Help...

[honestpanda]

My husband and I have been together for going on 14 years. It hasn't been easy to say the least. There are a few recurring issues, him and other women, lying, making everything my fault, deception and making me question my sanity to hide the truth of what he is really doing.

He is always lying trying to make me believe that everything is okay in our relationship and it's not. I know women always think there is something wrong, but everything is not okay. We don't pray together, we don't read the Bible together. Everything is my fault. He doesn't want to acknowledge his wrongs, there is always an excuse. He is not a good leader, almost everything is up to me.

We have been together since we were 17 and 18, he has told me he has a lust for women. He has cheated numerous times before, I think he is still cheating, whether it is emotionally or physically.

I also know my wrongs, but I just want to know the truth. I don't know how to fake a smile or suppress my emotions and the way I feel for him and just love him no matter what. I want to stand up for myself. I am tired of everything seeming likes it is my fault. Mentally that is hard for me to deal with. I can't function somedays, I cry, I think about him, what is he doing, is he lying.

I am at this point of I don't want to hear him tell me he loves me or his flattery. I don't want him touching me or be intimate with him. He probably doesn't want to hear from me either, because my attitude is not consistent. Because I always think he is up to something, being suspicious of him. When he lies or is trying to get over on me, he becomes real sweet.

How do I do this? Is the only answer prayer? What can I do to protect myself? How can I stand up for myself? Or do I have to submit to him doing all of this?


We have been talking about friendship and when I directly ask him about us being friends, he always diverts, or answer my question with a question. Anytime I ask him about the women he is talking to, I get threaten like I am going to tell someone or he makes me feel bad. I honestly don't care who he tells, he could get on the microphone at church and say something. Then I am apologizing and have anxiety about if he is going to stop showing me affection, stop showing me attention. I guess this is his way of having me, so he can continue to do what he wants. Should I just let him? What should I say to him?

 

[RaymondG]

My husband and I have been together for going on 14 years. It hasn't been easy to say the least. There are a few recurring issues, him and other women, lying, making everything my fault, deception and making me question my sanity to hide the truth of what he is really doing.

He is always lying trying to make me believe that everything is okay in our relationship and it's not. I know women always think there is something wrong, but everything is not okay. We don't pray together, we don't read the Bible together. Everything is my fault. He doesn't want to acknowledge his wrongs, there is always an excuse. He is not a good leader, almost everything is up to me.

We have been together since we were 17 and 18, he has told me he has a lust for women. He has cheated numerous times before, I think he is still cheating, whether it is emotionally or physically.

I also know my wrongs, but I just want to know the truth. I don't know how to fake a smile or suppress my emotions and the way I feel for him and just love him no matter what. I want to stand up for myself. I am tired of everything seeming likes it is my fault. Mentally that is hard for me to deal with. I can't function somedays, I cry, I think about him, what is he doing, is he lying.

I am at this point of I don't want to hear him tell me he loves me or his flattery. I don't want him touching or to have sex with him. He probably doesn't want to hear from me either, because my attitude is not consistent. Because I always think he is up to something, being suspicious of him. When he lies or is trying to get over on me, he becomes real sweet.

How do I do this? Is the only answer prayer? What can I do to protect myself? How can I stand up for myself? Or do I have to submit to him doing all of this?

What does protecting yourself look like? You say you dont want to be intimate with our husband and you also have issues thinking about him being intimate with someone else.

What is it that you would like? What are the desires of your heart?

 

[honestpanda]

I am constantly intimate with him, but I don't want to be intimate with him if he keeps lying about other women he is talking to, lying about the way he feels, lying about where he is going and what he is doing. It is a turn off, sometimes I lay there and look at him and ask myself do I know this man?

He told me one night that he has no choice but to like me. He tells me, I can't have sex with anyone else. The way he says is like he is stuck.


What does protecting yourself look like?
Guarding my mind, will and emotions, so that I don't fall for the games he plays.

What is it that you would like?
To love him how God loves Him, to understand how to hide my heart so I am not easily hurt. How do you deal with a man who doesn't want to acknowledge what he is doing wrong, how do you stand up for yourself when you are always te blame and it's not just you.

What are the desires of your heart?
My heart desires for him to stop. Stop the lies, be all into this relationship. Stop treating me this way.

 

[Cclun]

My husband and I have been together for going on 14 years. It hasn't been easy to say the least. There are a few recurring issues, him and other women, lying, making everything my fault, deception and making me question my sanity to hide the truth of what he is really doing.

He is always lying trying to make me believe that everything is okay in our relationship and it's not. I know women always think there is something wrong, but everything is not okay. We don't pray together, we don't read the Bible together. Everything is my fault. He doesn't want to acknowledge his wrongs, there is always an excuse. He is not a good leader, almost everything is up to me.

We have been together since we were 17 and 18, he has told me he has a lust for women. He has cheated numerous times before, I think he is still cheating, whether it is emotionally or physically.

I also know my wrongs, but I just want to know the truth. I don't know how to fake a smile or suppress my emotions and the way I feel for him and just love him no matter what. I want to stand up for myself. I am tired of everything seeming likes it is my fault. Mentally that is hard for me to deal with. I can't function somedays, I cry, I think about him, what is he doing, is he lying.

I am at this point of I don't want to hear him tell me he loves me or his flattery. I don't want him touching me or be intimate with him. He probably doesn't want to hear from me either, because my attitude is not consistent. Because I always think he is up to something, being suspicious of him. When he lies or is trying to get over on me, he becomes real sweet.

How do I do this? Is the only answer prayer? What can I do to protect myself? How can I stand up for myself? Or do I have to submit to him doing all of this?


We have been talking about friendship and when I directly ask him about us being friends, he always diverts, or answer my question with a question. Anytime I ask him about the women he is talking to, I get threaten like I am going to tell someone or he makes me feel bad. I honestly don't care who he tells, he could get on the microphone at church and say something. Then I am apologizing and have anxiety about if he is going to stop showing me affection, stop showing me attention. I guess this is his way of having me, so he can continue to do what he wants. Should I just let him? What should I say to him?

As a Christian who has been married for 25 years, I will tell you our husbands can do a lot of wrongs, and we are to forgive them just like Christ forgives us. But at the same time, It is wrong to allow our spouse to continue to sink into sin and not confront - especially sexual sin, sinning against his own body, and then expecting to be intimate with you afterwards.

The lying, deceptions, affairs needs to be addressed, and if you are attending a church, and you already felt like you had confronted him and that is not going anywhere, I would go to the church pastor and ask for help, and then marital counseling for sure. Your husband's behavior is not honoring God, and he is violating the marriage vows by having someone else in the marriage. Is It repairable? Of course yes, nothing is impossible with God! At the same time, communicate with him that you love him more than anything and wants to repair your marriage. he is wrong, but that does not mean a divorce and give up quite yet. If he sees sin for what It is, and repent and turn away, your marriage can be saved.

 

[honestpanda]

As a Christian who has been married for 25 years, I will tell you our husbands can do a lot of wrongs, and we are to forgive them just like Christ forgives us. But at the same time, It is wrong to allow our spouse to continue to sink into sin and not confront - especially sexual sin, sinning against his own body, and then expecting to be intimate with you afterwards.

The lying, deceptions, affairs needs to be addressed, and if you are attending a church, and you already felt like you had confronted him and that is not going anywhere, I would go to the church pastor and ask for help, and then marital counseling for sure. Your husband's behavior is not honoring God, and he is violating the marriage vows by having someone else in the marriage. Is It repairable? Of course yes, nothing is impossible with God! At the same time, communicate with him that you love him more than anything and wants to repair your marriage. he is wrong, but that does not mean a divorce and give up quite yet. If he sees sin for what It is, and repent and turn away, your marriage can be saved.

I have addressed him about the other women, he denies it, I get threatened in some way, either him leaving or he plays mind games and makes me feel bad about what I am asking him. There is a lot going on in our marriage. I will have to pray, that is best right now. He doesn't want to make the choice to stop right now. It is hard because I don't have anyone to talk to here where I am about my mental state. He would go to counseling if I wanted us to. So maybe I will pursue that, we need help. I need help. Thank you for your encouragement.

 

[Joined2krist]

I think you still love him and he knows this so he continues in his deception, lies and threats. It will help your marriage if you both seek counselling, he should be willing to make things work as much as you are, you should also try to focus on other things you love doing, divert your attention a bit more so that there's a balance in your life and you won't get hurt so easily. God bless

 

[Brenda Blakely]

Sounds like it is time for a marriage check up. Marriage is a relationship between two people with God at the head and each following and serving Him.. I suggest you read the book Ready to Wed and maybe check out what to expect in the give and take of this beautiful relationship. The book Boundaries is also good as it seems some boundaries may need to be set. Any relationship built on lies is not real. For me personally I can’t handle lies, I simply don’t know what is what. I think counseling may be in order. This can be with your pastor if he is properly trained in this area or you can call this number for resources (855 382 5433) I send a hug and a prayer your way. God bless you.