Husband Calls me "Useless" because I don't pack his work lunch!

Minoa

Active Member
Jul 29, 2016
36
49
35
North America
✟10,058.00
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Married
2 weeks in a row. What I thought should be family time out on weekends was him just shaming and lecturing me in the car and I having to calm baby down on a pointless trip out that led to nothing pleasurable for anyone to begin with.

Yes, I have a baby about 3.5 months old and husband seems to think I have to cook every single meal every single day, and he blames me if he is "hungry" at work (He works downtown with a food court right below!). Meanwhile I struggle just to feed myself.
Also now that he realized child benefits is in my name, he refuses to pay for even the groceries (he makes $200 he seems to boast, and says I benefit by using the furniture he bought before such as our bed, dressers etc (That he chose most of the time)
 

dreadnought

Lip service isn't really service.
Supporter
Aug 4, 2012
7,730
3,466
71
Reno, Nevada
✟313,356.00
Country
United States
Faith
United Methodist
Marital Status
Celibate
2 weeks in a row. What I thought should be family time out on weekends was him just shaming and lecturing me in the car and I having to calm baby down on a pointless trip out that led to nothing pleasurable for anyone to begin with.

Yes, I have a baby about 3.5 months old and husband seems to think I have to cook every single meal every single day, and he blames me if he is "hungry" at work (He works downtown with a food court right below!). Meanwhile I struggle just to feed myself.
Also now that he realized child benefits is in my name, he refuses to pay for even the groceries (he makes $200 he seems to boast, and says I benefit by using the furniture he bought before such as our bed, dressers etc (That he chose most of the time)
This sounds rather complex. I doubt you want to hear this, but have you considered counseling?
 
Upvote 0

PloverWing

Episcopalian
May 5, 2012
4,338
5,024
New Jersey
✟332,494.00
Country
United States
Faith
Anglican
Marital Status
Married
So, you're taking care of a 3-month-old baby -- definitely a full-time job! -- and he can't even make his own sandwich in the morning? I agree with Kenny'sID: hand him a loaf of bread and a jar of peanut butter and tell him it's a kit.

But, yeah, dreadnought's right. There's a lot that's bad here. Neither doing housework, nor buying groceries, nor supporting you emotionally -- something's wrong.
 
Upvote 0

Sam91

Child of the Living God
Supporter
Jul 10, 2016
5,256
8,174
41
United Kingdom
✟53,491.00
Country
United Kingdom
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Private
.29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church

Thats part of the message to husbands in Ephesians 5.

I am guessing that you already have tried to explain how tired you are and how busy you are trying to look after the baby and keep the house. Things like this can give a new mum post natal depression. I do not know what to suggest as it will probably fall on deaf ears. (His ears, not yours).

Know this is for a season, that things will be easier in 18 years (just kidding).

Read Isaiah 40:28-31

The Lord is your strength, your refuge and comfort. Seek him in prayer. Seek out the company of other Christian mums if possible. Can your own mum come over and give you chance to rest and sleep. Just an hours break would do you a world of good too.

God bless you
 
Last edited:
Upvote 0

mark kennedy

Natura non facit saltum
Supporter
Mar 16, 2004
22,024
7,364
60
Indianapolis, IN
✟549,630.00
Faith
Calvinist
Marital Status
Single
Politics
US-Democrat
I'd put a jar of baby food in his lunch bag with a baby spoon. When he asks why, I'd tell him if your going to act like a helpless infant I'll treat you like one. Then I'd pick up a skillet and tell him, grab a spatula, time you learned how to cook.

But seriously, since the baby is so young chances are your natural tendency is to focus all your attention there. I know that can be high maintenance so he probably doesn't realize your a little strained here. That's to say nothing of the fact that these are times a young mother cherishes the rest of her life, a needy husband is kind of a spoiler.

Just a suggestion, try a crock pot, cook a big stew or some chili. It's easy to do, not very time consuming and it's filling. If all else fails just tell him you need some help with these things and I'll let you in on a little secret, all men love food. If he ever gets into using a bbq grill or a smoker he will be kind of obsessed, tell him all the best chefs are men but they have to be trained by women, a true fact by the way. Then no matter how bad he burns something tell him, your going to love this when you get good at it. His male ego won't be able to resist.
 
Upvote 0

mark kennedy

Natura non facit saltum
Supporter
Mar 16, 2004
22,024
7,364
60
Indianapolis, IN
✟549,630.00
Faith
Calvinist
Marital Status
Single
Politics
US-Democrat
My guess is he could be jealous of baby because baby eats alot. Either way, no need for rudeness like that when he can well take care of himself.
It doesn't sound like anything that can't be fixed with a BBQ grill and a spice rack.
 
  • Agree
Reactions: *LILAC
Upvote 0

ToBeLoved

Well-Known Member
Supporter
Jan 3, 2014
18,705
5,790
✟322,365.00
Faith
Non-Denom
Marital Status
Private
2 weeks in a row. What I thought should be family time out on weekends was him just shaming and lecturing me in the car and I having to calm baby down on a pointless trip out that led to nothing pleasurable for anyone to begin with.

Yes, I have a baby about 3.5 months old and husband seems to think I have to cook every single meal every single day, and he blames me if he is "hungry" at work (He works downtown with a food court right below!). Meanwhile I struggle just to feed myself.
Also now that he realized child benefits is in my name, he refuses to pay for even the groceries (he makes $200 he seems to boast, and says I benefit by using the furniture he bought before such as our bed, dressers etc (That he chose most of the time)
I would buy a pair of headphones and an iPod.

Tell him your listening to gospel music and enjoy your life.
 
Upvote 0
This site stays free and accessible to all because of donations from people like you.
Consider making a one-time or monthly donation. We appreciate your support!
- Dan Doughty and Team Christian Forums

*LILAC

Well-Known Member
Supporter
Jan 22, 2005
5,703
7,473
✟451,155.00
Country
Canada
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Married
It doesn't sound like anything that can't be fixed with a BBQ grill and a spice rack.
And the fact that he works that close to a food court nearby! I mean, pull up the big boy pants and get a lunch!
 
Upvote 0

mark kennedy

Natura non facit saltum
Supporter
Mar 16, 2004
22,024
7,364
60
Indianapolis, IN
✟549,630.00
Faith
Calvinist
Marital Status
Single
Politics
US-Democrat
And the fact that he works that close to a food court nearby! I mean, pull up the big boy pants and get a lunch!
He might not be able to afford it but BBQ is so popular in the south because pork and chicken are not expensive. Personally I have an electric pressure cooker, just throw everything in and in 20 minutes you have something scrumptious. Take him to the dollar store and have him shop for spices and BBQ sauce. If he takes the bait he will spend the rest of his domestic life thinking himself the BBQ master.
 
  • Like
Reactions: *LILAC
Upvote 0

*LILAC

Well-Known Member
Supporter
Jan 22, 2005
5,703
7,473
✟451,155.00
Country
Canada
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Married
He might not be able to afford it but BBQ is so popular in the south because pork and chicken are not expensive. Personally I have an electric pressure cooker, just throw everything in and in 20 minutes you have something scrumptious. Take him to the dollar store and have him shop for spices and BBQ sauce. If he takes the bait he will spend the rest of his domestic life thinking himself the BBQ master.
True, there is access to so many things especially made "for the office job" that there is literally no excuse as to people not being able to whip something simple up for themselves.
 
  • Like
Reactions: mark kennedy
Upvote 0

mark kennedy

Natura non facit saltum
Supporter
Mar 16, 2004
22,024
7,364
60
Indianapolis, IN
✟549,630.00
Faith
Calvinist
Marital Status
Single
Politics
US-Democrat
True, there is access to so many things especially made "for the office job" that there is literally no excuse as to people not being able to whip something simple up for themselves.
I don't know, time and patience can be a factor. My thing is, most guys who get into cooking find they have a natural talent for it. Invest in a crock pot, most soups and stews are just about throwing it in the pot and giving it some time. The seasoning is a skill set, most guys pride themselves on those kind of skills when they get into it. I'm sure if he had a chance to get into it he would enjoy it.
 
Upvote 0

Minoa

Active Member
Jul 29, 2016
36
49
35
North America
✟10,058.00
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Married
I'd put a jar of baby food in his lunch bag with a baby spoon. When he asks why, I'd tell him if your going to act like a helpless infant I'll treat you like one. Then I'd pick up a skillet and tell him, grab a spatula, time you learned how to cook.

But seriously, since the baby is so young chances are your natural tendency is to focus all your attention there. I know that can be high maintenance so he probably doesn't realize your a little strained here. That's to say nothing of the fact that these are times a young mother cherishes the rest of her life, a needy husband is kind of a spoiler.

Just a suggestion, try a crock pot, cook a big stew or some chili. It's easy to do, not very time consuming and it's filling. If all else fails just tell him you need some help with these things and I'll let you in on a little secret, all men love food. If he ever gets into using a bbq grill or a smoker he will be kind of obsessed, tell him all the best chefs are men but they have to be trained by women, a true fact by the way. Then no matter how bad he burns something tell him, your going to love this when you get good at it. His male ego won't be able to resist.

LOL oh no that wont work. The other part of our problem: his shaming obsession over "unhealthy" eating. I can even put out there that I think he idolizes clean food over Jesus....because food is a massive topic of shame in this house. I cannot eat out with him witohut it, and if he joins at a meet up lunch, he tries to micro manage what I order there too or I quietly resolve to not order what I really want so he won't embarass us. Husband thinks my female friends are too "feminist" so their advice on relationships is invalid---so if they speak up, he will just shame them behind their back. I cant even order seafood because it has radiation. BTW I only order salmon and I rarely eat Tuna for goodness sakes so I never go out of my way to eat mercury---I just LOVE fish a lot...its like the only meat I love.

I am not exaggerating: if I want to eat sushi, I have to do it in secret. If we go together, I order other items (though at least he wont steal my food if I order raw fish! it's all mine...including the shame)
 
Upvote 0
This site stays free and accessible to all because of donations from people like you.
Consider making a one-time or monthly donation. We appreciate your support!
- Dan Doughty and Team Christian Forums

Minoa

Active Member
Jul 29, 2016
36
49
35
North America
✟10,058.00
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Married
I don't know, time and patience can be a factor. My thing is, most guys who get into cooking find they have a natural talent for it. Invest in a crock pot, most soups and stews are just about throwing it in the pot and giving it some time. The seasoning is a skill set, most guys pride themselves on those kind of skills when they get into it. I'm sure if he had a chance to get into it he would enjoy it.

He bought a pressure cooker but goes on and on about it is my xmas gift and how it make it faster. He won't even bother to put already cooked food back into it though.......it can already be cooked and in the pot but he waits 3 hrs or more until I am free from baby for me to put it on...and allhe had to do was click "warm" and enter. Yet he refuses....as if cooking is beneath him or something. It is so childishly simple the things he won't do because he "worked all day" and whines he is hungry, yet he won't even heat anything himself. Oh, and did I mention he wants sex several times a week? LOL UH WHAT
 
Upvote 0

Minoa

Active Member
Jul 29, 2016
36
49
35
North America
✟10,058.00
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Married
True, there is access to so many things especially made "for the office job" that there is literally no excuse as to people not being able to whip something simple up for themselves.
HE wont cook but he will dig around the house to find my personal snack stashes and eat those. It is beyond insulting.....he thinks he "earned" to find and eat them because he "is the breadwinner and pays for car insurance". He is manipulative.
 
  • Prayers
Reactions: *LILAC
Upvote 0

*LILAC

Well-Known Member
Supporter
Jan 22, 2005
5,703
7,473
✟451,155.00
Country
Canada
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Married
HE wont cook but he will dig around the house to find my personal snack stashes and eat those. It is beyond insulting.....he thinks he "earned" to find and eat them because he "is the breadwinner and pays for car insurance". He is manipulative.
OK, I see where you're getting at. I'm sorry he's acting like this and it sounds like even counselling would be beneath him too, right?
 
Upvote 0

Minoa

Active Member
Jul 29, 2016
36
49
35
North America
✟10,058.00
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Married
So, you're taking care of a 3-month-old baby -- definitely a full-time job! -- and he can't even make his own sandwich in the morning? I agree with Kenny'sID: hand him a loaf of bread and a jar of peanut butter and tell him it's a kit.

But, yeah, dreadnought's right. There's a lot that's bad here. Neither doing housework, nor buying groceries, nor supporting you emotionally -- something's wrong.

He will find some way to rob enjoyment out of my days if I do that :(. He threatened to sell the TV last time and also something else I use in the house. Because most of it was bought or given to him by his family, he figures he can do whatever he wants. He also controls my computer access...I have no authority to make my own account so he can turn off the internet or computer access altogether. He also installed this onto my own laptop so when I was looking for a job before, I would "only look at job sites". but once I was working he refused to take any controls off.
 
Upvote 0
This site stays free and accessible to all because of donations from people like you.
Consider making a one-time or monthly donation. We appreciate your support!
- Dan Doughty and Team Christian Forums

Sam91

Child of the Living God
Supporter
Jul 10, 2016
5,256
8,174
41
United Kingdom
✟53,491.00
Country
United Kingdom
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Private
He will find some way to rob enjoyment out of my days if I do that :(. He threatened to sell the TV last time and also something else I use in the house. Because most of it was bought or given to him by his family, he figures he can do whatever he wants. He also controls my computer access...I have no authority to make my own account so he can turn off the internet or computer access altogether. He also installed this onto my own laptop so when I was looking for a job before, I would "only look at job sites". but once I was working he refused to take any controls off.
Has he hit you yet?

(I ask that because it is evident from your first post he is acting abusively. I wonder how far it extends)
 
Last edited:
Upvote 0