How to Pray for My Relationship For Blessing from Prejudiced Parents?

[LePows]

Hello all, very new to this forum, so if I posted in the wrong group, please let me know.

I (26F) have recently started a relationship with a fellow Christian (27M). However, we are of different race, which my parent immediately show their disapproval for. Worse even, they were even more angry about the fact that I didn't give them the play by play of the pre-relationship (meeting, courtship, etc) and that they could not accept the fact that I enter this new relationship with no news at all. They know of this man for years, though previously introduced as a friend, so it's not an issue of being a complete stranger.

Now, months passed, and I haven't really mentioned him or our relationship to avoid tension. I let my parents ask on their own time to let them be more comfortable, and recently, they say that they try to accept it, but just still isn't comfortable or is fully accepting, on account of 1) me not telling them in the first place, 2) the racial difference (as if I can do anything about it) and 3) could not stop thinking about how the people in church, community etc will think (I do come from a very, very racist country, church included). Now, my parents told me to not be in a relationship with my boyfriend, in a sense of 'not to hold hands or show physical affection, you can spend time but only as friends who are trying to know each other better'. I am quoting this verbatim, albeit translated from my mother language.

As a parting word however, they told me and my boyfriend to keep praying until they can accept it, and then we could 'be on a proper relationship'.

I'm trying to be a better Christian, which I believe prayer is a very important tool, and the Christianity aspect of our relationship is also important. But honestly, right now, I'm just wondering if praying will do anything or if their request is even genuine. How to even tell my boyfriend of this development? Is this truly of my parents christian belief or is it simply their bigotry speaking? What am I supposed to do or say now?

Any advice at all is appreciated, thank you.

 

[Gregory Thompson]

Since Colossians 3:11 and Galatians 3:28, what kind of blessing would it be anyway?

A bigoted Christian belief is not a Christian belief at all, it is heresy.

 

[BobRyan]

As a parting word however, they told me and my boyfriend to keep praying until they can accept it, and then we could 'be on a proper relationship'.

I'm trying to be a better Christian, which I believe prayer is a very important tool, and the Christianity aspect of our relationship is also important. But honestly, right now, I'm just wondering if praying will do anything or if their request is even genuine. How to even tell my boyfriend of this development? Is this truly of my parents christian belief or is it simply their bigotry speaking? What am I supposed to do or say now?

Any advice at all is appreciated, thank you.

It sounds like you don't live with your parents so I think you do the right thing by not pressing your relationship with your fellow Christian (27M) when discussing things with your parents. Talk them about things you like about him , specifically try to engage in some Christian outreach activities with him that your parents will appreciated.

Also find Christian groups with mixed race Christian couples and talk to your parents about those groups normal outings, Bible study events, etc.

The more you normalize it for your parents the better.

But the other factor here (and this is a big one) your parents probably want to see that you have found a Church environment where you are accepted and don't face a lot of uphill battle as if you have "borrowed trouble'. Is your church accepting?

It's one thing to fight the good fight of spreading the gospel under some sort of social pressure not to. So if you show your parents that you are not also adding unnecessary struggle in "just because" - that might go a long way with them.

 

[Sketcher]

Your parents are in the wrong, but he's going to have to deal with them if you two are going to have a future together.

Have you spoken to him about this?

 

[Kenny Benson]

I can identify with your problem about your parents not accepting your boyfriend based on his race, rather than his character or spiritual being. My parents do not accept my wife because she is a generation older than me. I did not give my parents the opportunity to chide my wife before we married. I married her without their knowledge or blessing because I knew they would disagree. I can't help but feel I took the wrong approach. At least you are being honest with your parents about your relationship. That says a lot about your strength and character. You are brave.

The difficult questions are:
1) Are you living your life for your parents?
2) Are you living your life for your boyfriend?
3) Are you living your life for yourself?
4) Are you living your life for God?
5) Does God want you to be happy?

All these questions keep building upon themselves. And there are more than five questions. But I stopped writing them when I got to #4 and #5. I think those are the two questions you and I need to work on.

 

[bèlla]

Dating interracially has a price. Some are accepting and others are less tolerant. You must consider the ramifications of their stance on you, him, your relationship, and future children.

Count the costs carefully. They may never change. Can you live with that?

I’ve seen this firsthand. My childhood best friend’s father remarried. He was black and his wife was white. She was welcomed by his family. But hers was a different story.

They never accepted him. They tolerated him. And I mean it in its truest form. They treated the children well. But he was never embraced. He gave her a good life and was an executive in a fortune 500 company. She didn’t work or want for nothing.

But he would never be their son. They moved in when they were older and he supported them. But he never earned their approval. They wanted a white son for their daughter.

We must pick and choose our battles. I couldn’t do it. I wouldn’t subject myself, my spouse or children to mistreatment knowingly. Or break from my family.

I wouldn’t marry him. I’m comfortable taking the hit for the greater good. I don’t want a life of conflict or years of strife. Its wearing.

I’ve had men who desired me my family wouldn’t accept. And I knew it. Not because of race. But other factors. I wouldn’t subject anyone to that. Every one wants to be loved and treated well. If that isn’t possible I won’t go forward.

It’s a question of principles and priorities. I wasn’t worried about being alone or failing to find someone. Swimming upstream wasn’t an option. Life has challenges on its own without adding more to your plate.

I found a better fit.