally and diagnostically, I find it to be an incredible tool for ministry, but one that is so unconventional I may never discover in a lifetime all the potential it holds. It seems to be so abstract and discrete that it defies any systematic harnessing, almost like it occurs randomly and devoid of any direction or purpose. But spiritually it comes across totally the opposite, and it's like tracing the "unseen hand" as God uses situations and people, and fires up the afterburners in that intuitive process. When that happens, I can feel myself being carried along with the tide of it, but it's almost like an out-of-body experience, looking down on the experience from outside of it, rather than actually experiencing it.

But I also find it to be a very delicate balance that is easily upset with the least disturbance on sensitivity issues. When that occurs, often I will not realize it for days, months, even years afterward. The whole spiral that took me down the drug abuse cycle was triggered by a breakup. I had been so painfully shy, even to the point that in retrospect I call it withdrawn, that a relationship with the opposite sex was elusive and mostly an ingrown desire. That all exploded the summer after coming back home from my first year away at college, which was majorly life-changing also, as you might imagine. An incredibly cute young lady came with my sister to watch our baseball game. I was no hitter, I don't think I got on base all season except by an occasional free pass from a pitcher who was strike zone-challenged. I came to the game from a dental appointment and was late, so I sat talking with this girl and it was instant fascination, and mutual. Then a friend who had struck out four times already was too dismal to go on, and asked if I would pinch-hit for him. So here I go into the game, this no-hit wonder who rarely ever made contact with a ball, as our team's last-ditch hope. It was church league, and we were playing the best team in the league as the cellar-dwelling worst team. But it was bottom of the ninth, we were only one run down, and there was a man on first--although there were 2 outs. I step up there and knock this tremendously high ball out toward left field, and I watch as the left-fielder back-pedals a bit, then some more, and some more----I was already rounding second and about to run over the other runner in front of me, when I saw the left fielder fall backwards and the center fielder frantically chasing the ball behind him. And I knew that suddenly the goat had turned hero, and at the most incredibly opportune of moments, because it turned out the left-fielder was this young lady's ex-boyfriend.

Can you imagine the inner dynamics of that for someone on this spectrum? Life was suddenly super-charged, "God's-in-His-heaven-and-all's-right-with-the-world" stuff, and I was basking in it on an incredible summer-long high. We were so close and getting closer and everything so right, and then just as abruptly, she cut it off that fall and I went into a cataclysmic fall that even now I have not fully comprehended. I do remember after being first soused in alcohol, then immersed in experimenting with every drug that came along, and abandoning church and eventually family and friends, that coming back from that was like entering a new world, like walking out of a dungeon and having to squint and hold my hand up to fend off the overwhelmingness of light.

And there came some very spiritual apprehensions of what was going on with it. The most vivid one was after I had started seminary five years later. Some guys came into the dorm and told us that there was a revival going on across the street at the college. A chapel service that morning had been led by one of the school's professors, on the topic of sexual healing. when the altar was opened up, a flood of young students came down, and things started happening, and it just overflowed and continued and had gone on all day. This was about 10 p.m. when they told us about it, and they said it was still going on. When we got there, unbelievably, the auditorium was entirely packed, and the professor who had led the service was onstage with a mike talking to them. As I sat there, I got the impression that nothing was really happening, because it was so subdued as to give the appearance that nothing was taking place. People were very quiet and attentive, and it looked for all the world like a group gathered to hear a lecture or watch some dramatic presentation. After sitting there for nearly a half hour that way, suddenly it was as if the Holy Spirit walked in, sat down beside me, and said, "Hi Wayne, let's talk." And the inner (or 'inner-seeming'?) voice began to recount the details of my life, going back to the harsh breakup and its effect, and showing ,me how everything that I had experienced because of that had all been tied together, like a chain of collapsing dominoes. The effect was cathartic, and understanding all the dynamics of those things was a release that was tremendously healing.

And now I see I'm in the midst of this new novel, and don't know quite how I got here. I think it was something you mentioned about the spiritual aspect that triggered it. Yes, there is a definite spiritual component to it that is way beyond the norm, and at the time the chains of drug addiction were thrown off, it came charging to the forefront. Every new day was vibrant, I was in total communion with God and life and nature, and the whole path of my life up to that point was open and luminescent before me. I was seeing and understanding the events of my life like I never had. Even the conversion itself that opened the door for it all, was a bizarre chain of unusually strange events.

But that's another novel.

And we're in the middle of our VBS program this week, and my two youngest are also away at day camp during the day this week. I keep waiting to hear the phone ring, and someone from the camp to be bringing me word of some issue with Robert due to the autism. We actually did get the call Monday, but it turned out to be Stephanie, who had missed the sign saying 10 feet and jumped off the diving board even though she can't swim! Maybe I've got another one that bears watching? LOL

Thanks for your "novel," too, your comments are very much on target and helpful, and seem to confirm a few things I've generally noticed. The "I hate crowds" I certainly can resonate with. I spent quite a number of years as a "loner." When I did make friends, the circle was small, and more often tended toward one really close friend. Strangely, as life went through changes, in both circumstances and location, there never was any trouble disengaging, adjusting to transitions and developing a new "center," and it became a series of "lives" that I adapted to, and a whole series of "best friends."

The thing you said about "doing everything backwards" was a huge laugh for me, I can see that so well. It was an incredible point of learning for me, somewhere during the course of taking the different personality inventories, to discover that the bulk of learning and sensory input that I do is actually done on the intuitive scale. So it has been an incredibly strange ride. My wife is highly intuitive as well, and I still marvel at how God could ever manage such a bizarre and improbable task as bringing the two of us together.

But that, too, is another novel, and I think maybe I need to finish this one first. And that's twice now I've brought it up. So I'll just stop, though it feels a bit awkward and abrupt. But I'm thinking that's natural with the new awareness this brings. This is a wonderfully liberating thing to be able to open these things up and examine them, and I greatly appreciate what you have had to share.

Wayne

I am glad you "get" me and my novels... it is a refreshing and much needed response at this juncture in my life.

I am currently in a "loner" state once again... however this time I find myself in want of a least one friend to simply go out and so stuff with. I am so glad that transition issues is not one of those aspects that affect you or that somewhere early on you "figured out" a working solution for you. Because transisitions seem to be one of my biggest issues in life... I am one of those that drastically need an external structure to my day to get through it with any positive feelings invloved...and in the state I am in, creating any structure in my life falls asunder... I would love to hear your novel about your series of different "lives" that you adapted to... it resonates with me but I hesitate to comment until I further comprehend the underlying message you have going there. I find that the chameleon is a rather intrinsic symbol for my abilities to cope with the world and I anticipate your story to be a reflection in a sense of mine and would love to read about your adaptabilities to life if you wouldn't mind. My novel will be short this morning for I am not in a good place at the moment... I shall be back later to novel about here once more.

Tad

 

[ContraMundum]

The only thing that has helped me cope as an Aspie is reading up on the latest research, coping methods and knowing that God has me exactl where He wants me. Also, a really, really good support group (preferably run by an Aspie) is a very beneficial help.

It took me a few years after diagnosis to come to terms and learn to manage in the NT world but in hindsight the actual diagnosis was the catalyst for growing in my coping and social skills. I'm so glad I got diagnosed. It's always good to know "who you are".

 

[Rev Wayne]

OOPS! Double post.

 

[Rev Wayne]

On this thing with meds: we started taking Robert (my youngest) to a psychologist last November because his behavior had gotten so bad at school we felt medication would be in order. The appointment was scheduled a month and a half down the road, and by the time we got him in, had just managed to have several good days in a row, so the doctor wanted to hold off for a bit and see what direction it went, on the chance that his problem might be more behavioral. After an up and down year, we were not so sure any more, and now wonder if meds might be the way to go.

I've seen mentioned on here about melatonin and seratonin levels, and a little bit about Straterra. I know someone else who has an autistic son with some ADHD, and she was telling me about a medication her son is on, Tenex. She said there are two meds on the market, Tenex and Claridine, which are normally used for adults with high blood pressure. But now they are finding some benefits for children with autism and ADHD. Strangely, as I understand it, these have been tried without much success on children with ADHD only, but for children with autism and ADHD, it really helps the ADHD. The way she talks, she really considers the Tenex to be a Godsend, because it has really helped with her son.

I was wondering if anyone had tried either of these, and if so, what were the results? I'd appreciate any information along this line, we want to help him and we want to be informed.

 

[miamiujen]

Hi,
I am a 34 year old female who was recently diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome this past June (2005). Since then I have found a whole new found freedom. Ever since I can remember I have struggled with stuff that my gifts and talents have hidden from everyone including myself. For example, I have always have this unnerving need to be held non-stop...this was not an emotional need but rather a physical one. I couldn't find a way to tell anyone in a way that they actually understood. I was accused of being too needy, and emotionally "unstable" and similar ideas. I was afraid someone would look at my parents and accuse them of not loving me enough...when I knew all too well they did...I just seemed to need more than the average kid. I even used to cry myself to sleep because of it. Now I own a weighted blanket and that urge has subsided. After about three nights of using the blanket, I slept a full eight hours with only waking up once for the first time in about 15 years or more.

The other thing that had freed me...is my inability to say things sometimes. I have very prolific vocabulary and appear to have no speech problems whatsoever...I have been accuse of being shy and reserved my entire life. What people don't comprehend (a few are just now starting to understand) is that there are times that I just can say anything. I have told people in the past about it...and the comment I have always gotten is "Oh I have trouble figuring out what to say too." They totally missed it. I can hear and see my words in my head...they just won't come out of my mouth...some sort of short circut or something. So I simply appear quiet...when inside...I am the biggest motor mouth you ever met. Hence my tendency for extensive writings.

Since my diagnosis...I have found it to be a calling of mine to share with others about autism and what things are like...I feel lead to speak for those that can't speak for themselves. (Note: my "speaking" is generally written). I have already gotten my first Article published in the local Parent Support Group Newsletter. And they have asked for more.

So if those of you who have questions about what it is like to have Autism/Asperger's Syndrome or just need some ideas please don't hesitate to ask...the Autistic Spectrum Difficulties range tremendously so I may not have answers for everything...but I just might have an answer to some. I am particularly aware of the sensory difficulties that I share with my fellow Aspie's and Auti's.

Hi there, I'm on this forum trying to figure out if my 27 year old daughter may have Asperger's. I would like to talk with you more. poochlover@gmail.com

 

[Fretbuzzer]

hi!

I found out that i probably have asperger's. I have to wait to get tested till several months though, because these testing facilities are booked with all kinds of other stuff. However, I am sure I have it, I read a whole bunch of stuff on the subject, and they should have said, "This is your life," not autism spectrum disorders characteristics, LoLz. The stuff in there was UNCANNY, staring at spinning things, gifted in math and music, and even the connections to metabolism, wow.

Well, It turns out that I am a Christian too, so it was really nice to see a whole forum dedicated to Christian ppl like this. I am just popping my head in to say hi, basically...