How women view attractiveness

tall73

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Another thread was discussing shaved legs, etc. And one of the posters referenced that women feel pressured to present themselves various ways.

This isn't just limited to ladies, but wondering how folks feel about such things as jewelry, makeup, shaving, high heels, hose, etc. Should anyone feel the need to make themselves attractive on a regular basis?

What about those who do so when dating then stop when married? Is that the old bait and switch?

Some even think that makeup itself is deceptive as it is in many cases a way to mimic signs of fertility beyond what one is naturally showing (more red in the lips, cheeks etc. which mimics physical signs of arousal in young and fertile females biologically. )

Some think that jewelry is flaunting wealth, or drawing attention. Others just see it as a way to customize things the way they like (and costume jewelry may be a very low cost investment).

Just trying to get different takes on the subject, and understand things from a different perspective.
 

tall73

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I think my wife would rather make a trip to the DMV rather than wear hose.

And she will wear makeup a lot of times when going out somewhere, though as far as I am concerned I think she could save the time as I like her appearance either way. I don't spend a lot of time worrying about what society would say about my appearance, so it strikes me as odd that she feels it is necessary. But I imagine this is part of what the other poster was referring to in the other thread.
 
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Jane_Doe

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There is HUGE pressure on ladies to look/dress/act a certain way. There's also pressure on the guys, but to a much lesser degree.

Personally, I have different ideas of beauty. Someone honestly offering their heart to God -- that's magnificent beauty. Arranging synthetic compounds on your face... that's really whatever. A parent having a great time playing with their kid- that's beautiful. Proscribed hair cuttings... that's really whatever. Honestly confessing your feelings- beautiful.

I don't care whatever someone else wants to do with their hair cuttings, face, clothes etc. I think that's an individual choice. Either way, don't make it an idol in your life. I do heavily dislike the pressure we put on each other to make the "correct" choice in that regard.
 
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tall73

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I felt pressured to grow a beard, recently.

Yeah, my wife prefers I be shaved, so I get the pressure if I do grow one. Well not pressure, just less excitement, so it is not worth it. I wouldn't probably want a beard all the time, just sometimes.

Was it just "it would be great if you grew a beard?" Or was it one of those "it is Movember, you need a beard" things. I am not changing my grooming habits because someone decided to name a month by some goofy convention.
 
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Jane_Doe

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I think my wife would rather make a trip to the DMV rather than wear hose.

And she will wear makeup a lot of times when going out somewhere, though as far as I am concerned I think she could save the time as I like her appearance either way. I don't spend a lot of time worrying about what society would say about my appearance, so it strikes me as odd that she feels it is necessary. But I imagine this is part of what the other poster was referring to in the other thread.
Some ladies dress up because they themselves like it. They can also pull self-esteem/confidence from their appearance. Some dress up due to pressure from other women (which is much more intense then men a lot of the time).
 
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tall73

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Personally, I have different ideas of beauty. Someone honestly offering their heart to God -- that's magnificent beauty. Arranging synthetic compounds on your face... that's really whatever.


It is a good different:

I Peter 3:3 Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. 4 Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.


And that is not to say that any effort to be attractive is wrong. Just that it misses the main point.

 
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tall73

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Some dress up due to pressure from other women (which is much more intense then men a lot of the time).

That was kind of the impression I got. Why do it to please them? It is a lot of expense and chemical exposure for makeup for instance.
 
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Jane_Doe

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That was kind of the impression I got. Why do it to please them? It is a lot of expense and chemical exposure for makeup for instance.
Frankly, it's society pressure, viewing a person positively if they confirm, negatively if they don't.

For example: I don't wear makeup save on very special occasions (like my sister asked me to for her wedding)- I don't even own my own makeup. I also don't shave. I just personally don't like either of those items.

Now do you find yourself thinking less of me for saying that? Maybe you don't, but a vast majority of people do to some degree.
 
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tall73

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Frankly, it's society pressure, viewing a person positively if they confirm, negatively if they don't.

For example: I don't wear makeup save on very special occasions (like my sister asked me to for her wedding)- I don't even own my own makeup. I also don't shave. I just personally don't like either of those items.

Now do you find yourself thinking less of me for saying that? Maybe you don't, but a vast majority of people do to some degree.

I don't, hard to argue with the default setting!
 
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mina

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I think when you marry someone you need to realistically understand that in real life they always will not look like the most attractive version of themselves. Real life happens- you gain weight, you have kids and don't have time to even take a shower sometimes, people sometimes get sick and look terrible, sometimes you do what you need to do and not always have the time to spend on making sure every hair is in place. when you marry someone you are going to see them at their worst on occasion. If it's becoming a huge problem that is creating a huge hurdle to their spouse to see them as attractive, then it needs to be addressed- through talking, counseling , whatever the couple feels is appropriate.
 
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snoochface

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I always wore makeup when I was younger, but I was never very fashionable, hated shaving (but did it when I needed to wear shorts or dresses), and my jewelry was usually limited to earrings, maybe a couple of rings.

When I met my husband, he preferred when I didn't wear makeup. He said it was natural and how God created me, and that beauty isn't enhanced by piling goop onto our faces. I personally think I look better with makeup, because I kind of hate how I look in general so anything I can do to hide or enhance is a plus. But I became comfortable with not wearing makeup, since my husband prefers it, and now I prefer it as well.

Women are horrible to each other. We are judgmental - more to each other than anything else. That's not to say that men, employers, store clerks, restaurant wait staff, and the whole of the rest of society doesn't also judge. But I think women feel it more strongly from each other, because we all look to each other to "measure up" so to speak.
 
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Daniel Marsh

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It is my experience, that as long as us men look clean and have a out going personality that cares about other people, we attract women.

There is a great book called Tough and Tender or something like that which helps young men develop their personalities more in line with Jesus.
 
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I have noticed that I am attracted to honesty, even that kind of honesty that could put someone in a bad spot. It is a bit like someone choosing to trust You to keep their secrets. You might not tell it to anybody else allthough You know it. Instead it can act as a motivator to grow stronger in the weaker areas or strengthen other areas so the weak spot is not so evident. Strangely also I and my husband have many redhaired people in our familytree, all my sisters and dad and I am the only blond one He is not redhaired but He has redhaired relatives and I like red hair too but I never thought of it when we dated that perhaps we both were drawn to someone with some red tones in the hair, indeed we have a redhaired child and two blonde. I like colour, but dislike wearing makeup so I care for my skin so it will look good without makeup.
 
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ValleyGal

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I think we all have things we find attractive. I've always been physically attracted to tall, dark, husky men. Am I attractive enough to have found exactly what I was attracted to? No. I'm average and have been with average men. Some short, some tall, some dark, some blonde, some thin, some heavy, different races, etc. When I was with a blonde man, he had other qualities that made him amazing. But just because he was blonde, didn't make me want him to dye his hair for me just because I prefer dark haired men.

I think the problem is when we start to have expectations. If I expect my partner to make himself look the way I want him to, then, that is a problem because it makes HIM responsible for MY feelings of affection and responsiveness to his efforts. NOT good boundaries! Only I am responsible for MY feelings and appearance.

A few years ago, I had a very important job interview. I also had long, scraggly hair that I always put into a low pony tail. But I really wanted to look completely professional, and wanted to cut my hair short for the interview. Husband was not impressed, but I promised that if I cut it and he didn't like it, I would grow it back right away. Not because he expected me to, but because I wanted to do what pleased him. Turns out I came out of the salon and seeing I looked ten years younger, he took me home and got all frisky. I've had it short since. Not because he expected it, but because I chose to.

Imo, if couples start expecting something from the other, all it's going to do is build up resentment if it does not happen because now your SPOUSE is not living up to YOUR expectations. Is that a fair or loving way to treat your spouse? I think not.
 
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mkgal1

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Just adding to what VG posted.....I also think a problem arises when those expectations are seen as within the control of the other spouse.

I love the idea of "two becoming one" in marriage....but even in the Trinity there's distinction between each person of the Trinity (and the same should go for marriage). I don't dress my husband or guide him in how to have his hair cut.....he's an adult and is free to make those decisions on his own (and I don't take it personally how he chooses to look).
 
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I've learned to care less and less about superficial things like makeup and hose. I was raised that you have to look *just so* in order to be attractive, but that's not really what makes a person attractive at all. I don't see anything wrong with wearing makeup, if you're putting it on because you think it's fun. It certainly can be. But if you're putting it on because you think you look ugly without it, that's pretty sad.
 
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Tropical Wilds

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I used to be very insecure about aspects of my appearance, particularly my hair color and makeup. It used to be very important to how I viewed I present myself and how I’d view myself when presenting myself to others.

In the time since then, I don’t know if it’s age, three kids, age and growing up, or dealing with significant life and health issues, I view makeup and fashion as a way to express myself. The me of 10ish years ago would never not dye my hair every 4-6 weeks and would always wear makeup and dress “normally.” The me of now takes longer to dye my hair (but that’s laziness and love of my bathroom that I am scared of ruining), doesn’t always wear makeup, but when I do, it’s something different and unique. One thing I’m really into is different colored lipstick. I wear blue, purple, green, black... Really love doing that.

As for my dressing... Totally out of the box. I’m an early and passionate adopter of the HerUniverse clothes and Hot Topic Disney and Star Wars line. I wear that almost daily. I see my own stuff, I characterbound, I Disneybound, I wear long, floor length circle dresses... Why? Same reasons as above. Love expressing myself.

Not going to lie, if my husband didn’t like it then maybe I wouldn’t do it outside of vacations and such. It’s more about I don’t feel comfortable with expressing myself if I’m making him uncomfortable, not a need for validation from him.

What do others think? Don’t care. I’m sure for every compliment there’s three “wow, she looks like a lunatic.” But it very genuinely makes me feel good to do, and at 36 years old I’m too old to be boring or bored or dress or be in a way that doesn’t make me happy.
 
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