Husband and I can't agree

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Bornoptimist

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I already posted this in the wrong forum so reposting here. My husband and I have a daughter that will turn three in a few months. For the past year and a half we have been trying hard for a second child with no luck. This week he dropped the bombshell on me that he didn't want another child. According to him, this decision stems from a remark I made about him not praising our daughter enough over some little thing a few weeks ago. He says it him like a ton of bricks that he was like his own father. This could not be less true as his own father didn't even deserve the title. He was physically and emotionally abusive and neglectful and didn't support his family financially. He was probably bipolar and died of a drug overdose while I was pregnant. My husband is a wonderful father and is the main breadwinner. He's afraid with his stressful job he will not have it him to be the father he should be and he doesn't want his children feeling like he did. I have prayed much for God to reveal his will to me and I believe he has. Before this happened I had several signs that I can't ignore. I am not a fanciful person. I believe he means this child to be born. I truly believe that Satan has put these fears and doubts in my husband's mind to prevent God's plan for us. I am determined not to let this ruin the marriage and family we already have. My husband has promised to pray on this matter but as of right now he doesn't see himself ever changing hiss mind. I am already 35. I have prayed and read scripture and Christian articles. We planned for children from before we were married. I am blindsided and devastated and only with God am I getting through this. Does any one have any wisdom for me?
 
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A_Thinker

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I already posted this in the wrong forum so reposting here. My husband and I have a daughter that will turn three in a few months. For the past year and a half we have been trying hard for a second child with no luck. This week he dropped the bombshell on me that he didn't want another child. According to him, this decision stems from a remark I made about him not praising our daughter enough over some little thing a few weeks ago. He says it him like a ton of bricks that he was like his own father. This could not be less true as his own father didn't even deserve the title. He was physically and emotionally abusive and neglectful and didn't support his family financially. He was probably bipolar and died of a drug overdose while I was pregnant. My husband is a wonderful father and is the main breadwinner. He's afraid with his stressful job he will not have it him to be the father he should be and he doesn't want his children feeling like he did. I have prayed much for God to reveal his will to me and I believe he has. Before this happened I had several signs that I can't ignore. I am not a fanciful person. I believe he means this child to be born. I truly believe that Satan has put these fears and doubts in my husband's mind to prevent God's plan for us. I am determined not to let this ruin the marriage and family we already have. My husband has promised to pray on this matter but as of right now he doesn't see himself ever changing hiss mind. I am already 35. I have prayed and read scripture and Christian articles. We planned for children from before we were married. I am blindsided and devastated and only with God am I getting through this. Does any one have any wisdom for me?

So ... you have a daughter (i.e. not childless).

I think that you need to give your husband a little room to regroup.

He is, obviously, very sensitive about his ability to father his children well. That's not a bad thing. And you've been trying for a while now, with no results. He probably needs relief from the pressure of trying to conceive, and find peace from his concerns about his ability to parent well.

Give him some space and time. If God means for the two of you to have more children, ... He will bring your husband peace about it.

If not, you'll have an undoubtedly beautiful daughter ... who will, likely, be spoiled by her daddy ...
 
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Halbhh

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I already posted this in the wrong forum so reposting here. My husband and I have a daughter that will turn three in a few months. For the past year and a half we have been trying hard for a second child with no luck. This week he dropped the bombshell on me that he didn't want another child. According to him, this decision stems from a remark I made about him not praising our daughter enough over some little thing a few weeks ago. He says it him like a ton of bricks that he was like his own father. This could not be less true as his own father didn't even deserve the title. He was physically and emotionally abusive and neglectful and didn't support his family financially. He was probably bipolar and died of a drug overdose while I was pregnant. My husband is a wonderful father and is the main breadwinner. He's afraid with his stressful job he will not have it him to be the father he should be and he doesn't want his children feeling like he did. I have prayed much for God to reveal his will to me and I believe he has. Before this happened I had several signs that I can't ignore. I am not a fanciful person. I believe he means this child to be born. I truly believe that Satan has put these fears and doubts in my husband's mind to prevent God's plan for us. I am determined not to let this ruin the marriage and family we already have. My husband has promised to pray on this matter but as of right now he doesn't see himself ever changing hiss mind. I am already 35. I have prayed and read scripture and Christian articles. We planned for children from before we were married. I am blindsided and devastated and only with God am I getting through this. Does any one have any wisdom for me?

Good answer from a_thinker just above, and also you can pray and rely on God, and trust in Him. Consider Abram and Sarai, how old they were. We had a beautiful child ourselves at age 45, and so you have a lot of time, and besides there are deeper and greater resources and outcomes God has for you than a when or what. I feel you should pray for your husband's emotional healing, with faith.
 
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snoochface

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You've tried for a year and a half for another child and have not conceived. Your husband feels like he can't (or shouldn't) have a second child. It is possible that God is giving you signs now that you won't be having another child. You planned for this before you got married, but man makes his plans and God directs his steps.

I think the important thing is not to panic. Yes you're 35, but you have time to have another child if that's God's will. Yes your husband is expressing doubt, but you panicking and pressuring him is not going to make him more comfortable with the idea. Trust in God's plans, whatever they are. If God's plan is for this child to be born, then he will be - nothing is going to stop his will - so trust in it and calm down until it happens. If God's plan is for you not to have another child, then no amount of stress and worry and pressure and panic is going to make you have another child - so trust in God's plan that whatever he intends, it will be better for you than what you hold as your heart's desire.
 
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Bornoptimist

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I am pasting some of my replies from the first thread so you can see a little more of my thoughts.
ime to comment. We have already discussed this at length and I have written him a long letter. He knows what a great father I think he is but he says it doesn't change what he thinks of himself. He does suffer from low self esteem from his child hood and I can't change that. I only wish he could love himself like I love him.
Thank you shoetoyou, you are very kind. Paul 1149, what you said about me fighting my own battle of faith is very true. I read an article that talks about the dangers of making your baby your idol, feeling you can never be satisfied without it, and putting it in a place only God should be. I realize I am guilty of that. I do wonder if the purpose of this whole trial is to bring my husband And I closer to Him. When I was praying to God to reveal his will to me on this matter, it came to me "You already know" You see a few months ago after failing to conceive i was particulary down and I prayed very hard all weekend for God to give me hope. Tuesday I got a call from someone saying they had a dream my husband and I had a baby boy. The next day I got a call from a different person who had the same dream. I couldn't chalk these up to coincidence, and I believed I had been promised a child. No one knew I was trying to conceive. There were other signs as well. Now I feel that I am to continue to hold to that promise. (I have had experience with prophetic dreams in the past so I was already open to such ideas.)

The passage that says something like "Abraham was given a child because he believed in the faithfulness of he who promised it" has given me comfort and reconfirmed for me that I need don't need to give up on this although there are big roadblocks right now.
 
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Bornoptimist

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Cooldude68, thanks for commenting. I have wondered if he could have inherited his dad's problem but when I look at symptoms for bi polar disorder it doesn't seem like him at all. I really think his problems are caused by his childhood. We have considered christian marriage counseling if we can't resolve this. His fear is that we won't be able to resolve this and i will leave him over it. I have assured him I won't but not sure he believes me. When we had our daughter he was really excited to try and I didn't push him into it. He is so proud of her. It's himself he isn't proud of. He's been able to secure an admin position at a school without even a degree, that's what a hard and reliable worker he is. He is 30 years old.
 
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