How to make friends at uni

[pantingdeer]

I'm 20 yrs old and at university and don't really have any friends. I find it difficult to socialise and speak with people and so I probably end up looking a bit weird and so people don't want to be with me.
I only really hang around with one person and I'm not really even friends with them, my mum just knows his mum so I said hello. He always sits away so I sat away from other people too and now I wish I never bothered and that I made more effort at the beginning to have friends because now I'm lonely and no one ever really invites me anywhere.
I also feel like I'm different to everyone else as my sex drive just diminished all of a sudden 3 yrs ago and I barely have any interest in girls anymore so that sucks too. So now I only to speak to some girls in hope that something sparks and it never does - it is a big problem that is making me hate being me.
All together I'm becoming very sad and lonely. I never used to be like this and I want there to be a change. I want to make friends and be popular among people for being a nice person instead of being a timid loser loner like I am currently.

Anyone with similar experience or who knows help please pray that I am healed.

 

[Take Heart]

Hey Andrew,

I can relate. I used to be really timid, anxious, shy..pretty much a socially awkward turtle. I just want to encourage you to not be discouraged. I know how frustrating and lonely it can feel. It came in waves for me. One moment, I'd feel fine then the next, it would hit me. Anyway, just know that overcoming social anxiety and making friends in general is a gradual process. We need inner healing from whatever happened to us in the past that may have accumulated and affected us socially and relationally. I will continue to pray for you as I have before (I've seen your other threads and always prayed in the background). On second thought, I encourage you to pray outloud with me.
Lord, we thank You for Andrew, for his life, for opening doors and giving him the opportunity to go to Uni. We pray, Lord, that You will continue to help him in all areas of his heart, mind, and life that he needs strength, healing, encouragement, guidance, and help in. We pray, Lord, that You will continue to provide opportunities for him to make friends, that you will guide him to godly friends who will help encourage him. I thank You Lord that Your Word says that You will never leave us nor forsake us..that You are close to the broken-hearted, that You encourage us to not fear, to not be discouraged for You, our God, will be with us wherever we go. I pray that You will help him with his anxieties, timidity each day that You bless him with. Please remind him that this is a gradual process that You are doing which takes time and to not lose hope. I pray this over Andrew and thank You for all that You have done, are doing, and will do in and through his life. In the mighty Name of Jesus Christ we ask these things..amen.

God bless Andrew

 

[pantingdeer]

Hey Andrew,

I can relate. I used to be really timid, anxious, shy..pretty much a socially awkward turtle. I just want to encourage you to not be discouraged. I know how frustrating and lonely it can feel. It came in waves for me. One moment, I'd feel fine then the next, it would hit me. Anyway, just know that overcoming social anxiety and making friends in general is a gradual process. We need inner healing from whatever happened to us in the past that may have accumulated and affected us socially and relationally. I will continue to pray for you as I have before (I've seen your other threads and always prayed in the background). On second thought, I encourage you to pray outloud with me.
Lord, we thank You for Andrew, for his life, for opening doors and giving him the opportunity to go to Uni. We pray, Lord, that You will continue to help him in all areas of his heart, mind, and life that he needs strength, healing, encouragement, guidance, and help in. We pray, Lord, that You will continue to provide opportunities for him to make friends, that you will guide him to godly friends who will help encourage him. I thank You Lord that Your Word says that You will never leave us nor forsake us..that You are close to the broken-hearted, that You encourage us to not fear, to not be discouraged for You, our God, will be with us wherever we go. I pray that You will help him with his anxieties, timidity each day that You bless him with. Please remind him that this is a gradual process that You are doing which takes time and to not lose hope. I pray this over Andrew and thank You for all that You have done, are doing, and will do in and through his life. In the mighty Name of Jesus Christ we ask these things..amen.

God bless Andrew

Thank you for the prayers. Do you understand why my lack of feelings are making me sad? Some people here don't understand me at all and think I have the blessing of celibacy when that is in fact a curse to me as I want to come out of my shell and get a lovely female companion.

 

[Take Heart]

Thank you for the prayers. Do you understand why my lack of feelings are making me sad? Some people here don't understand me at all and think I have the blessing of celibacy when that is in fact a curse to me as I want to come out of my shell and get a lovely female companion.

You're quite welcome! I think I understand.. you seem to greatly desire a female companion but quite sad about the lack of feelings/drive towards women. This is only my opinion but.. I personally think that if one were to be called to celibacy, they would not have such a strong desire for a female companion. I think what's most important foremost is for deep inner healing. I am still kind of anxious at times when in a social situation but through daily praying, reading His Word, listening to worship songs in the background (k-love radio station online), and saturating myself with Him, He's helped me heal during like..4 years. Practically-speaking, He encouraged me to practice talking with others (either by phone if it's a telemarketer, a relative, etc) or by going to drive-thrus or making small talk with the teller at the bank or with the cashier. It honestly helped me to be more comfortable speaking and making small talk. Because small talk gradually can turn into a pretty good conversation. For instance, when in College, I would greet just 1 person sitting beside me and say.."hey, how's it going?" "How did your find the assignment/test/homework?" And from there I'd either ask them more questions about it and leave it at that or ask them about their weekend. Do you have any clubs at your school? Ive never tried it before but I can see the benefits of joining one as it can allow you to have a mutual shared interest with others and kinda go from there. Maybe check out their website or inquire with an admin sometime if you're interested.

 

[pantingdeer]

I

You're quite welcome! I think I understand.. you seem to greatly desire a female companion but quite sad about the lack of feelings/drive towards women. This is only my opinion but.. I personally think that if one were to be called to celibacy, they would not have such a strong desire for a female companion. I think what's most important foremost is for deep inner healing. I am still kind of anxious at times when in a social situation but through daily praying, reading His Word, listening to worship songs in the background (k-love radio station online), and saturating myself with Him, He's helped me heal during like..4 years. Practically-speaking, He encouraged me to practice talking with others (either by phone if it's a telemarketer, a relative, etc) or by going to drive-thrus or making small talk with the teller at the bank or with the cashier. It honestly helped me to be more comfortable speaking and making small talk. Because small talk gradually can turn into a pretty good conversation. For instance, when in College, I would greet just 1 person sitting beside me and say.."hey, how's it going?" "How did your find the assignment/test/homework?" And from there I'd either ask them more questions about it and leave it at that or ask them about their weekend. Do you have any clubs at your school? Ive never tried it before but I can see the benefits of joining one as it can allow you to have a mutual shared interest with others and kinda go from there. Maybe check out their website or inquire with an admin sometime if you're interested.

I try to ask people questions too but usually get the impression that I am annoying them and they don't want to speak to me. For example at work last night I tried speaking to people and you'd get concise answers and they wouldn't ever ask you anything back. Even when the store closed they put theyre earphones in instead of conversating with me. Also one person at my work goes to my gym and I would have said hello to him but I noticed he now ignores me at work and at the gym. This hurts my confidence a lot. I don't try to annoy people I just try to be nice to them but they don't want me.

 

[Take Heart]

I

I try to ask people questions too but usually get the impression that I am annoying them and they don't want to speak to me. For example at work last night I tried speaking to people and you'd get concise answers and they wouldn't ever ask you anything back. Even when the store closed they put theyre earphones in instead of conversating with me. Also one person at my work goes to my gym and I would have said hello to him but I noticed he now ignores me at work and at the gym. This hurts my confidence a lot. I don't try to annoy people I just try to be nice to them but they don't want me.

Hm, well that's odd of them. My only guess is that they are either having a bad day, are not social, are dealing with some stuff in their life, etc. I would be hurt as well if i felt ignored or that i was annoying them. Although I suspect it isnt you. I know it's hard to tell especially when conversing online as I am more 'social' typing than actually conversing but you seem normal to me. I think you should keep at it-keep striking up small talk at least once with whomever you are around (work, school) and if they dont really converse back, allow for some space and maybe try again in an hour or so. When i used to go to the gym, being the shy-introverted person I am, I would put on my headphones and focus on my workout and would tune out everyone because being in a gym was super nerve wracking for me. I felt so intimidated. So dont be discouraged if he ignores you at the gym. Ive observed that people usually keep to themselves and want to get through their workout routine as fast as possible so they can get home and do whatever else.

 

[Take Heart]

By the way, im going to head out soon. Ill be back to respond if you happen to reply back. Just wanted to let you know that im not ignoring you.

 

[pantingdeer]

Hm, well that's odd of them. My only guess is that they are either having a bad day, are not social, are dealing with some stuff in their life, etc. I would be hurt as well if i felt ignored or that i was annoying them. Although I suspect it isnt you. I know it's hard to tell especially when conversing online as I am more 'social' typing than actually conversing but you seem normal to me. I think you should keep at it-keep striking up small talk at least once with whomever you are around (work, school) and if they dont really converse back, allow for some space and maybe try again in an hour or so. When i used to go to the gym, being the shy-introverted person I am, I would put on my headphones and focus on my workout and would tune out everyone because being in a gym was super nerve wracking for me. I felt so intimidated. So dont be discouraged if he ignores you at the gym. Ive observed that people usually keep to themselves and want to get through their workout routine as fast as possible so they can get home and do whatever else.

Hi there I think it is 100% clear they don't really like me. It feels really awkward for me. I am like you in the sense that I get nervous in big social settings too however I've going tot the gym for so long that I've become accustomed to it - it's the only thing I do except studing/going to work. All I want is to have a group of really good friends who I like and who like me. I'm sick of small talk to be honest - I wish I had people I was super close with so I could open up to them and talk to them about things that actually matter and mean something.
Also I really wish my sexual desire for women came back. Not in a bad way but in a good way. I want to have desires for women so that I can actually approach people. Even though I can recognise beauty there is no longer any feeling towards them on my part which annoys me a lot. Without feelings for them I can't approach them as there will bear no fruit - I wouldnt be able to love them how I should and wouldn't be able to actually do you know what because of my problems.
All I want is this to be resolved. Please pray and help me you are nice.

 

[Take Heart]

Hi there I think it is 100% clear they don't really like me. It feels really awkward for me. I am like you in the sense that I get nervous in big social settings too however I've going tot the gym for so long that I've become accustomed to it - it's the only thing I do except studing/going to work. All I want is to have a group of really good friends who I like and who like me. I'm sick of small talk to be honest - I wish I had people I was super close with so I could open up to them and talk to them about things that actually matter and mean something.
Also I really wish my sexual desire for women came back. Not in a bad way but in a good way. I want to have desires for women so that I can actually approach people. Even though I can recognise beauty there is no longer any feeling towards them on my part which annoys me a lot. Without feelings for them I can't approach them as there will bear no fruit - I wouldnt be able to love them how I should and wouldn't be able to actually do you know what because of my problems.
All I want is this to be resolved. Please pray and help me you are nice.

Hey Andrew, sorry for the late reply. Ill continue to keep you in my prayers. I'm not sure if this will help, but I used to be in a situation where I was the new girl at school and I wanted so bad to make just one friend. It was scary at first because, back then, I was pretty shy. I remember making awkward small talk with some girls and at first, they weren't really interested in talking to me which hurt so I tried to talk to other girls and somehow we became friends from there. If I were to "switch places with you", there are 3 things that I would personally do if I was in your situation.
1. ( sorry, I know you're not fond of this..but) I would continue making small talk with the same people (from past experience, I've found sometimes that it takes awhile for someone to warm up to you)

2. Find other people who I havent really talked to before and strike up a simple conversation (if I sense that someone does not like me, I tend to search for other people who are kind/ nicer)

3. Join a club/sport club at school
(Depending on your workload and free time)

Dont give up! There are approx. 7.53 billion people on this planet currently. Sometimes I like to remind myself of that and it gives me a bit of comfort & hope