- Jan 14, 2018
- 1
- 3
- 47
- Country
- New Zealand
- Faith
- Pentecostal
- Marital Status
- Married
I need to see if Iam wrong about this. I have been happily married for 22 yrs. My husband works hard and takes good care of me and our big family. But there is something that hurts me so desperately, he acts like he doesnt care when Im sick.
So a few months ago I rang him to say my asthma was bad and I needed to get to the doctor asap. He was still a 30min drive away and I couldnt leave the kids so had to wait! when he got home instead of coming to the couch to check on me he started putting stuff in the fridge he had brought and chatted to the kids for a minute. I was in a bad state by then. He came and sat on the arm of the chair next to me said Hi without looking at me, and started day dreaming at the tv. I was so breathless I couldnt speak eventually he said come on then do you wanna go to the doctor? when we arrived my oxygen was 93 and I couldnt breathe, was treated for quite a while and doctor seemed quite concerned, hubby played with his phone.
When I was pregnant with our 2yo I had a massive placental bleed at 32 weeks. We rushed to hospital, I was so scared! I thought he would die or I would. Once we got settled and we knew he was okay I was moved to another room and was monitored and stayed the night etc. I asked him to hold my hand but he complained the chair was too uncomfortable to lean over. The next day on the ward, the 3 other women in the room had all their husbands come in but mine was at work, it was a commercial job and they had a deadline so I understand that, but it was still sad for me, and later he never asked me how I felt about the whole thing which had been scary for me.
When I was taken in when pregnant with our 3yo. I had to go in the evening for monitoring as there were some complications. He stayed home to fix something to for work. I rang him at 10pm to pick me up after 5 hours alone. I hoped in the car and tearfully told him they want me to be admitted tommorow and be induced! instead of saying why? whats wrong? he said well I cant get any bloody time off work! (we have a big family and are self employed and like all have bills and debts etc so I know that worries him) So I went alone at 7am and he did a job three hours away. They tried all day to induce me and he finally came at 7pm, so I was alone for 12 hours.
When our twins died during pregnancy he was annoyed I wasnt 'over it' a week later and said he wasnt gonna take the kids to school another day because he was busy.
I was in hospital last year with an infection, I was just there the evening, I had to have iv antibiotics, he stayed home and watched tv with the kids. But I got upset because he didnt once txt me to see how I was and I was there 6 hours! I didnt leave to 11pm and he has to get up and go to work at 4am everyday so I got our daughter to drive me home so I wouldnt have to get him out, but I would have thought he could still txt. Another time I was vomiting for 6 hours when he was out of town, he came home dropped me at hospital and went home.
A few years ago I had to go for an MRI I am quite claustrophobic and was petrified! plus I was worrying about the outcome. He refused to come because of work so I had to take my 13yo daughter who sat in the waiting room for me so I had someone. I have no extended family mother or siblings.
HOWEVER he has a friend that was just admitted to hospital! turns out he went up there to VISIT , AND has offered to drive the guys car home for him, he was also nice enough to remember he needed a phone charger so loaned him one. I am SO SO SO UPSET by this! we have talked about this endlessly over the years, that he shows empathy to others and not me! he simply apologises and says 'its in the past I said sorry, I will be more helpful next time something happens' but then isnt! Im so angry and upset that he has supported a friend when he cant support me! Due to the very very long hours he works to support our family I cant ask him to help with housework at all and I dont, but then he can find the time and energy to help a friend. Look I could tell a million stories like these because there are many! he just seems to not 'worry' about me, yet when both our dads got sick and died he talked about how sick they were and how horrible it was, but when our youngest child got stuck during labor in a dramatic delivery which was hell for me and our son was born not breathing, he didnt say afterwards, was worried about you glad your okay! but he feels so sorry for this friend. He has texted him asking whats happening and offered to help
His mother has done nothing but say nasty things about me to me, in front of me and to him on the phone to him since we got married, and only visits us twice a year for 20 minutes which I dread! she is allowed to be horrible to me, and I said to him if she was in hosptial would you go see her? he said of course! this hurts me so much.
But regardless of this he is a loving husband. Im tired of talking about this issue because of done it till im blue in the face, and plus if I have to tell him to 'act' like he cares when im in hospital then its not real anyway! Ive cried and broken down and said how much it hurts me when he acts more caring to others than me, but he seems to think its me lacking empathy for them, which I dont, I just want to be treated with care too. I just want him to act more concerned and attentive instead of day dreaming when a doctor is speaking, or forgetting what was wrong with me! or forgetting the names we chose for the babies we lost.
am I wrong? I know he loves me and when I get upset he says I do care about you your everything to me! but it makes me sad
So a few months ago I rang him to say my asthma was bad and I needed to get to the doctor asap. He was still a 30min drive away and I couldnt leave the kids so had to wait! when he got home instead of coming to the couch to check on me he started putting stuff in the fridge he had brought and chatted to the kids for a minute. I was in a bad state by then. He came and sat on the arm of the chair next to me said Hi without looking at me, and started day dreaming at the tv. I was so breathless I couldnt speak eventually he said come on then do you wanna go to the doctor? when we arrived my oxygen was 93 and I couldnt breathe, was treated for quite a while and doctor seemed quite concerned, hubby played with his phone.
When I was pregnant with our 2yo I had a massive placental bleed at 32 weeks. We rushed to hospital, I was so scared! I thought he would die or I would. Once we got settled and we knew he was okay I was moved to another room and was monitored and stayed the night etc. I asked him to hold my hand but he complained the chair was too uncomfortable to lean over. The next day on the ward, the 3 other women in the room had all their husbands come in but mine was at work, it was a commercial job and they had a deadline so I understand that, but it was still sad for me, and later he never asked me how I felt about the whole thing which had been scary for me.
When I was taken in when pregnant with our 3yo. I had to go in the evening for monitoring as there were some complications. He stayed home to fix something to for work. I rang him at 10pm to pick me up after 5 hours alone. I hoped in the car and tearfully told him they want me to be admitted tommorow and be induced! instead of saying why? whats wrong? he said well I cant get any bloody time off work! (we have a big family and are self employed and like all have bills and debts etc so I know that worries him) So I went alone at 7am and he did a job three hours away. They tried all day to induce me and he finally came at 7pm, so I was alone for 12 hours.
When our twins died during pregnancy he was annoyed I wasnt 'over it' a week later and said he wasnt gonna take the kids to school another day because he was busy.
I was in hospital last year with an infection, I was just there the evening, I had to have iv antibiotics, he stayed home and watched tv with the kids. But I got upset because he didnt once txt me to see how I was and I was there 6 hours! I didnt leave to 11pm and he has to get up and go to work at 4am everyday so I got our daughter to drive me home so I wouldnt have to get him out, but I would have thought he could still txt. Another time I was vomiting for 6 hours when he was out of town, he came home dropped me at hospital and went home.
A few years ago I had to go for an MRI I am quite claustrophobic and was petrified! plus I was worrying about the outcome. He refused to come because of work so I had to take my 13yo daughter who sat in the waiting room for me so I had someone. I have no extended family mother or siblings.
HOWEVER he has a friend that was just admitted to hospital! turns out he went up there to VISIT , AND has offered to drive the guys car home for him, he was also nice enough to remember he needed a phone charger so loaned him one. I am SO SO SO UPSET by this! we have talked about this endlessly over the years, that he shows empathy to others and not me! he simply apologises and says 'its in the past I said sorry, I will be more helpful next time something happens' but then isnt! Im so angry and upset that he has supported a friend when he cant support me! Due to the very very long hours he works to support our family I cant ask him to help with housework at all and I dont, but then he can find the time and energy to help a friend. Look I could tell a million stories like these because there are many! he just seems to not 'worry' about me, yet when both our dads got sick and died he talked about how sick they were and how horrible it was, but when our youngest child got stuck during labor in a dramatic delivery which was hell for me and our son was born not breathing, he didnt say afterwards, was worried about you glad your okay! but he feels so sorry for this friend. He has texted him asking whats happening and offered to help
His mother has done nothing but say nasty things about me to me, in front of me and to him on the phone to him since we got married, and only visits us twice a year for 20 minutes which I dread! she is allowed to be horrible to me, and I said to him if she was in hosptial would you go see her? he said of course! this hurts me so much.
But regardless of this he is a loving husband. Im tired of talking about this issue because of done it till im blue in the face, and plus if I have to tell him to 'act' like he cares when im in hospital then its not real anyway! Ive cried and broken down and said how much it hurts me when he acts more caring to others than me, but he seems to think its me lacking empathy for them, which I dont, I just want to be treated with care too. I just want him to act more concerned and attentive instead of day dreaming when a doctor is speaking, or forgetting what was wrong with me! or forgetting the names we chose for the babies we lost.
am I wrong? I know he loves me and when I get upset he says I do care about you your everything to me! but it makes me sad
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