How...?

[SarSardonic]

How do you just start going to church?

For those that didn't grow up going to church, how do you find one that's right for you?

I don't even know what denomination I am-- somewhere between United Church of Christ and Baptist....

Do you just go to church at the listed worship time, or do you have to contact the pastor first?

I've looked at the churches in my area (25 miles from where I live) and none of them seem compatible with what I'm looking for....
How far is too far to drive to a church service (I have 2 toddlers...)?
Is it 'stupid' to go to a "__(name of town/city)__ Community Church" that isn't in your town or even close to your town?

I'm so nervous about going.
I have social anxiety disorder. I hate being in public. I feel awkward in new situations. Crowds cause me to have panic attacks, but I want to go unnoticed, and that probably won't happen in a small church....
I am unable to leave the house by myself at all, and I don't really have anyone to go with me (hubby is a Wiccan, yet is anti-Christianity/organized religion...).
I also don't have anything to wear.... I have plain colored t-shirts and jeans. The only shoes I own are old sneakers which don't look so good....
Also, I don't have a Bible (all the ones I can find are like $25 or more, and I never have enough money to get one....).
I also don't think I can afford to tithe....
Also, I'm worried about either A.) my sons misbehaving during church or B.) leaving my boys in a nursery where I don't know/trust anyone (yet).

I really feel that I am missing out by not going to church.
I watch live streams of online sermons that I can find online (but unfortunately not from anywhere within 100 miles from me), but I want fellowship, and to belong, and to maybe make a friend, and to volunteer. (I would love to do preschool Sunday school....)


Ok, sorry about the ramblings (I tend to do that...).
If you read all of it, thank you.

So... any advice/tips about finding/attending church?

Thank you.
God bless.


**UPDATE** (I didn't want to "bump" this thread to the top....)
I found a church!
While living in NY I started watching church services online from a church in NH (where I'm from).
I moved to NH, with no thoughts of getting up the guts to go to that church (considering it was almost an hour away, and I had no one to go with me-- hubby is deployed.)
As it turned out, my dad (who had never gone to church before, not a Christian, etc) was attending that same church.
I went with him, and I've been going for a almost a month and a half now.
My kids are in the toddler Sunday school rooms.
I haven't met anyone yet (not even the Pastor). (The church is huge!) I also haven't gotten involved yet (it seems that all the activities/groups are on mornings when my son is in preschool [and I wouldn't make it there and back in time to pick him up] or they're at night and don't get out until 7 or 8pm- my kids bedtimes). I still am not sure if this is the church for me, but it looks promising....
Thank you for all the kind advice.
God bless!

 

[Redheadedstepchild]

Wow, OK.

Finding the right church is a process. I'd suggest spending some time thinking about what you believe, then spend more time visiting churches that are compatible with your beliefs AND meet your needs.

You do not have to contact the Pastor first. Just show up. Alternately you might try calling the Pastor first and explaining that you have SAD. I'll bet they will try to figure out a way to help get you there (since you have no one to go with you) and be more relaxed and comfortable.

What is too far is something that only you can decide - it's whatever distance is comfortable for you. Could you leave the kids at home with your hubby at least while you are shopping around? That would give you some time to get to know the folks in the nursery and get a feel for how children are regarded in church service (because at that age misbehavior is kind of a given. ). BTW if you decide to keep them with you have a bag of things that will keep them busy and they can do quietly.

It's not stupid to go outside of your own community for a church, however a big part of going to church is being a part of the church "community," which exists to support it's members (among other things). It looks like you want to be part of a church community - it's a lot easier if you can find one close to home.

Some churches are still funny about dress but most just want you to come regardless of what you wear. To be sure though you might want to look into a contemporary service where its a non-issue. I wouldn't worry about not having a Bible. Someone may give you one when you go to church, or if you can wait they tend to go on sale around Easter. BTW, did you know that you can access the Bible online for free? Google Biblegateway.

Your offering is between you and God. Give what you feel led to give (or not).

I hope I addressed everything. Finding a church can be overwhelming. Spend some time in prayer about it. Prayer always helps.

 

[Aibrean]

I think you need to (a) find out where you best fit in theologically and then (b) decide where you would best fit in a worship setting.

If you are unsure of b, then try all the churches that are in a and vice-versa.

I actually changed denominations (going from C&MA/Brethren background to Lutheran is actually a fairly large jump). My brother actually started the search. We stopped going to my mom's church after the pastor literally opened up communion for EVERYONE.

First we looked at what we best felt theologically was close to our beliefs. I never thought communion was just a symbol, even though it was taught that way and I never believed in pre-millenialism (when I tried to find support in the Bible I couldn't).

It was either Episcopalian or Lutheran. We don't think women should be pastors so that left Reformed Episcopalian or LCMS/WELS Lutheran. ELCA was out because they were too liberal (socially and theologically). There are only about 6 LCMS churches relatively close (within 30 minutes). We started at the closest which was about a 15 minute drive before I got married and we moved. Then it turned into a 20 minute drive. We attended for a year or so (and got baptized there because we had never been before).

We have since switched churches for more than one reason. Mostly it was triggered by the fact that one of the congregants simply put, was lusting after me and staring at me during the service and to make matters worth, my husband was his boss. He's essentially a "ministry" of the church so they can't just kick him out (and his parents also attend). So we started looking and went to the next closest one. I instantly fell in love with it. All I did was email the office to find out if both services were the same or different (I don't like contemporary worship). The church only had a divine service for both times and is actually part of a liturgical network of Lutheran congregations. So we went to the early service. The only thing we really did was let the usher know we were members of the LCMS so we could partake in communion. Obviously that probably wouldn't apply to you

Our female congregants for the most part wear pants (I think only about 2 people wear dresses). We don't focus on clothing. If it's modest, it's good Jeans and a t-shirt cover you up so I don't see anything wrong in it. My husband typically wears jeans and a nice shirt. I always wear sneakers (I have plantar fascitis and dress shoes provide NO support for my heal or connective tissue...course like no one knows that).

We also don't care if kids are unruly in the service. We have a nursery service but I have never known anyone to use it. There are babies and toddlers and they do make noise and scream sometimes (we have a cry room in the sanctuary so you can actually see everything from a windowed and soundproof room). We actually had a sermon on it a while back, how we shouldn't exclude children.

 

[JCFantasy23]

How do you just start going to church?

For those that didn't grow up going to church, how do you find one that's right for you?

It's a long drawn-out process, likely because I put too much thought into it. First, find out what is most important to you in a church, and where you stand on these beliefs. The best starting point.

Do you just go to church at the listed worship time, or do you have to contact the pastor first?

I have tried many churches over the past two years. I have never contacted a pastor beforehand, and have just showed up. I always check the websites and know the times.

I've looked at the churches in my area (25 miles from where I live) and none of them seem compatible with what I'm looking for....
How far is too far to drive to a church service (I have 2 toddlers...)?
Is it 'stupid' to go to a "__(name of town/city)__ Community Church" that isn't in your town or even close to your town?

Many go to churches outside of their towns, and there's nothing stupid about that.

I don't want a church I have to drive too far to get to, though. There are many reasons for this, would be too much of a hassle with my life right now and wouldn't work. Some can afford this luxury.

I'm so nervous about going.
I have social anxiety disorder. I hate being in public. I feel awkward in new situations. Crowds cause me to have panic attacks, but I want to go unnoticed, and that probably won't happen in a small church....

Anxiety with public is hard with church I am sure. It gets easier with each visit, and also the focus will not stay on you after the meet and greet and exit, so hope this helps. Perhaps if possible you could bring someone with you to try and lessen the anxiety? You are correct that a smaller church is likely to give you more of a personalized welcome.

I am unable to leave the house by myself at all, and I don't really have anyone to go with me (hubby is a Wiccan, yet is anti-Christianity/organized religion...).
I also don't have anything to wear.... I have plain colored t-shirts and jeans. The only shoes I own are old sneakers which don't look so good....

Not sure what to advise about not having someone to go with> That would make it easier. However, church is important and I would hate for this to deter you from trying, I hope you can find a solution that works. The clothing is NOT an issue, most churches are laid back and don't care about this kind of stuff anymore.

Also, I don't have a Bible (all the ones I can find are like $25 or more, and I never have enough money to get one....).
I also don't think I can afford to tithe....

Most don't bring personal bibles to churches. I do but there's reasons for it, most people around me rely on the church bibles.

Tithing is between you and God, and if you cannot afford it, do not feel guilty.

Also, I'm worried about either A.) my sons misbehaving during church or B.) leaving my boys in a nursery where I don't know/trust anyone (yet).

Not all churches require children to be in the nursery so this is optional. Im sure this is a normal parental concern.

 

[Aibrean]

No one brings a Bible to the service...maybe to Sunday School. We have the scriptures read for the day printed in the bulletin.

If you have an iPod you can get the ESV Crossway Bible on iBooks for free (There might be more translations out there but I'm not sure) also there is the YouVersion app for iPod/iPhone, Blackberry, and Android which has multiple translations too and that's free.

Doesn't always have to be a hardcopy

 

[Big Drew]

No one brings a Bible to the service...maybe to Sunday School. We have the scriptures read for the day printed in the bulletin.

If you have an iPod you can get the ESV Crossway Bible on iBooks for free (There might be more translations out there but I'm not sure) also there is the YouVersion app for iPod/iPhone, Blackberry, and Android which has multiple translations too and that's free.

Doesn't always have to be a hardcopy

Yep...there have been several Sundays that I have left my Bible at home and just used the YouVersion app on my iPhone. Our services are contemporary and we use a projection screen...so the scriptures are always posted on the power point...usually NIV though, and I prefer ESV so I'll look on my phone if I didn't bring my Bible.

 

[E.C.]

How do you just start going to church?

When I realized that it was good for my soul. From there I asked the question of "which is the true Church?" and "which Christians are the ones who believe the same as they did in St. Paul's time?" That was when thing got interesting and I read A LOT of history and theology. Anything that started from the Reformation until now was ruled out which narrowed it down to Catholicism and Orthodoxy.

For those that didn't grow up going to church, how do you find one that's right for you?

Oops... I kind of answered it above

 

[1watchman]

How about worshipping and learning and growing in the faith at home? You probably have a Bible, and some of us can help you find the Lord and His ways. At a later time you might find a church group where you can feel accepted. Write me if you would like to talk about these things.

- 1 Watchman

 

[Aibrean]

Because the Bible says we shouldn't give up fellowship with believers

 

[Aibrean]

Well you can't do it by yourself at home. In reference to your post of an online church, that is not what was intended by the term "fellowship" considering those who did fellowship in the Bible broke bread with each other (most likely being a reference to communion).

 

[Aibrean]

How can you fellowship with believers in solitude? The body of Christ needs to be connected in order to function properly. You may think you are doing fine but other people may need you.

I'm not going to even touch on your second point because this is not a place for debate.