Humour and truth

Xeno.of.athens

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Here is a humorous take on Protestant, Catholic, Atheist, and Orthodox ethics. See if you recognise yourself in any of it. Decide if it cuts close to the bone or not.

Ethics can be a bit of a serious subject, but here is a humorous take on it:

Protestant Ethics
Protestant ethics is all about the hustle. It's about working hard, being thrifty and saving your pennies. It's about not taking a sick day, even if you have the plague, because you're too busy being productive. It's about being so responsible that you're practically a robot. In fact, some say that Protestant ethics is the reason why robots are so good at math.
Protestant ethics is also about being morally superior to everyone else. It's about judging people who don't work as hard as you do, or who don't save their money. It's about feeling good about yourself because you're not like those lazy Catholics, with their wine and their Popes and their not-working-all-the-time.
Protestant ethics is also about being a bit of a killjoy. It's about not dancing, not singing, not laughing. It's about being so focused on the afterlife that you forget to enjoy the one you're currently living in.
In short, Protestant ethics is all about being a workaholic, penny-pinching, morally superior, party-pooping machine. But hey, at least you'll be able to afford a really nice casket.
Catholic Ethics
Catholic ethics is all about the guilt. It's about feeling guilty for things you didn't even do, like when you're eating a really delicious doughnut and you start thinking about all the starving children in Africa. It's about feeling guilty for things you did do, like when you sneak a peek at the person next to you during confession.
Catholic ethics is also about being controlled by the guilt. It's about doing good things just so you don't feel guilty anymore. It's about buying a box of chocolates for your grandmother just so you don't feel guilty for not visiting her more often. It's about going to church every Sunday just so you don't feel guilty for sleeping in.
Catholic ethics is also about the rituals. It's about crossing yourself every time you pass a church, even if you're just walking to the corner store for a carton of milk. It's about saying the rosary even when you're driving, just in case you get into a car accident and need to pray for your soul.
In short, Catholic ethics is all about being controlled by guilt, doing good things just to ease the guilt, and performing rituals to appease the guilt. But hey, at least you'll have a lot of good deeds on your record when it comes time to meet your maker.

Atheist Ethics
Atheist ethics is all about doing the right thing for the sake of doing the right thing. It's about not needing a reward in heaven or fear of punishment in hell to be a good person. It's about not needing a higher power to tell you what is right and wrong.
Atheist ethics is also about being open-minded. It's about not being constrained by ancient texts or outdated beliefs. It's about being able to change your mind when new evidence comes along.
Atheist ethics is also about not being judgmental. It's about not judging people who believe in God or an afterlife, because everyone is entitled to their own beliefs. It's about being able to coexist with people of different beliefs without trying to convert them or impose your own beliefs on them.
In short, Atheist ethics is all about being a good person, without the need of a higher power, being open-minded and not judging others. But hey, at least you'll have a clear conscience when you're gone, because there's no afterlife to worry about.
Orthodox Ethics
Eastern Orthodox ethics is all about the icons. It's about having an icon of every saint and martyr in your house, even if you can't tell one from the other. It's about crossing yourself every time you pass an icon, whether it's on your wall or on the side of a bus.
Eastern Orthodox ethics is also about the rituals. It's about standing up, sitting down, and kneeling at the appropriate times during a church service, even if you're not quite sure why. It's about eating fish on Fridays and fasting during Lent, even if you don't particularly like fish or you're trying to lose weight.
Eastern Orthodox ethics is also about being mysterious. It's about speaking in tongues, even if you don't know what you're saying. It's about not understanding the liturgy, but feeling like you're supposed to.
In short, Eastern Orthodox ethics is all about the icons, the rituals and being mysterious, but hey, at least you'll be part of one of the oldest and most revered religions in the world.

Please note that this is a humorous take on the subject and should not be taken seriously. Ethics have a complex history and are a product of many different beliefs, values, and practices. It is different from person to person and from denomination to denomination.
 

Bob Crowley

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I've been atheist, Protestant and Catholic, in that order and continuing. It's unlikely I'll become Orthodox - they haven't got any icons that are likely to get me to cross the Tiber again.

As an atheist, I was mainly concerned about myself and not very successfully at that.

As a Protestant, I had a good time anyway even if we didn't smoke, drink or gamble. I think I had more "fun" in my old Presbyterian Church than with any other group of people I've associated with, but I was only half the age I am now which makes a big difference!

So I became Catholic to smoke, drink and gamble! Just kidding - I don't smoke as I didn't even enjoy it when I did it for a limited time during my atheist years, drink about a glass of wine a day, and I hardly ever gamble - and I don't feel particularly guilty.

I remember seeing a cartoon years ago by Ron Cobb "Will the real Jesus please ascend?". The Protestant Jesus was a holier than thou, risen to glory figure. The Catholic Jesus was a scourged, scorned, bleeding victim suffering for the sins of the world. In the middle was the 'Real Jesus' with a question mark over his head.

He didn't have an Orthodox Jesus in the cartoon, but if he did it probably would have been an icon.


I suppose there was a certain amount of truth in the cartoon.
 
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