Husband and I can't agree

[Bornoptimist]

I know know I am so blessed to even have one. I feel so ungrateful when I want another so badly and some never get to have what I already have.

 

[anna ~ grace]

I know know I am so blessed to even have one. I feel so ungrateful when I want another so badly and some never get to have what I already have.

Ask that God's will be done. Pray. Then wait. Be kind to your husband, and try to be more patient with him. Trust in God. Take good care of your first kid.

 

[teresa]

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Peace

 

[Truthfrees]

MOD HAT

moving to christian advice as per the sop

 

[Truthfrees]

MOD HAT

moving to married forum as per op request

 

[Oldmantook]

I thank everyone very sincerely who took the time to comment. We have already discussed this at length and I have written him a long letter. He knows what a great father I think he is but he says it doesn't change what he thinks of himself. He does suffer from low self esteem from his child hood and I can't change that. I only wish he could love himself like I love him. To the person who asked how it could ruin the marriage, I'm sure many

You can't change him but God can. It appears that his family history has caused him trauma in childhood which affects him as an adult. When a person becomes a Christian, the trauma doesn't just disappear but continues to affect one's walk with the Lord as well as his relationship with others. The wounding needs to be dealt with lest it fester unabated. "...looking carefully lest anyone fall short of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up cause trouble, and by this many become defiled" (Heb 12:15).
Does your church have a good counselor?

 

[LinkH]

Bornoptomist,
Rather than looking at this as your husband 'dropping a bombshell', why not look at it as your husband processing his thoughts and feelings? If he's going through a stressful time at work, he probably doesn't want to consider any big decisions at home (speaking for experience here.)

If it were me, and I thought the dreams were from the Lord, I'd take comfort in that. The only reason I can see that you might want to hurry is that you are 35, but you probalby do have some years left before it's really critical. Keep praying for your husband.

In the meantime, how about watch for times when he is especially good with your daugther and give him some sincerely, heart-felt praise and encouragement for that.


If you are both against abortion, and birth control isn't 100% effective, which it never is, his plans may change in the future due to necessity.

 

[WindHund]

Sounds like your husband is the one needing help. Maybe you to should seek out the assistance with a Christian counselor. Maybe he has some form of bipolar issues himself but not as severely as his father. Those things typically are in the genes of a family.

Well, that should help out real well. Already a relatively insignificant comment made serious changes in him and now we are going to suggest he has mental health issues! I tend to think considering the self-esteem issues may be more helpful.

 

[Odetta]

WindHund, I think it was indeed a helpful comment. I've experienced first hand that bipolar has a genetic component, so it is a legitimate concern to consider if her husband may be showing symptoms, given his father's diagnosis. While one should not assume that every problem is due to mental illness, mental health issues are real and should not be discounted or ignored as not probable. Perhaps it should have been worded so that you weren't offended (even though the OP didn't seem to be offended), but it was not out of line in my opinion.

Bornoptimist, I think you've received some wonderful advice on how to pray with your husband over this, and then leave it up to God. I pray for peace for both you and your husband, in whatever direction God leads you.

 

[Bigork]

I didn't know where to post this. My husband and I have a daughter that will turn three in a few months. For the past year and a half we have been trying hard for a second child with no luck. This week he dropped the bombshell on me that he didn't want another child. According to him, this decision stems from a remark I made about him not praising our daughter enough over some little thing a few weeks ago. He says it him like a ton of bricks that he was like his own father. This could not be less true as his own father didn't even deserve the title. He was physically and emotionally abusive and neglectful and didn't support his family financially. He was probably bipolar and died of a drug overdose while I was pregnant. My husband is a wonderful father and is the main breadwinner. He's afraid with his stressful job he will not have it him to be the father he should be and he doesn't want his children feeling like he did. I have prayed much for God to reveal his will to me and I believe he has. Before this happened I had several signs that I can't ignore. I am not a fanciful person. I believe he means this child to be born. I truly believe that Satan has put these fears and doubts in my husband's mind to prevent God's plan for us. I am determined not to let this ruin the marriage and family we already have. My husband has promised to pray on this matter but as of right now he doesn't see himself ever changing hiss mind. I am already 35. I have prayed and read scripture and Christian articles. We planned for children from before we were married. I am blindsided and devastated and only with God am I getting through this. Does any one have any wisdom for me?

I thank God for your courage. Amos 3 vs 3 says, "Can two work together except they agree." In a time like this, is prayer that you need. You need to pray more. Pray until something happen. The bible says, the heart of the king is in the Lords hands and He direct them to where ever He want. Let us pray:

Father touch the heart of my sister 's (Bornoptimist) husband heart so that both can achieve their marriage goals which they both set while going into this marriage. O Lord, let You will for this marriage be done in Jesus name-Amen.