Sorry since I can't post this topic in the married forum, I'm just posting it here for everyone =D
For husbands:
1. Have you ever asked/demanded your wife to submit to you? (something along the lines of saying/implying to her that you are the boss or decision maker or that she should be more submissive etc).
2. If so, how did she respond (e.g. turned off, offended, upset, happy, obedient, etc)? Do you think it worked or should you have tried another method?
3. Or...How do you get your wife to submit to you without coming across as controlling or denigrating?
For wives:
1. Have you ever been told by your husband to be more submissive because he is the head/decision maker/ boss?
2. If so, how did you feel and respond? Do you think he could have tried other strategies?
3. I know the bible tells women to submit to husband but is it true that many wives are turned off when their husbands use such approach? How can a woman change her husband's authoritative approach without coming across as disrespectful or nagging?
* I'm just asking for everyone's experience and opinion to gain a bit more insight and wisdom about the dynamic between husband/wife in a biblical context/lifestyle. There's a few couples I've met where the husband is quite authoritative (godly man otherwise) and I can't imagine dealing with such overbearing and imposing personalities (I'm not sure whether it's just me but I would be mad if my man makes a decision without even asking for my opinion and just expects that I will agree or follow along - at least ask and consider my input or feelings before making the decision so you can get an alternative perspective and it makes the woman feel respected).
Oh yes, I was brow beaten by my paranoid-schizophrenic ex husband about not being submissive enough quite a bit. It made no difference that I tried by hardest to comply with his every wish. The problem was that I didn't mirror his every thought, and he thought I was having affairs when such an idea had never crossed my mind. He demanded I disregard my conscience, and obey him in every detail.
He told me constantly that our marriage problems were all my fault. He even took me to a marriage counselor, and then got angry when the counselor started telling him he needed to learn how to love.
He stopped the counseling thing, saying I had prejudiced the counselor against him, just like I did everyone else.
The Bible never tells the husband to make sure his wife submits.
It only ever tells the wife to make it her own responsibility to submit to him.
And there's a very good reason for that.
It doesn't work for husbands to try to get their wives to submit.
Submission is a voluntary act.
Submission cannot be coerced.
If "submission" is coerced, it becomes unhealthy domination.
Now, as to submission... should a husband ever submit to his wife?
Remember how Sarai put her foot down, demanding Hagar and Ishmael be kicked out?
God told Abraham to hearken to his wife, against Abram's will.
Sarai called Abraham her "lord"... but she stood up to him.
She had spunk!
And she was not out of line.
Therefore, I believe the New Testament injunction for wives to submit to their husbands may have been somewhat in response to the Roman male-dominated household, enshrined in Roman Law... and also possibly in response to the worship of Artemis, a goddess that urged women to overthrow male power wherever it existed.
God calls us to love one another. Dominating another person is not love.
Think about it.
God tells men to submit to each other in the church.
Now, in that context, if a man is dominated by others in the church, does that man feel loved? Appreciated? Honored?
Inasmuch as you would have others do unto you, even so do ye unto women.
Honor them, as they are weaker. Don't put them down. Don't make jokes at their expense. Don't run over them, as if they don't matter. That's dishonoring.
And if you don't honor your wife, God won't honor your prayers.
