Atiredwife

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I am married to a pastor. We have a 5 year old and a 5 month old. We have several issues:

1. He's a pastor and I don't feel like he provides for his family the way that the Bible instructs. He only works at the church full time but it really isn't full time. He will stay up part of the night watching Tv and then sleep in because he's tired. So at best most weeks he spends 20 hours on church such as meetings, rehearsals, etc. The church doesn't provide health insurance. I typically do but haven't been able to land a job. He will not pick up anything extra. It's the weirdest thing ever. Like I find myself just annoyed with being in the same room as him. I just can't understand what man wouldn't step up to take care of their family. We live in a rural area and I have filled out probably 40-50 applications with no leads. He wants us to stay in this area because he feels called but I told him I'm not staying and or being able to support myself. I have started to apply for jobs outside of the state to be able to support myself and my babies. I told him that if he wants to stay in this area he needs to provide better. He's looking for me a job which is hilarious, knowing all the rejection I've received in this area, seems selfish.

2. He has established friends via social media where he befriends, crushes and expresses inappropriate feelings towards them. He has even sent a video to a girl [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse] after our first kids almost 4 years ago. Well I looked at his phone yesterday and found out that he is still texting her after at least 4 years. Didn't see anything incriminating but he knows I don't want them texting. Which is interesting. There's been many girls and I've forgiven but I haven't forgotten. I don't want to have sex because I have so many physical/emotional needs that are unmet in this relationship. I do but not often.

3. What little money he has he isn't wise with. Our mortgage is behind. We are completing at least the 3rd/4th remodification. I've tried Dave Ramsey with him but he's prideful and refuses to set a bidwgt or vision for the family that I can support. When we first married our money was together but after causing several overdrafts, I decided never to mingle our money together. Now after the house I never want to consign with him again. He spent money on his family reunion and our water was shut off because he failed to pay for it. He just doesn't have the same standards or goals about living that I do.

4. He doesn't strategically fix his mess! He's been driving without a license for the past 2-3 years. Nothing is urgent to him. There's no way I'd buy shoes or extra stuff like going on a family reunion unless my business is handled. Tried talking to his parents to get him help but they are naive or slow. They taught him how to church but not how to live and succeed IMO

5. I stay mainly for my kids not because I have a desire to be with him. I worry about how it will impact my oldest. I always wanted to have a family. Thought I did everything by the book and got this joker. So disappointed and hurt.


I am ready to go. I need prayer for direction, clarity, peace and provision. I have needs that have never been met in this marriage. I'm stuck between just packing up and leaving or holding it in until everything falls into place to leave.
 

razzelflabben

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May I first say from experience that he needs to be out of full time ministry unless or until he learns how to yield himself to Christ and the working of the HS within to transform our lives.

In the meantime, I am praying. Being a pastors wife is hard enough without all the drama you are facing.
 
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Dave-W

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He has established friends via social media where he befriends, crushes and expresses inappropriate feelings towards them. He has even sent a video to a girl [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse] after our first kids almost 4 years ago.
He should have been removed from ministry 4 years ago. No debate. That needed to be brought to the board of the local congregation and the denominational oversight group. It is entirely immoral and invalidates his "ministry." It is all phony.
Well I looked at his phone yesterday and found out that he is still texting her after at least 4 years.
Bring it to the board and the denomination. He has no business being in ministry.
 
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live4Christ2016

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I agree he has no business being in ministry with how he is acting on social media. You obviously have to do what is best for yourself and your children. You can't live in a home where you struggle to feed your kids, buy clothes for them, the mortgage isn't being paid, and things are getting shut off. Do you have family you can stay with near you or in another state?
 
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razzelflabben

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I agree he has no business being in ministry with how he is acting on social media. You obviously have to do what is best for yourself and your children. You can't live in a home where you struggle to feed your kids, buy clothes for them, the mortgage isn't being paid, and things are getting shut off. Do you have family you can stay with near you or in another state?
I'm confused by some of this post...why can't a ministering family live in poverty? Paul did, Jesus did, others as well but what did they understand? They understood that life in Christ is not made up of food and clothes and houses but by the very Word of God and if we seek after that, God gives all the rest to us all we have to do is trust Him with it.
 
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