How to start a conversation with a girl that is upset with you

athrun5

Newbie
Apr 10, 2013
156
12
✟10,602.00
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Single
I was wondering if someone could give me some guidance on a situation where the girl in question is mad at me but the reason for her being mad at me is not because of me. More importantly I am referring to how I should go about starting a conversation with her because she is "IMPORTANT" to me.

Here is the situation, I upset her somehow in someway I don't know so dont ask. I gave her space like a month(close to) and a coworker of mine decided to get involved because he wanted to make me suffer(also very complicated to explain). So after he got involved by means of talking to my Sensei at class, my Sensei decided to talk to the both of us but of course individually starting with her. I have no idea what she said but after talking with him I felt very violated as I don't like it when people pry into my personal life without being needed or requested by anyone who is actually involved. She is the same hence the problem.

So About 2 weeks later she found out that the guy who got sensei involved was someone who works with me and she has decided to give me the silent treatment where as before I could atleast talk to her to a point and get some kind of response. Its now been about another 2ish weeks since that started. I don't know what to say to her and I need to say something because I can't stand my best friend go on hating me forever when we were starting to get better.

I will be talking with her on wednesday and I have no idea how I should start it.


FYI please dont say drop it or leave it alone or find another girl because SHE IS IMPORTANT TO ME. I don't know how to explain it but life would feel like a mistake if she wasnt in it.
 

yeshuaslavejeff

simple truth, martyr, disciple of Yahshua
Jan 6, 2005
39,944
11,098
okie
✟214,996.00
Faith
Anabaptist
As soon as permissible , or as soon as practical ?

Walk up to her and look her in the eye (if she will look you in the eye back; otherwise just looking at her, with all due gentleness)
tell her

"Jesus' Shalom to you and your household today"

then go from there, with her or you talking, or just being quiet - that's okay.
 
Upvote 0

Lost4words

Jesus I Trust In You
Supporter
May 19, 2018
10,943
11,698
Neath
✟1,002,191.00
Country
United Kingdom
Faith
Catholic
Marital Status
Single
As soon as permissible , or as soon as practical ?

Walk up to her and look her in the eye (if she will look you in the eye back; otherwise just looking at her, with all due gentleness)
tell her

"Jesus' Shalom to you and your household today"

then go from there, with her or you talking, or just being quiet - that's okay.

Unrealistic post
 
Upvote 0

Lost4words

Jesus I Trust In You
Supporter
May 19, 2018
10,943
11,698
Neath
✟1,002,191.00
Country
United Kingdom
Faith
Catholic
Marital Status
Single
Ask her if you have upset her and how? Apologise profusely.

Tell her you have been thinking of her and how you might have upset her unknowingly and wish to make things ok between the two of you. Be honest. Be friendly. Be kind.

God bless you
 
Upvote 0

bèlla

❤️
Supporter
Jan 16, 2019
20,480
17,638
USA
✟933,160.00
Country
United States
Faith
Non-Denom
Marital Status
In Relationship
Greetings,

Given the breach and misunderstanding, less is often best. Pray for the Lord’s counsel and lay the matter in His lap. Ask for His peace for both.

Tell her you miss her. Apologize for hurting her. Then ask how you can make things right.

Stop talking. Listen and let her get everything off her chest. Don’t interrupt. When she’s done respond to her comments. Allow the conversation to unfold with mutual give and take.

Don’t get emotional or offended. And above all, avoid blame and judgment. When the connection is restored, work together to avoid future disconnections.

Learn her hot spots, weaknesses, and insecurities. Be honest about your own and give each other grace when you err. Good luck. :)

~Bella
 
Upvote 0

athrun5

Newbie
Apr 10, 2013
156
12
✟10,602.00
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Single
Greetings,

Given the breach and misunderstanding, less is often best. Pray for the Lord’s counsel and lay the matter in His lap. Ask for His peace for both.

Tell her you miss her. Apologize for hurting her. Then ask how you can make things right.

Stop talking. Listen and let her get everything off her chest. Don’t interrupt. When she’s done respond to her comments. Allow the conversation to unfold with mutual give and take.

Don’t get emotional or offended. And above all, avoid blame and judgment. When the connection is restored, work together to avoid future disconnections.

Learn her hot spots, weaknesses, and insecurities. Be honest about your own and give each other grace when you err. Good luck. :)

~Bella
I have asked the Lord to help me in this time and time again. I hope and assume that all of this is part of his plan so I don't doubt his involvement in this one bit. I just feel all the hurt and pain that came with it. anyways love the advice thanks.
 
  • Friendly
Reactions: bèlla
Upvote 0

bèlla

❤️
Supporter
Jan 16, 2019
20,480
17,638
USA
✟933,160.00
Country
United States
Faith
Non-Denom
Marital Status
In Relationship
I have asked the Lord to help me in this time and time again. I hope and assume that all of this is part of his plan so I don't doubt his involvement in this one bit. I just feel all the hurt and pain that came with it. anyways love the advice thanks.

You’re welcome. :)

Misunderstandings happen. It’s very painful when you’re close. Oftentimes, God works through the discomfort to mature both parties. And they’re bettered in the long run.

In most instances, we give greater weight to offenses than we should. We have to reach a point where love exceeds bruised feelings and separation is not an option.

Hopefully, she’s come to a similar place in your time apart.

~Bella
 
Upvote 0

athrun5

Newbie
Apr 10, 2013
156
12
✟10,602.00
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Single
You’re welcome. :)

Misunderstandings happen. It’s very painful when you’re close. Oftentimes, God works through the discomfort to mature both parties. And they’re bettered in the long run.

In most instances, we give greater weight to offenses than we should. We have to reach a point where love exceeds bruised feelings and separation is not an option.

Hopefully, she’s come to a similar place in your time apart.

~Bella
Well it's not like she's my girlfriend but I do care for her and do wish for it someday. However I agree completely if we can make it through this we will become greater friends and have a real shot at something more.
 
  • Like
Reactions: bèlla
Upvote 0
This site stays free and accessible to all because of donations from people like you.
Consider making a one-time or monthly donation. We appreciate your support!
- Dan Doughty and Team Christian Forums

athrun5

Newbie
Apr 10, 2013
156
12
✟10,602.00
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Single
Thank you. Welcome back. :)

~Bella
So just a little update. I asked her if we could just move on and put everything behind us. She told me yes but only if I agree that the past is the past and that there is no bringing it up. So we are good again for the most part.
 
Upvote 0

bèlla

❤️
Supporter
Jan 16, 2019
20,480
17,638
USA
✟933,160.00
Country
United States
Faith
Non-Denom
Marital Status
In Relationship
So just a little update. I asked her if we could just move on and put everything behind us. She told me yes but only if I agree that the past is the past and that there is no bringing it up. So we are good again for the most part.

I’m happy to hear you’ve cleared the air! I hope the mishap draws you closer and deepens your connection.

~Bella
 
Upvote 0
This site stays free and accessible to all because of donations from people like you.
Consider making a one-time or monthly donation. We appreciate your support!
- Dan Doughty and Team Christian Forums

Nom De Guerre

Who amongst you doesn't see life as permanent?
May 6, 2005
17,362
1,418
Location, Location.
✟32,099.00
Faith
Non-Denom
Marital Status
Private
The only thing you should do is try to make her smile or laugh the next time this happens you don't need to try to force an entire conversation bruh...

Keep giving her space and just be friendly, if she appreciates your friendship she will accept this as an apology.
 
Last edited:
Upvote 0

ThisIsMe123

This And That
Mar 13, 2017
2,819
1,165
.
✟185,044.00
Country
United States
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Single
Unrealistic post


Yep...

Here is the situation, I upset her somehow in someway I don't know so dont ask.

The most important part of the post is missing via this sentence. You don't know?! How can you not know?
 
Upvote 0

S.O.J.I.A.

Dynamic UNO
Nov 6, 2016
4,280
2,641
Michigan
✟98,714.00
Country
United States
Faith
Christian Seeker
Marital Status
Single
FYI please dont say drop it or leave it alone or find another girl because SHE IS IMPORTANT TO ME. I don't know how to explain it but life would feel like a mistake if she wasnt in it.

having one person or another having this much control over your life is a really bad thing. you're better than this buddy.

with that said, just go tell her that you are sorry for whatever you did to hurt her and make it clear that you are willing to listen. after that, the ball is in her court. if she still refuses to speak, then you're simply going to have to pick up the pieces and move on with your life and maybe this is the LORD teaching you to not make an idol out of another person.
 
Upvote 0

ThisIsMe123

This And That
Mar 13, 2017
2,819
1,165
.
✟185,044.00
Country
United States
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Single
having one person or another having this much control over your life is a really bad thing. you're better than this buddy..

Yep...also known as "one-nitus". Don't get one-nitus over this woman.
 
  • Agree
Reactions: Daniel C
Upvote 0
This site stays free and accessible to all because of donations from people like you.
Consider making a one-time or monthly donation. We appreciate your support!
- Dan Doughty and Team Christian Forums

S.O.J.I.A.

Dynamic UNO
Nov 6, 2016
4,280
2,641
Michigan
✟98,714.00
Country
United States
Faith
Christian Seeker
Marital Status
Single
Yep...also known as "one-nitus". Don't get one-nitus over this woman.
it's quite concerning when someone stops just short of saying they'll take their own life over a chic.

not good.
 
  • Agree
Reactions: Daniel C
Upvote 0