Husbands - how can your wives show support and encouragement for your headship?

[desmalia]

First, I know there are a few people kicking around this forum who do not believe in male headship in the home. That is NOT what this thread is about, so please do not start a debate on that here. Start a new thread if you want to debate the issue.

What I would love to hear is how men here feel most supported and encouraged in their role as head of the home, and more specifically as the spiritual leader of the home. What things have your wives done that have been wonderful in that area, and what things would you like them to do to support you? What sorts of things (fear for example) keep you from taking that leadership role at times, and how can wives help in those areas?

 

[ReformedChapin]

*bump*


I'm waiting for this one, can't reply considering I am not married but it should be interesting.

 

[Wade Smith]

I'm not married, but I could think of one helpful thing for any wife to do.

Never ask, "Does this dress make me look fat?"

But seriously, I'm waiting to see if/how anyone answers.

 

[ReformedChapin]

I'm not married, but I could think of one helpful thing for any wife to do.

Never ask, "Does this dress make me look fat?"

That's a trick question!

 

[icedtea]

From what I've read, the answer is Appreciation. As a female who was once spiritual and financial head of the household, its what I would've wanted.

 

[desmalia]

I'm not married, but I could think of one helpful thing for any wife to do.

Never ask, "Does this dress make me look fat?"

But seriously, I'm waiting to see if/how anyone answers.

LOL, my husband answers that one honestly! He figures if I don't like the answer, I shouldn't ask. And I know he finds me attractive regardless. So it's not a big deal in our house.

 

[porterross]

LOL, my husband answers that one honestly! He figures if I don't like the answer, I shouldn't ask. And I know he finds me attractive regardless. So it's not a big deal in our house.

I would never ask! On the other hand, he doesn't need to ask for my opinion on his attire. He's getting a review, no matter what.

 

[Hentenza]

My wife has gone above and beyond the call to support me and help me. I guess the most important one is that she was a co-conspirator with God to get me back to the faith. When we were first married I was a Christian but struggling. After I graduated from college, I completely fell away to the point of becoming an agnostic. I was agnostic for over 15 years of our marriage. My wife patiently waited though my stupid years always throwing me a little kernel here and there. She now says that she knew that I would be back and that is why she was patient.
We have been married 30 years now and I can honestly say that she has followed every biblical teaching related to supporting her husband. God has blessed me with an exceptional wife.
I am still behind in my repayment to her and will probably take me the rest of my life.

 

[desmalia]

My wife has gone above and beyond the call to support me and help me. I guess the most important one is that she was a co-conspirator with God to get me back to the faith. When we were first married I was a Christian but struggling. After I graduated from college, I completely fell away to the point of becoming an agnostic. I was agnostic for over 15 years of our marriage. My wife patiently waited though my stupid years always throwing me a little kernel here and there. She now says that she knew that I would be back and that is why she was patient.
We have been married 30 years now and I can honestly say that she has followed every biblical teaching related to supporting her husband. God has blessed me with an exceptional wife.
I am still behind in my repayment to her and will probably take me the rest of my life.

Thank you for sharing that, Henry. What a wonderful testimony!
Can you think of anything specific these days that she does to support your leadership of the family?

 

[GQ Chris]

can I chime in.. even though I am not married... I think just generally being loving and supportive and having the house clean and dinner cooked; it doesn't mean all the time, and I don't demand this all the time...

Also, letting me have my way, like if I am busting my tail at the office and I sometimes have to work overtime, there's going to be days when I am going to come home and just straight up be a barbarian, lol.. as in, she may not be in the mood but if its been on my mind all day, I'm comin home like a man on a mission, lol.

 

[Hentenza]

Thank you for sharing that, Henry. What a wonderful testimony!
Can you think of anything specific these days that she does to support your leadership of the family?

What I have is examples. Here is one. In "matters of wisdom" she always defers to me even though I know that she has great wisdom and understanding. We are blessed with having a great relationship with our children and their spouses but when my children, and grandchildren now, are in need of advise she always tells than to go talk to me. I know that she is perfectly capable of offering the same advise but she chooses to put me ahead. I hope that made sense.

 

[dorig59]

First, I know there are a few people kicking around this forum who do not believe in male headship in the home. That is NOT what this thread is about, so please do not start a debate on that here. Start a new thread if you want to debate the issue.

What I would love to hear is how men here feel most supported and encouraged in their role as head of the home, and more specifically as the spiritual leader of the home. What things have your wives done that have been wonderful in that area, and what things would you like them to do to support you? What sorts of things (fear for example) keep you from taking that leadership role at times, and how can wives help in those areas?

Thank you for asking this question, I've been wondering about this myself. I hope a few more hubbies will get on here and answer!!

 

[GreenMunchkin]

This is an awesome thread, Desi Have wondered about this before, too.

May I ask an ancillary question? (Don't want to step on your toes, so please let me know if you'd like me to delete it, k?)

Am wondering what Christian husbands feel it means for your wife to submit? That is to say, have seen men say it means their wives are very much secondary, and to be subservient - it seems to cross over into misogyny sometimes, and I've never believed it to mean that. But so do you expect your wife to, almost, be your servant?

 

[CADude12]

I am not married yet, but the wedding in scheduled for this coming April.

In all things spiritual, my girlfriend is light years ahead of me. How can I expect to be the spiritual head of the marriage?

My prayer life is poor (something I need to work on), I go to church on Sundays (maybe just because she wants us to), I go to the men's Bible study with Pastor "K", (ditto on that).

All that being said - I believe that I have grown as a Christian over the past 10 years, from the time I was just out of high school. I partied a lot during college, no question. I had a lot of girlfriends, yep, that's true. Somehow, God pulled me closer despite all of that.

I guess the "bottom line" ('cause Stone Cold said so!") was this Jabroni was brought closer by the grace of God, put the pot and the girls aside, and managed to, with the grace of God, mature to the place I am today. I still enjoy off road motorcycling, and some old friends can tempt me to go backward, but I'm settling in to a new life. In time, I'll have my PhD, and be able to either work in bio-medical research, or possibly teach, or both.

Plus, I'll be a husband, and probably a father (God willing).

"Praise God from whom all blessings flow."

 

[Jim47]

This is an awesome thread, Desi Have wondered about this before, too.

May I ask an ancillary question? (Don't want to step on your toes, so please let me know if you'd like me to delete it, k?)

Am wondering what Christian husbands feel it means for your wife to submit? That is to say, have seen men say it means their wives are very much secondary, and to be subservient - it seems to cross over into misogyny sometimes, and I've never believed it to mean that. But so do you expect your wife to, almost, be your servant?

No, its not about seritude. Its about submitting, just as man submits to God his Father, a woman is also to submit to her husband and not over rule him.

In all ways a woman is equal to a man, but man has been given the responcibility of being head of house. Its all about role playing, not lourding it over one another.

Man should think more of his wife then he thinks of himself, in other words her needs come first as long its not harmful to them as a family nor in violation of God's law. This does not mean that the wife always gets to pick out the paint for the living room, but the husband should ask for and allow for her input, and be respectful of her choices as well.

In more important matters such as rasing the children, the husband should follow God's direction, and the wife should submit to the husband as he is responcible to God.

The husband is also responcible for the family budget, not the wife, but he needs to give her ample money for gorceries and clothes and things like that.

The wife does also share a great responcibility on raising the children. God gave special gifts to women to raise children. Women are more patient and better at showing love and support. Together husband and wife are to bring up the children in the fear and love of the Lord.

In an ideal situation the mother should stay home to raise the children and take care of hubby but in our sinful age this is all but impossible as in most families it takes two incomes just to make ends meet. But this does not give the husband and wife an excuse to think about nothing but making money so they can live more lavish lives in frivelity.

What I've written here is sometimes pretty hard to follow, but its the way God designed things.

What could be better then for Mom to stay home raising children and keeping hubby fat and happy, and likewise for hubby to treat his bride like she was a very special part of him?

 

[desmalia]

 

[dorig59]

No, its not about seritude. Its about submitting, just as man submits to God his Father, a woman is also to submit to her husband and not over rule him.

In all ways a woman is equal to a man, but man has been given the responcibility of being head of house. Its all about role playing, not lourding it over one another.

Man should think more of his wife then he thinks of himself, in other words her needs come first as long its not harmful to them as a family nor in violation of God's law. This does not mean that the wife always gets to pick out the paint for the living room, but the husband should ask for and allow for her input, and be respectful of her choices as well.

In more important matters such as rasing the children, the husband should follow God's direction, and the wife should submit to the husband as he is responcible to God.

The husband is also responcible for the family budget, not the wife, but he needs to give her ample money for gorceries and clothes and things like that.

The wife does also share a great responcibility on raising the children. God gave special gifts to women to raise children. Women are more patient and better at showing love and support. Together husband and wife are to bring up the children in the fear and love of the Lord.

In an ideal situation the mother should stay home to raise the children and take care of hubby but in our sinful age this is all but impossible as in most families it takes two incomes just to make ends meet. But this does not give the husband and wife an excuse to think about nothing but making money so they can live more lavish lives in frivelity.

What I've written here is sometimes pretty hard to follow, but its the way God designed things.

What could be better then for Mom to stay home raising children and keeping hubby fat and happy, and likewise for hubby to treat his bride like she was a very special part of him?

I'm sorry I hadn't seen this sooner. You express yourself very, very well and I agree completely with this beautiful picture you have painted.

 

[CruciFixed]

I want to know the answer too because my DH does not think he is supposed to be the head of house or that I am to submit to him.

Sometimes I forget that, especially when it comes to sex. Not that I think we are supposed to be submissive in sex its just that sometimes he wants to do things like look or touch when I am getting dressed and I always pull his hand away.....or tell him to quit being gross.
Is that wrong? I hate being touched all the time and the way he looks at me sometimes even when I am not doing anything sexual or coming on to him it gives me the willies. Am I wrong? If so how do I correct this besides with prayer?

 

[dorig59]

I am not married yet, but the wedding in scheduled for this coming April.

In all things spiritual, my girlfriend is light years ahead of me. How can I expect to be the spiritual head of the marriage?

My prayer life is poor (something I need to work on), I go to church on Sundays (maybe just because she wants us to), I go to the men's Bible study with Pastor "K", (ditto on that).

All that being said - I believe that I have grown as a Christian over the past 10 years, from the time I was just out of high school. I partied a lot during college, no question. I had a lot of girlfriends, yep, that's true. Somehow, God pulled me closer despite all of that.

I guess the "bottom line" ('cause Stone Cold said so!") was this Jabroni was brought closer by the grace of God, put the pot and the girls aside, and managed to, with the grace of God, mature to the place I am today. I still enjoy off road motorcycling, and some old friends can tempt me to go backward, but I'm settling in to a new life. In time, I'll have my PhD, and be able to either work in bio-medical research, or possibly teach, or both.

Plus, I'll be a husband, and probably a father (God willing).

"Praise God from whom all blessings flow."

God knows your heart and he knows you desire to be the husband you want to be, and that He wants you to be. Pray, ask for wisdom and stay in His word

 

[CruciFixed]

I cook, clean, take care of our son and do the laundry all of this while he works. When he comes home I kiss him and I offer him something to drink (non alcoholic he's been sober for 10 years and he's not turning back so yeah) and I serve him hot food even if its been hours since I've cooked it I nuke it until its warm. Then I allow him to relax but always remind him to pray before eating. Kind of a tradition. Then he sits on the computer and enjoys playing games or reading about his favorite sports team while I clean up after the baby and prepare him for bed.

I feel this is right and what I should do not that I am forced and I don't feel it makes me any less of a woman either. I love taking care of the house. I absolutely love it and it brings me joy.

I don't know how to convince my husband, though that he is the one head and not me. He thinks I should control the finances and decide how things are spent so that we don't go in the negatives. I am good at budgeting but feel he needs to learn to because I know he's smart enough to run the finances.