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I’m scared that I’m going to kill my self if I tell my girlfriend this.

Discussion in 'Courting Couples' started by Youngdisciple1, May 25, 2020.

  1. Youngdisciple1

    Youngdisciple1 New Member

    11
    +6
    United States
    Non-Denom
    Private
    Long story short. I’ve struggled with porn addicting for about 7 years now. I thought I broke free awhile back. Right after I told my girlfriend about the struggle. I thought I would never do it again. But I did. I did it once. I told her about it and it crushed her. She said she wasn’t sure if she wanted to continue the relationship and she took several days away from me. But she decided to continue things. Shortly after that, I did it again. And then again. And have been doing it regularly for like 2 months now and it will seriously crush her to know this. And I’m seriously scared right now. I think I need to tell her but I am so scared. And I don’t know how to stop this. It’s controlled me for 7 years now. I really love her so much. I’m not sure I can survive hurting her like this. I don’t know what to do. I feel so miserable right now.
     
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    We teamed up with Faith Counseling. Can they help you today?
  2. Jeshu

    Jeshu Bought by His Blood Supporter

    +5,779
    Australia
    Christian
    Married
    My dear brother you are fighting this in your own strength that will get you nowhere!

    Please go to Jesus while you are in the need for porn, not before, or after, but during the time you burn hot for sex and share everything with Jesus and confess the bottom of your heart to Him. Leave nothing out, nothing at all.

    After you have given Him all your need for porn ask Him to forgive you and repent of being like that from the heart because you know it is evil. Accept His grace and take in His love. Let His graceful love cleanse you from your sin. The more love of Jesus you internalise the more you will break free from the need for porn in lust.

    You need to master this in Jesus for without him you will not succeed.

    Grace is the way of love, fear, guilt and shame is the road of the devil. You got got reason to be scared though in that spirituality that needs porn in you, for as things stand you are committing adultery before you are even married, how can your girlfriend trust you to look after her well, when you will bring porn into the relationship?

    So yes do go to Christ and be set free from your fear, guilt and shame as well as your need for porn. He is faithful He will set you free if you let Him. Fighting against sin with His love is a sure victory rather than a hot fire which you always loose in the end.

    Be warned porn will destroy every faithfully God fearing relationship that is why lust needs to go and its mate porn along with him.

    Be of good courage with Jesus you can win the battle.
     
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  3. Sabertooth

    Sabertooth Repartee Animal: Quipping the Saints! Supporter

    +3,672
    United States
    Charismatic
    Married
    US-Others
    Suicidal ideation is your most pressing problem. Seek out medical help and a church that does deliverance right away. From your writing voice, you seem to have other issues, as well. Both can help with those, too.
     
  4. Cis.jd

    Cis.jd Well-Known Member

    +1,068
    Catholic
    Single
    Before you tell her anything, find counseling. She will definitely react negatively if you tell her now. While I can't tell you if you should tell her or not, i think you should deal with your addiction first with out getting your relationship involved at the moment.
    .
     
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  5. NBB

    NBB Well-Known Member Supporter

    +781
    Uruguay
    Christian
    Single
    Watching porn creates spiritual 'bindings' to porn, demonic and not, you may need to get rid of those if you want to be free, its not about physical addiction, it is spiritual.

    Pray every day insisting until you get free, you need to deal with this with God.
     
  6. Johan_1988

    Johan_1988 Active Member

    273
    +148
    South Africa
    Pentecostal
    Single
    I agree with others here. You need to get some good Christian counseling. Just take a time out from your relationship otherwise your addiction will just end up destroying your relationship and possibly drive you to suicide.

    My prayer: I proclaim deliverance form the spirit of pornography and suicide,that is in your life, in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.
     
  7. Johan_1988

    Johan_1988 Active Member

    273
    +148
    South Africa
    Pentecostal
    Single
    I agree with others here you need to get some serious Christian counseling, secular psychologists will just give you a pep talk and drugs.

    In the name of Jesus Christ I proclaim freedom from the spirit for pornography and suicide. Amen.
     
  8. Dave G.

    Dave G. Well-Known Member

    +3,839
    United States
    Christian
    Married
    More churches are catching on to the reality that many members are stuck in porn addiction, even some pastors have this issue. I believe it's part of today's deception. It's absolutely demonic, even satanic. You're ( anyone involved in it not just the OP) following the will of the devil when you do this, no question in my mind about it. And that includes the actors themselves, this is part of why it's so alluring. The satanic realm literally sends projections into your minds, it's the ultimate attack and seems appealing. Don't be fooled !! This is also why the graphics surrounding the main window at these sites often has little demon or devilish figures animated around them. This alone should cause pause to think not to click any further forward. The people involved are in bondage on both sides of the screen. But the good news is Jesus has broken many bondages and strongholds equally as powerful. HE dumps the desire for this not you !! Your part is to not let your mind wander there in the first place and thus mocking His work.

    Believe it, everything I said above is true . If you're a Christian born again of the blood you have authority to rebuke the spirit behind this in the name of Jesus and call upon the name of the Lord to remove this burden from your heart. If left as is it will ruin your walk and many people don't even realize it's happening to them. And so, do that and do it out loud then get yourself an accountability partner.
     
  9. Arc F1

    Arc F1 Let the righteous man arise from slumber

    543
    +383
    United States
    Christian
    Married
    Why would you kill yourself? Do you wish to hurt your girlfriend and cause her grief? Think about how selfish that is. You will be gone and she is left to deal with the pain. I don't understand how you can love someone and turn around and do that to them. Just stop watching porn. It's a pretty simple solution. As with all addictions it's not that you can't it's that you won't. Think about the difference between the words can't and won't. Which one better describes your situation?
     
  10. ForHimbyHim

    ForHimbyHim New Member

    59
    +35
    Kenya
    Christian
    Married
    I think the other thing is you seemed more concerned about what your girlfriend will think about your porn addiction. In the case you have this mixed up, you need to know right now. She is just another person like you, needing the love of the saviour, she herself is not perfect and will probably disappoint you at some time. Dare I say she might fail you.
    Yet there is one who is faithful to you, who is with you at all times, who has laid down His life for you and will be with you, whether or not you have a porn addiction. He loves you, during, while, your porn addiction.

    Is your desire to be free from the porn addiction, solely to be with your girlfriend, do you not feel it is bad for you? Do you not feel its sin taking root in your life and opening up potential for the demonic to have rule in your life? Do you not feel at all that you are hurting the one who loves you more than anyone ever will?
     
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  11. NerdGirl123

    NerdGirl123 Member

    190
    +197
    United States
    Non-Denom
    Married
    WHY aren't you in Christian counseling for this by now? My heart hurts for how much this is destroying you and your relationship! There's help out there for people like yourself! Please go take advantage of it right away. If you need help finding some resources, I'm sure people here would be happy to recommend something. Does your church offer counseling for men, for this issue? If so, start there. Yes, you need to tell her, but start with finding counseling, so that you can get some tools for how to deal with this, including how to talk to your girlfriend about it.

    I'm so sorry you're hurting and suffering with this. Please know you're not alone, and there is hope and help for you.
     
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  12. Kevin-D.77

    Kevin-D.77 New Member

    29
    +19
    United States
    Non-Denom
    In Relationship
    As someone who has struggled with pornography before, i feel your pain. But as most people on here have said, you can not overcome this in your own strength. What you are struggling with is lust and that is something that will never be satiated. What helped me was really get down to the root of why I was looking at pornography. And this took a very deep evaluation.

    1st thing I did was to look at the conversations i was having casually, the movies or shows i was watching, the music and podcast i was listening too and they were all oozing with sexual context. You may not think it but all of those things are little hooks in your mind that keep you locked in your prison of lust. So first thing I would do is examine all aspects of your life where you are exposing yourself to sexual themes and replace them with things that are pure and just (i looked more into podcast and videos bettering my craft).

    2nd thing i would recommend doing a fast and really praying to God to reveal the root cause of your addiction. Porn for me was a symptom of deeper issues. I longed for true intimacy with another person and also I did not know how to fully trust others. Because I would try to do everything on my own it often left me angry and frustrated and porn was a release to calm me down. And as for the intimacy I'm sure you are no stranger to the messaging that sex is the "ultimate" connection and nothing else can top it. But what I had to realize is that I was living in error. God created us to be in communion with others as well as with Him. So i had to learn that I could first trust in God that He would provide all the answers I need when I go to Him and ask Him for discernment to find people that I can also confide in. Also real intimacy is not sex, it is being completely vulnerable before someone else. And you can only do that by first being fully vulnerable with God.

    3rd thing I would do is also ask God to renew your mind as to how you view your girlfriend and other women. They are all His daughters and they are all called by God to do something great if they surrender to Him. It is our job as men on this earth to be of service to these women and help them achieve all that they can. They are not here for only our gratification and they are not here to be used. All of those women have a father and ultimately a heavenly father who loves them.

    I know it seems impossible right now, but just take it one day at a time and soon you'll really see a difference in how you think and how you handle difficult moments in your life. As much as it hurts, if this girlfriend is someone you are trying to marry, i confess to her that you are still struggling with this but that now you're repenting, turning away from the world and looking towards God. You don't want to lie to her and she should have a say if she wants to be in the relationship while you recover. Whatever happens, continue to seek God first and then everything else will be added into you.
     
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  13. SirHash

    SirHash New Member

    39
    +25
    United States
    Baptist
    Married
    I don't really have anything new to add, but maybe a different angle.
    Christian counselling I think would really help unlock some things for you. Stick with it bro, addictions are not easy to deal with. Especially when you consider all the brain chemistry involved. Thankfully, nothing is impossible with God.
    I'm not sure how much the stress of confessing to your girl further will compound things for you, but I do think getting her some resources to help her understand the nature of the addiction will help a little. That doesn't make anything about your behaviors ok, but it might help soften the blow a little--letting her know that your behavior is not a reflection of the relationship or your feelings about her, but about the chemical reaction of your brain on porn.
    I really like what Kevin outlined too; peel the onion, layer by layer and let God in to each layer as you do.
    Prayers bro.
     
  14. Broken Fence

    Broken Fence Stand with Jesus. He is with you in the whirlwind. Supporter

    +1,114
    United States
    Christian
    Single
    US-Constitution
    Greetings and Salutations Youngdisciple1,
    I would encourage you for faithfulness in The Lord how through all of this you have held onto your faith in Jesus. How despite your problem you have keep your faith.

    Lust wants
    Gratification and desire
    Lust burns
    Like a fire

    Love gives
    Never takes
    Always labor's
    For God's sakes

    Two pitted
    Against the wall
    Yet love is giving
    Lust is taking all
     
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