Husband wife submission

[Fivesenses]

Sorry since I can't post this topic in the married forum, I'm just posting it here for everyone =D

For husbands:
1. Have you ever asked/demanded your wife to submit to you? (something along the lines of saying/implying to her that you are the boss or decision maker or that she should be more submissive etc).
2. If so, how did she respond (e.g. turned off, offended, upset, happy, obedient, etc)? Do you think it worked or should you have tried another method?
3. Or...How do you get your wife to submit to you without coming across as controlling or denigrating?

For wives:
1. Have you ever been told by your husband to be more submissive because he is the head/decision maker/ boss?
2. If so, how did you feel and respond? Do you think he could have tried other strategies?
3. I know the bible tells women to submit to husband but is it true that many wives are turned off when their husbands use such approach? How can a woman change her husband's authoritative approach without coming across as disrespectful or nagging?

* I'm just asking for everyone's experience and opinion to gain a bit more insight and wisdom about the dynamic between husband/wife in a biblical context/lifestyle. There's a few couples I've met where the husband is quite authoritative (godly man otherwise) and I can't imagine dealing with such overbearing and imposing personalities (I'm not sure whether it's just me but I would be mad if my man makes a decision without even asking for my opinion and just expects that I will agree or follow along - at least ask and consider my input or feelings before making the decision so you can get an alternative perspective and it makes the woman feel respected).

 

[archer75]

Husband here. I'd kind of like to ask before replying: regarding what?

 

[Fivesenses]

Husband here. I'd kind of like to ask before replying: regarding what?

In general..it could be anything depending on your experience ...I haven't really got anything specific in mind.

 

[joshua 1 9]

Sorry since I can't post this topic in the married forum, I'm just posting it here for everyone =D

For husbands:
1. Have you ever asked/demanded your wife to submit to you? (something along the lines of saying/implying to her that you are the boss or decision maker or that she should be more submissive etc).
2. If so, how did she respond (e.g. turned off, offended, upset, happy, obedient, etc)? Do you think it worked or should you have tried another method?
3. Or...How do you get your wife to submit to you without coming across as controlling or denigrating?

For wives:
1. Have you ever been told by your husband to be more submissive because he is the head/decision maker/ boss?
2. If so, how did you feel and respond? Do you think he could have tried other strategies?
3. I know the bible tells women to submit to husband but is it true that many wives are turned off when their husbands use such approach? How can a woman change her husband's authoritative approach without coming across as disrespectful or nagging?

* I'm just asking for everyone's experience and opinion to gain a bit more insight and wisdom about the dynamic between husband/wife in a biblical context/lifestyle. There's a few couples I've met where the husband is quite authoritative (godly man otherwise) and I can't imagine dealing with such overbearing and imposing personalities (I'm not sure whether it's just me but I would be mad if my man makes a decision without even asking for my opinion and just expects that I will agree or follow along - at least ask and consider my input or feelings before making the decision so you can get an alternative perspective and it makes the woman feel respected).

The Husband is to be the leader in the home and He is to love His wife with the same love that Jesus has for the True Church. "For God loved the world so much that he gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life." This is a sacrificial love where Jesus sacrificed Himself for the sake of the Bride.

Eph 5 21 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. 22 Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is head of the wife, just as Christ is the head of the church, His body, of which He is the Savior.…

The wife is to submit to her husband to the degree that her husband has submitted himself to Jesus. They are to submit to one another.

 

[CrystalDragon]

Sorry since I can't post this topic in the married forum, I'm just posting it here for everyone =D

For husbands:
1. Have you ever asked/demanded your wife to submit to you? (something along the lines of saying/implying to her that you are the boss or decision maker or that she should be more submissive etc).
2. If so, how did she respond (e.g. turned off, offended, upset, happy, obedient, etc)? Do you think it worked or should you have tried another method?
3. Or...How do you get your wife to submit to you without coming across as controlling or denigrating?

For wives:
1. Have you ever been told by your husband to be more submissive because he is the head/decision maker/ boss?
2. If so, how did you feel and respond? Do you think he could have tried other strategies?
3. I know the bible tells women to submit to husband but is it true that many wives are turned off when their husbands use such approach? How can a woman change her husband's authoritative approach without coming across as disrespectful or nagging?

* I'm just asking for everyone's experience and opinion to gain a bit more insight and wisdom about the dynamic between husband/wife in a biblical context/lifestyle. There's a few couples I've met where the husband is quite authoritative (godly man otherwise) and I can't imagine dealing with such overbearing and imposing personalities (I'm not sure whether it's just me but I would be mad if my man makes a decision without even asking for my opinion and just expects that I will agree or follow along - at least ask and consider my input or feelings before making the decision so you can get an alternative perspective and it makes the woman feel respected).

That's why I feel like the Bible can be damaging in a husband-wife relationship.

 

[archer75]

I hesitate to reply, but I'm going to anyway. Who knows, maybe this will be useful or maybe someone will give me good advice.

I think that "with great power comes great responsibility" (thanks, Stan Lee). And regarding things like anticipating consequences (emotional, temporal, physical) or interpreting many situations, I have the better skill set. Therefore, I have more responsibility to make sure things go well, short-term and long-term.
There hasn't yet been a situation where I had to resort to "naked authority". I would, but only in a true emergency. Otherwise, since my responsibility is to her, there's no place for submission-talk which would seem confusingly insulting ("You're an adult, but you'll do what I say FOR YOUR OWN GOOD!"). The preferred method is to use the skills that I believe I have greater mastery of in advance so that everything can go as well as possible without even the appearance of conflict. This includes talking, maybe hiding or softening strong emotions I may feel so as not to trigger "response" emotions, and saying things in a way that makes sense TO HER and not just to me

For the record, I endeavor to yield (or "submit") to her judgment in instances where she knows better.

 

[Solomons Porch]

I could be oh so wrong with this answer....but I will throw it out there. As you can see I am a woman, for me personally to (easily) submit these are the things I need to be able to do so. For every woman and man has a different situation, I would not expect a woman who is living with an abusive man (or anything of the like) to be able to submit for each man and woman has different agendas (hypothetically) speaking.

I have no problem submitting to a husband IF he leads me in a Godly manner and makes God the center of the home. If he protects me and provides for me and I know he would do nothing to harm me, problem solved, I can easily submit without forcing myself to do so, because it comes natural. He gives me "the feeling" that he is loving me as Christ loves the church. So as a woman, I would gladly submit (trust) him to lead our home, marriage and family.

I cannot speak for a man.....I would just assume the same. Except I know a mans needs vary greatly than that of a womans. He needs confirmation that he is doing a good job, that he can feel secure and not threatened, that he is respected and adored. That his physical needs are being met, by the wife who waits for him with (baited breath) like he is the hero of the world. So in this I say if the man and woman are truly doing their part and loving in the way the bible tells us to love honor and obey.....then submitting to one another should be no problem at all.

 

[NothingIsImpossible]

Well I don't think women are to be a mans slave, though to many men think its what the bible is saying. However with the new waves of feminism, to many christian women don't even want to be told anything period. They see themselves as "above" a man. And yet in the same breath will call their husband head of the house.

 

[4x4toy]

Have I ever put my foot down, yes . Has she ever tried to henpeck me, yes . Have I been perfect, not even close ..Through the years of seeking God she has learned that I do what is best for us first, then her, then me .. She knows I put Jesus first in the way we approach life and she has learned to trust my decisions . She is truly a crown to me .. She offers me wise council from a gentler perspective that I treasure ..Some of her friends get angry when she tells them she'll ask me .. I take all her worry away with provision , protection and hopefully wisdom from a mans perspective . I like being a man and her husband I can fix things, she used to hold my arm and softly sing to me when we laid in bed from her heart, totally happy with disregard to her shy inhibitions, what a woman, what a wife .. She submits herself to me with love and I'd try my best to move heaven or hell for her for it . I can't stop bragging on her , I was the first date she ever had , her mother give her up to her fathers parents her grandparents who raised her old school strict .. Our first date she puked all over my new super sport Camaro, I'm saying don't worry but I'm thinking this chick has got to go
.. A month later I was letting her drive it to school .. We dated for about a year then one night she come in with a new hair perm, one of those long shags . She was pretty but with that new cut she was as beautiful as any woman I've ever seen .. I decided right then to marry her .."Get er done" "Got er did" .. I think she had it planned the whole time and being the woman she is and patient made a man out of me .. .. Glory to God !!!

 

[Dave-W]

There is a difference between submission and obedience.

The first is a heart attitude that all should have.
The second is an outward act that may or may not reflect the heart.

All that to say you can submit without obeying; and you can obey without submitting.

Example of Submission without obedience.
A husband asks his wife to sign on a tax form that she knows is fraudulent. She replies: "I would love to give you what you want and to do what you ask; but this is both illegal and sinful. As much as I love you, I cannot in good conscience before God do that."

Example of Obedience without submission.
A father has his 5 year old son in church and tells him to sit down. But the boy insists on standing and trying to run around. The father grabs him and sits him down, and he gets back up again right away. Finally the dad tells the boy that if he gets up again before the end of the service he would be spanked hard. The boy glares up at his dad and says "I may be sitting down on the outside but I am standing up on the inside!"

 

[squirrel123]

For wives:
1. Have you ever been told by your husband to be more submissive because he is the head/decision maker/ boss?

Nope. He hasn't and he never will. He respects me too much.

2. If so, how did you feel and respond? Do you think he could have tried other strategies?

N/A

3. I know the bible tells women to submit to husband but is it true that many wives are turned off when their husbands use such approach? How can a woman change her husband's authoritative approach without coming across as disrespectful or nagging?

I don't know that a woman can change her husband's approach. I don't think it's a good idea to marry a man with the idea that he has to change. The way I see it - I married him because I loved him - all of him, faults included. In the unlikely event that I manage to change him, how do I know he will still be the man that I fell in love with?

I would be mad if my man makes a decision without even asking for my opinion and just expects that I will agree or follow along - at least ask and consider my input or feelings before making the decision so you can get an alternative perspective and it makes the woman feel respected).

I am of the opinion that too many men read Eph 5:22-23 in isolation, forgetting to continue on towards the part where he is told to love her as Christ loved the church, and to give himself up for her - ie. To place her needs above his at all times, and even more important, to go back one verse and read from verse 21 - "Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ." - He is also commanded to submit to her!

To sum up - I do submit to my husband. One of the (many) reasons why I married him, is because it because clear that I can submit to him without giving up my autonomy. He does not assume authority - he returns my submission right back to me by respecting my wishes and opinions and never acting on the assumption that he is somehow more than me in any way. We both live Eph 5:21-30 - all of it - not just verses 22-23!

I truly don't think any person, male or female, can successful live that passage alone. It needs to be a two way street. Submission by a wife while the husband assumes authority is a recipe for abuse, and a husband submitting and loving his wife as commanded in verses 21 and 25-30, while she refuses to reciprocate, is equally a recipe for an unhappy marriage.

PS: I have been told on this forum that I am blessed in my marriage - and I believe that is very true. My marriage is only one of the way in which I am abundantly blessed and I thank God for it every day...

 

[johndoo]

I have asked my wife to be more submissive.
It has been a complete failure.
I have given up and don't use the scripture for that purpose any longer.

 

[Larniavc]

Sorry since I can't post this topic in the married forum, I'm just posting it here for everyone =D

For husbands:
1. Have you ever asked/demanded your wife to submit to you? (something along the lines of saying/implying to her that you are the boss or decision maker or that she should be more submissive etc).
2. If so, how did she respond (e.g. turned off, offended, upset, happy, obedient, etc)? Do you think it worked or should you have tried another method?
3. Or...How do you get your wife to submit to you without coming across as controlling or denigrating?

For wives:
1. Have you ever been told by your husband to be more submissive because he is the head/decision maker/ boss?
2. If so, how did you feel and respond? Do you think he could have tried other strategies?
3. I know the bible tells women to submit to husband but is it true that many wives are turned off when their husbands use such approach? How can a woman change her husband's authoritative approach without coming across as disrespectful or nagging?

* I'm just asking for everyone's experience and opinion to gain a bit more insight and wisdom about the dynamic between husband/wife in a biblical context/lifestyle. There's a few couples I've met where the husband is quite authoritative (godly man otherwise) and I can't imagine dealing with such overbearing and imposing personalities (I'm not sure whether it's just me but I would be mad if my man makes a decision without even asking for my opinion and just expects that I will agree or follow along - at least ask and consider my input or feelings before making the decision so you can get an alternative perspective and it makes the woman feel respected).

I have never demanded that my wife submit.

What kind of a foundation for a relationship is that?

 

[WolfGate]

Sorry since I can't post this topic in the married forum, I'm just posting it here for everyone =D

For husbands:
1. Have you ever asked/demanded your wife to submit to you? (something along the lines of saying/implying to her that you are the boss or decision maker or that she should be more submissive etc).
2. If so, how did she respond (e.g. turned off, offended, upset, happy, obedient, etc)? Do you think it worked or should you have tried another method?
3. Or...How do you get your wife to submit to you without coming across as controlling or denigrating?

1) No. While we used to identify as complementarian (before I decided that word had been co-opted by patriarchs), I do not see the man's role as being to tell the wife what to do in that way. Headship of the family is a servant responsibility that should drive me to seek agreement between us, and, if agreement cannot be achieved, to if possible serve her by striving to see that her desires and needs are met. She sees her role as a complement to that which also directs her to try and achieve agreement and if we cannot for her to examine if the route I prefer is perhaps acceptable and still good for the family. This focus on submitting to each other has, when we do it unselfishly, resulted in decisions being made that we are both content making. (Of course we both struggle with selfishness at times - banging heads is generally a sign to examine if that is the case).

2) N/A

3) I can't "get" her to do anything. Her part of us serving each other has to come from her.

 

[CrystalDragon]

Well I don't think women are to be a mans slave, though to many men think its what the bible is saying. However with the new waves of feminism, to many christian women don't even want to be told anything period. They see themselves as "above" a man. And yet in the same breath will call their husband head of the house.

I don't think you even know what "feminism" means.

 

[2PhiloVoid]

Sorry since I can't post this topic in the married forum, I'm just posting it here for everyone =D

For husbands:
1. Have you ever asked/demanded your wife to submit to you? (something along the lines of saying/implying to her that you are the boss or decision maker or that she should be more submissive etc).

Yes.

2. If so, how did she respond (e.g. turned off, offended, upset, happy, obedient, etc)? Do you think it worked or should you have tried another method?

When I posited the idea that "I was the boss" ..... ......she gave me "THE STARE," and then soon after, a profusion of verbal responses that sounded something like....giggling. Anyone know what this means?

3. Or...How do you get your wife to submit to you without coming across as controlling or denigrating?

I'm still working on that. I'll have to get back to you on that one ...........

* I'm just asking for everyone's experience and opinion to gain a bit more insight and wisdom about the dynamic between husband/wife in a biblical context/lifestyle. There's a few couples I've met where the husband is quite authoritative (godly man otherwise) and I can't imagine dealing with such overbearing and imposing personalities (I'm not sure whether it's just me but I would be mad if my man makes a decision without even asking for my opinion and just expects that I will agree or follow along - at least ask and consider my input or feelings before making the decision so you can get an alternative perspective and it makes the woman feel respected).

Yes, some husbands are 'whip-lashers,' much to the detriment of their relationship.

Peace,
2PhiloVoid

 

[WolfGate]

I don't think you even know what "feminism" means.

...and that is a never ending cyclical argument because feminism has so many meanings depending on who is speaking that it essentially has no meaning at all any longer. According to Rebecca Bohanan (Huffington Post), if you support "the actual feminist movement",you have to support a political movement that includes funding Planned Parenthood the Democratic Party. Others mean feminist in its most basic sense that women and men should have equal opportunity in all areas of legal, economic and social life.

JMHO in the end, but I prefer to use a more specific phrase when discussing issues and avoid the word feminist.

 

[NothingIsImpossible]

I don't think you even know what "feminism" means.

...and that is a never ending cyclical argument because feminism has so many meanings depending on who is speaking that it essentially has no meaning at all any longer. According to Rebecca Bohanan (Huffington Post), if you support "the actual feminist movement",you have to support a political movement that includes funding Planned Parenthood the Democratic Party. Others mean feminist in its most basic sense that women and men should have equal opportunity in all areas of legal, economic and social life.

JMHO in the end, but I prefer to use a more specific phrase when discussing issues and avoid the word feminist.

Exactly. Feminists think they know what it means but don't understand the scale of what it started as and what it has now become. The original feminism was about equal pay, equal rights....etc. Which is fine with me. But as each new wave (generation) of feminists arrive, they have newer views. They current gen (like <any number> to 22) have a view of men are scum (which is why to many are not straight), don't trust men, don't have men in power, don't obey men, abortion, LGBT rights, be annoying until you get your way, cry and scream when you don't.

 

[All4Christ]

Exactly. Feminists think they know what it means but don't understand the scale of what it started as and what it has now become. The original feminism was about equal pay, equal rights....etc. Which is fine with me. But as each new wave (generation) of feminists arrive, they have newer views. They current gen (like <any number> to 22) have a view of men are scum (which is why to many are not straight), don't trust men, don't have men in power, don't obey men, abortion, LGBT rights, be annoying until you get your way, cry and scream when you don't.

This is the problem with the label "feminist". People assign a different meaning to it than what many people believe. There is a wide spectrum of feminism.

Most ladies I know who are 22 or under do not have the view you are promoting...even ones who consider themselves to be feminists.

 

[WolfGate]

Most ladies I know who are 22 or under do not have the view you are promoting...even ones who consider themselves to be feminists.

I'd agree with that. Got an 18 year old daughter we are close to which means we have 17-21 year old girls around us quite a bit. From the conversations in our house, most of them have really healthy viewpoints about men.