My husband and I have been married since May 2015. We dated for 6 years. He began struggling with depression, inappropriate contentography (involving only women) and not being happy with himself about 3 years or so into our relationship. At first, we were both very strong Christians and we turned to prayer and speaking with our church leaders/members for help. As things progressed, he told me that he was 'jealous of women' and wished that he was one instead of himself (we later discovered that he suffers from gender dysphoria). I was very confused and concerned, but I was devoted to helping him cope and heal. He spoke with a Christian Therapist who offered no help. No one we knew who was Christian could help him outside of offering Bible teachings, prayer and lending an ear. This just isn't a common struggle Christians speak about and most don't have answers. Speaking with people did not help my husband much. He went through a severe bout of depression in college that I wasn't sure he would recover from. After that year, things seemed to get better until he moved out of his parents' house and lived with his older sister.
At that time, started cross dressing, etc. and he started seeing a therapist to discuss transitioning. He did these things behind my back because he was scared of hurting me and of my reaction. Our relationship almost ended at that point, but we both wanted to keep working through things. He got better, stopped lying and our relationship got much better. He continued to struggle with transgender desires, but he said that he was doing well coping with them.
We eventually decided that we wanted to get engaged and get married. We were both still strong Christians and were very excited for our future. During one of our discussions before getting engaged, we made a verbal agreement that if he gave me a ring and married me, he wouldn't transition. But I would offer all of the support I could and we would have him see a therapist regularly to help. I understood that the desires may never go away, but we would do everything we could to keep them under control. Or he could leave and pursue his life without me. He wanted his future with me, so we got married.
My husband started seeing a local Christian therapist and saw him for about 1 year. He then decided to stop because he didn't like talking and he didn't feel like the therapy was making any difference to how he felt.
Fast forward to last week... My husband asks me for the insurance card and I ask what he needs it for. After prodding, he confessed that he was speaking with a gender therapist (who was recommended by one of my husband's friends who recently transitioned) and my husband told me that he was going to transition. I broke. I didn't know what to do. He didn't ask me or discuss anything, just decided that he wasn't able to live an authentic life as a male and he wasn't going to fight his desires anymore. We had an incredibly tearful discussion where I reminded him of the promise he made before getting married. He pretty much said that he had forgotten (which honestly is not a huge surprise as he does has memory problems).
We're still discussing things but I pretty much feel like I'm fighting a losing battle. He wants to stay married if he transitions, but I do not. I'm strictly heterosexual and I want a Biblical marriage.
I came here to ask what my Biblical options are... If my husband decides to transition, would it be Biblical of me to ask for a divorce? I know that I would be absolutely miserable in our marriage. I can't watch him transition. I don't want any part of it and he knows it. But I promised, before God, to love my husband in sickness and health and I feel like this is a sickness that he would be giving into.
I feel like I'm drowning. We're suppose to meet with a gender therapist to discuss what our options would be and see if there is anything that can be done to relieve some of the gender dysphoria my husband is feeling without him transitioning. But I'm terrified. I don't know if there is anything can that be done. I know my husband is not trying to pain me, but he himself is struggling greatly.
I would speak with our current church friends about this, but that would out my husband who has not told many people of his struggles, so I decided to come here.
Thank you very much for any insight. I'm doing everything in my power to cling to God during this time.
At that time, started cross dressing, etc. and he started seeing a therapist to discuss transitioning. He did these things behind my back because he was scared of hurting me and of my reaction. Our relationship almost ended at that point, but we both wanted to keep working through things. He got better, stopped lying and our relationship got much better. He continued to struggle with transgender desires, but he said that he was doing well coping with them.
We eventually decided that we wanted to get engaged and get married. We were both still strong Christians and were very excited for our future. During one of our discussions before getting engaged, we made a verbal agreement that if he gave me a ring and married me, he wouldn't transition. But I would offer all of the support I could and we would have him see a therapist regularly to help. I understood that the desires may never go away, but we would do everything we could to keep them under control. Or he could leave and pursue his life without me. He wanted his future with me, so we got married.
My husband started seeing a local Christian therapist and saw him for about 1 year. He then decided to stop because he didn't like talking and he didn't feel like the therapy was making any difference to how he felt.
Fast forward to last week... My husband asks me for the insurance card and I ask what he needs it for. After prodding, he confessed that he was speaking with a gender therapist (who was recommended by one of my husband's friends who recently transitioned) and my husband told me that he was going to transition. I broke. I didn't know what to do. He didn't ask me or discuss anything, just decided that he wasn't able to live an authentic life as a male and he wasn't going to fight his desires anymore. We had an incredibly tearful discussion where I reminded him of the promise he made before getting married. He pretty much said that he had forgotten (which honestly is not a huge surprise as he does has memory problems).
We're still discussing things but I pretty much feel like I'm fighting a losing battle. He wants to stay married if he transitions, but I do not. I'm strictly heterosexual and I want a Biblical marriage.
I came here to ask what my Biblical options are... If my husband decides to transition, would it be Biblical of me to ask for a divorce? I know that I would be absolutely miserable in our marriage. I can't watch him transition. I don't want any part of it and he knows it. But I promised, before God, to love my husband in sickness and health and I feel like this is a sickness that he would be giving into.
I feel like I'm drowning. We're suppose to meet with a gender therapist to discuss what our options would be and see if there is anything that can be done to relieve some of the gender dysphoria my husband is feeling without him transitioning. But I'm terrified. I don't know if there is anything can that be done. I know my husband is not trying to pain me, but he himself is struggling greatly.
I would speak with our current church friends about this, but that would out my husband who has not told many people of his struggles, so I decided to come here.
Thank you very much for any insight. I'm doing everything in my power to cling to God during this time.